gramci: Women palaver

gbanikiti: the day my sister in law will slap me,is the day i will bury her alive! na dat day she go know say plywood and toothpick na the same mama born dem.nonsense!

Old boy: @alakori
The reason why she keeps on calling you by your name is because she knows you don't like that and her aim is to always upset you.
To me I suggest you answer her when she greets you calling you by your name,nothing lasts forever. Will she stay in her mother's house forever? The only thing you should do now is never to allow her enter your house again untill she comes back to her senses. If you and your husband go to the family house and she calls you by your name, answer her, if she insults you, ignore her. keep doing it like that untill you and your husband go back to your house.
Why I'm telling you all these is because that girl is a spoilt brat, she lacks home training that's why she steals and it's her mother's fault. The day is coming when she will turn against her mum and by that time she will come begging and apologising to you.

Don't think you are loosing your respect because of your kindness, NO! A spoilt brat can never give you respect no matter what you do!

Ivynwa: It isn't nice that she steals the things you are selling to earn a living for your family.
How about drawing her closer to you, she is better off a friend than a disrespectful enemy.
Yeah, relax and cut out the "She-must-call-me-Aunty-or-Mama Ejiro" part, there's no big deal about being called Aunty. You are almost being ridiculous hammering on that. You went ordering to be called that and it got to a head where she now dares you by calling you your name and stirring up things.

A better/closer relationship between you two will exclude all these disharmonies, have both of you chilling happily as sisters in law. I would have said that you give her a piece of jewel as a gift with a stern explanation that you sell these things to be able to feed your children which will give her the message never to steal them but the ones she stole are painful enough. Hey! even if you end up as friends, why don't you do yourself a favour and lock up such valuables in a safe place.

All in all, your husband needs to address the stealing habit of his sister seriously.

Old boy: @alakori
The reason why she keeps on calling you by your name is because she knows you don't like that and her aim is to always upset you.
To me I suggest you answer her when she greets you calling you by your name,nothing lasts forever. Will she stay in her mother's house forever? The only thing you should do now is never to allow her enter your house again untill she comes back to her senses. If you and your husband go to the family house and she calls you by your name, answer her, if she insults you, ignore her. keep doing it like that untill you and your husband go back to your house.
Why I'm telling you all these is because that girl is a spoilt brat, she lacks home training that's why she steals and it's her mother's fault. The day is coming when she will turn against her mum and by that time she will come begging and apologising to you.

Don't think you are loosing your respect because of your kindness, NO! A spoilt brat can never give you respect no matter what you do!

alakori:

I got the gold back from her. When she slapped me and my husband got there he wanted to beat her up but I begged him not to. I did this because tempers were raised, it was the mother that egged her on and I felt if he started to beat her it would degenerate into a fight between him and his Mom and I did not want that.

That being said, I have also informed my husband that I would not welcome her into my home anymore and we seem to have agreed on that.

The problem is that we are due to go to his place soon. The girl makes it a point of duty to greet me, emphasizing my first name. When I do not answer she and her Mum begin to quarell with me. I really feel the problem is with my mother-in-law who eggs are on, as per, if the mom is not around and she greets me with my first name and I ignore her, she go just waka pass. But if the Mom is around she will raise her voice shouting 'is it not you I am greeting'. From there the Mum will join in and shouting match

gbanikiti: the day my sister in law will slap me,is the day i will bury her alive! na dat day she go know say plywood and toothpick na the same mama born dem.nonsense!

Ivynwa: It isn't nice that she steals the things you are selling to earn a living for your family.
How about drawing her closer to you, she is better off a friend than a disrespectful enemy.
Yeah, relax and cut out the "She-must-call-me-Aunty-or-Mama Ejiro" part, there's no big deal about being called Aunty. You are almost being ridiculous hammering on that. You went ordering to be called that and it got to a head where she now dares you by calling you your name and stirring up things.

A better/closer relationship between you two will exclude all these disharmonies, have both of you chilling happily as sisters in law. I would have said that you give her a piece of jewel as a gift with a stern explanation that you sell these things to be able to feed your children which will give her the message never to steal them but the ones she stole are painful enough. Hey! even if you end up as friends, why don't you do yourself a favour and lock up such valuables in a safe place.

All in all, your husband needs to address the stealing habit of his sister seriously.

pattybf:

next time, if you don't have any advice for matters of this nature, pls i suggest u just respect urself rather than typing nonsense.

do you expect her to belittle herself by begging a thief and a complete manner-less idiot for friendship.

this is why i disassociated myself from one of my very close friend,after she got married, she was trying to act a "saint Theresa" being good to all her in-laws,opens her doors for them and even allowed them to her pot,each time i advice her, she would say it doesn't matter but what happened before one year, this same in-laws began to take advantage of her weakness and eventually connived with their brother and my dear friend was thrown out of her matrimonial home after she received public embarrassment.

in my own case, i told my hubby i would never live with an in-law,when they tried it by sending one of his brother who just finished his nysc, my hubby didn't let the matter get to me before he said no to them.

