I'll like to get your views on this fellow NLs " I'm a young man, three years in marriage, with one child...well one is on the way. I could be said to be happy in marriage since I am very comfortable with my wife. However, something is bothering me at the present. The issue is that I work in the Oil and Gas industry and recently got a job to work in Oman. This job has a rotation of 3 months/3weeks,it means that I'll be in Oman for three months and have an off period of three weeks including travel days. The problem is that my wife has refused every entreaty to allow me go for this job, her reason is that; she cannot stay without me for that long. To be fair to her,she made it clear before marriage that she neither loved long distance relationships nor marriage;and I had no problem with that at the time since we lived close enough during our dating time and i wasn't working far from home. I've tried to convince her that we need this job for the sake of the future of the family but she wouldn't budge. She said we're doing fine now and that she's contented as it is, moreso that there is room for growth in the company. Well I'm presently earning a wage of 3.6M in naira that's about $23,000 per annum after tax but this new job will give me $51,000,that is more than double the present.My company is an Indigenous private company with little or no job security, though i still have a few positions above me with prospects of promotions but I'm constantly tormented with the fact that there is no job security unlike the civil service. My wife is normally a very rational person and dialogue well with me on issues, but she is really opposed to this one and it makes me...not so happy. The job offer is open for the next 13 days and i strongly need your opinion on this issue - should i go or not". Thank you for your contributions.

Bros dis na ur future oooo......just try convince her na....ah undastand her feelins 2....but u nid 2 talk 2 her...and if she agree...just make sure u dey try call her phone evry 1hour.....she nid 2 let u qo 4 d sake of ur children future....

I will not advice you to take the job. Simply put yourself in her position. Marriage is all about sacrifices. You have one to make NOW!

Good luck!

Jezyfreezman: Bros dis na ur future oooo......just try convince her na....ah undastand her feelins 2....but u nid 2 talk 2 her...and if she agree...just make sure u dey try call her phone evry 1hour.....she nid 2 let u qo 4 d sake of ur children future....

Been, and still talking.

Gambrosia: I will not advice you to take the job. Simply put yourself in her position. Marriage is all about sacrifices. You have one to make NOW!

Good luck!

Gambrosia.....wetin do you this morning? You no carry ur fire come today ni? Lmao....abi u no see better kpekus all night??
.
.
@poster...please convince her its for good! If you have a job which is more than 100% raise & she doesn't want u to take it cos of distance? Seems u have to let her know it sounds a bit selfish of her! Convince her, the better pay for you, the better life for you guys as a family. Take the job offer.....she can't keep holding you down with every new step u want to take forward! So so wrong!

Family first!!!

hrmkz: Family first!!!

Family first.....that's true....but what happens when demand of the family can't be met by the Op after a while?
What happens if he is transferred to another post that is not conducive to take the family along? Then she asks him to resign? Let madam sacrifice on this one too! Must the Men always be the one to sacrifice? Better pay, better standard of living for madam & the kids! I understand her fears, but @Op can do well to convince her of his undying fidelity! It is well brov.

hrmkz: Family first!!!

Don't ruin that beautiful thing you have now because of money and what happened to investing the little you have now for a more secured Future rather than trying to earn a fatter pay check?
You could have other income streams that would give you more thAn the Oman job only if you focus a good investment plan.

On the flip side, (God forbid) what if you board a flight to Oman and the plane gets hijacked or crashes?
That's the more reason why you should be content and Make her happy.

Royal Roy:
Gambrosia.....wetin do you this morning? You no carry ur fire come today ni? Lmao....abi u no see better kpekus all night?

I nor see any bushmeat o! So, I done quench my 'fire'! Till then, na only long-range missiles I go dey troway!

As for kpekus. . . . .No shortage of 'kpekuses' for my corner o!!! Lai lai!!!! Oga don try gaaaaaaan!!! The 'boyfriend's' is next! Miami, here I come!!!

Brand_new: Don't ruin that beautiful thing you have now because of money and what happened to investing the little you have now for a more secured Future rather than trying to earn a fatter pay check?
You could have other income streams that would give you more thAn the Oman job only if you focus a good investment plan.

On the flip side, (God forbid) what if you board a flight to Oman and the plane gets hijacked or crashes?
That's the more reason why you should be content and Make her happy.

Ha...na wa o!

I, personally respect agreement so much, since you said you have already agreed on "no long distance marriage " between you, why dont you keep to your agreement, or betterstill,move together to Oman with your family, if its possible.

If you talk to her and she refused vehemently......why dont you diversify d money you are earning currently and make more money thru it. I always believe a bible passage that says "all things work together for good for those who love God.."...........part of loving God is to respect agreement. Who knows, your wife's refusal might be a blessing in disguise.
Respect your agreement and you shall be rewarded.
Its better to stay now and continue to enjoy your family than getting more money and not enjoying your marriage, because it may lead to your wife changing if you didnt respect your agreement, so that you dont come back to NL here and be complaining of how your wife changed thereafter.
May God help us all.

