na wa for that kind man o.i think he is selfish and inconsiderate,upon the try wey d wife the try.sha sha,na him be d head,bible don already talk am

i guess, going by the way things were growing up in 80s Lagos, dad was ever the busy man, going up and down to make things happen while my mum was d real pillar that kept us in line and took care of our needs.i always understood that dad paid d bills and mum probably supplemented with her teacher's salary.i think their system worked out okay partly because they managed to have a good patnership; but largely because my mum never really let on that she was actually pickin up for so much slack to ensure we had the best.

she understood how important it was for us to have that stabillizing image of a strong father-figure in our lives.i never heard d phrase, "let's wait till daddy comes back" when we needed anything important.

now that we are older, i appreciate them both.dad was d head (figuratively speaking), but we all knew who ran things at home and its to her credit that she held it all together.i pray i find such a woman for a wife.

the moral is, not many women today will make such a sacrifice for d sake of covering their man's back.even when they do, they do it with such acrimony, to the open display of family and public.some so-called modern women skim off from the upkeep allowance and would rather die than spend out of her purse to help out with the bills.i've actually heard some woman say that if she helps out, her husband would start having change to spend on girl-friends .

na wa for that kind man o,upon say the wife don gree take responsibility for wetin the man supposed do.He's selfish and inconsiderate.Sha sha,d man is d head,cos bible don talk am.

hotfunmi:

@michelin,
There must be a captain in any ship, so goes the marriage. Headship in households by men came by ordination from God and not by their own making. It has nothing to do with men wielding powers over women. The beautiful thing about the bible is that it gave a space for those that will not like to abide by the rules of marriage to stay single.

I am a woman and will never ever try to emasculate my husband because I suddenly became successful financially more than him.

Have you askde yourself why we women always bring these issues whenever we hold the financil key? why do men always keep quiet whenever they provide for their homes but we women will turn around to bite and shout in only six months of our providing for our household.

The truth is that this generation is doing everything possible to remove the ' for better for worse' in the marriage clause. God help us from this impending doom.

Sister,I know you were not referring to me.
I agree 100% with you but this analysis does not fit the man in this thread.
The poster says he was suspended from his job,they called him back after 3 months,he refused to go back because of pride,is not actively looking for a job and has been sitting at home for a whole 4 years nagging the poor woman to death and jumping up and down about his manhood.
This one is no head of the household.
He ought to be washing dishes and fetching water.

hotfunmi your marriage will be a blessed one.

Last time i checked a man is a man with or without a job!
I believe a man is the head of the household. (i hold this view because i am a christian , please)
Respect is earned. It can never be gotten on demand. The more you demand respect the more it recedes.
A real man will look after his family financially and otherwise. When he is out of a job what stops a man from helping on the home front? Is housework demeaning in anyway? I do not think that doing anything for your wife and kids makes you less of a man.

Are you a money bully? Now lets not forget that how you treat your spouse when you hold the family purse will go a long way in determining how she will treat you when you are out of employment.

Headship in households by men came by ordination from God and not by their own making.

maybe God intend for us to define "man" as someone who is a hardworking leader (that's the definition of "head" in my opinion). can be female even.
the guy in question is NOT a MAN. he is an animal. a useless one so no. he is not the head of his family.


if you are not responsible, it is possible for God to fire you from your position. he fired a lot of people in the bible i'm sure. that guy has been fired from his position. lol head ko head ni

Definitely not in my household!  Am I jobless?



Any man that cannot stay employed will lose my respect in a split second!  I really can hang for about 6 months.  A man that stays at home except for medical reasons can never be useful to me.    But of course, to each his own.


_{No be soap them dey take wash yansh? Unless na water una wan use----Then goodluck.}

almondjoy:

Definitely not in my household! Am I jobless?



Any man that cannot stay employed will lose my respect in a split second! I really can hang for about 6 months. A man that stays at home except for medical reasons can never be useful to me. But of course, to each his own.


