Martinez39s:
I sent him an email.

Morning bro, I've responded to ur email.

A big thanks to everyone who has taken time to contribute to this thread, I appreciate.

VTJN, HoneyBadgerr, Dailyparrot, bicmitchum, Tosinhtml, sisisioge, notok, faithfull18, NotoPile, lordally, Yxwqq, mutter, Hathor5, JeffreyJunior, Brazenbabe, crackhaus, RightToReject, mariahAngel, takimsipho, karleb, ibechris

One thing is certain, I'd come back in few weeks to provide update on how things unfolded. Nice day All

Martinez39s:
Don't worry, bro. I will definitely reach you tomorrow evening.

Fair enough, thanks

Martinez39s:
Many times, when people seek advice, they are just looking for someone to validate what they want to hear or someone to propose how the decision they want to take will work out. I will still drop my advice tomorrow evening for the guy. At least, if he doesn't take it, others reading will learn from it.

Hello boss, I'm the guy being referred to, the OP from the other thread. You can either drop the advise here or on the other thread. Anyone's fine. However, note that I don't plan any form of commitment either thru intro or marriage before going, neither am i sendin her shishi while there cos the program is full-time and i won't have much time to work, however, I'm leaving her the option of me coming back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled while I'm away. If she doesn't agree, that's all to the relationship. My program and career takes pre-eminence, no debate about that one at all. U still feel that's still a bad way to go abt it ?

Honestly, opening the thread no b because I no get sense , but just to be open to different ideas and opinions, so ur explanations are welcome bro. Much anticipation. Raalsalghul , thanks for ur concern bro. na man u b, watching out for a brother.

Klass99:


Ogbeni but you sef, you suppose tell us wetin dey your mind nah, from the online and offline views you've received so far.

As in, what are you more inclined towards doing? Ending it or doing what your girl asked?

You cannot be forming I'm confused at this point o! Something must be taking shape in your own mind.

Aunty Ogbeni , I feel the below should answer your question. Thanks for your input, I appreciate

yesboss123:


Thanks so much for your contribution. I have tried calming down her fears that while I can't pay the bride price now and can't send money to her during my program, I can come back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled in my absence, but she feels there are a truckload of such stories with promises not being kept.

Na the stories wey we dey about some of the Nigerian women abroad and worse case the akatas dey make me try fight this one out. I just want to eat my cake and have it; do well in my studies, get a good job and earn well, marry a good lady and settle down. But then, the program and my career would take priority at last.

Ishilove:

As usual, you make sense. What I am trying to fathom is since when did it become compulsory for EVERYONE to hold certifications and PHDs? We are not all cut out for the corporate world so his excuse that 'she is not ambitious enough' is just not tangible. It is flimsy.

I get ur point Ishilove, everyone doesn't have to. However, there are certain environments that play huge roles in channelling decisions pertaining to your life and how well you succeed. Notice I mentioned somewhere earlier that I had no issue about her doing business before the migration plans, but things changed. I'm open to advise on non-career paths in the US that pay considerably well o, pls let me know if any. Again, thanks for your contribution.

tosinhtml:
Mr Yesboss123



Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the angle you see it, you have a duty to your family to help your siblings in 5 years from now, your elder brother has already put down $50,000 USD. For those who don't know how much that is, It is 25Million Naira in today's Aboki FX rate.

I'm not even sure any of my family members except parents can spend that money on me, no jokes! They will rather buy themselves a new BMW.

The reality is that you have to forfeit the Love of your life for the greater good, just tell her you cannot pay any bride price for now. If she cannot wait, let her go and find someone else. You seem to love her very much, well prepare to keep in contact. Women know guys who have ambition, I can bet that she would never let you slip away. She might even be dating someone by the side while you are away but it would be nothing serious unless you specifically made it clear that you are no longer interested.

Keep in contact, avoid sending too much money back home to her, because humans are unpredictable.

But remember, as pocohantas said. The Devil you know is always better, If or when you decide to move on from her, better marry a Nigerian there o. Once you come back home to pick wives, you will enter one chance walaitalai.

Thanks so much for your contribution. I have tried calming down her fears that while I can't pay the bride price now and can't send money to her during my program, I can come back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled in my absence, but she feels there are a truckload of such stories with promises not being kept.

Na the stories wey we dey about some of the Nigerian women abroad and worse case the akatas dey make me try fight this one out. I just want to eat my cake and have it; do well in my studies, get a good job and earn well, marry a good lady and settle down. But then, the program and my career would take priority at last.

stupidmod3:
u not being a gung ho wat ever that means, so guys just like liability, wen dis kind lady reach there oyo is u name.

over 70% of women taken over sea n married always end in divorce or death.

this one carry load here he wan go there still carry load.

because her toto sweet pass

No b about her toto matter oga mi...buh thanks sha

Raalsalghul:


If I may ask, what do you gain from the said lady that is tangible enough?

