BoboYekini: lol saga, so true. all the black athletes can't be wrong.
smh @ "When you get a job, have a business or prospects, come back and try your luck"!

Hmm, my broda!

"When you get a job, have a business or prospects, come back and try your luck"!

DAMMMMMMMMMNNNN! That is cold!

It is so cold and memorable. We call it one of the Classics! Me and my friends still all say it as a chorus when we meet up at parties and BBQs with other people there. Even the buddy finds it very funny now.

Come to think of it, out of all of us 5 guys that were out that night, I am the only one that still dates black women. All the other guys have not dated black girls for at least 7 years.

I have so much stories like this but I can't put them here because we discuss them alot in real life and it might blow my anonymity. I was taking a big risk putting that one up because it is notorious!

cotton101: so sad that this topic how now been reduced to this - the amount of times in the past a nigerian guy has openly told me to my face while chatting me up or getting my number that "ur so nice, this is so unlike nigerian girls" "ur the best of both worlds - a white girl in black skin" i'm sorry but that is a f**king insult to me and shows a level of ignorance and lack of exposure to me - how can a few experiences with a number of black girls now tar all of us with the same brush. Gosh it was not that long ago we as a people where deemed sub-human and made slaves based on black people seen as inferior to all other races

Sweetie, it is not like if black men have a series of mid-night meetings to plan how to create stories and disparage black women.

This is the exposure they get with black women. What they say to you is not planned, it is instinctive based on experience and exposure.

If a lot of black men are saying exactly the same thing about the SAME group of people, then you should start thinking it is TRUE and PREVALENT, not some niche experience. It is not like if we black men are meeting the same small group of girls, while the good ones are blocked from us.

It is even more true when you hear white men and men from other races saying black women are scary.

Then you hear these same black women, instead of changing, saying "Oh, black men go for other women because they are scared of strong women". Fck me!

Ah, I see! This is just the normal attempt by women to use maligning words to shape moronic Real Men. "Scared"? That is somehow suppose to be challenging to our masculinity and then sit down and take shyt from them?

I was expecting and I am quite surprised no woman has come here in anger to try and malign me by saying I sound bitter. That it is because I have no game. Where is tpia? That, I guess, is suppose to challenge or insult my masculinity.

The act of some should not tarnish the reputation of all but we are in the real world. Most people are not intelligent. They like generalisation and lack critical thinking. More so, time is precious and people use it for things that give them the best odds. I take each person individually but if I see the traits of what I hate, I go hard in rebuttal. That is why I went hard on Cuddlemii recently. That is why I go extra hard on queensmith.

cotton101:
I doubt any of us women would ever start saying to a nigerian guy "oh ur so nice, u don't do 419 like so many other nigerian guys" "o ur so different u don't have 10 baby mamas scattered around the place" "o u must be a wife beater since its the norm with african men"

If most men start doing bad to you, you WOULD!

If most men start impregnating and running and abandoning you, you would.

Lets just say, for black women, the chicken is coming home to roast. It would make sense to put the fire out now but if majority are not even willing to accept and acknowledge the need for change, I don't see change happening.

Result will be that a large fraction of successful and eligible black men (with choices) will keep on ending up with non-black women and black women will continue to moan.

cotton101:
Sagamite - u are quite an intelligent man and I like to think these postings are just online rants but it saddens me as a mother to a black girl that our men think still think like this - it has so many other far reaching consequences that if you think about it properly u can begin to see why black women are really seen as the bottom of the human/racial food chain.

maybe i'm not making sense and ur confidence is slightly sexy (my fiance should not see this o!) but honestly try to say the black women u have come across - and like i said stop chatting up london girls

I take extreme pleasure, the finest pleasure, vintage pleasure to be the one saying this about black women and Naija women especially. I love being right!

I am a strong advocate for justice, fairness and objectivity. I love people to face the appropriate consequences of their actions. That is why you see me raining curses on people like Marriam Babangida when she died, not the moronic Naija "You respect the dead".

