Bélla3: lol. Read wel johr

whats delaying u? are u also waiting for a very rich guy?

toba: whats delaying u? are u also waiting for a very rich guy?

rich guy ke? Am yet ready for marriage oh

Gracious10:

Oh I agree with u completely. If u can't get married in space of 2-3 yrs, just don't date. Temptations are better avoided than managed!

What if one starts dating, say, 2 yrs to getting married and after about a year and half of the first relationship fails. Luckily finds someone else and has got to date for @least a year and half before tying the knot. This would imply overshooting ones deadline for marriage.

In essence, why not say 4-5 years (or longer) so as to make time (not intentionally though) incase there would be any failed relationships? U can never tell!

toba: nope. u sound like gracious. most of the regular posters/members on nairaland are under 35 and mostly singles.

so tell me what are the qualities u want in a man u want to get married to? must he be as rich as abacha?

Not waiting for any unbelieving rich man. Riches are least of what I expect or want in a man. Man must be a genuine born-again. Can't compromise my faith for anything. Where I am located, its really hard to find men who are genuinely thirsty for God.(its usually people who seek God for what they expect to get from God) Since am yet to find such man with this number one quality, every other qualities will wait. And I choose to wait.

dee-zed:


What if one starts dating, say, 2 yrs to getting married and after about a year and half of the first relationship fails. Luckily finds someone else and has got to date for @least a year and half before tying the knot. This would imply overshooting ones deadline for marriage.

In essence, why not say 4-5 years (or longer) so as to make time (not intentionally though) incase there would be any failed relationships? U can never tell!

These are not deadlines but suggestive of what's proper. But please understand that the estimated time is for one single relationship at a time. If one fails and you find another, its a different r/ship and should be gives same amount of time.

When r/ship fails is the time to set ur self apart to figure out what happened with the previous one and how to tackle such issues so they don't resurface in subsequent r/ships. I will say give urself at least 4-6 months before starting another.

Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

dee-zed:
Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

You should approach the lady from ur heart. Be honest of what u want, leave God said out of it. Be yourself and honest. No lies!

Gracious10:

These are not deadlines but suggestive of what's proper. But please understand that the estimated time is for one single relationship at a time. If one fails and you find another, its a different r/ship and should be gives same amount of time.

When r/ship fails is the time to set ur self apart to figure out what happened with the previous one and how to tackle such issues so they don't resurface in subsequent r/ships. I will say give urself at least 4-6 months before starting another.

Ok, I get it nw. The time frame u stated earlier wz for one r/ship. And trust me, I wudnt rush into another r/ship. A 4-6 mnths assessment period is ok by me.

Gracious10:

You should approach the lady from ur heart. Be honest of what u want, leave God said out of it. Be yourself and honest. No lies!

Thank you!
I've never fancied approachin a lady with "God said dis n dat". But I jst wanted different views and perspectives. Had always felt I would be termed carnal if I approached with the physical reasons.

More contributions, pls.

toba: regarding satisfaction, a married man (muslim man) told me in 2004 that he satisfies his wife with all sort of sexxxual performances which makes his wife love him more. how true that is, i dont know.

but friends also say they do these acts to make ladies ask for more fun and come back to them

Exactly what i am talking about, i read some stuff on that, it helps a woman reach orgas faster.
Spiritualityy apart, sex is meant to help you both reach orgas , note that some women dont reach orgas by penetration and a lot of them fake it, most times men are selfish, when they get satisfied they just sleep off, not minding the wife who still yearns in her body for her to get to her own peak.
What i am saying is this, if your partner doesnt get that satisfaction but would if you explored other means to get her satisfied, will it be a sin if you do that?? Or since it is going to be a sin you should just get your own satisfaction and forget about her, she will understand, afterall, we are christians, we shouldn't go there...

That was why i asked....

Abbott:

I think I need perspectives on this issue. I should get over it though. But i will love a woman that is not thin or fat, especially after child bearing. If it is otherwise, wouldnt love her any less.

There is what Economists call the Law of Diminishing Returns.
When we get married, some physical structures of our bodies are intact and after some time, they start diminishing. It's normal and that is why we must love our spouses beyond the physical, I.e agape love.

toba: whats delaying u? are u also waiting for a very rich guy?

Rev'd Sam Adeyemi said something that the time he got married, he had nothing at all except books he had been reading to uplift his life. He went further to say if it had been today's world, no lady would have married him.
Why am I saying this? We need to look beyond the outward when considering marriage and remember that there is always a reason for a man to marry a woman (Gen 2:24).