_{No be soap them dey take wash yansh? Unless na water una wan use----Then goodluck.}

No forget say anyone can lose his or her job, and then what
You probably might be of no use to him and,

Dalby:

No forget say anyone can lose his or her job, and then what
You probably might be of no use to him and,

Very true.  That is why I can never be jobless--except for medical reasons.   I will take up volunteer work just to keep busy till I find a job. The longest I have stayed without a job, and I mean 40 hours or more, has been 1 month since I landed my first job at 25.

Yes!  I do practice what I preach. And if for any reason "he" thinks he has to leave due to my "joblessness", I will not fault him for I would do the same.  No problem there.


There is nothing as unattractive as a man laying on the couch with some stupid looking erection but NO JOB!!!! I just can't handle that.  Even if he is a millionaire, he has to get out of the house and volunteer his free time DOING SOMETHING.   Go to the prisons and mentor juveniles--anything.  Just get out of my sight for about 8-10 hours a day--like 5 days a week---- P-L-E-A-S-E!!!!

After 6 months, he ceases to be cute.  Na so so insult im go dey receive for my hand.  Then by the time my family finishes with him, he would be in another continent far, far away.  So if he does not want disgrace, he should just stay employed for I will be the first to report him for ruining my sex life.  A jobless man, no matter how cute can never turn me on.

Then by the time my family finishes with him

Hmm. After marriage, do you belong to your respective families or to each other? Why air your dirty laundry? You attempt to solve your problems on your own and if that doesn't work out, you can (if you want) alert your respective families. However, letting one's family "deal" with the other spouse to me is out of the question. If that is the case, then they might as well be having sex with the 2 of you as well cos when you expose each other, you are basically uncovering your respective unclothedness.

na wa o! Things done change for naija o (both on the man's and woman's side) and it is most likely thanks to "freedom" and "enlightenment". The same oyibo (who have a 50% divorce rate) we are desperately trying to copy are the same ones who have acknowledged that their ways were perhaps wrong and are trying to get back to traditional ways.

yeah yeah , we get it, the man is the 'head'. but as many people here have rightly stated, it's not by 'title' or by 'birthrite'.
Your actions should speak louder than your words. If you provided for your family and brought about the supporting backbbone that the 'head' is supposed to do, you won't and shouldn't have to declare it every other day. those really are the words of an insecure man.

All the guys here are ignoring the fact because it justifies them. Joblessness happens. But The man is lazy. He isn't doing his one, single duty as the 'head', yet he wants to be given credit for it. The same way people will call a woman a bad wife or mother if she tends to not be there for her family and leaves her kids and home to run amok, i don't see why there should be a double standard. The man is proving to be a lousy provider, and thus, he's not much of a 'head'.

Technically, if you want to go Biblical, fine, he's the head, but it's just a word, and unless he respects himself, there's no reason to do it for him.

lol Militia. . . i thank God for my brother o u dey rock lady

@Hotfunmi,
omo odo agba, waa l'alubarika. you are blessed.
for you.
infact your husband is quite fortunate (he that findeth a good  wife obtaineth favour from God)


@Almondjoy,
what do you mean by 'job'?
House or domestic chores, that  erection you made mention and the sex bouts that proceeds aren't jobs?, do you forget that there are ( both male and female)  professional prostitutes who uses money earned to fend for their homes? How about  the increasing trend in online/ work from home jobs?


In my humble submission, Leadership entails taking responsibilities, providing direction, protection, care and leading by example which i believe goes beyond just going out in the name of  being employed.

he that findeth a good wife obtaineth favour from God

To the men:
many people in naija like to quote this portion of the bible but don't read in b/w the lines. Based on this post, I am forced to bring up what many may have overlooked: "He that findeth".

So guys, go "find" and don't let anyone do that for you, or at least, let it not be against your will. A good woman will not fall on to your laps from heaven. Don't for a woman based primarily on looks, how good she is in bed, her educational qualifications, etc (you get the picture). Take the time to "find" and God will bless you with one.

To the women:
Likewise, don't go for a man primarily cos of his bank account, the shoes he wears, looks, sexual prowess, etc (again, you get the picture). What you think you can change or overlook will come back to haunt you 5 years down the road.

