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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Need Answers From Married People Only! (15854 Views)
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Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by modele2: 6:05pm On Oct 21, 2012 |
salt 1: There are many things the poster didn't tell us. Has he told the wife how much he earns? Many men hide this info and expect the woman to understand. Your hoarding this info from her can make her suspect that you are paid so highly and you want to collect the peanuts she is earning to add to yours. This is one point..Thank you! @ poster ..On another note, from your post i gathered that your wife did not say NEVER, she only said it was not mandatory, the issue here is the noise you are making about it. If i were you, dont plan too much with her money in mind. If you reach a tight corner ask her nicely, dont insist. If she gives fine, if she dosent fine. People are from differen backgrounds. I know women who have been recieving for years , they itch to give back to the family. Give do what you are supposed to do, she would do her own quota with time. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by dayokanu(m): 6:50pm On Oct 21, 2012 |
Like a previous poster said maybe she wld start when you work yourself to stroke or you are sacked from work |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by sunkyshow(m): 8:23pm On Oct 21, 2012 |
@modele2, sorry, d noise has to be made loud! Though my wife accepted she wont sitdown and watch me do all d spending, that she wil suport wit her earnings BUT I SHOULDNT MAKE IT MANDATORY! fine, my concern is dat, wot if there's a need in the house/project and she DOESNT FEEL like contributing though she have d money bt not willing dat moment to respond? so its all my problem? or bcoz marriage is abt "one man gang"? 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by EfemenaXY: 9:11pm On Oct 21, 2012 |
^^ Why are you so worried about your wife's earnings? I'm up for women helping out in the home, but your stance portrays you as a person who sees women as beasts of burden once they get married. Has it crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU??!! |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by dayokanu(m): 12:25am On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma? You mean once a woman gets married she stops all form of financial responsibilities? Before she was married, she was paying her own rent, taking care of stuff, she decided to have a family then why cant the responsibilities continue? at least that was why she got an education or training in the first place Or when you dont trust your husband, you stop all responsibilities to even your own children, pay your own fair share of the rent of where you live, food you eat, clothes you wear and the life you currently live |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by adorable29(f): 6:17am On Oct 22, 2012 |
spyder880: Pardon my dissenting voice but I think a responsible man should look at the marriage with an eye of total responsibility for ALL financial expenses in the house, very hard but possible, while the wife takes care of every other thing that does not involve bringing in money. The responsible man should note that this is his God assigned obligation and should not shy away from it.oh my God! What a man! All ds oda "men" should clear d road! A real man is talking! 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by jaybee3(m): 7:39am On Oct 22, 2012 |
So if the maths don't add up then i ain'tba real man. Na real wa So what should she be spending her money on supposing we both earn roughly the same or either party earns slightly more? What do i know, i could have sworn marriage is meant to be a partnership |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Nimshi: 8:08am On Oct 22, 2012 |
JallowBah: And you'll certainly find an easy replacement, eh? I'd accept your 'kick him out' statement as mild joke. Of course, the man ought to offer his support; he ought to play his part. But here's the hint of the post you responded to: there're traditional tasks for the woman in the home; all things given, the woman ought to take responsibility for these things; taking responsibility does not always necessarily mean she would have to execute them; but it means that she takes the 'blame' when they're not. My position is that it is important for the woman to financially contribute to the running of the home, and that this means she ought to have income independent of the man. The rest fo the details can be sorted. That means the woman ought to reject any arrangement that would rob her of the means of earning independent income. . |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by JallowBah(f): 8:28am On Oct 22, 2012 |
dayokanu: ^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma? Exactly. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by JallowBah(f): 8:31am On Oct 22, 2012 |
Nimshi: If your read what I said, I actually said that these kind of issues tend to pop up before marriage, which means I would have kicked him out even before we got married. Long time before. Luckily, my husband was raised traditionally, with the woman taking care of everything in the house and the field, picking water 10km from the house, etc. He said he dont want his wife to have the burden of everything on her. He cooks, he cleans, he put the baby to sleep. He do laundry, he hangs up the laundry, and do everything WITH me. And I am damn lucky to have a man like that. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by JallowBah(f): 8:32am On Oct 22, 2012 |
jay bee: So if the maths don't add up then i ain'tba real man. Na real wa You should both contribute to the household, both financially, and physically. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Claus(m): 10:01am On Oct 22, 2012 |
adorable29: oh my God! What a man! All ds oda "men" should clear d road! A real man is talking! Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I can't stop laughing. Everybody now has their own definition of a real man! So a real man is the one who believes the wife's role is to "clean, wash, scrub and arrange all items in the house" amongst other DOMESTIC things. This deserves another round of laughter..hahahahahahahahahahahahaha So Bill Clinton, Dennis Thatcher, Barrack Obama, Ikemba Iweala etc are/were not real men. Abeg, add me to this list of "unreal" men! 3 Likes |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by EfemenaXY: 11:26am On Oct 22, 2012 |