It made me laugh when someone [coughs] thought they used subjectivity to "corner me".

www.nairaland.com/986088/grown-up-kids-kick-father-out/3#11391698
www.nairaland.com/986088/grown-up-kids-kick-father-out/6

If my daughter is an arse, let her be rewarded like she deserves.

If my daughter is an angel, let her be rewarded like she deserves.

I am the God (on this Earth o) of Objectivity and Logic.

Of course, you are right, my confidence is sexy. I am a sexy guy. Mo sexy baje baje. stillwater, tell them. Please confirm this. Tell them you see me as the sexiest man alive.

cotton101: so sad that this topic how now been reduced to this - the amount of times in the past a nigerian guy has openly told me to my face while chatting me up or getting my number that "ur so nice, this is so unlike nigerian girls" "ur the best of both worlds - a white girl in black skin" i'm sorry but that is a f**king insult to me and shows a level of ignorance and lack of exposure to me - how can a few experiences with a number of black girls now tar all of us with the same brush. Gosh it was not that long ago we as a people where deemed sub-human and made slaves based on black people seen as inferior to all other races

I doubt any of us women would ever start saying to a nigerian guy "oh ur so nice, u don't do 419 like so many other nigerian guys" "o ur so different u don't have 10 baby mamas scattered around the place" "o u must be a wife beater since its the norm with african men"

Sagamite - u are quite an intelligent man and I like to think these postings are just online rants but it saddens me as a mother to a black girl that our men think still think like this - it has so many other far reaching consequences that if you think about it properly u can begin to see why black women are really seen as the bottom of the human/racial food chain.

maybe i'm not making sense and ur confidence is slightly sexy (my fiance should not see this o!) but honestly try to say the black women u have come across - and like i said stop chatting up london girls

Well said.

@ Sagamite, I get what you're saying but like I mentioned earlier, a lot of this depends on WHAT you the guy are looking for, and WHERE you go looking for it. Obviously, I can't speak on behalf of every naija girl, much less a West Indian one (I'm yet to fully understand them too).

But having said that, I do believe it works both ways. If you're going to tar every most Nigerian girls over here as rude, self-centred, vain and materialistic, then you should also tender the equivalent judgement for the Nigerian guys that go after them.

Have you really asked yourself why they act the way they do? I for one can think of a reason. These girls probably view the Nigerian men that go after them as wanting one thing only: to use them as a means to an end... to get their papers. I personally know of a number of Nigerian ladies born and brought up here, who married our men. These guys act like butter won't melt in their mouths during the dating period and during the early part of the marriage. But what happens immediately their papers come through? All of a sudden, they see the girl as being too liberal, can't cook, doesn't really have Nigerian values, the list is endless.

It's happened time and time again, so based on that, don't you think that in itself should be enough reason for these ladies to be extra-cautious? Doesn't it make sense that they want to make sure that the guy has got what it takes to make it on his own, without using them as a meal-ticket? Afterall, who in their right minds would want to be used and discarded??

I think, this might also be one of the things at the back of the West-Indian girls minds too (just my opinion, like I said, I don't really know much about their mindsets). At the end of the day, each person should be judged for what they are and not pre-judged on some pre-conceived notion / generalisation of what is and what isn't.

Sagamite: When I say share price falling, I did not mean their wealth, I meant their looks.

Majority of women are at their aesthetic pick between the ages of 17 to about 25.

Note: That is majority, some might break that rule. Secondly that does not mean when they are over 25, they become look like witches with leprosy. Nah, they are just not at their peak, they might still be hot.

Now unlike men, women attract partners based on two core things: their looks and their personality. The former is by far the most dominant, the latter is important too though.

I am yet to see a woman that is not good looking that attracts genuine mating partners because she is talented at singing, business, running etc. If she is not good looking, most men will just clap and appreciate her talent but not be turned on.

Now Usain Bolt is not the most handsome man one can see but I can guarantee you at the moment, he is the most sexy man in London. Majority of women would love to split for him. If he was not a fast runner but replenishes the shelf stock at night for Tescos, he would stuggle to find an attractive girlfriend despite his height.

