I remembered as a kid hearing, wayo wayo wayo, ah-ah, ah-ah wayo. And in the morning I remembered seeing their battered faces.
And the cause of the beating according to the neigbors were mata doesn't want do the nighty thing because she just had a baby, and many more flimsy stuff.

Women in nigeria suffer a great deal. Each of the the followings call for beating/abuse:no food in the house, not doing chores, not want to make love, coming from the market late, not given head of the house good part of the meat, the eba too soft/miyan too watery etc.

if only there is a good police system and 911 in place.

Here are my ideas about abuse (without looking in the dictionary per Jenny's directive). It is a pattern of behavior with the main goal of controlling a partner, suppressing their individuality and destroying their self esteem. Abusers often seek to increase the reliance of their victims on them sp they can maintain this control. Abuse can be psychological (mental/emotional) or physical, the former often leads to the latter. Women are more often victims of abuse than men but both genders can be the perpetrators. Once the pattern of abuse starts, it often doesn't get better but worsens.

It doesn't show on the face if abusers, they are often 'good', functioning members of society and even get along well with others.

Abused victims spend a lot of time in denial partly because the good times are usually very very good. Abusers are charming. It is hard to put Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde together as one person. However, it's all part of the grand scheme of controlling the victim.

If you are in a relationship where you have a lot of self doubt, are losing your self belief, second guess all your own actions, wonder if you are going crazy, feel isolated from friends and family e.t.c. you may be in an abusive relationship.

ileobatojo: Here are my ideas about abuse (without looking in the dictionary per Jenny's directive). It is a pattern of behavior with the main goal of controlling a partner, suppressing their individuality and destroying their self esteem. Abusers often seek to increase the reliance of their victims on them sp they can maintain this control. Abuse can be psychological (mental/emotional) or physical, the former often leads to the latter. Women are more often victims of abuse than men but both genders can be the perpetrators. Once the pattern of abuse starts, it often doesn't get better but worsens.

It doesn't show on the face if abusers, they are often 'good', functioning members of society and even get along well with others.

Abused victims spend a lot of time in denial partly because the good times are usually very very good. Abusers are charming. It is hard to put Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde together as one person. However, it's all part of the grand scheme of controlling the victim.

If you are in a relationship where you have a lot of self doubt, are losing your self belief, second guess all your own actions, wonder if you are going crazy, feel isolated from friends and family e.t.c. you may be in an abusive relationship.

Ile I am not advocating for abusive men since I am neither physically or verbally abusive, only short tempered which I vent off by getting in my car and go for a ride, but this your warped feministic ideology is emboldened because you aren't head over heels for a man. I have personally seen very gorgeous independent once feministic women become morons for men they sheepishly love. If you are insanely in love, you would loose your feministic orientation.

I remember the previous tread JK raised on abuse and was quite relived when it was closed.

I'd say the same faceless goons who caused it's closure are creeping out here. And trust me,the moments posters like Debrief and Cotton type one response,all dem "e-abusers" will decend on this thread.

Why is that on NL a person who advocates for a woman to have self-esteem=Feminist

me i'm not typing o - i have moved on and working out how much maternity pay i will get if i take my full 52 weeks next year. let them come out.

but one question i have - do you think women should expose abusers so that they don't abuse another woman.

Maybe there is something that person is holding on to/he will change/he will not do it again.

dick hardener: Ile I am not advocating for abusive men since I am neither physically or verbally abusive, only short tempered which I vent off by getting in my car and go for a ride, but this your warped feministic ideology is emboldened because you aren't head over heels for a man. I have personally seen very gorgeous independent once feministic women become morons for men they sheepishly love. If you are insanely in love, you would loose your feministic orientation.

And we have seen the result of those insanely-in-love. They end up killing the guy involved.

cotton101: me i'm not typing o - i have moved on and working out how much maternity pay i will get if i take my full 52 weeks next year. let them come out.

but one question i have - do you think women should expose abusers so that they don't abuse another woman.

Yes, unequivocally!


