I am in a 3 years old long distance relationship New York/Okclahoma. I love my fiancé. When I moved out of state to manage our company's new facility in OKC, she was supposed to transfer to some uni over there but we thought about the setback it might cuz her and decided to hang in there since its only going to take her 3 years to graduate which is this year. We've sacrificed a lot in making it work financially, emotional and other ways.

Just like every other couple or partners we have disagreement and arguments. I've been looking forward to her final year (2013) since forever.

To cut the long story short. Few weeks ago we had a little problem of which I accept being the starter. When she have me an annoying attitude I got mad and texted her with one word(I diot) . I regret that till this moment. I've been apologizing and doing everything just wipe that out but I don't know how that's working. Since then our conversation is not what it used to be. Last week she told me that she don't love me the way she used to love me anymore. It hurts to hear that from the special woman in your life, someone you've planed your life with.

Should keep on trying, do I still stand a chance, what does that mean to our relationship, what does it mean when a woman says that? I love this young woman with all my heart.

My family love her so much especially my mother. She's in her family semester. Should I just sit back and give her the space in other not to interrupt her critical final semester.

Please advice

For me, I think I can't just advice you on what to do here. It won't solve it. What you need now is a mediator between you both since you've openly confess what you did and feel sorry about it. You need somebody to tell her you are deeply sorry and you'll get back the confidence you need in her. That's all.

Firstly, if you really love her as you claim to do, you wont call her eediot.

Obviously, she is a no nonsense woman, not d type that would tolerate any form of abuse in her marriage, just like me. Thank God you are able to discover that now, so that if at last, she forgives you and you two eventually get married, you will know how to deal with your anger and work it out with her without being unnecessarily abusive.
Well, i will say, you continue to beg her thru that same text message you used to abuse her, or book a flight and go their in person, purposely to apologise to her, perhaps, she would reconsider you and give you a second chance.
I just hope you will learn from what happened btwn you and learn to handle your temper/disagreements maturely.
Wishing you goodluck.

No doubt..the long distance thing has taken its toll on the relationship and that one utterance didn't make it any better.
I'd certainly think long and hard about my decision if my fiance decides to use such a derogatory term on me for whatever reason.
She's probably still angry.Keep apologising in every way you can.
I hope she comes around soon.

You love her so very much huh? Then don't stop the apology, reduce it if u must cuz of her finals, but don't stop totally, she'll break for sure, she is mortal, and be sure to control ur temper next time, I feel ur pain mehn just do ur part, it'll work out fine.

slimyem: No doubt..the long distance thing has taken its toll on the relationship and that one utterance didn't make it any better.
I'd certainly think long and hard about my decision if my fiance decides to use such a derogatory term on me for whatever reason.
She's probably still angry.Keep apologising in every way you can.
I hope she comes around soon.

Precisely. Of all the reasons I can come up with why my fiancé would call me that, none is amenable to a quick apology or immediate forgiveness. I would certainly re-examine the relationship if it were me.

OP, before you too go and beg, abeg think about it well. Why did you call her that? If you really think she is an id.iot, how do you expect to have an enjoyable marriage with someone you can't respect? If you don't think she is one, then you have to convince her about that. And convince her she won't have to be fending off low insults whenever you guys get in an argument. I absolutely agree that travelling to see her and sorting it out face to face is the way to go here.

Apologise but pls don't choke her with ur apologies...It will only irritate her more and push her away further.

mrscolite: Apologise but pls don't choke her with ur apologies...It will only irritate her more and push her away further.

Apologise and then stop calling her as much, if she carries on with that attitude. She will come to her senses. If you apologise too much, she will continue to feel justified in her anger. If she wants to end the relationship because of that, then count yourself lucky. Getting married to a woman that completely overreacts will be a big mistake...

Genius100:

Apologise and then stop calling her as much, if she carries on with that attitude. She will come to her senses. If you apologise too much, she will continue to feel justified in her anger. If she wants to end the relationship because of that, then count yourself lucky. Getting married to a woman that completely overreacts will be a big mistake...

U call her getting angry over her fiance calling her an Idio.t an overeaction Like seriously? Hmmn. . .