So when Naija girls are at their peak they lack the personality part of attraction. They see no problem with this because there are many desperate niggas in London that will take their shyt. When these girls start aging and the looks start declining, they start trying to develop personalities that they should have developed long ago. Some would struggle to attract partners because some of their bad personality traits is well ingrained and a proclivity that they do instinctively and they do not even know they are doing because they have never got anyone giving them feedback as we live in a cultural setting that tells women they can behave as they wish, and men are discouraged from saying anything negative about women because it is not gentlemanly or metrosexual. And most of these mugu London men are enthusiastic about this philosophy, they are hungry to get a black belt certificate from women for being top Real Men.

Let me give you a hint of the rudeness of black girls in London.

[b]When we were back in Uni, me and my buddies went out for a night of clubbing, one of my buddies saw some nice black chic that Kai he had to make a move for.

Okay, this girl was Jamo, not Naija. Homeboy approached her and went to say hi. As usual you know the disparaging, mean stare most young black girls are somehow raised to give. She looked at him up and down like shyt and continued staring into space. Homeboy continued and tried to be nice. He said something to her and she replied and looked away, then he left her. I still remember his chat up style categorisation I did back then. His style was complete sweet complimentary talking with a soft voice. We all have different styles.

When he came back, we asked him what happened. He said he said hi and was trying to get to know her. When she was not responsive (looking mean) he told her that he really felt she was attractive and he couldn't miss the opportunity of trying to get to know her. She then turned to him and said meanly: "When you get a job, have a business or prospects, come back and try your luck"!

Damn! That was cold. I thought they would have to call an ambulance to get me to emergency because we were bursting our bellies with laughter.

That is what the guy got for trying to chat up a black girl. He sucked it up and we went to take our night buses home. No money for car back then.

The guy now wears a suit and has a good job. He has been with a white girl for years now. I wonder what this Jamo girl is up to now. She would probably see him in suit with a white woman on his arm and start insulting him for not sticking with "sisters". [/b]

I understand why footballers go for white girls.

Hold on a second
Just because of that incident your 'friend' decided to say good bye to black girls just because he couldn't take rejection for the first time
pardon me to say but he is indeed not a man.
just one chat up with a black girl and the response he got was rather unpleasing he decided to opt for white girls? oh please that is the silliest of all excuses for one to decide black girls are not worth it
I agree the jamo's girl reaction was very degrading and unpleasant but that does not warrant him ruling out black girls out of his life
so does that mean if he applies for a job in the banking sector and gets rejected he then tends to lock up and conclude all banks are definitely going to reject his application?
porfavour!!!!

@ Post,

I hope we all can still remember what this post is all about.
I have read the things said about bringing up the girl child and I sincerely hope that things will
be different at the time of our children, maybe the boys too would have been taught how not to be threatened by
a confident and intelligent lady as we have now in Nigeria (you guys in the diaspora may have it different)

Naturally many people feel comfortable with people that they know cannot see their faults or weakness, we seem to
be happier where we are local champions and that is still the issue with our men.

I agree with the poster that mentioned that much focus should be given to training the boys too, a confident and intelligent lady can only respect and submitt to an equally or more intelligent man and if these men are few, what will the lady do in a society where being married is everything for a girl? ..go ahead and marry the available.......then all these stories that we hear on NL.

y me:
Sagamite, 'A word to the wise is enough'

I am a very intelligent man.

I know how to manage even the worst situations to my advantage.

y me:
Hold on a second
Just because of that incident your 'friend' decided to say good bye to black girls just because he couldn't take rejection for the first time
pardon me to say but he is indeed not a man.
just one chat up with a black girl and the response he got was rather unpleasing he decided to opt for white girls? oh please that is the silliest of all excuses for one to decide black girls are not worth it
I agree the jamo's girl reaction was very degrading and unpleasant but that does not warrant him ruling out black girls out of his life
so does that mean if he applies for a job in the banking sector and gets rejected he then tends to lock up and conclude all banks are definitely going to reject his application?
porfavour!!!!