Zeebah23: Trusting 'believers' might not b a gud idea. Dey cum lyk sheep but dey r wolves. Dey lure u into sin using d Bible. I met a lady who was a virgin and went in2 a relationship wit a fellow believer. Each time d bro demands 4 sex, d lady reminds him dat d bed must b undefiled,d bro wud in turn say God undastands how we feel hence d verse 'd spirit is willing but d flesh is weak' or dat we r unda grace . This concept of grace has bin misundastood *dat's a topic 4 anoda day* d so-called brethren give u examples of Men of God dat had s*x b4 marriage,dey tend 2 4get dat God shud b their standard! Don't b decieved by der activities in church. A sister got in2 a relationship wit an active broda (prayer warrior and evangelism cord) in her church who told her 2 stop wearing trousers and make-up. Ordinarily,one wud think dis broda is out 2 remould her buh d reverse is d case. She was defiled by d broda. So,i'l advice evri1 2 b careful and prayerful. Dos who av it shud kip it, dos who av lost it can still retrace their steps. A guy once told me he couldn't stop coz he was careless and he fell into sin,so felt he shud continue since he was no longer a virgin. If u r wit dis mindset,lemme ask u dis question,what happened to celibacy. Retrace ur step and go celibate. May God help us all.

If you hear what some church-going (not christian) brothers do, you will be surprised. A brother impregnated a girl in his church and was saying that the Holy Spirit said he should do (arrant nonsense).
Many times, we the christian brethren also allow emotions to becloud our sense of reasoning. Truthfully speaking, I will be careful when staying with a sister that is heavy-chested because I find that to make me think somehow. As God will have it for me, majority of ladies I come in contact with are not that 'big-sized' like that. If I know I would be visiting a lady that is 'big-sized' in the upper region, I will first of all commit my flesh unto self-discipline and also pour out my mind sincerely unto God and He has helped me many times without number. One thing I like myself is that by the time I am getting to lust after a lady, I will always call my self to my sense and go away from there.
Everybody battles lust, myself inclusive, but we need to understand what fuels lust and what we can do to make us defeat lust that is creeping in like a snake.
May God help us.

Bélla3: i dnt believe in dating. Too much temptation . So NO, i have never been alone wit my boyfriend.

U dnt believe in date nd no, u ve never bin alone, den d issue is dat u dnt date. Good for you anyway, bt for doz who believe in dating, I think its all about self control and determination, once u fall, u get up and try again cos I guess running out of a problematic situation doznt solve it one bit . Thou I did run once bt I dnt think I will run again. You know ur building ur self control doznt just stop in dating situation, it leads u on even thru marriage experiences and work experiences.

Thank you.

dee-zed:
Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

My brother, i had a similar experience back in school when three different "brothers" in my school fellowship said God told them i was their wife. Thank God i had known the Lord early enough and i quickly recognised it as deceit. Even if God appears to a man and shows him his wife physically, i believe its best to express whatever one feels in an honest way, so that the lady in question will not feel intimidated. If God truly spoke, it won't be hard for the sister to respond positively. And even if she refuses, God is never out of options.

Bélla3: rich guy ke? Am yet ready for marriage oh

Ok. just make sure u dont chase one when u are ready

Gracious10:

Not waiting for any unbelieving rich man. Riches are least of what I expect or want in a man. Man must be a genuine born-again. Can't compromise my faith for anything. Where I am located, its really hard to find men who are genuinely thirsty for God.(its usually people who seek God for what they expect to get from God) Since am yet to find such man with this number one quality, every other qualities will wait. And I choose to wait.

Thats great. Most of u pple outside Nigeria do complain about the morals of guys outside the shores of the country. The truth is, u may find someone on line or u decide to come home for a while, then the God sent may just come ur way. I just home u wouldn't compromise standard after waiting for so long.

dee-zed:
Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

Not exactly. During the lecture i gave in May this year. First and foremost, u must get talking, become friends, stay together as friends for a while. During the friendship, u'll be able to know if he/she is actually someone u can date. If he/she passes, then gradually show ur interest and intetion. if he/she feels same way, then a relationship will start. if u seek Gods opinion for marriage and u get positive response, go ahead with the marriage. This is for serious and matured pple and not the boy friend girl friend nonsense relationship

Godspikin:


Exactly what i am talking about, i read some stuff on that, it helps a woman reach orgas faster.
Spiritualityy apart, sex is meant to help you both reach orgas , note that some women dont reach orgas by penetration and a lot of them fake it, most times men are selfish, when they get satisfied they just sleep off, not minding the wife who still yearns in her body for her to get to her own peak.
What i am saying is this, if your partner doesnt get that satisfaction but would if you explored other means to get her satisfied, will it be a sin if you do that?? Or since it is going to be a sin you should just get your own satisfaction and forget about her, she will understand, afterall, we are christians, we shouldn't go there...