Syncan:

Ha...na wa o!

But I don't even believe the story is true.
OP says it's a "classical dilemma" so I think he made it up.

Syncan: I'll like to get your views on this fellow NLs " I'm a young man, three years in marriage, with one child...well one is on the way. I could be said to be happy in marriage since I am very comfortable with my wife. However, something is bothering me at the present. The issue is that I work in the Oil and Gas industry and recently got a job to work in Oman. This job has a rotation of 3 months/3weeks,it means that I'll be in Oman for three months and have an off period of three weeks including travel days. The problem is that my wife has refused every entreaty to allow me go for this job, her reason is that; she cannot stay without me for that long. To be fair to her,she made it clear before marriage that she neither loved long distance relationships nor marriage;and I had no problem with that at the time since we lived close enough during our dating time and i wasn't working far from home. I've tried to convince her that we need this job for the sake of the future of the family but she wouldn't budge. She said we're doing fine now and that she's contented as it is, moreso that there is room for growth in the company. Well I'm presently earning a wage of 3.6M in naira that's about $23,000 per annum after tax but this new job will give me $51,000,that is more than double the present.My company is an Indigenous private company with little or no job security, though i still have a few positions above me with prospects of promotions but I'm constantly tormented with the fact that there is no job security unlike the civil service. My wife is normally a very rational person and dialogue well with me on issues, but she is really opposed to this one and it makes me...not so happy. The job offer is open for the next 13 days and i strongly need your opinion on this issue - should i go or not". Thank you for your contributions.

Be glad you have a wife like yours . . Who will not allow greed to blind her into making a mistake.
Your marriage and family should come first before any other thing.
Your wife is right, money is NOT everything.
She made her stand clear to you BEFORE marriage, it's unfair to change the rules now.

greatgod2012: I, personally respect agreement so much, since you said you have already agreed on "no long distance marriage " between you, why dont you keep to your agreement, or betterstill,move together to Oman with your family, if its possible.

If you talk to her and she refused vehemently......why dont you diversify d money you are earning currently and make more money thru it. I always believe a bible passage that says "all things work together for good for those who love God.."...........part of loving God is to respect agreement. Who knows, your wife's refusal might be a blessing in disguise.
Respect your agreement and you shall be rewarded.
Its better to stay now and continue to enjoy your family than getting more money and not enjoying your marriage, because it may lead to your wife changing if you didnt respect your agreement, so that you dont come back to NL here and be complaining of how your wife changed thereafter.
May God help us all.

Amen oooooo!

Ujujoan:

Be glad you have a wife like yours . . Who will not allow greed to blind her into making a mistake.
Your marriage and family should come first before any other thing.
Your wife is right, money is NOT everything.
She made her stand clear to you BEFORE marriage, it's unfair to change the rules now.

I do not doubt that the wife means well, but I'm not so sure she is right. The man talks about insecurity in his job and we all know what private local companies are in the country. I think he is right to be worried because, here is an opportunity to make more,and have more to invest and feel more secured. If God forbid, he loses his job in a year time, he would not have saved much. His wife's fear is normal, but I think several ladies have been in this situation before and are better for it when they allow the man go. It's all about taking reasonable risk,300K per month on his present job is not bad at all, but the young man will find it difficult to make meaningful investment with what is left after expenditure...except over a long period of time if all things being equal. She made her stand clear before marriage; but remember the guy was not in that situation then. Moreso, sacrifice has to be considered by both parties to make and not one person. I feel for the young man, and will suggest more persuasion, however do not go if you cannot persuade her to let you, it's very important that she gives her consent else forget it, and do not take it badly.

Step2002:

I do not doubt that the wife means well, but I'm not so sure she is right. The man talks about insecurity in his job and we all know what private local companies are in the country. I think he is right to be worried because, here is an opportunity to make more,and have more to invest and feel more secured. If God forbid, he loses his job in a year time, he would not have saved much. His wife's fear is normal, but I think several ladies have been in this situation before and are better for it when they allow the man go. It's all about taking reasonable risk,300K per month on his present job is not bad at all, but the young man will find it difficult to make meaningful investment with what is left after expenditure...except over a long period of time if all things being equal. She made her stand clear before marriage; but remember the guy was not in that situation then. Moreso, sacrifice has to be considered by both parties to make and not one person. I feel for the young man, and will suggest more persuasion, however do not go if you cannot persuade her to let you, it's very important that she gives her consent else forget it, and do not take it badly.

I agree with you . . . She could be wrong!
But what if she's not
I guess it all boils down to knowing how much he can risk for his family.
Life is a risk . . . NOTHING is sure!
Even the all-so-rosy job may not turn out to be so great. Remember the grass may not always be as green as it looks on the other side.
He has a huge decision to make and only him can make that decision.
It's time to consider his priorities!

