Jokes From Funny House Group Chat

1..*You are dating a married man and u are angry cox he saved your name with Engine oil�my sister.. �are u not a service station?*? ����

2..*Auntie..�you are dating 6ix guys and you are mocking a prøstitute �.. My sister, it's d Same company �just that u are in private sector and she is in public sector* ��

3.. *Some guys will be making noise that they can't marry a woman who cannot cook ��.. My question is.. My guy�.. Do u have money for foodstuffs*?? ��

4.. *Stop giving your children names without giving them Bible lessons* �
*Yesterday.. I was røbbed by Abraham and Moses*���

5..*A girl searched� on google.. "I'm 19 and am pregnant�.. How do I tell my parents*?? �
*GOOGLE: if u can open your leg.. Then �why not your mouth*?? ��

6..*There is no record of a female angel in the Bible.. My sister, any guy calls you an angel.. �trust me, he's a false prøphet* ���

7..*You see those tiny feelings you had when any guy is touching you* ��
� *that's your sense leaving your body oo*��

8.. *If you are someone who doesn't tolerate nonsense, my dear.. Marriage is not for you�.. Cox in marriage.. There are a lot of nonsense to tolerate* ��

9..*nothing is as painful as swallowing stolen meat� without chewing it, because you thought someone is coming to catch you* �‍♀️

10..*people are so wickēd in this life.. Imagine selling fake rat pøison*?? �‍♂️�‍♂️
*Abeg..don't be a victim.. Taste it before buying it.. The original one tastes salty ����*

11..*if you want to toast a lady, go straight to the point ��*
*Which one is.. "HOW IS* *MUMMY AND DADDY*�
*E Concern you?*?���

*Una Doo oh


12. Message 07036116081 to be added to the group chat

�️Breaking News
�Curfew in LONDON, as oro worshippers take over Buckingham palace.
�Oluwo, Apena, Iwarafa-Mefa starts Queen Elizabeth's burial rites.
�Abobaku on the run, escapes to Russia ��
�I will definitely update you later��‍♂️��‍♂️��‍♂️

LETTER TO MY LANDLORD

Dear Able Landlord, It's me Yencage, the tenant you gave double quit notice the other day. I don finally pack. Yes! I pack today. But e get small confessions wey I wan yarn you laidis:

1. Ireti your daughter don get belle! Yes you read that right, and na me give am belle... no vex!. The way e happen sef I no fit explain, e even shock her sef... we no plan am like dis. You be my fellow man and I hope you understand say na accidental discharge... e fit happen to anybody, but I promise say e no go happen again. I for like be ur son-in-law but you're a bad man. Yes!

2. Bingo your dog no lost, na chop we chop am!
I know say dis one go shock you pass bcoz we follow you search for am. No be only me chop bingo, we dey three. Me, your caretaker and one other hausa man. Oga LandLord, bingo sweet die!... I use am cook soup, cook rice, cook stew, even use am cook beans. Omo! the dog get natural oil for body... And i know say you go dey plan to lay curse on me, the curse no go work, bcoz I pray before I chop am. I know say I bad, but you see that your caretaker? na evil man. Him get liver collect the lion share despite say na me bring up the idea... can you imagine?

3. Oga Landlord, I know say when you
return from your journey you go dey find your keke. The thing be say I sell am dis morning. Money bin no too dey my hand and I suppose settle one or two agent for this new compound I wan park into, no too reason am.

The iron condemn man bin dey price am 25k but I say nooo. How I go sell Keke wey still dey in good condition for 25k? e no good na.

So Las Las I come add ur wheelbarrow make everything be round figure. So the iron condemn man come later pay me 30k for everything. Na the money I use transport myself, and na from there I go take cook soup when I reach.

I drop 2k under your door mat, so when you come you carry am hold body. E no good say I sell your property without dropping something, my conscience no go allow me rest.

*ME: mom, meet the girl i want to marry* *MOM: you deserve someone better, not this useless thing...* *ME: but mom...i love her*� *MOM: am talking to her not you*� ������

*ME: mom, meet the girl i want to marry* *MOM: you deserve someone better, not this useless thing...* *ME: but mom...i love her*� *MOM: am talking to her not you*� ������

*A 70yr old man was making love to a 27yr old lady,then he started shaking badly. The lady asked him, "What's wrong Darling"? The old man replied, " I don't know if am 'Coming' or 'Going'.*
����

Jokes From Funny House

*Nowadays if niggas are not careful they will date a gal twice without knowing...*
*Boy : baby u look familiar*
*Girl : yea baby..u dated me in 2012...but I was Dark then.*������


*If you want to cheat, make sure you wear your old clothes so that if someone takes pictures of you, you can say "it was long time ago."*