Thanks everyone. Yes she have the right to be mad at me, but after this period I've have realized how bad I've hurt her and I have learned my lessons and absolutely promising her that a thing like that will not happen again. I love her and I just don't want that distance we are creating right now because of that ordeal to ruin what we have going on or set us back.

Like some of you guys said, I don't want to bother further with apologies and at the same time sit back and wait. She told me she wants to think things over and also need to focus on her finals. So I'm leaving her to that. But we all know there's a point where you gotta apologize to someone then get tired give up. One thing I will not do nor advice anyone to do is beg someone to be with them when they don't want to.

Once again thanks all.

This is a good scenario of people who can tame their tongue when they are angry and they say things that they would regret further

That moment of madness is now costing you much more than you bargained for.

Go read what the Holy book said about the tongue.

If any girlfriend or fiancee says any abusive word to me I too would surely re evaluate the relationship

Sorry but that's a deal breaker for me. No looking back.

I wish you the best @ OP .

ifyalways: Sorry but that's a deal breaker for me. No looking back.

I wish you the best @ OP .

Deal breaker really? You never wronged anyone in your life or say anything out of anger? I'm not trying to justify my action but you just don't let everything go off just like that. Be real

dayokanu: This is a good scenario of people who can tame their tongue when they are angry and they say things that they would regret further

That moment of madness is now costing you much more than you bargained for.

Go read what the Holy book said about the tongue.

If any girlfriend or fiancee says any abusive word to me I too would surely re evaluate the relationship

I agree with you, but that's where the imperfection comes in as human beings.

Book a flight, buy white fowl and goat, 24 frag roses, 4 different gift card to some nice stores, pledge and sign a promise to cook and run her bath for one year after marriage and the punishment you should get if you break that promise, boxes filled with chocolate, rent a car and have ''I'm sorry and I will never do that again", in cap written on it, tell her the day you say something stewpid again, you are a goner.

Next time R E S P E C T, she is every woman just like Chaka Khan sang.

armyofone: Book a flight, buy white fowl and goat, 24 frag roses, 4 different gift card to some nice stores, pledge and sign a promise to cook and run her bath for one year after marriage and the punishment you should get if you break that promise, boxes filled with chocolate, rent a car and have ''I'm sorry and I will never do that again", in cap written on it, tell her the day you say something stewpid again, you are a goner.

Next time R E S P E C T, she is every woman just like Chaka Khan sang.

Guy, don't worry yourself. If she can't forgive you for this, then she is not the person you should marry. This is just the beginning. After you guys get married, there will be a lot more fights to come. A woman with an unforgiving spirit is a terrible wife.

I suspect there may be other issues. Maybe she don find another bobo...

God why is my own way of seeing things / reasoning different from most folks on NL? this is shocking !

@genius.. My thots exactly !

Just IDI OT and the world wan end? What if you're married nko? Best of the bestest nagging chei

Now all married folks ( that cuss out people here like crazy everytime) now have a perfect marriage with parental control PG14 mouth
Abegii give me a break jor!

OP, she probably already found another guy with constant and great service and looking for excuse to cut you off and she just got it... there's nothing like being together, getting to know each other while courting, except you're already married with kids which always cuffs most women from infidelity.
Even if you guys get back together eventually, I wish you best of luck handling such attitude. Very strange.

@ jidegirl, sorry again for this............"nkan ti eniyan ko ba ni gba ni olowo, talaka lo ma ti ko. Even in relationships, whatever you know you will not accept in your marriage, do not accept while courting. If you truly love a person, you will not use a derogatory words on that person. That is how it usually starts, if she doesnt fight it now, it might be too late and difficult for her to fight it when she become married to her, so, I dont blame d lady in this case, she is trying to establish what she will not take in her marriage. Its not about having another person.....no, far from that, she is principled and exercising her principles.
Me, as well, cant take that from any man or anybody else, im allegic to any form of abuse and that is why i have never and will never initiate fight or any abusive scenario, and if anyone tries it with me, i will not hesitate to cut that person off.
I will rather move in d company of someone who will add value to my life rather d someone who will deregate me with abusive words.
May God help us all.

@Greatgod no apologies atall , you be my person always we don't have to agree every time .

