This question troubles me a lot as I am English (mixed race),and married to an Igbo man. He is the best,and we are in love.

Sometimes I worry that he will tire of a wife who does not speak his mother tongue. I would also love to be able to talk to his family in Igbo and not English. In other ways I embrace the culture by cooking the food, wearing the traditional dress etc.

More Igbo man wahala.

Is it only Igbo men that get into these kinds of situations--on Nairaland or are they the most desirable?

To answer your question.

Dear poster, a man is a man.  If he is tired of your arse---for whatever reason he can conjure---he does not look back.  He might still come back like the dog he is to "sniff" at you once in a while if you let him of course.  I think most woman face the same problems too----irrespective of the nationality of the man they deal with on an individual basis.  So concentrate on making the best of your marriage while it is important to do so and let tomorrow worry about itself.  Just have a back up plan that's all--a perfect getaway plan and package, as you would do with any other man from any other race or country in this planet.

Goodluck!

yvskc:

This question troubles me a lot as I am English (mixed race),and married to an Igbo man. He is the best,and we are in love.
Sometimes I worry that he will tire of a wife who does not speak his mother tongue.
I would also love to be able to talk to his family in Igbo and not English. In other ways I embrace the culture by cooking the food, wearing the traditional dress etc.

I think you are asking for too much at a time.  You should have thought about all these before marrying this "Igbo of a Man"!!!

Just relax ok?

yvskc:

This question troubles me a lot as I am English (mixed race),and married to an Igbo man. He is the best,and we are in love.
Sometimes I worry that he will tire of a wife who does not speak his mother tongue.
I would also love to be able to talk to his family in Igbo and not English. In other ways I embrace the culture by cooking the food, wearing the traditional dress etc.

The only worry here is self-inflicted. It does not matter if you cant speak the language or not . . . most of my family are igbo and i cant speak the language . . . my dad has never spoken igbo in his life yet his marriage is still going strong. My aunt is yoruba like me and her mother-in-law likes her all the same despite the fact that she needs her husband to interprete for her in the village.

Bottomline, if ur husband loves you enough to make a life with you then he's not likely to push u out because of a mere language.
Enjoy ur marriage.

[b]^{ANOTHER LEILAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!} [/b]

thank you for the replies people. almond joy don't you know that Igbo men make the best husband material? Even Yoruba women tell me that. I hear what you are saying about worry being self inflicted, wahala from me,not him. I need no back up plan.
I am catholic,my marriage has no get- out clause. If it fails then I am still married to him regardless of whether we are physically together.I worry because I believe that when you love someone you should want the best for them
TY for the advice


Is it only Igbo men that get into these kinds of situations--on Nairaland or are they the most desirable?

. Just have a back up plan that's all--a perfect getaway plan and package, as you would do with any other man from any other race or country in this planet.

YVSK! meet ur sister!!! in same boat

Leilah:

YVSK! meet your sister!!! in same boat

you and YVSKC are not in the same boat. she is married to an igbo man you are married to an igbo beast. Huge gulf there.

Well hope it works out for you. its not going to work for me. I have been told on this forum that I am being used for papers and I guess its true. Just living a lie.

Leilah:

Well hope it works out for you. its not going to work for me. I have been told on this forum that I am being used for papers and I guess its true. Just living a lie.

awwwwww

yvskc:

thank you for the replies people. almond joy don't you know that Igbo men make the best husband material?

Even Yoruba women tell me that. I hear what you are saying about worry being self inflicted, wahala from me,not him. I need no back up plan.

I am catholic,my marriage has no get- out clause. If it fails then I am still married to him regardless of whether we are physically together.I worry because I believe that when you love someone you should want the best for them
TY for the advice

Is it only Igbo men that get into these kinds of situations--on Nairaland or are they the most desirable?

. Just have a back up plan that's all--a perfect getaway plan and package, as you would do with any other man from any other race or country in this planet.

Yes! I guess you are right.  I gatz a super Igbo man at home too and I think they make the best husbands too.  And boy can they cook or what?   It looks like most have "cooked" for Oyinbo people during the war.  Even better than Calabar men.   You are a lucky woman I say.

As for when you love someone---you tend to want the best for them.  True but I want the best for myself first before him.  Think of yourself first always honey.  Goodluck!

4Him:

you and YVSKC are not in the same boat. she is married to an igbo man you are married to an igbo beast. Huge gulf there.

he he he he he he he he he he he he!