Stop being silly.

I only gave you one example, that does not mean that singular experience is all his experience with black women. Obviously there is more.

He has a dyck between his legs, in biology, they call such a person a man.

Efemena_xy:

Well said.

@ Sagamite, I get what you're saying but like I mentioned earlier, a lot of this depends on WHAT you the guy are looking for, and WHERE you go looking for it. Obviously, I can't speak on behalf of every naija girl, much less a West Indian one (I'm yet to fully understand them too).

But having said that, I do believe it works both ways. If you're going to tar every most Nigerian girls over here as rude, self-centred, vain and materialistic, then you should also tender the equivalent judgement for the Nigerian guys that go after them.

Have you really asked yourself why they act the way they do? I for one can think of a reason. These girls probably view the Nigerian men that go after them as wanting one thing only: to use them as a means to an end... to get their papers. I personally know of a number of Nigerian ladies born and brought up here, who married our men. These guys act like butter won't melt in their mouths during the dating period and during the early part of the marriage. But what happens immediately their papers come through? All of a sudden, they see the girl as being too liberal, can't cook, doesn't really have Nigerian values, the list is endless.

It's happened time and time again, so based on that, don't you think that in itself should be enough reason for these ladies to be extra-cautious? Doesn't it make sense that they want to make sure that the guy has got what it takes to make it on his own, without using them as a meal-ticket? Afterall, who in their right minds would want to be used and discarded??

I think, this might also be one of the things at the back of the West-Indian girls minds too (just my opinion, like I said, I don't really know much about their mindsets). At the end of the day, each person should be judged for what they are and not pre-judged on some pre-conceived notion / generalisation of what is and what isn't.

You have a point there about paper guys.

I am Omo Mama Queen from birth, so I will never understand that mentality.

But people can still be classy when disapproving of suitors, no matter their suspicion. It is no excuse.

I think its very important for both girls and boys to have confidence and self esteem, a man with no confidence and low self esteem develops inferiority complex gets into a relationship and sees everything as an insult (my ex being the perfect case) they honestly feel that to get respect they have to spend money - or live a fake life to make people think they are someone when in reality they are a nobody.

With a female, you don't give them that love and confidence growing up they look for it at home, a man becomes the be all and end all, they tolerate all manner of shi/te.

anyway have to go now - i'm in a mood to bake and chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes are on the menu! ciao

Check out other parents' view on this thread. I am thrilled that naija parents are rising up now to this extremely crucial issue;

http://www.nigerianparentsforum.com/index.php/board,3.0.html

Sagamite:

You have a point there about paper guys.

I am Omo Mama Queen from birth, so I will never understand that mentality.

But people can still be classy when disapproving of suitors, no matter their suspicion. It is no excuse.

Agreed.

Wow!!!! had to read all the pages i missed.

I understand where Saga is coming from, and it is so sad that majority of UK-based Nigerians are that rude....i can't even fathom it. Well i thought to myself and came to the conclusions that it has to do with;

- Upbringing: parental control or lack of it thereof, anybody that would open their mouths and talk to their own parents anyhow, will do the same to an unknown stranger.

- Education: just because you go to school and study medicine and engineering and think you are a "wife material" and has refused to develop other qualities will have a "sham" of a marraige and we all know how such ends.

- Environment, Uk and Us have been giving different people visas ( i am not saying that everyone should not be given equal opportunities), but imagine people dfirectly from Mushin, Ajegunle, my home town (Irele) and other places that breed rude individuals (at least 60% of rude individuals), you will not expect anything less.

I have friends here, that on a normal day if it were to be in Naija, there was no-way, we would have met (that is not pride) is just that our environments do not mix, Now, i have different species of friends, i have this one in particular that everyone thinks i am crazy for being friends with her...we are parallel lines, she is the up- and-about kind of a chic, i am the cool-type (in my own way ), she is very vain and flashy, i am vain too (to an extent) and do not appear flashy...when we go out together, she is the first to be noticed, but i am the first to be asked out...and she is very-very rude, she really does not know how to address anybody, ( does she know she is that way? No!!! she feels she is conversing freely), i laugh and always tell her to tone it down. Our upbringing is so different, and that has shown in our different behaviours.