dayokanu: ^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma? I'll tell you what I mean, going by this guy's latest post: sunky-show: Point 1: His wife has conceded that she'll support him where she can but he musn't make it a do or die affair. Get it? She's NOT ADVERSE TO HELPING! Point 2: And this is why the more I read this guy's posts, the more I seem to dislike him. He's keen to make sure she contributes or rather hands over everything she's got to him for HIS "projects". Sounds like this guy wants to buy some piece of land and probably build a house on it or something. Now Dayo, you tell me this, hand on heart...HOW MANY NIGERIAN MEN BUILD HOUSES WITH THEIR WIFE'S NAME ON THE TITLE DEEDS?? This point kind of counteracts your point about the woman stopping all financial responsibilities to her kids. This guy didn't ask her about paying the kiddies school fees! He's hounding her to contribute to HIS projects, by fire-by-force. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by beqs101(f): 12:24pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
A woman who is working shouldn't have any problem supporting her husband. U should make your wife know you can't shoulder all the responsibilities and will need a little help from her. However,you shouldn't make it look it's compulsory but rather,contributing to building a better future.. Women should quit thinking that,their money is just for themselves alone. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by WhyAWhy(m): 12:45pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^^ Does she even need to be told. You're presenting it like she came to spend the weekend. This is family and it's not one person's project! |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by sunkyshow(m): 3:20pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
@Efemena, sorry, i think u are off d point from ur last comment, using d "do or die" issue here. she's a wife I sponsored financially in every of her needs. no doubt! The reason why i threw d question out to evry1 is abt wot she(wife) referred to as "if i feel like/voluntary" in her opinion. I believe marriage is all about partnership where couples admits to face any challenges/situation TOGETHER, Giving eachother a sense of some level of commitment, i mean(we into any situation together in evry aspect). Using such statement like "if i feel like" doesnt show togetherness. dnt knw if u get me? For your info Efemena, i'm nt runing after building a house nw bcoz i already have(Glory be to God) and as i have said earlier i dnt ask her for any kobo perhaps she tells me abt her earning without me asking her. THAT'S THE TRUTH! Hey, u said u r begining to dislike me because i asked a question? aint i entitled to my opinion? and i believe everyone has learn one or two things on this thread. mayb u r taking it personal here Many Thanks to Everyone, Cheers |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Claus(m): 3:52pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^^ Excellent response to round up with! |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by EfemenaXY: 4:02pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
sunky-show:Nope, I don't take anything on an anonymous, faceless forum personal. It's interesting you mention the words "partnership" and "togetherness" in your post. So tell me this (truthfully), is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of the house you built? Or is it just in your name? |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by dayokanu(m): 6:26pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: I'll tell you what I mean, going by this guy's latest post: In most cases where Families come to interfere after a mans death is when he doesnt have children or worst case Son. But even that is in the minority nowadays.. That HIS Project, When completed, would the man live there alone? If the man completes "HIS" house as you put it, Would the woman live there? WOuld her children live there? Wouldnt she be paying rent if she was alone? What are the types of responsibilities a woman should decline in a family she calls hers which include her own husnband and children whenever she doesnt "Trust" her husband? Maybe they should continue living in a rented house and not bother getting a property because she doesnt Trust the husband. I think the wife can demand her name be included on the deed of the house if she isnt sure but From what I have seen several women post on here and their definition of a "REAL MAN" I know the wife is probably from the school of thought where she thinks all responsibilities fall on the man. So if the man has money for only Rice but she has money she can add to put meat on it, She should rather keep her money and eat rice without meat because she doesnt trust the husband. If the Husband can only pay for Mushin Comminity School but with the wifes addtion the kids can attent Queens College, She should keep her money and send the kids to Mushin Area College. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by WhyAWhy(m): 7:30pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^ I tire oh I thought by getting married, what one hand can't conveniently carry alone can be done with two hands working together |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by nggold: 7:59pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
@ Dayo, i dont know if you are married. In case you are and this your arguement is working for you, then Goodluck. However if you are not, i suggest you mellow down, change your mindset, pray to God to bless your handiwork so as to take up your God's given responsiblity irrespective of how much your wife is making. In such a way you can live a happy and contented life. I said all these because i have noticed anytime the issue of money is mentioned between couple, you are quick and eager to blame women on why is obligatory they must contribute in their household. (take note, it is good to contribute, but please dont force it) This is an advise. 2 Likes |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by dayokanu(m): 8:30pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^ Should it be obligatory for the husband to also contribute to the upkeep of the family? I believe in equality in marriage So anyone that believes that must If you are for equality in benefits, you should be for equality in responsibility 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by sunkyshow(m): 9:39pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