For me, I consider abuse the misuse of power, something that you do and know that the other party is unseemingly powerless to stop.

dick hardener: Ile I am not advocating for abusive men since I am neither physically or verbally abusive, only short tempered which I vent off by getting in my car and go for a ride, but this your warped feministic ideology is emboldened because you aren't head over heels for a man. I have personally seen very gorgeous independent once feministic women become morons for men they sheepishly love. If you are insanely in love, you would loose your feministic orientation.

I'm a bit confused here. Would you please highlight and explain which part of my post demonstrates a warped feminist ideology?

And when you're done, could you please answer the OP's question about defining abuse in your own words just like I did? Thanks.

naijababe:


Yes, unequivocally!


For me, I consider abuse the misuse of power, something that you do and know that the other party is unseemingly powerless to stop.

Are you in that case suggesting that men who do not have the power to stop a woman from dictating laws at home, yelling or insulting him, kicking him out at will and asking him to make sure that okro soup is steaming hot before she returns from work because they are constrained by law are equally abused? Then in that case, 65% of men in the U.S are abused deducing from your logic.

dick hardener: Are you in that case suggesting that[b] men who do not have the power to stop a woman from dictating laws at home, yelling or insulting him, kicking him out at will and asking him to make sure that okro soup is steaming hot before she returns from work because they are constrained by law are equally abused?[/b] Then in that case, 65% of men in the U.S are abused deducing from your logic.

Yes. No gender has a monopoly over abuse if you must know, men are just as likely as women to be on the receiving end.

ileobatojo:

I'm a bit confused here. Would you please highlight and explain which part of my post demonstrates a warped feminist ideology?

And when you're done, could you please answer the OP's question about defining abuse in your own words just like I did? Thanks.

My point was culled from a rather extensive follow up of post history just as I have observed jidegirl12 to be more traditional in her approach towards marraige.

naijababe:


Yes. No gender has a monopoly over abuse if you must know, men are just as likely as women to be on the receiving end.

then it will be safe to assume Nigeria is an abusive society towards women and the U.S is an abusive society towards men. I love Nigeria then but fortunately for me I do not have any repressive attitude from my mate though I chopped the wings when she was about to fly to the feministic heavens.

dick hardener: then it will be safe to assume Nigeria is an abusive society towards women and the U.S is an abusive society towards men. I love Nigeria then but fortunately for me I do not have any repressive attitude from my mate though I chopped the wings when she was about to fly to the feministic heavens.

I do not understand why people are so quick to label pro-civil societies as being anti-man? You are however right to label Nigeria as an abusive society towards women because it's one of the few places in the world that a victim cannot even find succour with the police. The vast majority of Nigerian men remain largely confused because they want to be African husbands but almost always desire a hybrid of African/Western values in their wives.

Armyofone abused me a lot, Whips, BD--SM, Masochismmm etc and I cant even complain

dayokanu: Armyofone abused me a lot, Whips, BD--SM, Masochismmm etc and I cant even complain

chaircover: I have a question . . . .Do some of these abusers know that they are abusers and do they even know the damage that they inflict?

I was in a restaurant a couple of days ago and a man walked in sat down and said in a loud voice "woman what do you have today" I looked at him and instantly felt sorry for his wife becasue I can just imagine how he must address her at home.

Maybe they just dont care whether you they are causing damage or not as long as they get whatever they wanted

chaircover: I have a question . . . .Do some of these abusers know that they are abusers and do they even know the damage that they inflict?

I was in a restaurant a couple of days ago and a man walked in sat down and said in a loud voice "woman what do you have today" I looked at him and instantly felt sorry for his wife becasue I can just imagine how he must address her at home.

how else did you expect him to address you "hello mummy, what kind of food do you have ma" naughty you.

dick hardener: how else did you expect him to address you "hello mummy, what kind of food do you have ma" naughty you.

. Mary mother of christ.

It is an abuse if you force me to do it
I'm traditionalist

dayokanu: Armyofone abused me a lot, Whips, BD--SM, Masochismmm etc and I cant even complain

chaircover: I have a question . . . .Do some of these abusers know that they are abusers and do they even know the damage that they inflict?

