Let smile together

angelEmade:
Someone once posted here on nairaland that every girl has a certain degree of lesbianism tendency. While I am not so sure for every other girl, it is especially true for me. Growing up, I have always been more attached to the ladies, apparently the only guys in my life are my Dad and cousin. (Family ties) Not like I have ever done it with ladies but I have kissed my girlfriend several times before especially back then in the toilet lobby of our classical high school and in the observatory where we got to spend many nights together. I have had ladies touched me in a weird way too like rubbing on my n*** and I let it pass with a smile even in medical school. (Apparently most guys from my class in medical school are desensitized and hardly get aroused even when they see a naked lady lol that's why the ladies are the big hit #winks if you know what i mean)....but somehow,any form of penetration or touchings down there have always been so dreadful to me.
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So last week my parents took a trip outta town. It's a trip they've been xoxo waiting for but since flight operations are still very awful right now (thanks to the pandemic) they contracted a designation driver to drive them. Now this is where things started happening...My dad prefers older drivers for experience reasons but this one driver, a student happens to be a very handsome dude! Dark skinned, tall, cute beards, blue eyes! gaped teeth, nice dress, 'galax' haircut or whatever they call it lol and a subtle naturally cute lips. He has a split chin too! But the most lovely thing about him was his feminine looks. (Yes i hate muscular guys with passion like they make me squirm!!!) But he is not so lean just that he has a feminine kind of face.

Even my dad was like Imade stop staring at our guest and let him in! (That was when I was trying to open the door for him, he must have noticed my surprise and awkward amusement. Like my jaw dropping and wondering why Dad hired a young cute man to drive him this time lol)
The trip was very early the next day so he slept over. Before everyone went to sleep this guy and my cousin were actually doing lots of gists in the living room upstairs. I had to join them, their noises won't let me enjoy my own movie anyway and you know how boys behave when a football match is on the platter. Besides I wanted another chance of seeing his face.

Funny enough guy became mute when he sighted me oo acting funny so much that my cousin started laughing out loud lol
To make the atmosphere even more tensed, he stood up and left...when he was going to start climbing down the case he looked back and told his new found friend "she's a totally hard to get" lol Boy was so fucking wrong or maybe he trusted me too much lol I always say every girl has a price...

After five mins of silence, we talked about many things...school, life..., why he does designation driver jobs and what his family looks like. Then the big part ooo...we were doing a truth and dare game. I invited him to our study so i can lock the door on the pretense that we have to find my dad's best magazines and pack it along with his bags for the trip. The game was going on well at first...guy was even pretending like he was not interested and i only had my tube and pant on. (In the living room I was wearing my overall tie-knot coat which intentionally removed in the study) Although it's a swimmers pant and it's not the first time i have been so exposed in front of anyone. Things took a weird turn when i dared him to tell me his virginity status. (I was trying to give him green lights without asking for it directly) He smiled and actually said he is a pastor's son aspiring to become a pastor too. He in fact stated that he doesnt wanna be rude to me only cux he does not wanna loose the job to drive my dad the next day. it was annoying ehn...it's funny too cux it's the first time a guy is not interested in me even though i was half exposed...i can bet even my own cousin that i have known since age five will not think twice!

Well I am not a stupid girl and i know what I want. I like the idiot so he doesnt have the right to turn me down lol. My medical knowledge was a big leverage just one touch and he shouted ouch! dropped my tube and pressed my body against his chest...wow it is so true that men could go from zero to sixty in three seconds. One minute he was a preacher and the other minute he was sucking like a baby
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Very lovely

I just dislike this notion that men will fall if shown some flesh..
Gosh..that guy got no class.. Even if i like you, and u make this move, u have handed me a strong piece of your game..By now, u will be falling in love over and over and i wouldnt even look your way..
Make that move and be shocked.
This guy fall my hand

peterangelo:
Go Bleep her joor

No chance ooo..no go area 4 me now

separator:
Tell her you really like her but that you are in a very serious relationship in which you have promise never to cheat, only that you haven't told her because it wasn't necessary.