That was why i asked....

Na wa. who teach u all these things? But honestly, it doesnt have to be too much. Some pple also told me that if u over perform sssexxual things with ur wife, once u are away and she misses u, she may go outside. I dont think marriage should only be about seeexxx and seexxx. They have the children to take care. they have a career to take care and lots more. What u are talking about is going too extreme

RedReact:
If you hear what some church-going (not christian) brothers do, you will be surprised. A brother impregnated a girl in his church and was saying that the Holy Spirit said he should do (arrant nonsense).
Many times, we the christian brethren also allow emotions to becloud our sense of reasoning. Truthfully speaking, I will be careful when staying with a sister that is heavy-chested because I find that to make me think somehow. As God will have it for me, majority of ladies I come in contact with are not that 'big-sized' like that. If I know I would be visiting a lady that is 'big-sized' in the upper region, I will first of all commit my flesh unto self-discipline and also pour out my mind sincerely unto God and He has helped me many times without number. One thing I like myself is that by the time I am getting to lust after a lady, I will always call my self to my sense and go away from there.
Everybody battles lust, myself inclusive, but we need to understand what fuels lust and what we can do to make us defeat lust that is creeping in like a snake.
May God help us.

This shouldnt be news again. we all know that even the devil preaches and quotes the bible. we have wolf in the church theses days. Even the MOG has sexxxx mate amongst the congregation

RedReact:

Rev'd Sam Adeyemi said something that the time he got married, he had nothing at all except books he had been reading to uplift his life. He went further to say if it had been today's world, no lady would have married him.
Why am I saying this? We need to look beyond the outward when considering marriage and remember that there is always a reason for a man to marry a woman (Gen 2:24).

Its even worse these days of BB, IPAD, Iphone, Cars, Galaxy. Ladies even in the church wants to go for those that are ok and dont want to struggle at all.

At my work place presently, there's a 'christian sister' who is 34 already and still single. A guy in my office was chasing her since 2006, she turned the guy down cos he wasnt too rich. The same guy got married in 2008 and now has two kids. These my sis is still single and we see daily. Now she's running from pastor to prophet trying to cast out marine husband. The only marine husband she has is herself. she just too choosy. In 2009, she told me that she wants to marry some that looks like my boss. Today in 2012, she still single and yet to find a pauper sef.

Ladies learn not to be too overzealous.

midich:

U dnt believe in date nd no, u ve never bin alone, den d issue is dat u dnt date. Good for you anyway, bt for doz who believe in dating, I think its all about self control and determination, once u fall, u get up and try again cos I guess running out of a problematic situation doznt solve it one bit . Thou I did run once bt I dnt think I will run again. You know ur building ur self control doznt just stop in dating situation, it leads u on even thru marriage experiences and work experiences.

Thank you.

But like she said, dating can be tempting. I advised companionship rather than relationships for guys and ladies that arent ready for marriages now. We dont need to fool ourselves, once u are in a relationship u are going to do this


Avoid relationships if are not ready for marriage

Bibol:
My brother, i had a similar experience back in school when three different "brothers" in my school fellowship said God told them i was their wife. Thank God i had known the Lord early enough and i quickly recognised it as deceit. Even if God appears to a man and shows him his wife physically, i believe its best to express whatever one feels in an honest way, so that the lady in question will not feel intimidated. If God truly spoke, it won't be hard for the sister to respond positively. And even if she refuses, God is never out of options.

It must always be a two way thing. If God appears to a man, he must also appear to the woman for confirmation. A lady cannot just walk up to me and say she saw me in her dreams and her pastor confirmed the dream. I must also see her before i can give it a go

toba: It must always be a two way thing. If God appears to a man, he must also appear to the woman for confirmation. A lady cannot just walk up to me and say she saw me in her dreams and her pastor confirmed the dream. I must also see her before i can give it a go

Really? Does God really appear to tell u someone is ur wife? I think what we need is Gods guidance and complete attention to the word. I don't Belive in "God said u r my partner" not that I don't Belive Gods unique way of talking to us but when it comes to emotional issues like this, I bet u, people hear from their feelings not God! They even dream of what they feel. He who has the spirit of God, has the ability to discern what's right or wrong. There will surely be a witness in ur spirit which is in accordance with Gods word.