To all:
Don't be like a woman I read about a few years ago who divorced her husband after 25 yrs of marriage because, "he watches too much TV". I am sure he was watching too much TV while they were dating, right after marriage and over the course of their first 24 yrs of marriage. Again referring to the man in question, I am sure the laziness didn't start yesterday. I still insist, it was in him and was noticed but ignored.

The dating/courting period is when you should explicitly or implicitly probe for behaviours you know you won't like in a spouse. If you don't like the way things are going, end the relationship there and then. To this effect, ladies, don't give your body away easily in the name of love. Sex is superficial. It feels good, yes, but can blind you with respect to how a person really is.

People don't change. I believe we say a leopard can't change their skin. If out of 10 things you are looking for, your spouse-to-be has 5 or 6, accept that and deal with the rest. After all, no one is perfect.

almondjoy:

Very true. That is why I can never be jobless--except for medical reasons. I will take up volunteer work just to keep busy till I find a job. The longest I have stayed without a job, and I mean 40 hours or more, has been 1 month since I landed my first job at 25.

The golden rule in life is to never say never. When, you say never the forces that will work to prove to you that you did not create yourself. In the lords prayer we say "thy will be done".

Volunteer work is working most often without pay. For a man in this situation, that does not advanced his cause

almondjoy:

Yes! I do practice what I preach. And if for any reason "he" thinks he has to leave due to my "joblessness", I will not fault him for I would do the same. No problem there.

Do not speak words that will stand in judgement against you

almondjoy:


There is nothing as unattractive as a man laying on the couch with some stupid looking erection but NO JOB!!!! I just can't handle that. Even if he is a millionaire, he has to get out of the house and volunteer his free time DOING SOMETHING. Go to the prisons and mentor juveniles--anything. Just get out of my sight for about 8-10 hours a day--like 5 days a week---- P-L-E-A-S-E!!!!

When you go to work and he is at home, he is out of your sight for 8-10 hours, so what is the problem

almondjoy:


After 6 months, he ceases to be cute. Na so so insult im go dey receive for my hand. Then by the time my family finishes with him, he would be in another continent far, far away. So if he does not want disgrace, he should just stay employed for I will be the first to report him for ruining my sex life. A jobless man, no matter how cute can never turn me on.

What your man needs is encouragement.
By the time you guys are married your family is no longer in the equation.
What about a man that does 3 jobs and barely has an hour for you and the kids

The man in question simply has a personality problem and he also feels inadequate.You never can tell the level of vexation in him that he is trying to spit out.he might have been a hardworking man until something goes wrong.all he needs is prayers and love from people a round.
But no matter what happens a man is still the head in this part of the wold

This matter can drag on till next year I see and I just do not have the energy to debate masculine joblessness.  A stay at home dad is not a job!!!! When I come back from work do I sit down and fold my hands?  No!  I jump in and do my share of the house work and take care of the family too.  So what is the problem?

efuah:

lol Militia. . . i thank God for my brother o u dey rock lady

That is why I am married to him.  You know your brother is special--the best husband there is.  Happy New abi na old year darling sis-in-law.

Dalby:

The golden rule in life is to never say never. When, you say never the forces that will work to prove to you that you did not create yourself. In the lords prayer we say "thy will be done".

Volunteer work is working most often without pay. For a man in this situation, that does not advanced his cause

Do not speak words that will stand in judgement against you

When you go to work and he is at home, he is out of your sight for 8-10 hours, so what is the problem



What your man needs is encouragement.
By the time you guys are married your family is no longer in the equation.
What about a man that does 3 jobs and barely has an hour for you and the kids

I do not want to see him at home on my day off.  To remind me of his joblessness or what?.   Encouragement ko! Encouragement Ni! Which type of work would a man do that he need to do 3 jobs?   I hope you realize that the "McDonald" days are over!  Just one job is all I ask not three!!!! Any man that needs to do three jobs to survive should just dig a grave and die because he will not live long.  Especially if he is over 40.  The main reason why people should choose career options wisely.  Instead of all these "Ofege" businessment justling from wharf to wharf clearing containers.


