Story of a friend...
She‘s been married now for almost five years with two kids. But her mother inlaw‘s menace seems to be what she can no longer handle. She yells at her and constantly scold her at any slightest provocation. This is fast demoralizing her cos she keeps doing her best to appease her but all to no avail.
Pls what else can she do?
She seriously needs advice.

OCTAVO: Story of a friend...
She‘s been married now for almost five years with two kids. But her mother inlaw‘s menace seems to be what she can no longer handle. She yells at her and constantly scold her at any slightest provocation. This is fast demoralizing her cos she keeps doing her best to appease her but all to no avail.
Pls what else can she do?
She seriously needs advice.

First question, is your friend daft? She has only been married 5 years yet she is caught in the same nonsense that generations before hers has more than shown to be a mistake when allowed.
I mean what is with the many useless stories of mother-in-laws doing this and that in people's marriages? Did you marry your in-laws or the man that came out of them? Even the Bible, which many of your pretend your follow, says a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two(man and woman WITHOUT FATHER AND MOTHER) shall become one. So what is with all the useless I-go-still-carry-my-in-laws-along-with-my-marriage nonsense stories??

Tell your friend that people are treated the way they allow themselves to be treated. This is what she wants and that is why she keeps getting it. Why complain?

I guess your mother in law is living with you.

If my ascertion is right,then you have to endure till she leaves(talk your husband into letting her go)

You have to talk to your husband about it. He must take a stand or else this will lead to something else

we can not do anything about it.. it's your life.. ask your husband to deal with the situation or forever remain silent.

So many small pikin threads opened up in the Family Section of recent.

~ What would you do if...

~ Which would you prefer, this or that...

~ Advice urgently needed from mature minds only...

~ It happened to a friend of a friend...

Mtcheeew!

Pele.. Be a good girl and she will not beat you again.

k2039: I guess your mother in law is leaving with you.

If my ascertion is right,then you have to endure till she leaves(talk your husband into letting her go)

If the husband does nothing, then what? Seriously, would you advice your own daughter to do this same, I mean if your own child were to find herself in similar situation?

Who is your husband supporting? You or your mother- in- law.

Answer d questn first and we will know what to advise.

Kobo! Ha ha ! what do you want her to do.... rude to her so they can cohort against her? Please be realistic and stop all the Americana BS!

jidegirl12: Kobo! Ha ha ! what do you want her to do.... rude to her so they can cohort against her? Please be realistic and stop all the Americana BS!

Grow a brain already and stop bringing America into most every discussion. If you have nothing substantial to say then ignore me please!!

Everything that does not fit in that tiny box of yours, you seem to think is "America" and so you don't deserve . . . that is your souls choice . . . . . not every Nigerian out there thinks as you do.

I will ignore you just like you've said I promise ..... you just drive me bonkers with your unrealistic posts ..... like someone already said to you..... you're just a kid and know nothing about marriage..... why I'm wasting my time talking to you beats me! Eesh!!

My tiny box Eh?.... you will be a different person if you have the opportunity to have a sneak peek what's in there..... you're tripping!

Kobojunkie:

First question, is your friend daft? She has only been married 5 years yet she is caught in the same nonsense that generations before hers has more than shown to be a mistake when allowed.
I mean what is with the many useless stories of mother-in-laws doing this and that in people's marriages? Did you marry your in-laws or the man that came out of them? Even the Bible, which many of your pretend your follow, says a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two(man and woman WITHOUT FATHER AND MOTHER) shall become one. So what is with all the useless I-go-still-carry-my-in-laws-along-with-my-marriage nonsense stories??

Tell your friend that people are treated the way they allow themselves to be treated. This is what she wants and that is why she keeps getting it. Why complain?

You are browsing with free MB i guess.

k2039: I guess your mother in law is leaving with you.

If my ascertion is right,then you have to endure till she leaves(talk your husband into letting her go)

If you mean “living,“ YES.

OCTAVO:
You are browsing with free MB i guess.

What has my browsing to do with this? Answer the question and stop fishing.

greatgod2012: Who is your husband supporting? You or your mother- in- law.

Answer d questn first and we will know what to advise.

The husband supports his wife. But he‘s just kinda weak atimes.

Since the general consensus on the matter was have the husband deal with his momma as opposed to her standing up for herself and OP has told us the husband is weak. . .what do you guys suggest she does now?

I am with Sisikill on this. What does your "friend" want?

OCTAVO:
The husband supports his wife. But he‘s just kinda weak atimes.

Can I then suggest that you mind your own business??

a) If the wife really hates what is going on IN HER MARITAL HOME she would act right, but since all she does is complain(which to me is daft) then she probably does not have enough of an issue with it

b) Since according to you, the husband is weak "atimes" then he also is probably not incensed enough to do anything about the situation, and since all wife does is complain and do nothing, then they are probably both OK with what is going on and so there is no need for you to open a thread on this issue.