@Efemena, fyi, i already have a house b4 we started courtship. howeva, am very much interested in her career n future plans. WE TRUST OURSELVES 100% IN EVERY ASPECT. Pls try understand my point here. AM TRYING TO KNOCK OUT D "MENTALITY" of " IF I FEEL LIKE/VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION" in her statement. In my Opinion, such statement shouldnt b mentioned in marriage at all .Thats y i said i BELIEVE marriage is all about "partnership & Togetherness", ] @Dayo said: If you are for equality in benefits, you should be for equality in responsibility. My Own take, D husband shoud do more in d financial responsibilities and d wife should erase d "if i like " mentality. Thanks |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by EfemenaXY: 11:36pm On Oct 22, 2012 |
^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you. Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property?? A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Nobody: 1:22am On Oct 23, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you. @Efe if I may ask with all due respect; what has that got to do with you if the wife's name is on the deed or not? you've already made your point that its not compulsory (do or die) for a woman to drop money and men should not mandate it and that's the main point of this thread, let me tell you if any of my brothers wife sit down at home or even work without any contribution to my brothers success I'm assuring you her name will not be on that deed, it's just common sense, he's a human being too with other responsibilities before he met her, he has a goal in life besides having a family too like she does ! what a man can do a woman can do better so why the shallow mentality that the man should do it all? I don't care whatever you call it support or help she must help especially if she wants to live right and not be waiting for a man's salary before she can go grocery shopping or for the kids and use her own money for herself only. But if the guy is a yahoo yahoo, thief or fraud of course she can sit her arse at home and do nothing and watch movie all day, I'm talking about hard working men with real jobs/ businesses. Now, If there's a thread about women are second class citizen because they do nothing , all women will carry gun and start to yap again. I can't believe what I'm reading here! once again ; is this a Gag section?? 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by dayokanu(m): 3:45am On Oct 23, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you. Efe, He said he already had the house before getting married to her. So basically she has zero contribution to building the house. Now tell me why her name should be on the deeds? 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by nggold: 10:00am On Oct 23, 2012 |
Let me make this clear; When a man expects that his wife MUST contribute finacially before he accomplishes things at home, then there is problem and when a woman expects that a man MUST assist in chores at home, then there is equally a problem. Peace out! 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Claus(m): 10:19am On Oct 23, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you. A simple "yes" or "no" would not suffice since there was a need to clarify the circumstances behind the purchase i.e. he bought it as a single guy. If there is/was a loan attached to the property, perhaps the poster can also give you a yes/no answer about whether his wife's name is included in the loan. Also, are you saying that if a couple do not retrospectively change the ownership of any tangible assets they had while they were single, then the concept of togetherness and partnership do not apply to them? NA WA O! This is really clutching at straws. The valid points that the poster made have been completely ignored. The new angle is now about the house he bought while he was single. Another question you could ask is how much the poster is supporting his wife through her Master's degree. But hey, the answer to that question may not sit too well with your argument. 1 Like |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by EfemenaXY: 1:48pm On Oct 23, 2012 |
jidegirl12: And I can't believe you've taken all this time and effort to respond to a post that wasn't directed to you. "With all due respect", my post was directed to @Poster. Not you. Claus: Again, this question wasn't directed at you either. You're intelligent enough to see where I'm heading at with my line of questioning. I want the @poster to come here, speak up for himself and define his concept of "togetherness", "partnership" and "trust" in marriage. If he does "trust" her so much like he declares, then what stops him from amending the title deeds to include the "love of his life". Does that not contradict the concept of sharing? What's wrong with including her name in it? Is she not the mother of his kids? Unless of course, you're indirectly telling us here that he doesn't trust her enough to extend ownership of what belongs to "him" to become "theirs"?? The word HYPOCRITE is being totally redefined on this thread! Yes, a simple "yes" or "no" should suffice. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Claus(m): 2:33pm On Oct 23, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: It's an open forum. People respond to whatever they want to. A simple "yes" or "no" will not suffice and is certainly not fair where someone has the chance to explain their own point while the other is just supposed to answer yes/no to closed questions! The word hypocrite is being redefined on this thread to mean what exactly? If trust is your defining word, then who makes the request for someone to go back and change title deeds. Is it the person that trusts, or the one suffering from a lack of trust. One of your first posts insinuates that his wife doesn't trust him. It's now gone full circle to insinuate that HE doesn't trust her. I'm out with my responses, but curiousity will make me keep coming back to read where you land on this carousel. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by Nobody: 2:54pm On Oct 23, 2012 |
Claus: Seconded. |
Re: I Need Answers From Married People Only! by sunkyshow(m): 8:02pm On Oct 23, 2012 |
@Efemena, NO. so pls answer my question |
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