I resumed my normal duty at the pediatric ward today, and hoped to have a stress free and uneventful day however, that would not be the case as i noticed two young girls who weren't there when i closed yesterday, one in her early teens and the other probably 8yrs old. It wasn't time for the morning hand-over yet so i decided to have a little chat and get to know my would be patients better, i got closer, tried to be friendly but all i got from both was tears! I had to leave them alone. It was during the handing over that the admitting nurse told me that both girls had been sexually molested by adults, and i felt compelled to write this article because it was the 7th case in 3 weeks!!!
I know a lot of people do not believe that pedophilia is common in nigeria, but no month passes without a case of child molestation, and those are just the ones that are reported. Sometimes the fear of stigmatisation and shame leads to silence, but this is a dangerous path. If a molested child does not receive adequate medical and psychological attention, she could suffer terrible damage in her adult life, especially during marriage and child birth. She could suffer from one of two extremes, either she becomes "sex obsessed" and promiscuous or socially withdrawn with a phobia for intimacy and many other effects i can't discourse here .
When it comes to protecting children, there is no sure method, but these could be helpful to mothers
1)Never leave your little girl in the care of another male adult, weather he is married, or not living alone irrespective of your relationship with him,(55% of child molestation is carried out by an adult whom the child/family is familiar with ε.g uncle, neighbor, teacher etc.
2) Do not allow your children bath outside, or walk around the house naked no matter how small they are, they may arouse a pedophile!
3)Be weary of that 'uncle' that showers gifts and praises on your daughter and tries to gain her trust. Make sure your daughter is never alone with him!
4)Inculcate in ur child that it is a sin for any adult to touch her 'there', and she should scream and report any adult that attempts that.
5) Find time to talk to your kids, especially when they just return from school, or any social outing. Listen to them and make sure they talk exhaustively, and read between the lines as they talk.
6)Watch out for any unusual and unwarranted moodiness and find out the cause
7)Teach your children never to keep secretes from you, and whenever any adult tells them to keep a secrete, they should tell the adult "i don't keep secrets from my mummy"(pedophiles target children who would keep silent)
Tell them never to follow anybody anywhere exept with your approval
9) Always have a practice section with your children, ask them questions like " if someone tries to touch you 'there' what will you do?" "What if it is that uncle you like a lot?" What if he tells you to follow him somewhere, maybe to buy ice cream? What will you do if someone tells you to keep a secret? Based on their response, you should know what to tell them.
10) When it comes to older children and teenagers, perhaps between the ages of 13-18 you could ask them directly if anyone has ever attempted to molest them sexually, and discourse ways to prevent such, try to be as friendly as possible, be a mother and a friend. From my own interview with patients, i could say that 2 out of 5 nigerian teenagers between 13 to 16 have had at least one close encounter with molestation, and majority do not tell anyone because the molester who probably is a known friend apologized and begged them to remain silent.
If your child has been molested, get help!
Mothers! Mothers!! Mothers!!! Protect your daughters, protect our next generation of women, protect our future wives and mothers!.......betwEen january 1st nd january 30 av seen 8 cases, dis issue needs more publicity, people are still obviously unaware

I think its better not to give birth to a female child at all. . Training them could be frustrating. . .before you know it, they begin to fall in love deceit regardless of their age..

Acidosis: I think its better not to give birth to a female child at all. . Training them could be frustrating. . .before you know it, they begin to fall in love deceit regardless of their age..

i pity you. peopke like you end up having 5 daughters. you cant cheat nature. who says training boys is any easier?

.

dominique:

i pity you. peopke like you end up having 5 daughters. you cant cheat nature. who says training boys is any easier?

Yes training a male child is easier and better. I'm male and I didn't give my parents much headache. .
ma'am, an average girl/lady will always feel this silly emptiness, like I'm not complete without a boy/man in my life..no matter how much her father spend on her (pocket money, jewelry, clothings etc), it doesn't stop her from following a play boy who is only interested in something best known to him.
I know its uncivilised and rude for one to prefer a gender over another, but the truth is "even the females here know what I'm talking about, they want the male child."

Nevertheless, I'll like to have a female child, a princess in the making. . but trust me I wont hesitate to kill any emotional or physical molester

@OP,what did u or your colleagues do to help the girls?