Please you guys should choose your partners well oh.  Don't come near babes like me. High maintenance!!!

my2cents:

Hmm. After marriage, do you belong to your respective families or to each other? Why air your dirty laundry? You attempt to solve your problems on your own and if that doesn't work out, you can (if you want) alert your respective families. However, letting one's family "deal" with the other spouse to me is out of the question. If that is the case, then they might as well be having sex with the 2 of you as well because when you expose each other, you are basically uncovering your respective unclothedness.

na wa o! Things done change for naija o (both on the man's and woman's side) and it is most likely thanks to "freedom" and "enlightenment". The same oyibo (who have a 50% divorce rate) we are desperately trying to copy are the same ones who have acknowledged that their ways were perhaps wrong and are trying to get back to traditional ways.

Sorry darling, that last thing my family will do is to sit back and watch a lazy man stay at home will I wrinkle away.  My darling 4 brothers who are gainfully employed will just crap all over him.   Because by the 6th month of "his joblessness" na ma papa house I see oooooooooooooh!!!   In Nigeria's culture, do we marry in vacuum?  You marry the whole family of course!!!!

I have said ma piece, just ma opinion.  We do not have to agree.  Just as most of you guys love "trust and Ebenezer Obey" females, I love men that have careers so we can save for retirement.  In this day and age, it takes 2 to keep the family going.  You save one pay check and use the other for your household.  With only one person working, the risks of finanacial ruin increase as the only working spouse has to work twice as hard to keep the family afloat.  That person is DEFINITELY not going to be me. And under no circumstances will I allow my husand to work 2 or 3 jobs while I sit my fat arse at home doing "madam stay at home mom"!!! 

Disgusting!!!!

great brains at work. . . .rob dem buddies. i love that

Militia na old year we dey. . . i still thank God for my BB

no matter what ! the man is still d head of the family even without money. but, it only depends on the way the man present himself to his wife and the children. if he was a responsible man when he was once bless with money, for sure his family will respect that in him despite the fact he is presently jobless.

We don hear oh!

Any jobless man that decides to sit his arse at home should prepare to make a prostitute out of his wife. When she brings home that "HUMVEE", he better not open his joblless mouth to ask where it came from.

Make una carry go.

Naija too like free things!

wow almond, u really hv it made

I can't speak for all women but I doubt many would not stoop so low as to sleep around to bring in the cash. Please note I didn't say "all". I said "many". That's the same as saying a man who has a woman who can't cook at home will end up spending more time with a woman outside who can.

There is a reason why the Bible says (paraphrase), "and the 2 shall become one". I seriously pray your marriage isn't that of convenience.

my2cents:

wow almond, u really hv it made

I can't speak for all women but I doubt many would not stoop so low as to sleep around to bring in the cash. Please note I didn't say "all". I said "many". That's the same as saying a man who has a woman who can't cook at home will end up spending more time with a woman outside who can.

There is a reason why the Bible says (paraphrase), "and the 2 shall become one". I seriously pray your marriage isn't that of convenience.

The fact that I prefer a working male spouse does not mean I would trivialize the reasons of my getting married.  I cannot handle a jobless man.  Thank you for your understanding.  I did not get married to him because I needed a babysitter or a chef.  I married him for emotional and financial stability.

What you fail to realize is that it takes 2 to keep the family going.  Yes, they become one, but they will easily become 2 or 4---with many willing cheating partners to bail your wife or husband out of financial ruin if that paycheck shrinks to one income. Both of you become beggars!!!!

Tell me where in any part of the world that most families survive with one income.  It is not the norm.  Joblessness should not be a chronic condition.  I can understand medical conditions or cases of ill-health. 

My preference ok?  Deal with yours.

It is fast becoming a trend for Nigerian men to blackmail women with marriage while they are ill prepared to take on the responsibilities of a family. Most of them lack proper work etiquette. The amazing part of it is that most women will fall for that trick --- ALL FOR A RING ON THE FINGER!!! Most will marry a jobless man and pay for the weddings, cars and housing all in the name of marriage. The height of desparation.

