Hi guys I've serious problem in my relationship. I Am A South African dating a Nigerian man who lives here in South Africa. Please Nigerian men help me understand how to be in a relationship with a man like him. He is very cultured, wants to be the man in the relationship sort of thing. South African men are very different from Nigerian men. I just want to know what to do to make this man happy because he means a lot to me and I live him very much. He doesn't seem to trust me and that's a huge problem. Any Nigerian man out there who can tell me what to do to make this man happy
I have trouble letting him talk about his problems and its affecting our relationship.
Any advice on how to be a great girlfriend and potential wife will be gladly appreciated.
Keep in mind that there is a 10 yr gap between him and myself and I'm not living with him.
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Which part of nigeria is you guy come from? Is he roruba,ibo or hausa?if youruba learn to,learn to prepare amala and ewedu soup,if ibo,learn to make akpuu and banger soup ,if hausa,learn to make tuwo and luruu soup. www.wabagricfarmblogspot.com

^^

@op
What exactly is the problem.. You haven't said anything in your post. The only way we can help is if you tell what exactly the problem is.

He's from South south. He says he's ukwauani

He's just very unresponsive. He doesn't talk about his feelings and now he's always moody. I don't know how to act around him. He says be wants a cultured woman. What dies that mean In Nigeria? What are Nigerian men like him looking for! He's well off nod living in South Africa.

Ok from what I gather, he's looking for a lady that's very well mannerd, not an extrovert, cooking, cleaning that kind of thing.
A woman that can keep a home.
Do you go out a lot? Hang out with friends and a lot of guys? If you do, reduce it or stop it. Make him breakfast, dinner. Keep a clean house. Do his laundry, dress well, not slutty..
And see where it goes, meanwhile, try to get it out of him what he wants exactly, don't nagg him, or try to force it out.
Ask him what his tribal women are like, from his respons pick one or two things and work on it.
Best of luck.

@ poster, u are hiding somtin from us. That is my brother from ukwuani land. Some one said maybe u go out alot, keep to many friends, maybe smoke. If u love him , then learn to play by his rules nd likes. Be dutiful.

You said he's always moody & unresponsive.I suppose he's got problems in his hands. But not opening up to you is a 'no-no' for me. I think you should sit and talk calmly abt the issue.I just hope he considers u a priority in his life,cos he might have future plans that excludes you. So,find out by communicating...don't go out of your way to please him in everything yet.

@ outrage : yeah I do go out and I have a few friends. He insists that I go out with him but he never has the time. He's always working and so busy all the time. That's why I end up going by myself and then he gets very upset.

@ifykns : I'm nit keeping anything from anyone nor him. In fact I'm 100% honest with him at al times. I out him first but he doesn't seem to put me first at all.

@ binged: yeah I've no clue what's going on In his life. All he says is he has a lot in his mind and to deal with and every time I ask him to tell me he ignites me which really hurts my feelings. I've been withdrawing myself from him and I think he is taking notice.

He is probably work and money focused while you want fun. Nigerian men want a woman who has some qualities of their mom as that is the standard they look up to. Most nigerian men appreciate a good girl who is clean respectful but will be freaky with him alone. i dont know what stage in life u are but this r little things to help to open him/any man up.
1 cook a nice meal for him when he is back from work and also a nice breakfast
2 stop flirting/texting with other guys
3 Reduce or stop smoking and drinking
4 reduce ur drinking
5 no drugs
6 suggest going to church on sunday
7 arrange to have his clothes washed
8 try not 2 insult or abuse him

If u try some or all of this you will surely see a change,

@ blasterman: yes you are right. He works like a machine. Unfortunately I'm not living with him as I'm still schooling. There is a 10 yr gap between us.

Nigerian men are very easy to please. We (or at least most of us) are very chauvinistic, we like being the 'alpha-male' in a relationship. We prefer ladies who worship us like demigods, and cater to our demands without question. If you can do this, then a Nigerian man will be ready to go the extra mile to make you happy.

@ Claremont the problem is I don't want to seem like I'm at his disposal. So how do I cater to him and make sure he still knows I have my own life.

You see the problem!
He dosnt want you to have that "life"
You obviously in your early 20s, and am sure you like this parting and clubbing "life" he is probably thinking very seriously and commited to his future, I don't tink he paints a picture of the mother of his kids going to clubs and hanging with friends all night.