That being said, I have to say that I WOULD NOT do what his wife is doing.
But that's only because career advancement is almost as important to me as my family. I may be wrong, but that's just the way it is.
I would NEVER make my husband quit a job he loves/prefers just because I can't survive on my own for 3 months.
The fact is that, I can. And it would not pose any threat to my marriage.
So is poster were my hubby, I'll encourage him to go do what he wants to, rather than make him stay resentfully.
Maybe OP's wife should consider.
Marriage is meant to be accommodative.

@ OP, my hubby does a 6/2 week rotation so I have a pretty good idea of what this means. Your marriage is too young for this sort of thing, my hubby got a similar offer about 6 years ago and in the end he decided not to go even though it meant 3x as much as he earned at the time. My attitude is similar to Uju's in that I would not stop my partner from advancing in their career because I feel I could not survive on my own but I'd probably expect them not to ask too much of me also.

Three months is a long time to be away from one's family, my hubby is away for only half of that and we've been married for almost 10 years and I still do not find it easy. Personally, I would not take this job if I were you.

Make her papers and take her along too. Naija jobs aren't secured. Go with her if that's possible. If not, continue talking to her and see if she will see reasons with you.

obicentlis: Make her papers and take her along too. Naija jobs aren't secured. Go with her if that's possible. If not, continue talking to her and see if she will see reasons with you.

Not possible to take her along, the offer does not include such facility.

Syncan:

Not possible to take her along, the offer does not include such facility.

But you'll be making enough money to fund it.
Can't you afford it

Ujujoan:
But you'll be making enough money to fund it.
Can't you afford it

It's not a question of affordability,it's an oil and gas facility with just accommodation for the workers, these are normally rooms occupied by two people on opposing shift duty.

Syncan:

It's not a question of affordability,it's an oil and gas facility with just accommodation for the workers, these are normally rooms occupied by two people on opposing shift duty.

Bros consider your wide o! Some things are more importanmt than money o!

Brand_new: Bros consider your wide o! Some things are more importanmt than money o!

Yeah, that's why it's a problem...else, you know how far.

U c in every decision we make, we should also consider the other party that would be affected... Especially in marriage.
I work with a multinational with presence in virtually all the continents. Colleagues who have been on one mission or the other never accepted such offers again, reasons from them were (1) my kids does not see me as their father again (2) My wife is no longer romantic having abstain from sex for longer period of time (3) I cannot satisfy my wife/husby like I do before I left.
The truth is leaving ones family tends to have one or more negative impact, if you have made more money from you trip it cannot fill the vacuum. What if the trip turns to be a failure- na double regret.

For you OP!

1. 3month on and 3 weeks off is too bad for that kind of money they are paying. The truth is That you are working in the offshore environment, that means by the time you get off the installation, you will be practically a walking zombie. Your 3 weeks off wil be used on you getting used to life in Naija and solving problems.
2. You work for this money, but you will never spend a dime on yourself. Others do it for you. So why not work for your happiness until you get a better offer.

For your wife, you know she is expecting a baby and needs your help this time. Stay with her and am sure you will get a better offer.

These type of jobs are taken by singles....but when they decide to settle, they go for one that gives them time for family.

So your choice, family or money! Forget combining them, because you CAN'T do that with your rotation schedule.

Does your wife work? If she doesnt then why can't you go with her?? Trust me you will be taking a big gamble if you go and she will be justified if something goes wrong. I was in this dilemna recently offered a job in Belgium paying twice what I earn presently which is not even that far as I would have been able to come home every weekend to the UK. I didnt take it. You don't tempt the devil my brother. Women need attention constantly if you're not there what do you think will happen?? Your guess is as good as mine. Same applies to you as a man will you not have physical needs for a whole of 3 months??

Oro so sini lenu o bu iyo si

is the job offer in Sur?
If you ask the company they may be able to give you "family visa" and your family can then move to the nearest city to where you would be...maybe muscat, so you can see them more frequently,perharps every weekend.

I got the best offer in Australia with the best benefit ..... all I had to do was sell off the business the govt to run ( worst case) and sell the house... BUT

It's not all bout me anymore , hubby's job ( he took a pay cut just to stay where we are now so we can be together), the kids school, friends

and that place ( Aussie) is just too far from anybody to visit.

That being said..... I would've taken it in a jiffy if I was single then .

OP if I were you , I will not take that job..but hey that's just me... different strokes.

dayokanu: Oro so sini lenu o bu iyo si

iyo ko se po danu, iso ko se gbemi.


In this case, as i have said b4, respect your agreement and stay/enjoy your family, thank God, you are already comfortable here, only that you want a greener pasture, which u can also get here.....money cannot buy you happiness.....i tell you........
If i tell you my story about what i sacrifice in my marriage, because of my family's happiness, you will open your mouth and will not remember to close it back......but im not regreting.......we are not rich o, but we are happy and comfortable with ourselves, im yet to see a couple who is happier than us.....i tell you, im not boasting, God is my witness.
Btw, God may even be using all this to prevent you from going......remember...."all things work together for good for those who love God"
there will always be a better offer.....i tell you.......just be hopeful.
May God help us all.