Here in Nigeria, you support her financially.

She's already pressurizing you for marriage, na still you go use money pay bride price and other stuffs.

As a student over there, you'll still send her money from time to time for upkeep even as you're managing yourself.

Time to come over, na you go sponsor am.

And let's even assume she's serious about starting the business over there, where will the funds come from? I'm sure it's not from the front desk job she's managing. It's still you!

I ask again, what are you gaining from the said lady?

I apologize if I'm a little bit gung-ho about this your matter.

Thanks so much for your responses so far, much appreciated sir. To the question, what I'm gaining from the lady ? Nothing physical, monetary etc. except from the fact that I've been in quite a number of relationships to know one who complements me well. However, at no time did I place the relationship above myself or career. Career has been fine. Long before the migration thingy spring up, the plan was for her to settle for business in the long run if developing a career is not her thing. I think my mistake lies in the fact that I committed to marrying her earlier than necessary.
Really making a final decision in this regard is not too difficult a task, just wanted the advise of people who know or have been in such situations first hand. Thanks boss

RichBoy247:
Okay.

You are still in school, you want to pay bride price, you definitely have no life ambition yourself and you have meet an equally no ambition leech.

I married exactly 10 years after youth service. Within the 10 years, I worked in 3 banks, did two postgraduate degrees before thinking about marriage.

You that cannot even feed yourself wants to carry another liability.

I have no advice for people who don't use their brain to think.

You need to calm down sir. That you waited 19 years after service before you got married doesn't mean everyone else should. Check again, I didn't ask for the opinions of older people, instead, more matured people. Thanks for your CV, but mine isn't bad either. Worked for 5 years already; 2 in one of the multinational banks, and currently in one of the big 4 consulting firms. Being on NL for 8 years now, I have learnt from the stories of others; applied contributions from comments made on such matters to personal situations and I have been better for it. I created this thread, not just for myself but for others who might be in similar situation now or in the future.

A big thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread, I sincerely appreciate.

Raalsalghul, pocohantas, Ulunne777, mk3jax, Mejiloyon, stupidmod3, Klass99, thiagoteres, PrincessGlow and Ishilove (wasn't disappointed wt ur response at all; lol. thank you still).

More contributions are welcome

Hello All, trust we're all enjoying the weekend amidst the democracy protests and demonstrations, Naija go better.
Please I need the input and advise of matured people and also Nigerians in the diaspora. Kindly bear with the length of the post and the fact that I opened a new account to post it.

I recently gained admission into an MBA program in the US with all expenses after partial funding to be borne by my brother who is resident there. Program starts in two months. Being a lil above average intellectually, my brother has advised that I make myself mentally ready for the program as it will be rigorous but with high ROI afterwards. The dilemma is that my partner who I have been in a relationship wt for almost two years is insisting I pay her bride price before leaving while she joins me two years later i.e. after the successful completion of the program. My brother and some older friends I have over there are not in support of such arrangement as they advise I don't commit to any relationship by means of introduction or marriage before coming over. They advised that I do that after I get a job and work permit following the completion of my program.

The thing is I love this girl; well-mannered, loyal, beautiful and would make a perfect soulmate, but she is not ambitious, although a graduate. She has told me times without number that she doesn't have plans for additional certifications, or higher degree etc. Invariably, she is contented with her secretarial/front-desk kind of jobs with meagre salary plus some mini businesses by the side. She even told me she would go into selling stuffs if she gets to the US. Before the migration plans came up, I supported her business moves in all ways. However, plans have changed and it's necessary that she supports the family considerably as obtainable over there, else man go just dey work with nothing to show cos of the high cost of living in the US. Cos as I heard, to make an honest living and earn something reasonable as an immigrant, having a career is one of the surest means.

All my brother keeps ringing in my head is that I allow nothing distract me during the program, not even marriage, cos his $50k (partial tuition, accommodation and feeding during the program) must not go to waste neither must I 'manage' after graduation, cos the plan is for me to work, earn well and sponsor my younger brother in 5 years thereabout.

To be very honest, I intend getting married to her if only she becomes more ambitious by registering to sit and build a career (I'm thinking HR). If she doesn't show any interest in doing this, I would have to end the relationship.

Lots of things are going on in my head right now. I don't want to lose a good soul-mate while searching for greener pastures, neither do I want to settle for someone who isn't ready to adapt to new circumstances but wants to enjoy the perks that come along with it.

Is there a way to work around this ? Am I being selfish if i end the relationship ? What kind of business can a Nigerian lady do in the US that will thrive ? Is it easy to bear up to 80% of the family responsibility in the US as a man and still remain sane ?

I'd appreciate your honest contributions/advise