If you want to be with this guy, you just have to be more responsible and mature, I know its a lot to ask for someone as young but its the truth.

@ outrage : ok responsible and mature. I'm really trying. He just told me his favorite dish is banga soup with pounded yam so I guess I'm getting somewhere.
I just want to make him happy and I feel like I'm Failing because I am not nigerian so I don't know the whole Nigerian women culture . I'm still young so I don't know how he wants me to be.

hello. is anyone there?

@ ichidodo yes!

How are you sure he wants commitments? How long has he been in SA? How long does he have left?

I once stayed in J'burg for a while and a lot of SA ladies always want to marry 9ja guys even when they talk them down. But the fact is; some guys probably have other emotional commitments back home.

Ask him exactly why he likes you and why he's dating you.
Just make sure it's not for sexua.l benefits only.

Melmo: @ outrage : ok responsible and mature. I'm really trying. He just told me his favorite dish is banga soup with pounded yam so I guess I'm getting somewhere.
I just want to make him happy and I feel like I'm Failing because I am not nigerian so I don't know the whole Nigerian women culture . I'm still young so I don't know how he wants me to be.

This ur guy must be an lbo man a popular tribe in Nigeria..right? now listen my dear if throughly u love this man from ur heart to extend of marrying him soonest..then u must relax and study him properly.lbos in nigeria have culture when it's comes to choseing a wife!..Now u are a south-african & he's lbo-Nigerian.. are u listening?..

@ dammyex : well his company headquarters are here in South Africa. But how do I go about asking him about the seriousness of our relationship?

@ chieorji : he says he's ukwuani. But please do help

Melmo: @ dammyex : well his company headquarters are here in South Africa. But how do I go about asking him about the seriousness of our relationship?

@ chieorji : he says he's ukwuani. But please do help

Now pay attention!..for the fact he's senior u with 10yrs means he's 30plus right? and how long have he spent in south-africa? and how long have this relationship been? just answer the question b/f we proceed..

Can u do me a favour? just response immediately b/c l don't have much time here that's if u really need our help here..and moreover when u mention UKWUANI he happen to be our home guy...

For 10 yrs and we've been dating for five months.

Melmo: For 10 yrs and we've been dating for five months.

When did he travel home last?..

I'm not sure but he's leaving in may.

Melmo: I'm not sure but he's leaving in may.

Try and figure out the purpose of this 'May travel' u know why? to make sure he's planning to settle down getting a wife from his home..that's typical of our people.
Note:Marriage will be one of his top priority now..does he speak with u fluently? base on this 5month u both date can u boldly state what he likes? or hate?..

He says he's going to visit his family.
He's been talking about marriage. He said he wants a baby since I can't give him one now. But he told me he"ll wait

Melmo: He says he's going to visit his family.
He's been talking about marriage. He said he wants a baby since I can't give him one now. But he told me he"ll wait

Bravo! it's means u have a 88% chance to settle down with him only if u play ur card properly,that's if u really want to marry him from all ur heart?..what's ur age?.
For him to tell u he's in need of a 'BABY' shows desparate to settle down now!! plus family preasure..
Did u say he's going to visit his family? then go with him or u lose him finally!. answer some couple of quest above..

No I can't go with because I will be schooling. I'm 23

chikeorji123:

Bravo! it's means u have a 88% chance to settle down with him only if u play ur card properly,that's if u really want to marry him from all ur heart?..what's ur age?.
For him to tell u he's in need of a 'BABY' shows desparate to settle down now!! plus family preasure..
Did u say he's going to visit his family? then go with him or u lose him finally!. answer some couple of quest above..

This guy man funy no be small.. ;
I jus dey imagin am how u they tak tro this chikala yan.. E too funy..

Melmo: He says he's going to visit his family.
He's been talking about marriage. He said he wants a baby since I can't give him one now. But he told me he"ll wait

Also what do u mean by u can't give him baby now?,have he paid ur dowry? hope u knw what dowry means?..
Did u say he can wait? l don't belive that, not travelling to see his family people is involve here..hey baby! l know my people very well once he land at that village..Marriage will be first Topic.. unless u ill go with him..atleast use that opportunity to meet his people that ill subdue any plan B.. wait! are u sure u love this guy?..

outrage:
This guy man funy no be small.. ;
I jus dey imagin am how u they tak tro this chikala yan.. E too funy..

Menn wait out side pls! we are in a middle of private V.I.P issues here.. cal u later..