I was in a restaurant a couple of days ago and a man walked in sat down and said in a loud voice "woman what do you have today" I looked at him and instantly felt sorry for his wife because I can just imagine how he must address her at home.

I don't think they do. Even the "abusees" have no idea what abuse is all about.

@Topic

How many people have faced abuse at work? A friend of mine who got slapped at work by her boss. I hear stories of bosses(in Nigeria) at work place yelling at junior workers and it just makes me sad

jenny and CC some of them don't my ex still believes i'm in the wrong and he did nothing wrong.

its deemed correction

dick hardener: how else did you expect him to address you "hello mummy, what kind of food do you have ma" naughty you.

A bit of decorum and respect wouldn't have gone amiss in this scenario.

You get that a lot here: Bunch of loud mouthed lousy Nigerian men shouting the odds.

Makes you cringe & ashamed to call yourself Nigerian.

chaircover: I have a question . . . .Do some of these abusers know that they are abusers and do they even know the damage that they inflict?

I was in a restaurant a couple of days ago and a man walked in sat down and said in a loud voice "woman what do you have today" I looked at him and instantly felt sorry for his wife becasue I can just imagine how he must address her at home.

CC, d'you know that a few months ago, whilst waiting to collect our passport visas at the Nigerian High Commission, there was this guy determined to embarrass not only himself but the staff there?

Don't get me wrong, things have improved greatly over there service-wise...it was a pleasant surprise. Very courtious, efficient and helpful people. Well organized too. Infact, I was proud to be a Nigerian...until the loud mouthed character chose to yell his head off. Most embarrassing thing about it was that this guy was blatantly in the wrong, but wouldn't accept it. Mtcheew.

cotton101: jenny and CC some of them don't my ex still believes i'm in the wrong and he did nothing wrong.

its deemed correction

Does he still disturb you? were his family members in support of what he was doing to you when yous were still together? what was his childhood like? did he take after his dad?

mysticgal: i dont have enough courage to speak truthfully.

...i feel your pain...ffg me lets talk, its really important

@ OP. I'm sure all this English discussions isn't what you envisaged for your thread. You wanted people to open up on their experiences but they won't. Why?? B'cos to "Receive" you have to "Give". You give them your experience and they will open up to you. Or you expected them to all just come dump their experiences at your feet?? Who are you?? Are you a learner??

ba7man: @ OP. I'm sure all this English discussions isn't what you envisaged for your thread. You wanted people to open up on their experiences but they won't. Why?? B'cos to "Receive" you have to "Give". You give them your experience and they will open up to you. Or you expected them to all just come dump their experiences at your feet?? Who are you?? Are you a learner??

https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out

I started that thread I got a lot of replies, so yea contrary to what you posted, people did "dump their problems at my feet". The person(also posted a lot on the thread with the link above) that made me start this thread has said nothing good enough to hold my attention and yes I am disappointed at her and Until she tells the latest story she told me she's got, I have nothing to say.

jennykadry:

https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out

I started that thread I got a lot of replies, so yea contrary to what you posted, people did "dump their problems at my feet". The person(also posted a lot on the thread with the link above) that made me start this thread has said nothing good enough to hold my attention and yes I am disappointed at her and Until she tells the latest story she told me she's got, I have nothing to say.

Ohh.....O.k, this is part 2. Let me go thru part 1 then.

My own experience.
I was always verbally abused by my ex husband to the point that it seemed like a normal thing to me. It really killed my self esteem.
It then graduated to physical abuse when i was 2 months pregnant. How did i react? I fought back. He slapped me first and i slapped him back, hard of course. I did not just sit down like a whimp and let him beat me. I fought him back with all i had, made sure i didnt cry. I had had enough. No way i was going to give him the satisfaction of beating me. That was the last straw. We seperated after that...........and of course i stayed in the house. He asked me to leave the house but i reminded him that he didnt pick me from the streets. The only way i was leaving was if he rented a place for me. So he left.