Wow... now everybody seem too touchy all of a sudden, relax guys, don't you think her silent treatment is too overboard?, after all they've been courting for over 3 years and not a fresh relationship so has it all been peachy ? , why now when she's about to get off school and settle down?
Principle & values eh? don't we all? Except there is more to OP's story then I'm not into that kind of silent treatment for what has been apologized for, what does she want? his head on a platter?

If you are truly sorry and know deep in your mind that you love her,as most people have said taking a trip down to see her might seem the way to go.I was in long distance relationship too its very hard(and expensive if i may add all those plane tickets ) BUT we are now married today.Communication is the most important part of such a relationship though so try to keep communicating without the hurtful words.

On a side note though maybe topic for another thread,i dont think its possible to be in a relationship and not one or the other have said what hurts the other person? It might something as mundane as why are u so headstrong madam always right or Uv definitely got issues.I know esp in the first year of marriage(not idiot o)that i said some things i now regret and hubby forgave me.As much as we wont tolerate abuse,is not unrealistic to expect NEVER to say words that might hurt your partner?


P.S am not condoning verbal abuse,am not naturally quick tongued BUT i do know that humans are fallible and we flip sometimes. Heck my mother who i know loves me more than life itself called me idiot(not nice and wont do the same to my kids) a coupla times.I am different from her though and she apologised for her outburts later.I know like Jidegirl this might seem controversial but its true.Nigerians are by nature sharp tongued

Why on earth will you call a woman you clim to love an 1-diot
I don't care the provocation, that's just too bad.
IMO, I don't think it's just the I-diot that's making her that angry . . . . something else must be eating her up (and I'm sure you know what that is)
This for her is the last straw. She's probably sick and tired of your sh1t and wondering if you are really worth the whole stress.
Can't say I blame her though. Signs like this, when ignored, could be disaster in the future.
Just let her be. Let her sort it out on her own.
If she comes back, try to watch your tongue . . .

damiso: If you are truly sorry and know deep in your mind that you love her,as most people have said taking a trip down to see her might seem the way to go.I was in long distance relationship too its very hard(and expensive if i may add all those plane tickets ) BUT we are now married today.Communication is the most important part of such a relationship though so try to keep communicating without the hurtful words.

On a side note though maybe topic for another thread,i dont think its possible to be in a relationship and not one or the other have said what hurts the other person? It might something as mundane as why are u so headstrong madam always right or Uv definitely got issues.I know esp in the first year of marriage[b](not idiot o)[/b]that i said some things i now regret and hubby forgave me.As much as we wont tolerate abuse,is not unrealistic to expect NEVER to say words that might hurt your partner?


P.S am not condoning verbal abuse,am not naturally quick tongued BUT i do know that humans are fallible and we flip sometimes. Heck my mother who i know loves me more than life itself called me idiot(not nice and wont do the same to my kids) a coupla times.I am different from her though and she apologised for her outburts later.I know like Jidegirl this might seem controversial but its true.Nigerians are by nature sharp tongued

I'm glad you see why the 1-diot is causing so much problem . .
We all say things we don't mean. But 'i-diot' That's waaaay overboard!
Only someone who has no atom of respect for h/her partner will use a word like that.

jidegirl12: @Greatgod no apologies atall , you be my person always we don't have to agree every time .

Wow... now everybody seem too touchy all of a sudden, relax guys, don't you think her silent treatment is too overboard?, after all they've been courting for over 3 years and not a fresh relationship so has it all been peachy ? , why now when she's about to get off school and settle down?
Principle & values eh? don't we all? Except there is more to OP's story then I'm not into that kind of silent treatment for what has been apologized for, what does she want? his head on a platter?

So if your husband calls you and i-diot, you'll just sweep it under the carpet, kiss and make up
I see . . . .
I really can't believe you are comparing what we do here with trolls on NL to what we do at home with out spouses!
You talk a lot about respect and yet you see nothing wrong in being called an i-diot.
You are right, you think differently!

Uju you really get time.How anyone would compare marriage(with kids probably) with a mere relationship beats me.

The type of super sillly some peeps can be just to be on the opposite side.

Interesting so the perfect wives on this NL have not been called stewpid before?