_{Wondering the difference between man and beast!}

TY again almondjoy, leilah and 4him. Leilah I have to say my brother is right I am not in the same boat as you, nor would I like to be. I do put myself first as AJ quite rightly stated. I love my man but before him and me come our child and if I am unhappy then the child will be unhappy right?
My Igbo man is a King and as such he treats me like a Queen,he would never lay a hand on me, and I would never tolerate that.
I know it's not easy when you are in the situation but wise up and get out I say.
A beast he is and a beast he will stay.Unfortunately some black men that are married to white ladies are unable to respect them in the same way that they would a black woman. I know, my parents are mixed and my father has now re-married to a black lady who he has much higher regard for.
That's how I'm unlike you too, I may be 'English' but I am a (mixed race) black woman.
Almondjoy my man can cook! He tells me that if we were at home his mother would flog him for cooking for me all the time,and that she would want me to cook all his meals. I cook too,but my husband only EVER wants to eat naija food.I can cook some but not as well as him, and the Jamaican food I cook well,he does eat it but not all the time.He is a real back home boy!

@Poster, if he treats you like a Queen that u are - then whats the problem?
If he wanted a woman that spoke his language, cooked the food, then he would have married one.

4Him:

you and YVSKC are not in the same boat. she is married to an igbo man you are married to an igbo beast. Huge gulf there.

Lol
Oh my days.

I think you are right. The reason that I was concerned is that whenever we go to a party or his town meeting etc his friends and family are all married to Igbo people and they are able to converse without changing to English.
Whenever I go to Nigeria his family treat me so well,but they always change to English and interpret for his parents who do not speak English so well.
They do not make me feel like an outsider but there is a limit to how involved I can become when I do not understand Igbo.
I see how excited he becomes when he is with his town guys and they laugh and shout and I don't understand a word of what is going on! His father has told him times without number to teach me Igbo but so far all he has taught me is Kedu which I picked up on my own!

An outsider is an outsider! Akata is Akata! no matter what what the colour or mix may be.  I know of plently of naija men who treat their wives like shit, some of their wives are white but some are also black so its an individual thing. Love and I mean TRUE love has no boundaries.

You are absolutely right Leilah that true love holds no boundaries which is why we are able to meet and love men from outside our culture. I didn't mean to offend you in any way.I just say it the way I see it.
In London where I have been born and bred I have come to know many Nigerians (mostly yoruba until marrying my Igbo),through friendships,work,etc.
I cannot claim the same as you that plenty of the men treat their women badly.If you saw this aspect in naija men why attatch yourself to one?
I'm not criticizing you as I'm not in your shoes but the thing that drew me toward my husband in the first place was how well he and his friends treated their women.
The respect shown is enormous.I believe this is mostly due to the strong spiritual life these men lead in general. If you love God then it should not be possible to hurt the one you love.
An outsider I may be but I know that being black helps,it's like something in common from the start if you like.We have experienced a lot of the same things because of our skin colour,like racism.I know you can experience that too,I have an Irish mother who suffered a lot in London in the 60's.
If you want to be with a decent Nigerian man rather than the one who treats you so badly it's never late,remember the majority ARE good.You were unlucky.
By the way I said I didn't believe in divorce because I am catholic but there are certain instances where I believe you should be able to leave that marriage such as domestic violence.You only have one life to lead,why give it to someone else to trash?
Peace

@ topic,

You have done everything a good wife can do or will do for a man she loves. As long as u have embraced his culture and tradition, which is number 1, u have also learnt to cook the local food. How much more can a man ask for.

He know u don’t speak his language b4 he married so why worry ursef that he will get tired of u? Keep doing wat u do and remain positive . . . and all will be fine!

ty chychy and busta, your words are wise and right.
I am otherwise very happy in my marriage and know that I am a lucky woman

Yvskc, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulder. Challenges will come, as in any every marriage. But that attitude will stand you in good stead.

Good luck and best wishes.

babes, i am igbo and dont even speak a word of it, well im mixed, spent most of ma time in n out of english schools

since ur so keen on learning d lang, just stay and listen, quite frankly, u mite neva get to speak it witout sounding like a retard,
but hearing and understanding is do-able trust me, i know,

i reckon ur just taking panadol for another mans headache,
if he's not bothred and his folks are cool, den y d heck are u so paranoid bout it?

There are obviously not expecting to you to do more than is required, if dey did, trust me, an igbo mother-in-law would be the first to let u know, Dat m much is for sure

@poster

Yes, Nigerian man can be happy with an English wife! You are awesome lucky to have Igbo husband who cares and cherishes you very much as well as your family-in-law in Nigeria does love you too- - - completely different from Leliah!!!