Parents should teach their children how to be respectful to everyone they come across with, that does not mean if a stranger that has just chatted with them for say, 30 mins, asked them to follow him or her, they would foolishly follow, it is all about common sense.

Teach your children to stand up for themselves.Teach them to know they can be whoever they want to be,never to compromise sound values.To be kind and respectful to others and more importantly themselves this way they can hardly be rude to others. But then there is always you the parent,you must remember children watch your actions and that is what they are most likely to emulate.

Its only in home movies that I see Nigerian girls whether home based or otherwise slapping a man just because he said hi.

Sagamite go and sleep. You that is as sexy as my nightmares.

Besides Nigerian men are too aggressive. I've been asked out by different ethnicities. The difference is always clear in comparison to you people. Other girls might like it with your sagamu accent, because it's something new, 'oh your accent is so cute', booooooo, to someone like me I won't trip for you, you hear, booooo.

Looks like i came into this discussion way to late, to many pages to read so ill just comment on the title. IMO self esteem and self respect are pretty much one in the same. Now, I beleive everygirl should hold those attributes in them, from childhood into adulthood/motherhood. The problem comes in with the enviornment she is raised in. For example how a girl presents her self in Canada will be different from how she would behave in Nigeria. For example if you talk to a 16 year old typical Canadian girl, she would probably say she doesn't need a man and marriage is not so important, she doesnt need to cook well and if she gets married and it does not work out then divorce is always an option in her eyes. Lets then look at the 16 year old Nigerian girl, who has been told all her life she has to be a good cook and obedient to her husband. Installing those values her western counterpart has will definetly lead to remaining a spinster. Nigerian men IN NIGERIA generally want an obidient wife someone that listens and wont give any trouble sort of like a brain dead human being they can control.

At the end of the day their is nothing wrong with empowering young girls for success but we have to be careful of their living enviornment before we prepare them for failure and troublesome relationships with men. If i have a daughter and raise her in Nigeria i will definetly teach her self value and worth, I will let her see with her eyes the cultral and gender inequities that exist in Nigeria. I wont raise her to feel less than a human being. My daughter will know the culture and thought process is very primative and should not be in any way her core beleife at the same time she will know about women's roles in developed countries and that is the attitude i would like for her to employ.I want her to be balanced so wherever she lives she can handle herself accordingly without selling out her self worth/esteem.

stillwater: Sagamite go and sleep. You that is as sexy as my nightmares.

Besides Nigerian men are too aggressive. I've been asked out by different ethnicities. The difference is always clear in comparison to you people. Other girls might like it with your sagamu accent, because it's something new, 'oh your accent is so cute', booooooo, to someone like me I won't trip for you, you hear, booooo.

Haters gonna hate!

If I met you you will be singing this chorus in my ears by the end of the night.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaasJ44O5lI&feature=fvwrel

No be me! Emi Omo Sagamu! Mi o ti slack ri. Super star!

Saga Saga! The one they call "look at her and she go get belle", "lokomotiv fcker". Fuku faka fuku faka fuku faka luuuurve machine.

https://www.nairaland.com/782873/romance-section-toast-one-been/6#9361652

Gerrout of here jor!

^^ Self-adulation at it's peak

Sagamu + Sisi = Love Nwantiti

Now, make una two go open thread dey dance. Una dey block my view jor.