*wisdom is my nickname*��


We *virgins* deserve daily allowances for the temptations we overcome especially now the weather is not encouraging...��


Beautiful girls and handsome guys never post themselves daily But this second version of lizards looking like hungry desert grasshoppers will make an album in their status ��
��



when my mom starts shouting at me for no reason
I always ask myself "Does this woman know who I am on WhatsApp �� CEO of Funny House for that matter ���



My sister, It's not all about having a pretty face._ *The question is, does it correspond with the colour of your legs?* ��‍♂️
���




Some guys � are just born with wickedness��....Simply because you broke up with her you are now using her pants �to clean your shoes....smh���




*Invest 2 goats and get 5 cows in 45minutes. Ask me how? No be only you Sabi online business.* ��




*You are too lazy to kneel down in church for 2mins to give thanks to God..... But you can kneel down for 20mins to receive doggie.*
*Abeg give ur life to Christ*��


A lot of men are ready to support women's dream but a lot of ladies don't have dream except iPhone, Pizza, airtime, shoes, bags & clothes���


Message 07036116081 to be added to one of the groups

School panel invite me�Dem no send transport fare�
This people no serious at all����

*August should just decide if it wants to be a month or a fridge* *The cold is just too much*

Healthyway15:
Thanks for the efforts to put smile on our face.

You're welcome

Top ten old jokes from Funny House

1. One person I hàte most in this life is that MTN
girl dat always say " one minute remaining " I hâte dat girl ��

2. You are feeling sàd, and u tagged me, am I with ur happiness? If u want to be sád pls be sad alone nodey rush me��

3. After dàting you for 5 years and promising you marriage, he now br0ke up with you
Wipe your téars my darling, I know a nàtive doctor in ijebu ode.���

4. Just heard my neighbor singing,
Am walking in power
Am walking in Oracle
I leave my rice for favour
Cos I know umahia.
Pls what should I tell her?���

5 .Pls kindly ignore any news or rumor of me coming out for
PRESIDENTIAL election in 2023.
I have not declared my intentions yet, they are still bégging me. ���

6. At the age of 25 you cannot cook, wash clothes, sweep and you want men to love you for who you are...
Sister, please who are you??��‍♀️�

7. Fat girls are the most $elfish people in the world, dey will sit down
with mini skirt and u will see nothing.
# NotMyHandWritingooo���

8. One thing with dis group is dat dey read ur post without commenting. If they eventually like it, to comment come be war.
But don't worry. Nah that thunder wey I reserve for Iraq go locate you.��

9. How come you post on your birthday "Wow I can't believe am +1 today" so if you don't believe is me that will believe abi?!
I can see the stupidity in you..����

10. I don't even trust English
Why is it dat "Give her her book" is correct and "Give him him book is not correct"?
Pls my pple help me explain
Is English a female? ���

You said I should do what makes me happy... I touch your breast you slap me.��

*SOME TIMES SILENCE IS NOT THE BEST ANSWER TO A FOOL OOO,* *TARGET THE WEREY MOUTH AND GIVE AM TWO BLOW ��*

Jokes From Funny House ����

1. If not that people like my walking step�‍♀️ how much is car� that I cannot buy�‍♀️��
2. I will never forget when am still in my mother's womb...one day,she ate pepper soup and it enter my eye...chaii I nearly died���
3. You watch a Korean movie and see how a lady slap her husband �and he still kisses her�trying to calm her down......and you want to try it with a Naija guy ��‍♀️hmmm am coming lemme go and price wheelchair for you���
4. IN NIGERIA,
If you want to hear the whole truth about yourself ehn make your neighbour angry���
5. Only for Niger, you go see one person dey use iPhone 11 and 13 while him mama dey sell groundnut for junction �
6. I'll be there soon baby. This alone can motivate some guys to sweep the Entire community. If you know,you know��
7. I don't know why police have poor services in Nigeria. You will wait in the police station queue until you forgive the person you went to report�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️
8. Respect the Woman that cook your meals. Poison no cost ooo....especially rat poison I don talk my own be that oo�‍♀️�‍♀️
9. Nollywood please have marcy on us!!How can a blind man tell his daughter "if o ever see you with that boy again you'll see what I'll do to you"��‍♀️��‍♀️��‍♀️
10. Even if he beats me,it can't stop me from loving him...that was how Aunty Iyabo lost all her front teeth��‍♀️��‍♀️��‍♀️ peelee ooo #Madamlover......mtcheew �‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️
11. Finally I have learn how to toast a lady!Baby as soon as I set my eyes on you,my slippers cut��‍♀️�.....Make nobody question me ooo����‍♀️�‍♀️
12. Are you bored�? Just go to an unknown wedding ���and shout I still love you!and wait for the drama...Na that day you go know say your destiny don change���‍♀️
13. Only for Naija,pharmacies dey sell Coke,Recharge cards,Chin Chin,Puff Puff,and beer Na wa ooo�‍♀️��‍♀️�
14. Yoruba boys trying to be Romantic be like "You are the egg in my eggroll,baby without you,I am buns.....Nawa ohhh ���������
15. It is only in this Nigeria that guys will be shouting "I can't marry a woman that can't cook ooo"....Hey bros did you even have money for foodstuffs ���������

16. Message 07036116081 to be added to the group chat

Laugh out loud to these Jokes From Funny House������
1. Girls will wear pant and bra in public
swimming pool but they will quickly cover their
body with wrapper when you want to enter
their room
Nonsense����
2. I helped one lady to carry a 20litre jerrican
full of water up to 4th Floor, She was like
"thanks alot, just put it down there at the door,
my boyfriend is inside he will come and carry it
inside"
I carried it back downstairs...
i don't tolerate Nonsense!!����
3. Because they call you phone engineer you
are now wearing helmet to repair phone
What's your aim oga??�����
4. While your mother is praying that you should
have a long life, you're in your boyfriend's
house shouting ''Ooohh yes!!! baby kill me''
My sister you are wasting your mother's
prayers.����
5. A nigga will spend hours in the gym just to
build up muscle like a wrestler. Then one
skinny girl will push him on the bed with just
one finger and he will fall and be smiling like a
fool������
6. If a girl is staring at you there are only 2
possibilities...
She is interested
In you!
Or
.
.
.
She is farting slowly....������
7. One Kiss On Her Neck & She's breathing Like
a hair dryer
Women are dramatic�����
8. **Turn to ur neighbour and say*
*NEIGHBOUR* .....
*Shout it loud* *NEIGHBOUR.....*
*Shout it louder* *NEIGHBOUR.....*
*next month I must buy*
*knockout**������
9. Who else noticed this? Yoruba people shout
on phone, Igbo people lie on phone, while
Hausa people always call the wrong numbER.������
10.After reading these jokes, message 07036116081 to be added to Funny House group chat....

I remember my first broken heart, I woke my mum’s 4 months old baby at midnight and explained to her, she cried too����

Five jokes from Funny house

1) Please if you know any slave dealer transporting slaves to the USA don't hesitate to tell me abeg. I'm ready to go. I will even bring my own chains����

2) SOME PEOPLE DON'T NEED INVITATIONS
JXT PUT CANOPY ND BOOM THEY ARRIVE �‍♂️�
�����

3) Have u noticed how smooth your life has been flowing since you stopped talking to some idiots??���

4) I rather sleep with another woman than to cheat on my lovely wife�����


5) Message 07036116081 to be added to Funny House.... This country is hard enough abeg, let's create time for laughter �

Football should commence fast �
I don't like the way man united, Chelsea and Barcelona fans are growing fat.
And also, the way ladies are getting attention these days �

I always read my posts at least 5 times before posting because I'm scared of these unemployed teachers on social media
���

Hmmmmm if you see the English they speak at the police station today ehhh hmm we just keep quiet because they are holding guns

Top ten jokes from funny house today

1) Before u kill ur husband because of side chick just know that side chick will not be a widow �.

2) *My phone is very spiritual guys. Last Sunday l went to church, I walked almost half way then my phone starts showing "NO SERVICE" I returned home very happy I knew there was no church that day.*

Thanks to my phone.
����������
��‍⚕

3) ��The number of beds � some ladies have slept on in thier life, is enough to open clinic �����


4) *Dear Tall people, please don't be tall for nothing, help us see the future of this country and tell us if there is hope���.*

*Dear Short People, please don't be short for nothing, help us check the root of our problems in this country�����������*


5) *I've stopped joining WhatsApp groups anyhow. Have just joined a porn group only to find that my mother in-law is an admin.* ����
*The problem is I can't leave because she may see me leaving but I doubt she saw me joining*


6) Just because your girlfriend/wife is smiling whiles pressing her phone does not mean she is cheating on you
*"Relax bro, she is reading my posts....."*
���

7) *Do your parents know that your phone price can solve their LAPO issue?*

*Or should i mind my business? �� �.*.

Wedding Night Confession

Husband - I'm sorry Honey I have slept with lot of Prostitutes

Wife - I said it your face look familiar

Husband - ����‍♀���

�������


9) *Wahala be like stretch marks very easy to appear but hard to disappear �*.