We've had series of stories and long epistles but NOTHING would change unless we DO something.

I don't think withdrawing those girls from Adult male s the solution.

Acidosis: I think its better not to give birth to a female child at all. . Training them could be frustrating. . .before you know it, they begin to fall in love deceit regardless of their age..

You are a fool for saying such.. is your mother not a female, the babes you chase on NL(Idowuogbo etc) are they not female, the worwor you hope to marry is she not female... Anuofia...

free2ryhme:

You are a fool for saying such.. is your mother not a female, the babes you chase on NL(Idowuogbo etc) are they not female, the worwor you hope to marry is she not female... Anuofia...

u don vex seriously oo..... Lol

Acidosis:

Yes training a male child is easier and better. I'm male and I didn't give my parents much headache. .
ma'am, an average girl/lady will always feel this silly emptiness, like I'm not complete without a boy/man in my life..no matter how much her father spend on her (pocket money, jewelry, clothings etc), it doesn't stop her from following a play boy who is only interested in something best known to him.
I know its uncivilised and rude for one to prefer a gender over another, but the truth is "even the females here know what I'm talking about, they want the male child."

Nevertheless, I'll like to have a female child, a princess in the making. . but trust me I wont hesitate to kill any emotional or physical molester

are you a parent already Why not wait untill you start having your own kids, you are so sure you dint give your parents headaches.....

free2ryhme:

You are a fool for saying such.. is your mother not a female, the babes you chase on NL(Idowuogbo etc) are they not female, the worwor you hope to marry is she not female... Anuofia...

Stop stressing your nervous system, young man. The insults you give online will not take a penny away from my pocket.

Did you bother to read my 2nd post? ?

I know your type. . .trying to gain attention of the females on nairaland. But people like you would be first to cry before some prophets to help them get a male child after 7 lovely females. Silly Hypocrites

afam4eva: I don't think withdrawing those girls from Adult male s the solution.

Am not suggesting that either, but parents should be extra cautious of the kind of males they allow near their daughters, and if possible their daughters shouldn't be left ALONE with α male

the planmaker:

Am not suggesting that either, but parents should be extra cautious of the kind of males they allow near their daughters, and if possible their daughters shouldn't be left ALONE with α male

How can you completely avoid that

I want to be able to leave my baby girl with my elder brother and not worry about molestation!

This issue is becoming very common these days and I have absolutely NO idea how to protect my children.

the planmaker:

Am not suggesting that either, but parents should be extra cautious of the kind of males they allow near their daughters, and if possible their daughters shouldn't be left ALONE with α male

Parents should try as much as possible to keep their children away from male strangers but not those in the family even though research has shown that those that are close to the family are most culpable. But there has to be some kind of trust in a family member.

taryour:

are you a parent already Why not wait untill you start having your own kids, you are so sure you dint give your parents headaches.....

Yes I'll wait, definitely.

Like I said again, I didn't give my parents headaches.

ifyalways: @OP,what did u or your colleagues do to help the girls?

We've had series of stories and long epistles but NOTHING would change unless we DO something.

All we can do is treat any physical damage, and offer psychological assistance. But at this point they have been transferred to the counselling unit. Medical social workers are en route to their houses to see the parents and take appropriate steps. Let's see how it goes

Mod...it is important that people know about this

the planmaker: Mod...it is important that people know about this

Dont mind them . . . They are always quick to post useless topic on the front page and yet somehow miss the important ones!

Acidosis:

Stop stressing your nervous system, young man. The insults you give online will not take a penny away from my pocket.

Did you bother to read my 2nd post? ?

I know your type. . .trying to gain attention of the females on nairaland. But people like you would be first to cry before some prophets to help them get a male child after 7 lovely females. Silly Hypocrites

Imbe-cile, i have three females as siblings and I will not wishing them dis .... If you were twice as smart, you'd still be s-tupid

Acidosis:

Yes I'll wait, definitely.

Like I said again, I didn't give my parents headaches.

Your are such a frustration when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

free2ryhme:


Your are such a frustration when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

Look here, I'm ready to absorb insults directed to me ONLINE from hooligans and scally-wags BUT plsss & plsss take "mom" out of this. . .