...No need indulging Saga in an arguement, just let him win it.....Mr. AkA..fakkafuku!!!! AKA DIRTY-TALKER,AKA slammer, 13.2 inches YOU wan steal am, part of your "supposed- value"..na you biko

agiboma: Looks like i came into this discussion way to late, to many pages to read so ill just comment on the title. IMO self esteem and self respect are pretty much one in the same. Now, I beleive everygirl should hold those attributes in them, from childhood into adulthood/motherhood. The problem comes in with the enviornment she is raised in. For example how a girl presents her self in Canada will be different from how she would behave in Nigeria. For example if you talk to a 16 year old typical Canadian girl, she would probably say she doesn't need a man and marriage is not so important, she doesnt need to cook well and if she gets married and it does not work out then divorce is always an option in her eyes. Lets then look at the 16 year old Nigerian girl, who has been told all her life she has to be a good cook and obedient to her husband. Installing those values her western counterpart has will definetly lead to remaining a spinster. Nigerian men IN NIGERIA generally want an obidient wife someone that listens and wont give any trouble sort of like a brain dead human being they can control.

What has the choice of a 16-year-old gal, whose life and turmoil, you are not aware of, to do with raising daughters to have self-respect? For all you know she might have more self-respect than you do being able to tell you that she doesn't need a man and marriage is not so important. What has her choice on whether she needs to learn to cook or not to do with self-respect?

Please understand this at least, having self-respect has absolutely nothing to whether you will eventually get married or will never. Having self-respect has nothing to do with your cooking abilities and whether you choose to be gay or not. Having self-respect has nothing to do with whether you choose to marry a man, a woman or even remain celibate. Self-respect has more to do with having confidence enough to make good and wise decisions for your life without needing to depend on others for incite on how your life needs to be run or how it needs to turn out. That is definitely a problem I notice among Nigerian women, married and none.

What you call values are actually factors that contribute a great deal to lack of self-esteem in our women. So many nigerian girls and women define themselves by the relationships they are in/their partners. You rarely meet a Nigerian woman, married and none, who has an identity of her own. Now don't here confuse having an identify with being stubborn or stuck up or all that nonsense people immediately assume. Having an identify helps ensure that you when you are in a partnership(married or dating or even work) you are given the respect you deserve, not just as a cook, or a house cleaner, or the woman in the bed, or another employee in the company, but as a human being first and foremost.

Please don't come here preaching this lame brained nonsense that continues to see to it that Africans remain backward, even after their obtaining some of the best degrees in the world. If having a man is all that important to your life at least ensure that the respect you command right now in your relationship will still be there even if life deals you a bad hand.

I am assuming you can cook, and clean and all that. Here, if you are in an accident today and you are paralyzed, will your man still love and respect you and take care of you for the rest of your life? Or will he go look for another cook, another bedmate, another cleaner out there in the case that his respect for you is mostly based on your ability to perform all those roles for him?

ronkebp: ...No need indulging Saga in an arguement, just let him win it.....Mr. AkA..fakkafuku!!!! AKA DIRTY-TALKER,AKA slammer, 13.2 inches YOU wan steal am, part of your "supposed- value"..na you biko

Am sexy and I know it!

Pam parampa parampa!

Pam parampa parampa!

agiboma: At the end of the day their is nothing wrong with empowering young girls for success but we have to be careful of their living enviornment before we prepare them for failure and troublesome relationships with men. If i have a daughter and raise her in Nigeria i will definetly teach her self value and worth, I will let her see with her eyes the cultral and gender inequities that exist in Nigeria. I wont raise her to feel less than a human being. My daughter will know the culture and thought process is very primative and should not be in any way her core beleife at the same time she will know about women's roles in developed countries and that is the attitude i would like for her to employ.I want her to be balanced so wherever she lives she can handle herself accordingly without selling out her self worth/esteem.

You don't raise your children to fit the environment. If you are doing that, you are making sure to kill any dream for better life they may have. What you do is raise them to CHANGE THE STATUS QUO . . . CHANGE those norms that have helped make Women second-class citizens in that country. If not, all you are doing is breeding airsuckers . . .that will contribute more harm than good in the end to this planet.

Teaching a daughter good values should be considered essential no matter where you live but deciding to teach her to cook BECAUSE she is a girl, and because you EXPECT her to be able to cook for a man in the future, is you preparing her to be used by a man.