Actual or Implied

Stones don't sink on water

OP try n go and see her and tell her face to face.
If she gree go and sin no more. You did a bad thing maybe it was not the first time.

If she no gree, na lession for u

Dang! Didn't read the topic. The guy was the shît-starter so I guess . . .

Ujujoan:

I'm glad you see why the 1-diot is causing so much problem . .
We all say things we don't mean. But 'i-diot' That's waaaay overboard!
Only someone who has no atom of respect for h/her partner will use a word like that.

Yeah not a nice word at all and i probably would break up with any BF who called me that when courting.Fool,retard, not words i use on anyone not anyone talkless of my partner.

My own thoughts though and why i wote that is that sometimes on NL i notice its like advise on relationships can be a tad bit too nearing perfection.Nigerians abuse people alot and i know couples who have called each other fool.Again not my choice of word and i might not be able to take it but to some people its no water off their back.Call her fool she will say your a bigger fool and some other choice cuss words.Next day they are fine.I think to myself which kain ppl be this?But i am learning everyday to sometimes respect that every two individuals might be diff and the dynamics of relationships differ.Thats all.
P.S Not excusing the OP use of words that was not nice.

@damiso , thanks a lot. I just read OP post again and I got more irritated with the lady , she said she doesn't love him like before anymore cos a man called her i diot in a 3yr relationship, and people called that laying ground rules for future abuse? how's that even relative here
Lol @ parents calling names, all of them do and they won't apologize for it self, that one nko? They'll start raising their voices in your ears if you dare reprimand them but does that mean they don't love us? They'd be the first to jump on the plane & leave everything else on hold if anything ( God forbid) happens. But if somebody you plan to spend the rest of life with calls you a name , you flip like a pancake? come on now, give me a break , what's wrong with forgiveness.

@dayo even said he'll reconsider his stand in a relationship if anybody calls him that too ( dayo that's quick to call jobless/ dependent women alabodo- (feed & fvck) ) , how sharp could that mouth be ?

OP like somebody already suggested buying Doves & buffallos , my own idea ; book a flight and tour it to Detroit( Michigan?) first and buy her a sleek Mustang with a big red bow on it before heading down to her area, I'm sure it'll work like a charm. ( orisirisi)

damiso:

Yeah not a nice word at all and i probably would break up with any BF who called me that when courting.Fool,retard, not words i use on anyone not anyone talkless of my partner.

My own thoughts though and why i wote that is that sometimes on NL i notice its like advise on relationships can be a tad bit too nearing perfection.Nigerians abuse people alot and i know couples who have called each other fool.Again not my choice of word and i might not be able to take it but to some people its no water off their back.Call her fool she will say your a bigger fool and some other choice cuss words.Next day they are fine.I think to myself which kain ppl be this?But i am learning everyday to sometimes respect that every two individuals might be diff and the dynamics of relationships differ.Thats all.
P.S Not excusing the OP use of words that was not nice.

I'm glad you were at least truthful enough to admit that.
As we make our beds, so we lie on it.
If the lady starts accepting words like that at this stage, she's making herself vulnerable to repetition in future.
I dont care what other couples do . . . I'm just glad you admitted you can't do same.
Of course, this is Nigeria. There are a lot of dysfunctional relationships people see as the norm . . . I just wont like to be part of that!
So no, I'm not going to just lay back and take such word from my spouse.
I wont divorce him, no. But if months of snobbing is what it will take to ensure it NEVER happens again, then so be it.

BABE!:
Dang! Didn't read the topic. The guy was the shît-starter so I guess . . .

I was going to get back to you . . .
But starter or no starter, it's just not a good word to use on a spouse.
And NO, I have never and will never use such a word on my spouse. And I'm not the most polite person on earth . . .

As for you Uju , you know me well I'm always Mrs right and never wrong so you know how stubborn I will be in my relationship , yes I campaign respect in relationships, but you have to let somethings slide after apology to let peace reign , we are all humans and bound to make mistakes and calling names is part of it, I'm not condoning what he did ( coming from a mom of all girls) but i diot is not in any way overboard my dear, tsk tsk .... maybe OP left something out , it ain't!