She will feel angry and maybe disappointed, but not REJECTION which can lead to DEPRESSION for emotional people.

She will still like you, but may start avoiding you herself out of jealousy...she could by herself say she want the friendship to continue.

Either way, do not change towards her. if ever she ask about the girl, tell her never to go there again or she will destroy your friendship!

this idea make brains only that i have told her i am not in any relationship which is true..
a big wrinkle

lammylam:


Which one do you prefer?? Do you want to keep giving her false hope?? I wouldn't know about her tho but if na me oo I'd wanna know the truth that way i would respect you more.

i go try tell am.i just hope she understands

dave4rella:

Fvck her very well This is your chance But use condom

Not a chance oo

Openbusiness3:
All this compound love can only end in compound tears. if u no u no . Check my signature to buy intelligent dispenser. Best quality North America product with warranty

lol.

Preshieben:
Op
Don't turn her down even if you don't love her.
It's not easy for a lady to do that.
Something my pride can never allow me do even though I love you like mad.

what should i do nah? accept what i dnt want.just suggest a way 2 turn her down politely

Oluromantic:

She's not being taken for granted. You can't force interest on someone else. It's a common sense matter. She shd learn to handle rejection appropriately, it's part of life. Men too are pained when turned down, they just find a way to let go without grudges or malice

Exactly my point..if i sheepishly agree now n ignore her later, thats when issue go burst..
Na to just dey my lane oo

caleb4life:
Something must kill a man.Whichever way, someone must be hurt.

Its well with her oo.
I just hope ds matter no result to insults sha.
she may became aggressive n snobbish..

phemmyfour:
Stop giving them a listening ear, when you do....you lead them on. You touched her heart the day you brought drugs for her from your house

i am just trying to be human..thanks 4 d advice

QuinieR:

Avoid her

Chaaii, omo ds babe go cry her life out..
She likes cry pass food..i am just imagining d tears if i start avoiding her or say bluntly No

QuinieR:
Reason ladies dnt make first move is becos of been taking for granted
Chai i pity that girl

Pls,If you were d one that made d move, how would u prefer i turn u down..pls suggest a way to politely turn her offer down n still keep d friendship.

Zenithpeak:
Ever since I learnt to run before the dog barks, my case becomes easy.

I hope you can digest that.

This is deep,bro.

Rowlandjude:

My brother am in the same situation with you oo, my own the problem is the lady is in our church, I just feel like traveling far.

No be small thing oo.. God help us oo

xperienced:
Bro no go there. Even entanglement is not allowed.

My Biggest mistake was to date a girl from the same hood talk more of the same compound.

She go dey monitor every step wey you take.
If you speak with another girl questions go follow.

Na d matter oo..i no want anything except just friendship...
I come dey regret the care i gave her

HomerTimpson:
then apply for a maintainance job

chaiii,easy

Onira147:


believe that at your own peril

U may be right..girl likes talking about her immediate ex.. Me self tire for d hearing until i hear confession of love.. I need to tell her no n still keep d friendship

lammylam:
Can't you just tell her how you really feel? You shouldn't hide anything from her since you said you like her as a friend and nothing more! Its quite painful tho! But if she is reasonable she will understand you are only trying to protect her.

Na d wahala be dis oo..she is too emotional oo..girl dey cry anyhow oo.

HomerTimpson:
this is the part i expected you to add in the first epistle...don't do it 1)you'd loose your dignity as a man (thou you don't care) 2)GOD fraun at such

I just want to maintain d friendship..nothing more

Fidelismaria:

what a joke

Wise one wey they ask for advice
you ain't so wise after all

Oga softly on me nah..
I know what to do which is to turn her down but na how to do it..i never see girl too emotional like this girl..too fragil

Oluromantic:

She go begin malice with you. And dem sabi friendzone men die

Na this thing i dey avoid. I just want to keep her around..friends with benefit but no relationship matter

JOACHINpedro:

Ladies are too emotional, they don't actually know what they want.
If you bad they go love you die, if you come dy caring with no strings attached they go begin fall in love without any support.

