femi4: I m afraid the guy is here on nairaland...and he's reading this thread.

darmie x: RUN RUN RUN. it will never change, don't kid yourself. any relationship without trust would not work. it will soon degenerate to him picking your calls, scanning through your call logs to know who you discussed with and what you discussed. truth is, the deep seated mistrust is actually a sign of other problems; he is a control freak etc. the moment you marry him, he will probably ask you to change your phone number.

salt 1: Follow ur gut instinct. In many cases, ur instincts are right.
I know that women marry men hoping they will change. They rarely do. Men marry women hoping they won't change but women change.
Invite him to a neutral place and tell him freely your fears abt him and that u are even thinking of calling off the marriage cos u're scared of living with a jealous control freak. Promise to assist him work on this. his reaction will help u decide.
Don't throw away a relationship cos of challenges. The next man may not be any better

jp philips:



lol, funny enough it took you nearly 3 decades to realize that your sexual orientation aka virginity count for nothing in the real world.

how i wished you skipped the bold parts in your post, it shows you have a mindset that you are a trophy that should be treated better than anyone else, implying you don't deserve his paranoia.
Nonsense!!!!!
DOUBT IF YOU KNOW THAT W.H,O.R,E.S WERE ONCE VIRGINS LOL,

Chrisbenogor: @OP
Every relationship is doomed to fail or to succeed. No advice here should make you end your relationship you need to sit down, think and try to make this work.
Let me first say this asides from that he is paranoid I think he cares enough to be paranoid, that's a positive. If you have not grilled him about his past then you need to do that now, not in an interrogatory way but more like a "I want to know what your story " way. You also need to learn to tailor your reactions to these things to work to your advantage, instead of surprise and disgust try laughing and reassuring.

I am saying all this because we all have one baggage or the other, I do not believe in condemning a relationship because of one problem. Sit with him, have this talk and make him understand you do not expect him to change overnight, but you would by your actions be willing to help him work through it. At some point he will cross the line and fully trust you, there are jealous people in the world who still have very good marriages. If you think he is worth it then you need to tackle the issue instead of sit back and expect him to "change" overnight.

Work on your relationship, not many people have got what you have.

Odinaka00:

Lol this guy might even βξ a member on nairaland o, he might even βξ reading all these comments sef lol

member_126910:

I didn't say it to assume that I deserve any special treatment. I only put it there to highlight his response to this. My assumption is that most people would initially think "Minimum baggage", not "There must be something - Are you gay?". I agree that I'm not a saint, but it doesn't follow reason.

you can be saying that to sexkillz not me.

first, what has your being a virgin for 25yrs got to do with an insecure man that wants to marry you?

Did you think that keeping yourself will definitely change the paranoia of the guy?

lets start form there if you can make the connection.

jp philips:

you can be saying that to sexkillz not me.

first, what has your being a virgin for 25yrs got to do with an insecure man that wants to marry you?

Did you think that keeping yourself will definitely change the paranoia of the guy?

lets start form there if you can make the connection.

member_126910:

This is wisdom. I have asked questions myself, and he has been very honest. At least he hasn't hidden who he was from me. The thing is that we have had many such conversations, and he always says verbally that he trusts me, but his actions don't show it. Mind you, he is improving continually, and I'm of the belief that we are all imperfect, and we all need to understand each others faults. I don't mind this, but I don't wan't to be faced with a situation that could cost my life for nothing.

If he is, then this is a good then because at least he can see the public opinion on the issue. So that it's not just me saying. So if you have hacked my nairaland account as well, babe - HELLO! :-)

Chrisbenogor: @OP
Every relationship is doomed to fail or to succeed. No advice here should make you end your relationship you need to sit down, think and try to make this work.
Let me first say this asides from that he is paranoid I think he cares enough to be paranoid, that's a positive. If you have not grilled him about his past then you need to do that now, not in an interrogatory way but more like a "I want to know what your story " way. You also need to learn to tailor your reactions to these things to work to your advantage, instead of surprise and disgust try laughing and reassuring.

I am saying all this because we all have one baggage or the other, I do not believe in condemning a relationship because of one problem. Sit with him, have this talk and make him understand you do not expect him to change overnight, but you would by your actions be willing to help him work through it. At some point he will cross the line and fully trust you, there are jealous people in the world who still have very good marriages. If you think he is worth it then you need to tackle the issue instead of sit back and expect him to "change" overnight.

Work on your relationship, not many people have got what you have.

mbatuku2: Have you complained to him how his behaviours make you feel?

I'm thinking you're sending out vibes that make him doubt your faithfulness, if so work on that too.

sauceEEP: u've said my mind. I just can't believe that some people are here advicin her to cal it quits.smh @op work on ur relationship and seek Gods direction. Dn't forget that the devil u knw may be better than the angel u dn't knw.

member_126910:
Even though I was a virgin at 25 when we met, I have had previous boyfriends…
He admits that he has had several partners before me, and also that he had never been 100% faithful to any one of them…
The funny thing about this is that the day he told me that he had never been faithful to anyone before (even in a 5 year relationship that he was in - he said the lady cheated, so he cheated for revenge)….

member_126910:
Yet, I do not try to grill him in the same way. I do not assume that he is cheating when anything happens, if he doesn't answer his phone immediately….
Recently, I found out that he has (without my knowledge), not just hacked into my Twitter account but also set up his phone to receive an alert whenever anyone mentions me or sends me a message on Twitter. This is not just a hack which lets you log into my Twitter. This is an alert like a text message. This means that wherever he is, whatever he is doing, he wants to know what who contacts me on Twitter. He does have a Twitter account but isn't interested in anything I have to say and so he isn't following me. Rather he is interested in the private messages I get, and what messages people send me.

member_126910:

It doesn't help also that he is very cunning. On one occasion, I invited him to church with me, he pretended he wasn't coming, dropped me off at the station, and immediately followed me on the train back to church to see…….

The ironic thing is that early this year, I met a guy on the plane, who can be desribed as a ladies man. This man stared at me for the entire duration of the 6-hour flight, at the end of which he stopped me to chat me up. I initially thought he recognised me from somewhere, but when it seemed he just wanted to chat a girl up, I told him I was married and walked away. I narrated this to my fiance, and by pure coincidence 3 months later, it turned out the same guy in question was dating my fiance's cousin, and had narrated the incident to her as well, confirming my story in public!.....

Lyzbet: @op, dnt even think of marryin him, its just goin 2 degenerate in marriage. Be sure that if u marry him u r gonna b restricted 4m family n friends completely. U r still in a relatnshp n he is monitorin u dat much. Wat he is doin is called 'RELATIONSHIP ABUSE'. You can look it up online n read more bout it. U wuld neva b happy in a marriage dat u were unhappy durin courtin.
Talk 2 an older n mature person (someone u can confide in) in ur family bout wats goin on, preferably either of ur parents or an aunt or uncle etc.
Marriage is a lifelong agreement. If d foundatn is weak, it can NEVER stand

member_126910:

We have talked about it several times. I don't have any male friends, apart from 2 guys who are part of a school group whom I see once a year during our annual reunion (we have always met as part of a big group of guys & girls). I don't talk to these guys on the phone, however I comment on their facebook statuses from time to time and vice versa. I do talk to several guys on Twitter - but not personal stuff. If they say something that interests me I'll comment. I don't flirt, so I'm confused about what vibes I might be sending.