They say "train up your child the way you want, and when they are old they will not depart". You cannot plant cassava and expect to harvest cocoayam. If you sow seeds of inferiority into your daughter, essentially teaching her that she has to learn this, and that, for a man, then the rest of her life she will live believing she has to do this, and that in other for a man to love her.
There are so many Nigerian women, my peers here who think that way. They make good money working good jobs but their lives are in shambles because they are tethered to that notion that they need to PLEASE their man. Many of them even have the nerves to castigate white women for not being willing to accept ill-treatment from anyone. You look around in Nigeria, and here in the states. Compare the way the men talk about women and you realize that African women need to wake up from this delusion that teaching their daughters to live for their man is the way to go. Spend a day comparing how black Educated men talk about their women and how Educated caucasian/european/chinese men talk of their women. In my opinion, Black men, and women, still objectify women to a great deal and that is not right.

Kobojunkie:

You don't raise your children to fit the environment. If you are doing that, you are making sure to kill any dream for better life they may have. What you do is raise them to CHANGE THE STATUS QUO . . . CHANGE those norms that have helped make Women second-class citizens in that country. If not, all you are doing is breeding airsuckers . . .that will contribute more harm than good in the end to this planet.

Teaching a daughter good values should be considered essential no matter where you live but deciding to teach her to cook BECAUSE she is a girl, and because you EXPECT her to be able to cook for a man in the future, is you preparing her to be used by a man.

They say "train up your child the way you want, and when they are old they will not depart". You cannot plant cassava and expect to harvest cocoayam. If you sow seeds of inferiority into your daughter, essentially teaching her that she has to learn this and that for a man, then the rest of her life she will live thinking she has to do this and that in other for a man to love her.

You know, i thought of telling her this, but i just could not even bring myself to type a word.

ronkebp:

You know, i thought of telling her this, but i just could not even bring myself to type a word.

I don't see what is wrong with what aigboma said.

Is the doctrine and paradigm suggested by Kobo what Western woman practice? How many of them are successful and happy in life?

Relationships with men is really core to most women's existence whether they like it or not.

What is needed is jumping to the other side to educate the men in Africa on how to respect woman and treat them well. Absolutely nothing wrong with aigboma's philosophy.

All these woman are equal to men will always end in failure, am sorry to say.

God, through his representative, Baba Nature, is not and has never been politically correct.

Sagamite:

I don't see what is wrong with what aigboma said.

Is the doctrine and paradigm suggested by Kobo what Western woman practice? How many of them are successful and happy in life?

Relationships with men is really core to most women's existence whether they like it or not.

What is needed is jumping to the other side to educate the men in Africa on how to respect woman and treat them well. Absolutely nothing wrong with aigboma's philosophy.

All these woman are equal to men will always end in failure, am sorry to say.

God, through his representative, Baba Nature, is not and has never been politically correct.

I never said what she said was wrong, i don't just don't know how the traning of a Nigerian daughter should be different from that of the western countries. Irrespective of where you live, train your daughter well...so that where ever she finds herself, she will excel irrespective of the type of life that is being lived there. And i think that was what Kobojunkie meant.

ronkebp:

I never said what she said was wrong, i don't just don't know how the traning of a Nigerian daughter should be different from that of the western countries. Irrespective of where you live, train your daughter well...so that where ever she finds herself, she will excel irrespective of the type of life that is being lived there. And i think that was what Kobojunkie meant.

I think that is implicit in aigboma's post.

She basically said "If you are in Rome, understand Rome".

ronkebp:

I never said what she said was wrong, i don't just don't know how the traning of a Nigerian daughter should be different from that of the western countries. Irrespective of where you live, train your daughter well...so that where ever she finds herself, she will excel irrespective of the type of life that is being lived there. And i think that was what Kobojunkie meant.

Even right in Africa, it is no longer a secret that many marriages, even during the days of our fore-fathers fail for one reason or another. And many of them fail even with women who are great in bed, great cooks, etc. To suggest that the African marriage is more protected than the caucasian is akin to claiming that crime in africa is lower than crime in the west because when you tune in to stations like CNN/Aljazeera/Crime TV you hear a lot about crime in America.