No be small thing oo

Oluromantic:
See opportunity. Tell her you love her too but you want you both to start as friends first but that you promise to be nice to her and be close to her. No go promise Marriage or love yet o..it's dangerous for you. The essence is just to have a statement you can refer to later that all u promised was friendship. But she has become all emotional about you, no time to waste again.

Find one day tell her you're not feeling fine and you need her company. When she comes, tell her to stay till daybreak. When day break, tell her to wait and cook for you. When u chop finish, tell her you want to sleep and wake up to see her by ur side. When night reach, tell her to wait till the next daybreak.. before you know, 5 rounds don pass. Na so u go dey do am small small.

Thank me later!

This is journey of no return oo
Thank you..i cant wait for later oo

khengxlei:
she gt boyfriend ni so wetin she dey find

None for now sha..

JOACHINpedro:
If a guy friendzone a girl omo na die o

I just wish she kept it to herself a little longer.. See as i come dey feel somehow..
This caring habit of Mine is not helping in this matter

This one weak me oo.
No mind my English o
So there is this young lady in my compound who i normally gist with.
One day,she was not feeling fine and i helped with some drugs from my house. Since then, she has become fond of me.We have discussed many things from her family to her previous relationships.. I have only one weakness"i listen alot and people both genders take advantage of it.
Some weeks ago, she complained of another tenant,a lady and after critical analysis of the situation,i told her to avoid fight. Not to long from the day of my advice, fight don burst ..i was annoyed but na her life nah. Babe started asking her friend to beg me..wait ..i told her, i am annoyed but i am okay oo.
The lady came with her face full of shame n regret to my corner for our normal discussion which i accepted.
"I am in love with you" she said"Pls be mine" Told me how she loves my ebony colour, height, statue and pretty eyes.
Me self i try small sha

Chaii, my people i weak to my bones..which kind wahala be this nah.
This is the reason i try not to listen too much. This is not the first time i have sensed this from female folks but this one is the first to open up.
I like her as a friend..Person cant be friends in peace. I dont have a girlfriend and i am not ready for any ENTANGLEMENT..
How do i handle this matter?
Pls share your own matter if you have experienced this kind issue and how you handled it.
This lady is the shy type and pretty..i dont want to cause someone to be depressed.

Lessons for the unmarried/planning to marry

My wife and I were planning our wedding and the expenses were climbing up the steep like a stallion on crack. I could not understand why she didn’t want us to look at it from my own point of view. It made me sick. We were a young couple and needed to take life easy but Bimpe would none of it.