The reason we are call em adults is that we assume that as individuals(even after marriage) they understand clearly that life is about making decisions and accepting the consequences that follow. In some cases not comfortable consequences but these decisions are key to living that fulfilled life one longs for. Apparently the woman in the picture is either daft or she really does not have that much of a problem with what is going on in her marriage.
At the end of the day, problems don't just "go away" on their own. Someone needs to do something and if the two people who could do something about the situation are UNWILLING(neither of them willing to do what needs to be done and accept whatever consequence that follows) then there is really no need for yet another daft thread on Nairaland please.

debrief08: I am with Sisikill on this. What does your "friend" want?

You know .... there are some very intricate situations about MIL and I think this is just one of them .... I just thank God.

Kobojunkie:

Can I then suggest that you mind your own business??

a) If the wife really hates what is going on IN HER MARITAL HOME she would act right, but since all she does is complain(which to me is daft) then she probably does not have enough of an issue with it

b) Since according to you, the husband is weak "atimes" then he also is probably not incensed enough to do anything about the situation, and since all wife does is complain and do nothing, then they are probably both OK with what is going on and so there is no need for you to open a thread on this issue.

The reason we are call em adults is that we assume that as individuals(even after marriage) they understand clearly that life is about making decisions and accepting the consequences that follow. In some cases not comfortable consequences but these decisions are key to living that fulfilled life one longs for. Apparently the woman in the picture is either daft or she really does not have that much of a problem with what is going on in her marriage.
At the end of the day, problems don't just "go away" on their own. Someone needs to do something and if the two people who could do something about the situation are UNWILLING(neither of them willing to do what needs to be done and accept whatever consequence that follows) then there is really no need for yet another daft thread on Nairaland please.

It beats me to know that daft people like this still exist. In this part of the world you have to learn human management and interpersonal relationship building, yelling and cursing your mother in law doesn't cut it but stooping low to conquer without tantrums and exhibition of immaturity.

Learn to manage her, talk or interact only when necessary, be calm and remain focus under pressure. Let your husband talk to his mother, never disrespect or malign her etc

@degis you've got too much time

Degis:

It beats me to know that daft people like this still exist. In this part of the world you have to learn human management and interpersonal relationship building, yelling and cursing your mother in law doesn't cut it but stooping low to conquer without tantrums and exhibition of immaturity.

Learn to manage her, talk or interact only when necessary, be calm and remain focus under pressure. Let your husband talk to his mother, never disrespect or malign her etc

Do you really believe as the typical Naija girl. . .the wife isn't doing all that already?!!

Do you think if she wasn't all of that already, this thread will exist?

Kobojunkie:

If the husband does nothing, then what? Seriously, would you advice your own daughter to do this same, I mean if your own child were to find herself in similar situation?

Then she has to endure.I expect her and her husband to have discussed if they were going to accommodate family members during their courtship.
So if she did agree then she just have to endure,and if otherwise she will have to remind her husband of that discussion and talk sense into his skull.

Degis:

It beats me to know that daft people like this still exist. In this part of the world you have to learn human management and interpersonal relationship building, yelling and cursing your mother in law doesn't cut it but stooping low to conquer without tantrums and exhibition of immaturity.

Learn to manage her, talk or interact only when necessary, be calm and remain focus under pressure. Let your husband talk to his mother, never disrespect or malign her etc

The problem with daft individuals like your person is that you pretend that tiny world in your head make up a significant part of the Whole world. There are so many Nigerian wives in Nigeria, and across the globe, who taken it on themselves to gain understanding of what it means to be in a marriage and they have gone on to use that new found understanding to not just their personal benefit but also to their benefit of their husbands and their children, and extended families.
But unfortunately rather than learn from those examples, people like you would rather continue to preach BONDAGE so you can continue to pretend your meaningless existence is all there is out there for all marriage Nigerians.

k2039:

Then she has to endure.I expect her and her husband to have discussed if they were going to accommodate family members during their courtship.
So if she did agree then she just have to endure,and if otherwise she will have to remind her husband of that discussion and talk sense into his skull.

She has probably endured this for the last 5 years. Your advice is that she endure for how many more years? The rest of her life? Can you as a human being endure something like that for that long or even longer?? Will you sincerely tell your own daughter to endure such a thing from ANYONE she is not even married to?

Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? If the husband can't do it, what is the wife? Shigidi?

i think i will blame the husband for allow this to continue...

free2ryhme: i think i will blame the husband for allow this to continue...

He is weak(according to the poster) so why is the woman not taking charge in this case? She is the one most affected and she is the one married to a weak man? Why is he to take all the blame?? isn't marriage in the Bible defined as 2 becoming(acting) as One?

Lol modified.

@Topic

The next time she finds herself being scolded by her MIL, all she has to do is call her MIL by her firs name e.g "Nkechi stop it, stop it or I swear one if us is leaving this house today and it is not me, don't you have a home to look after and a husband to feed? Do I look to you like someone who is desperate to stay married to your weak son? Ehen, be quiet. One more curse words from you and I will send you back to where you came from... Anu ofia"

He is weak ., he is weak!! Making excuses for a grown A$S adult! ..... he shoulda grown some balls before he married then ... nonsense !

She has a weak husband and she's playing the meek/respectful wife.
...NOTHING will change as long as it remains that way until someone stands up to the MIL...!
It will go on for as long as they both continue to allow and accept it.
Just like Kobo said...

people are
treated the way they allow
themselves to be treated.