10) *Sex is my worst enemy, but since the Bible says love your enemy as you love yourself, l have no choice* ���

11) Message 07036116081 on whatsapp to be added to the funny house group chat

*Long distance relationship is very beautiful. You will just tell your partner "I wish you were here" and they'll reply "I wish you were here too"*

*Then you'll go and meet those that are here*


*I Come Peacefully*

Girls with small breast are scared of hanging their bra outside cos it looks like nose mask ��

I come in vawulence

Short girls cheat a lot because they think their boyfriends will not see them�

FUNNY HOUSE JOKES JUST TO MAKE YOUR DAY...���

1)If you introduced me to your parents and later dump me, I will continue coming to your house, I can’t leave your parents because of you *����������
2)Oh God, the smell you gave to Goats
, some of your sons have Stolen it
*����������
3)some of us, our girlfriends will never
post our pictures even if we get missing. *����������
4)I was in a taxi and there was this weird looking muscular guy at the back seat with 2 other guys. His phone rings and he answered, ‘boss, I’m in a taxi with him now, I will shoot him when he gets off’*
We’ve been in the taxi for 2 days now and no one wants to get off
����������
5)We UGLY Guys Don’t Usually Change Our Profile Pictures *
Because We Know How We Suffered To Look Handsome in The Previous Photo !!���������
6)Are you going to ask me to be your val or should I call your name three times and break the egg like baba told me to
?*����������
7) If her armpits are hairly let her sleep outside since she want to be a wild Animal����������
Some girls will Zoom your picture just to see if you have money in your pockets before replying your message….
If I mention tribe now
They'll say I hate Igbo people
����������
9) Girls, best way to punish your boyfriend is to reject his “Money”.
I swear it is very Painful.
Boys am i communicating ??����������
10) I don’t give my number to strangers but you can give your account number to strangers, thief.����������
11) Nothing hurts more than buying a new Exercise book and getting zero on the first page����������
12) So The Situation Where Fine And Rich Girls Fall In Love With Ugly Broke Boys Nu, Does It Only Happens In Movies?
Because I Meet All The Requirclick ement. I’m Broke And Very Ugly But Still Naa!!
Why !!!����������

07036116081
You can message this number to be added to group chat

OJEEMAH:
He does have something to offer in terms of experience and that's the reason a younger and more energetic player is needed to do the runs and dirty jobs. You need to understand that Barcelona no possess the kind of midfield they once had (Xavi & Iniesta) where Barcelona dictate the tempo of the game using Xavi and Iniesta to dominate and keep possession. Busquet didn't suffer then cos Xavi & Iniesta made it quite easy for him to handle threats.

You're right again but our mistakes has always been trying to replace players that are gone... We spent lots of money finding Neymar's replacement and we paid for that, we trying to find Xavi and iniesta's replacement, that'll kill us... We need to move on and accept other players' uniqueness

OJEEMAH:
Did you sign Ansu Fati? Did you have high expectation when he was promoted to the first team? No. Greizmann (120M) Dembele (100M+) Coutinho (120M+) They have all flopped......You don't spend such amount in the transfer market for average performances.

I understand, that's why I said they're bad business... Our former president was spending unnecessarily... Those two players are not worth that amount.... Coutinho performs Best playing Messi's position while Dembele was ruined with Injuries

OJEEMAH:
Well, I see Messi playing that role if he stays. Busquet should be replaced in that midfield.

You're right but Busquets still have something to offer to this team... He should be rested and should not play all games but not replaced

OJEEMAH:
Any player that can't prove worth is considered a flop whether na injury or loss of form.

A flop is a player not performing to expectations on the field... Because Ansu fati got injured, does that make him a flop?

OJEEMAH:
football no be draft ooh......on a good day, Koeman plays three midfielders so I dont think this your formation will work except when they are losing.

it's still three midfielders... Griezman will be playing as AM while De Jong and Busquets as DM...

paulolee:
good on paper but shambles on d pitch...I remembered d hype n noise dembele n coutinho came with...i jus pray tinz change

Dembele isn't a flop, he's only injury proned... He's a good lad but injury made him a bad business....
Coutinho was doing well last season before the injury...

OJEEMAH:
All I see is a weak midfield (Busquet) and patch-patch defence. Frenkie needs a partner that can do the dirty job like Kante, Fabinho or even Casemeiro.
The only reliable player upfront is Messi cos I dont really expect much from Aguero. Greizmann is inconsistent while Depay has to prove himself......Laporta should get a player that can coordinate the defence like Ramos and a very good DM that can win balls and then break play by intercepting key/deadly passes. This team can't play a counter attacking side in UCL.

The front is Okay for me. With this formation, Griezman will be playing in his best position(similar with the one he's playing in France), he'll surely shine... While Depay holding the left wing with Messi holding his favorite right wing and can always interchange with Griezman, I think we'll be formidable upfront...
About the defense, Laporta is definitely working on reinforcement same with the midfield

I strongly believe in this team man.. We're going far next season... I just pray Koeman will not make tactical mistakes this season, I think that's the only way we can fail