May your marriage be blessing eternity!

My wife she's a what and we have been together for seven years with no problem, despite that she never speak English, so what matters is the love for each other that count.

@poster
U don't have a problem, u are just worrying over nothing. The only thing u need do is pray cos both good & bad things needs prayers.

No need to worry, love is stronger than all.

ruudgal:

babes, i am igbo and don't even speak a word of it, well im mixed, spent most of ma time in n out of english schools

since your so keen on learning d lang, just stay and listen, quite frankly, u mite never get to speak it witout sounding like a retard,
but hearing and understanding is do-able trust me, i know,

i reckon your just taking panadol for another mans headache,
if he's not bothred and his folks are cool, den y d heck are u so paranoid bout it?

There are obviously not expecting to you to do more than is required, if dey did, trust me, an igbo mother-in-law would be the first to let u know, Dat m much is for sure

Mixed as in Hausa/Yoruba or Bini/Efik ? Who will not claim to be igbo again here!! In and out of English schools in Nigeria or outside Nigeria? small children of nowadays


@topic
Pay more attention to your family and leave all those old women giving you advice here because a good wife does not spend all her time on internet forums. If you had not stated that he took you to Nigeria to meet his parents, they would've told you to run away from him!

Egusi soup, pounded yam or Kedu is not what a man needs!! A man needs 24hrs support of the wife and vice versa

You are right if she did not tell people, nobody will give her those bad advises.

ty again people for your reassurance etc
@ Romeo I may want advice from those willing to give but there is no way I would take it if they are telling me to run away from my husband
In all the time I have been with my husband only one person has told him to leave me,that was before our marriage.
He said that it could not work and my husband cut him off totally.
We want to settle in Nigeria when retirement comes and I suppose I could always wait to learn it when I am living there permanently
Or live in blissful ignorance
For that reason I want my sons to be secondary schooled in Nigeria.So they can at least hear the language of their father.

Ride on lady!!! you sure deserve a happy home the above post is a manifestation of that

yvskc:

ty again people for your reassurance etc
@ Romeo I may want advice from those willing to give but there is no way I would take it if they are telling me to run away from my husband
In all the time I have been with my husband only one person has told him to leave me,that was before our marriage.
He said that it could not work and my husband cut him off totally.
We want to settle in Nigeria when retirement comes and I suppose I could always wait to learn it when I am living there permanently
Or live in blissful ignorance
For that reason I want my sons to be secondary schooled in Nigeria.So they can at least hear the language of their father.

In Igbo land we believe one thing, the righteous cannot be maltreated without the evildoer being punished.

No one will see see a woman with your kind of heart and reject or maltreat her just cos she cannot speak Igbo.
Like romeo said, you sure deserve a home.
You sure deserve peace cos I think you have a pure heart.
Bless your soul. Nnoooooooooooooooooooooo
Egbe bere, ugo bere, ndu mmiri, ndu azu

@ YVSKC


I am happy for you because God has blessed you with a good home, I guess your attitude to life is positive that is why positive comes your ways.

I am in the same boat or rather I am in a bigger boat than you, am a Nigeria (Yoruba man) and my woman is white we have being together for about 14 years now with 2 handsome boys and in all these years I have never raise my hands on her and I don’t see any reason why I should disrespect her at any time because doing so means I don’t have enough respect for myself.

I remember few years back she was trying to learn Yoruba language; I was so impress because that shows me that she really loves me. She has perfected the act of cooking and eating almost all Nigeria food. Come and see her with cow legs, shaki, orishirishi and fufu with okra soup.

We have tried all we could to get Yoruba books and interactive CD’s in Dutch language but to no avail, I was the one that advise her not to worry herself doing that any more because to me love is what really matters, love speaks all languages.

All my siblings are married to folks from our home town but it’s unbelievable that she (my woman) is my mum’s favorite daughter in-law, despite the fact that they both communicate through interpreters. My parent could see and feel how happy and contented I am, so that transcend the language barrier.

So my friend, don’t worry about the Igbo language, because action do speak louder than words.

thank u again romeo and faketan for your encouraging words.
I will always try my best to maintain a happy home.
@ crazyt congratulations on the success of your marriage.Your wife sounds like a lovely woman and I am sure that giving you two sons has helped to endear her to your mother,I know how much value is put on having a son!
I have always felt a strong connection to Africa and I truly believe that my roots lie in Nigeria because I feel so at home there. My baby boy is Chukwubuikem and God is the strength in my very happy marriage.

oh yeah, certainly, he would get loads of freaky times barring intrusion from the nigerian man's family!