“I am one of the most respected choristers in my church and also one of the top executives in my office,” she argued. “You don’t expect me to do a small wedding do you?”
I didn’t want to argue too much over the matter because her salary was twice what I earned. My elder brother, Dafe who had been married for over eight years advised that I should take things easy and avoid argument with her until we were both settled down as man and wife.
“Do you mean that I should not query this outrageous sum that she wants us to spend on this wedding?” I asked my brother when I went to show him the budget from our event planner; we were going to spend three million six hundred and seventy thousand naira!
Although Bimpe said I should part with only one million naira so that she would make the larger chunk available, it still did not sit well in my head. That outlandish figure continually gave me migraines.
Even Dafe could not hide his displeasure when I passed the paper to him but he still maintained I take things easy with her.
He was shocked when he took the paper from me. The hall where the event would hold in a five star hotel was going to cost us eight hundred thousand naira. There were many other expenses pegged with outrageous sums. The makeup artist was going to take a hundred and ninety thousand naira. Bimpe said that was a good bargain as her friend who lived in Lekki spent times three of that amount on her own wedding.
“Fejiro,” Dafe put his arm across my shoulder. “If she is bringing all that sum as the woman and you are to bring one million naira, I advise you don’t complain. Women don’t seem to understand that weddings are not as important as marriages. The wedding will last for only one day but you two will be in the marriage for the rest of your lives. What happens when the children begin to come into the picture? All the same, please let sleeping dog lie. This is a phase and it will pass.”
Dafe agreed to help in his own little way. He promised to give me the sum of two hundred thousand naira. My elder sister, Juliet and her husband promised to assist me with a hundred thousand naira but she did not hide her discontentment.
She was totally against us spending all that money just for the wedding.
“Fejiro, even if your fiancée has a money tree planted in her bedroom, I still maintain that the money the two of you are planning to spend is too much. What are you people going to eat after the wedding?” she blurted angrily as she spoke with me on the phone. “Listen my brother, I have been married for over ten years now and I must tell you that none of the over one hundred people that attended my wedding and ate to their fill has called to ask how I am doing with my family. This whole wedding thing is just too glorified. It’s just a white elephant project that young struggling couples should distance themselves from.”
I tried to talk to Bimpe but she was still adamant. Even her younger sister, Ronke secretly confided in me that her parents were against our spending too much money but because they were not going to be financially involved, they reluctantly gave it the nod.
“Fejiro, you don’t have to give yourself headaches over this issue. It will come and pass. Do you know the number of persons that will be attending or the gift items that we will get from them? I have a feeling that my pastor and my boss will each give us a car.” Bimpe told me explicitly. “The gift items we will get will surpass the money we are going to spend I bet you. Don’t underestimate your wife to be o.”
That was the last time we talked about my fears. We fixed a date for the wedding; March 28th. My elder brother gave me the money he promised me on the 2nd of December 2019. My sister too did shortly before Christmas. I got the six hundred thousand naira loan I applied for in my office from our cooperative. Bimpe invited Asabe, the event planner and we looked at the list again for the umpteenth time.
“I want all the souvenirs and the invitation cards to be ready before the middle of January.” She told the lady. “I have already ordered the aso ebi from Dubai and they will be arriving before the end of the month.”
I was surprised to hear about the aso ebi because she never discussed it with me but because I had been advised not to argue with her, I kept mute. However, inside me a battle was brewing.
We gave the event planner the money and she set out to work immediately. She brought the design of what the cake and the hall would look like the following week and we told her we liked it. By the end of December, she called to tell us that over eighty percent of the job had been taken care of. She brought the wedding gowns for Bimpe to choose from. Initially, Bimpe had insisted that she would like to wear a brand new wedding gown but after we talked about if for a while, she agreed to rent one so long as it would fit her perfectly. She was a very pretty woman who was always the cynosure of all eyes.
Jokingly, she protested; “You want me to rent a wedding gown but you’re going to wear a brand new suit that day with your friends and best man abi.”
I chuckled and told her that it was different. We were returning from the eatery after we had met with Asabe. The next day, the aso ebi arrived from Dubai and Bimpe began to call all her friends and relatives. She also displayed them on social media. Many of these people resided outside Lagos. Most of them promised to pay before the D-day. According to Bimpe, she was going to make over half a million naira profit from the sale of the aso ebi and I felt proud of her in a way for being business oriented.
January came in no time and plans were in top gear for the wedding. The estate agent came for the rent too but there was no money.