Gracious10:

Really? Does God really appear to tell u someone is ur wife? I think what we need is Gods guidance and complete attention to the word. I don't Belive in "God said u r my partner" not that I don't Belive Gods unique way of talking to us but when it comes to emotional issues like this, I bet u, people hear from their feelings not God! They even dream of what they feel. He who has the spirit of God, has the ability to discern what's right or wrong. There will surely be a witness in ur spirit which is in accordance with Gods word.

My sis. dont get me wrong. Its not as if God will come and reveal to u in a dream that im the right person for u, i only gave that as an illustration. Firstly u must be attracted to each other, love each other, have feelings for each other then pray for Gods guidance and compatibility. My friend that i did best man for in 2010 told me how he chose his wife. He had two pple on his mind and he said to God in prayer that whosoever he chooses from two two should be the right person for him. He gave the names of the two to his mum in kaduna state. she enquired from MOG and she got a response that both are wife materials. He chose the one he loves most. Today their marriage is two years old with a lovely daughter.

He told me in church 2 Sundays ago that even if his mum had told him that the other lady was better than his present wife, he wouldn't have listened cos he had more convictions in his own prayer to God than that of any other.

dee-zed:
Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

Though I believe God can still show a person his/her spouse but common sense requires that such a person keeps silent about it and go ahead in the approach and watch how God unfolds His plans.
I am yet to see a man that God told he would be given a car by Mr A and now go ahead and tell Mr A what God said. Though God spoke, yet he will wait for God to work out what He has spoken.

.

Gracious10:

Really? Does God really appear to tell u someone is ur wife? I think what we need is Gods guidance and complete attention to the word. I don't Belive in "God said u r my partner" not that I don't Belive Gods unique way of talking to us but when it comes to emotional issues like this, I bet u, people hear from their feelings not God! They even dream of what they feel. He who has the spirit of God, has the ability to discern what's right or wrong. There will surely be a witness in ur spirit which is in accordance with Gods word.

I agree with this. I am 31 single and never married. I dont believe inlimiting how God works he can choose to tell someone that this woman is right for you. Remeber he is God and he ahs his ways, he can do as he pleases...There is nowhere in the bible where God said to a man this is your wife. Adam was the only man God gave a wife and he moaned and siad the wife you gave me caused me to sin. There is no harm in praying and seeking the face of God so that we might choose rightly. In everything that we do, we put God into it and he will direct our path. Every christian shd be a mini-pastor of his own life.

dee-zed:
Pls, I want 2 use dis medium 2 ask dis question:

As a Christian lady, wt do u expect a Christian brother to say wen approaching you 4 a r/ship? Shud it b d "usuals"? Cos sm people will go with "God said..." and in the end, the r/ship might nt lead 2 marriage.
So Ladies, r u expecting him to jst toast u plainly witout inputing "God said dis n God said that".

I believe a Man should appraoch a woman with clear intentions as plain as it is...Even if God said, it doesent mean you have to mention who said it. Personally i would let her know what interests me about her in terms of looks, behaviour, mannerism, smile, Godly-love, caring nature, faith and the likes..

Obviously she can say she has to pray about it and that shoudnt be problem. I dont believe it should just be about the emotions and feelings...its a little more than that.

This is my husband's username so i won't write much, for the sisters it is wise for u to visit him with a friend becos some sis cannot stand the sight of their bobo. Concerning divorce, I'm not going to quote d bible, after the seperation hatred will fill their heart and that is why every christian that is heavenly minded should not consider it as an option. My beloved be ready to forgive. I pray God to give u all, ur heart desires in marriage.

IOW, that God said this person is your wife doesnt mean you shouldnt woo her. Even God woos us. Woo her with all your heart and win her heart.

toba: But like she said, dating can be tempting. I advised companionship rather than relationships for guys and ladies that arent ready for marriages now. We dont need to fool ourselves, once u are in a relationship u are going to do this


Avoid relationships if are not ready for marriage

I was actually talkn of someone ready for marriage and not the reverse. I think we should be realistic about this issue nw. In the world of 2day, for partners dating, dia are circumstances wia u guyz find ur self alone, wateva is d outcomes of d situation is not justified by either u are abt getting married or its just a fling, so its al abt identifyn ur weak point and workn on it.

Thank you

Am a virgin at 24 years but it has not been easy 4 me cos there is alot of pressures but i God i will never have sex with any woman untill i get married cos God is my strenght and i believe he will see me through