Unfortunately, Many people don't visit reality. You do not train a girl or boy for Marriage. You do not train a child for living in Nigeria or the village. You train them on how to LIVE. You train them first and foremost for Life. That is what is needed. Should that girl find herserlf in a bad relationship, she will immediately recognize the wrongness of the situation and walk away as soon as she can. And should that girl find that she does is not as beautiful as the super models out there, or she does not have a rack or big back like so many are crazy for these days, she does not then feel she needs to "fix" herself to fit in. And Should that girl find that she is not as good a cook, or great in bed or even great with housework, she does not then try to bargain her place in relationships as a result. And should that girl find herself in her late 20's, 30's etc. She would not feel less of a human being or that something is wrong with her or that she needs to submit to anything that moves because she is old.

agiboma: At the end of the day their is nothing wrong with empowering young girls for success but we have to be careful of their living enviornment before we prepare them for failure and troublesome relationships with men. If i have a daughter and raise her in Nigeria i will definetly teach her self value and worth, I will let her see with her eyes the cultral and gender inequities that exist in Nigeria.

Sagamite, i just brought that up, this can be dissected into different thought process. her next sentence actually said she will want her daughter to be succeessful 'where ever" she may find herself. (nice)

An enevironment is very important in a child's upbringing, no doubt, but removing every other environment because she lives or resides there, is a no-no for me, a woman should be taught the right things. If the westerners have taught their kids well, there will not be a high-rate of divorce and the canker-worm eating their marraiges will no be there. A daughter should know her left from right irrespective of where she lives. I grew up in Niaja that does not mean i was taught to take the 'rubbish'( cheating, molestation, physical and verbal abuse) a man has to offer because he is sole provider or has 'decorated balls" between his legs. I won't take it in any land i find myself....no matter what the "norm" is in that land.

You do not train a girl or boy for Marriage. You do not train a child for living in Nigeria or the village. You train them on how to LIVE.

Love this soooooo much!!!

ronkebp:
If the westerners have taught their kids well, there will not be a high-rate of divorce and the canker-worm eating their marraiges will no be there. A daughter should know her left from right irrespective of where she lives. I grew up in Niaja that does not mean i was taught to take the 'rubbish'( cheating, molestation, physical and verbal abuse) a man has to offer because he is sole provider or has 'decorated balls" between his legs. I won't take it in any land i find myself....no matter what the "norm" is in that land.

I disagree with the above. Someone said it best on a different forum some years ago. He said that the reason it APPEARS that the divorce rate in many THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES is lower is because

a) Women are still second-class citizens in majority of these countries and a divorce is not only considered taboo in some areas, it is harder on the woman than anywhere else in the world

b) A lot of women actually have husbands walk out of the marriage. They remain legally married and many of them go on to live celibate lives afterwards, while their husbands go on to re-marry and even have kids elsewhere. technically the woman is still married.
In some societies, it is the right of a man to leave a woman for another. I believe in islam, a man is allowed to marry and unmarry a woman as he chooses. These are not really reported under the law as divorces in most cases since the divorce is carried out by local leaders who do not really have the legal capacity to do such.

c) Third world countries are not known for keeping great records.

I am not trying to hold brief for 'white' people but let us not deceive ourselves that what we have in Africa is better than what is obtained here when it comes to women and self-confidence. If you want an example of the problem in Africa, look to the African american communities to see it. That is it.

To each h/heris own, i have been here a long time to know that i will not bring up my children the way they do here.

OK! Just FYI . . . RUDENESS is NOT self-confidence. A lot of people in the Nigerian community seem to confuse the two, when raising their kids.

I have seen way too many RUDE Nigerian kids who were supposedly raised the "right" way by parents who pretend that all things about how Americans raise their kids are bad.

Why do ppl like writing long paragraphs on NL?

lol

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Most rude people lack confidence anyway.

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