“Please give us until the first week of April,” Bimpe told him on the phone that evening. “We will pay after the wedding.”
The agent was Yoruba. He promised to talk to the landlord on our behalf. The rent had been increased after the renovation in November of the previous year. It was six hundred and fifty thousand naira initially but was moved to eight hundred.
When he called the next day and told us that the landlord had insisted we pay half of the rent and pay the other half by April, Bimpe and I agreed that I should sell my Nissan Almera car so that both of us would manage her Toyota Camry.
“I don’t want this to disturb or disrupt our plans for the wedding.” She told me.
Four days later, we found a buyer for the Nissan and let it go for four hundred and fifty thousand naira. That day, I transferred four hundred thousand naira to the landlord. From that day, I began to use Bimpe’s car while she shuttled to the office. Most times she returned home complaining bitterly about the unruly attitude of passengers or bus conductors. When it became hotter, I decided to let her have the car while I shuttled even though my officer was farther than hers.
Soon, we began to hear about the corona virus pandemic in China. The news began to filter in whispers. As a nurse, we were being conscious of the health implications if it got into the country. I expressed this fear with Bimpe and the outburst from her silenced me.
“We are a peculiar race, a royal priesthood. Have you not heard what Daddy said? This is when those who aren’t serving God in truth and spirit will know the mistake they are making. As a child of God, you need not fear.”
Bimpe did not even believe the Italian man’s story when the minister for health, Osagie Ehanire announced it on the 27th of January. She waved me off when I told her that hundreds were going to die.
“We are not going to be counted among the dead but among the living. Fear not because fear is the opposite of faith..”
After then, I didn’t bother to tell her anything again. All her concentration was surrendered to the wedding that was approaching. I decided not to bother her with the issue of COVID 19 anymore.
Along came the rapid spread of the virus as I earlier feared but my fiancée still believed that all would be well. By the middle of March, it began to get clearer to her that things would not go in our favour as she had expected. Many of her friends and relatives all over the country began to give excuses why they wouldn’t be able to make it to the wedding. The fear of the unknown made them all to withdraw into their shells.
On the 28th, we had our wedding but the seats were empty. Most people were already conscious of the virus and afraid of social gathering for fear of their lives. Even though we offered to provide sanitizers and face masks, people were still scared to come. Again, there was rumour that the president was going to impose a lockdown on Lagos and Abuja the following week. It became very obvious that we had miscalculated and built our castles in the air.
No one gave us a car gift. I was shocked when the makeup artist painted my wife into a demon that day for all that money! Bimpe was a very pretty woman who ordinarily needed no lipstick or eyeliner. How she allowed herself to be talked into this whole makeup thing made me sick.
Before the end of the day, Bimpe had become a bomb ready to explode. She quarreled with everyone including her bosom friend, Adeola who was the bride’s maid and Asabe the wedding planner. It was during the lockdown that the realities dawned on us. As a nurse, I was among the frontline workers and was always at work. But Bimpe could not go to work as an airline staff.
I began to notice that my wife was becoming very restless and always answering her calls secretly sometimes. Again, every so often when her phone was ringing, she would not answer. I didn’t want to ask what the matter was because something told me that whatever she was hiding, I was definitely going to find out soon.
On the 4th of April, her friend Adeola stormed into our house in anger. I was at home that Saturday and needed some rest after having worked all night at the hospital. I was sleeping on the couch.
At the top of her voice, Adeola raved and vituperated. “Bimpe, I won’t leave this house until you give me my one point two million naira today. I don’t care whom you go to sleep with this time to get it. You blocked me on whatsapp and facebook and refused to take my calls. How ungrateful! You are sending me three hundred thousand naira out of one point five million. Was that our agreement? You are so callous and wicked. You think I don’t know that Alhaji gave you five hundred thousand naira last week after you went to sleep with him at Eko hotels? And you’re sending me only three hundred thousand naira from it…”
Wild horror lined my wife’s face as Adeola spilled all the beans. I could not believe my ears. I was shocked when I found out that Bimpe had gone borrowing from the microfinance bank where Adeola works to finance our wedding; a wedding that was a disaster! A wedding that left us in debt! And for this senseless reason, she had turned herself into a cheap LovePeddler!
That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
All her endless pleadings fell on deaf ears as I quickly gathered a few of my important belongings and left the house. The more I try; the more difficult it has been for me to get my mind off it. I have been squatting with my friend since then and avoiding all those who have been calling to remind me that marriage was for better for worse.
This worse scenario is beyond me; too bitter a pill for me to swallow!
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ALL FOR AN EVENT by Japheth Prosper
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(a true story)