@Poster, so what was done to the molesters?

Where they caught? Arrested perhaps? Or nothing was done to them??!!

Ify and Efemena have raised a very important point
I recently had to do some research on this,it brought me many tears and painfully these molesters go free maybe after cooling off for a few weeks in custody(i.e if it gets that far).Unfortunately they walk to the next child.
So much perceived secrecy,shame and stigma so some parents seem think its best to leave it,do nothing so as not to shame the child!!
The shame,stigma should be on the abuser!
We need understand that doing nothing simply means consenting to another child being molested

some children endure molestation for months (even years) and are ashamed to speak out. its very important we encourage our kids to speak freelu to us and have nothing to fear. as parents we should be observant of any behavioural changes in our children (boys are also succeptible to abuse o)

@Poster, I understand your concern but isn't it a bit hard in a society where young girls, as early as 6, are sent out on their own to sell wares out on the streets? I think what we need is a total change to how people view children in the society.

Kobojunkie: @Poster, I understand your concern but isn't it a bit hard in a society where young girls, as early as 6, are sent out on their own to sell wares out on the streets? I think what we need is a total change to how people view children in the society.

Awareness campaign is a possible option to this approach but with the high level of poverty entrenched in our society poor families need to make a living with the best possible means available to them. But with the position of the Lagos state govt on child street hawking we have witnessed a reduced in the last 6 months

Kobojunkie: @Poster, I understand your concern but isn't it a bit hard in a society where young girls, as early as 6, are sent out on their own to sell wares out on the streets? I think what we need is a total change to how people view children in the society.

What does how people view children in our society have to do with p.edophiles carrying out their deranged s.exual attraction towards children?

There are just as many psychos having s.ex with children in the west as well.

The tips 1-10 the poster has listed are practical and excellent, not some vague nonsensical musing about viewing children in society.

and people wonder why i keep my daughter close to me like second skin.

the one that even annoys me the most is that in our culture the small girls are made out to be blame somehow - one only has to read some of the stories in the crime section and the total rubbish that comes out of the rapists mouth when caught.

cotton101: and people wonder why i keep my daughter close to me like second skin.

the one that even annoys me the most is that in our culture the small girls are made out to be blame somehow - one only has to read some of the stories in the crime section and the total rubbish that comes out of the rapists mouth when caught.

I think women should keep their kids close. Growing up in Ikorodu, there were many cases of street hawkers being raped, yet many women continued to send their kids out, alone into the streets to hawk. I don't understand how anyone who loves their own would do that to them.

ileobatojo:

What does how people view children in our society have to do with pedophiles carrying out their deranged sexual attraction towards children?

There are just as many psychos having s.ex with children in the west as well.

The tips 1-10 the poster has listed are practical and excellent, not some vague nonsensical musing about viewing children in society.

excuse me - no one is denying its in the west its the way we try to hide it in the nigerian community that is very frustrating - i have yet to hear of a child molester/rapist spend a substantial amount of time in prison in nigeria or even here - families and pastors will call the victims family and tell/beg them to not report it or one silly thing like the girl will not marry in future if people find out she was abuse - like WTF!!!

cotton101:

excuse me - no one is denying its in the west its the way we try to hide it in the nigerian community that is very frustrating - i have yet to hear of a child molester/rapist spend a substantial amount of time in prison in nigeria or even here - families and pastors will call the victims family and tell/beg them to not report it or one silly thing like the girl will not marry in future if people find out she was abuse - like WTF!!!

how will they come out when the same society will victimized them and when asked to attend court proceedings they don't turn up as witness.. The judge/magistrate struck of the case for lack of evidence because witness fails to turn up..

cotton101:

excuse me - no one is denying its in the west its the way we try to hide it in the nigerian community that is very frustrating - i have yet to hear of a child molester/rapist spend a substantial amount of time in prison in nigeria or even here - families and pastors will call the victims family and tell/beg them to not report it or one silly thing like the girl will not marry in future if people find out she was abuse - like WTF!!!

I agree with you completely.

I was addressing Kobojunkie's dismissive tone towards the OP's sensible practical advice and proffering a dumbass impractical solution instead.