when they realized i didn't know anything about the matter, their first daughter(younger to my hubby bt older to me,who is also a divorcee) called me demanding i let the guy stay accusing me of being responsible for her brother's refusal.i referred her back to my hubby but she got furious and began to insult me, i instantly gave it to her back, she threatened to come and beat me up.that same day i went to report at the nearest police station since my hubby was not in town, on my way back i bought an acid waiting the day she would come which she never did.

i advice every woman not to take nonsense from your in-laws especially if you are married to the igbos, let both your inlaws and hubby know you from the very beginning, don't sell ur rights and think u can get it back latter.


it boils my blood to hear things like this.

gbanikiti: the day my sister in law will slap me,is the day i will bury her alive! na dat day she go know say plywood and toothpick na the same mama born dem.nonsense!

chidyhels: Sorry ma,but i have to ask, is your problem with her all about calling you by your first name? Or is it the stealing issue?
Set your priority

baby_123: If you respected yourself, you would be respected. If you knew respect was critical to you, you shouldn't have married into another culture where it is not so critical. What is wrong with calling you by name? Will it kill you? If someone steals from you, why is your house and room door still open to them? Especially a kleptomaniac? Why the hell did you go to her parents house to accuse her of being a thief and fight. Which parent will like that or accept it even if it is true? You should have collected the money from the brother, for what she stole. When he is tired of paying, he will take action. Your attitude was very unnecessary honestly. So if you have a colleague who is 7yrs younger than you and calls you by name, are you gonna die? I bet she called you by name when you were dating her brother. Because levels have now changed for you, your name must change too. Abeg.

baby_123: If you respected yourself, you would be respected. If you knew respect was critical to you, you shouldn't have married into another culture where it is not so critical. What is wrong with calling you by name? Will it kill you? If someone steals from you, why is your house and room door still open to them? Especially a kleptomaniac? Why the hell did you go to her parents house to accuse her of being a thief and fight. Which parent will like that or accept it even if it is true? You should have collected the money from the brother, for what she stole. When he is tired of paying, he will take action. Your attitude was very unnecessary honestly. So if you have a colleague who is 7yrs younger than you and calls you by name, are you gonna die? I bet she called you by name when you were dating her brother. Because levels have now changed for you, your name must change too. Abeg.

goodmike7:

Best advise so far.
Bless your soul,if you are married I bless your marriage if not you are a wife matierial and I bless you with a reasonable and good hearted man like you BUT don't be too nice to your enemies they might kill you with your good heart. I will never repeat the mistake that killed my beloved mother. She was too good and thought everyone has thesame heart as she.

cotton101: IBO people and their love of this "sister" "aunty" nonsense - what does not calling you by you first name do for you? na wah o

(i'm ibo by the way)

alakori:

I got the gold back from her. When she slapped me and my husband got there he wanted to beat her up but I begged him not to. I did this because tempers were raised, it was the mother that egged her on and I felt if he started to beat her it would degenerate into a fight between him and his Mom and I did not want that.

That being said, I have also informed my husband that I would not welcome her into my home anymore and we seem to have agreed on that.

The problem is that we are due to go to his place soon. The girl makes it a point of duty to greet me, emphasizing my first name. When I do not answer she and her Mum begin to quarell with me. I really feel the problem is with my mother-in-law who eggs are on, as per, if the mom is not around and she greets me with my first name and I ignore her, she go just waka pass. But if the Mom is around she will raise her voice shouting 'is it not you I am greeting'. From there the Mum will join in and shouting match

jennykadry: I would have killed her. Which kain yeye slap is that

alakori: Please nairalanders I need your advice. I am married to a man who is the first son of seven. I am older than all his siblings. One of his sisters was a frequent visitor to our home. I feel I did my best to make her feel at home. For instance I never asked her to do any house work to help me because I feel it is my home and I would do my house work anyway even if she was not around. I allowed her complete freedom in the kitchen to dish her own food and eat whatever she wanted.

Three years ago when she came on vacation she stole some of my gold jewelry. When I saw it with her she denied that it was not mine. Later she insisted that I must have forgotten it in her parents house the last time we came on vacation which I know fully well was not true as the gold disappeared from underneath my bed.

Last year again she came to visit and some more jewelry disappeared. We were moving house at the time and in all the confusion she packed quite a substantial number. [I sell gold].

I went to their house to confront her about it and we started to exchange words. I called her a thief. Her mother ( my mother-in-law) asked her to deal with me and she slapped me twice. I did not retaliate.

During the peace making process, I gave a condition for which I would forgive. I said she would not call me by my first name any longer. I am seven years older than her. My mother in law jumped up, shouting and saying I had no right to demand that. They are Ibo. The girl is the first daughter of the family.

Well since then if the girl calls me by my first name I do not answer her. If her mother is there at the time, a quarell ensures as she will accuse me of keeping malice. Now people are advising me to let go and accept this girl calling me by my first name for the sake of peace.

Am I being unreasonable?