Any man without a reputable work history is a financial risk. You cannot even try that abroad. Otherwise, most Nigerian ladies will end up like Whitney Houston. Paying handsome palimonies to ugly lazy husbands. Now she can't get rid of him, because it is cheaper for keep him even when the marriage is not worth saving.

Same goes for women. I do not believe in "spousal support". Both spouses should be gainfully employed. More respect that way.

I can never find myself in that situation. May the good Lord forbid bad thing.

To those who can deal with such a mess, all I can say is a big "goodluck"!!!! I am not mad at you at all. But when you find yourself in a bind many years to come from now, please do not eat up my "taxes" with your "welfare" requirements--to take care of your family!!!!!!

almond,

Yep, different strokes for different folks. However, no condition is permanent and though I don't wish you any ill will, u should heed what someone said to you up top, because u never know. Thatz all I am saying.

my2cents:

almond,

Yep, different strokes for different folks. However, no condition is permanent and though I don't wish you any ill will, u should heed what someone said to you up top, because u never know. Thatz all I am saying.

I am happy we are agreeing on the same thing. Anything more than 6 months of unemployment becomes a "permanent" condition. I do not deal with men without jobs! Never have and never will. The reason we are both in the medical field! Not some "businessman or businesswoman shit". Please you guys should learn to study marketable courses while you are in school. Unfortunately, Nigeria is a place where many graduates are unemployed or unemployable. When you go and study something like Botany and Zoology in Africa, what do you expect? I can never marry such a man.

Yes, no condition is permanent. But for you to plan, you must learn to make wise choices in life. I am so glad I do not have to be faced with such a problem. Like I said, I can only excuse medical reasons for joblessness. No other excuses need come near my ears.

I have set my standards and I live by them. You set yours and live by them.

almond,

i c u miss my point (being) there are things you can't plan for. Not even Alan Greenspan, as good as he was, could plan for it all. But on that note, letz just agree to disagree.

my2cents:

almond,

i c u miss my point (being) there are things you can't plan for. Not even Alan Greenspan, as good as he was, could plan for it all. But on that note, letz just agree to disagree.

Excuse me?

What exactly is your point?   That the jobless man should take his sweet time to find employment--while I use up our life savings?  Please, if one door closes, you find another.  Unless you are cursed!

I myself cannot tell what the future holds.  But there is always a way out.  Hardworking men always find a way out. Lazy ones will always come up with all kinds of excuses.  Just as it took you to start a family and make children with mouths to feed,  you must always have alternatives. What if something happens to the wife too and she also loses her job?

Only a foolish person puts all his or her eggs in one basket.  Part of your planning should be in making alternatives so you are not caught unawares. 

I prefer 2 paychecks in a house thank you!  I can hire a nanny or a chef.  And that is not my husband--May God forbid!

What exactly is your point.

Hmmm, letz read my post again, or at least part of it:

there are things you can't plan for

my2cents:

Hmmm, letz read my post again, or at least part of it:

Fine!  Your wife can lose her job too and then both of you can decide to be partners in prostitution!   Then you can also rent out your underage kids to hawk pure water on the streets while they all quit school and go into the family business.  Live your life in a game of chance.  Like Bill Gates did that abi? What do you tell your children?   Like it is their business that you lost your job.

I read your post clearly.  Wise people plan and seek alternatives.  Foolish people play the game of chance with their lives and hope for the best.  I choose to be in the former category. I limit the chances of being unemployed that way. Only people that do not think remain unemployed for more than six months. Before it happens, most already have a plan--because you are a responsible adult and you have children to take care of----AS THE SO CALLED HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD!!!

Goodluck!

eh? The bible says the two shall become one but still one go rule on the other?

How can one rule on himself?

Is a man the head of his home, YES

Is a jobless man,actively looking for employment  the head of his home, YES


Is an irresponsible,abusive and jobless man,watching Jerry springer and playing ludo the head of his home, The jury is out on that one