The money they are spending could help me and my husband get our own place to live. We've been through hell with losing jobs, etc. We're trying hard to get out of the place we rent with the owner living with us. It's not normal or good for our marriage.

Full story please. Are they your husband's parents, sibblings, cousins etc. Are they fully aware of your situation? By that, i mean if your husband has gone to meet them for financial help. If he has and they still prefer to maintain their lavish livestyle rather than help one of their own, that's wrong of them.

Mercedes20: The money they are spending could help me and my husband get our own place to live. We've been through hell with losing jobs, etc. We're trying hard to get out of the place we rent with the owner living with us. It's not normal or good for our marriage.

Excuse me, I don't get what the problem here is?

Are you berating your in-laws for spending their money the way they see fit? How does that concern you? You make it sound as if they owe you and your wife something?

If you need financial help, don't you think the best thing for you to do in this instance, is to go cap in hand and ask them politely to help you out? Perhaps with a loan or something, which you'll promise to pay back as soon as you possibly can? Rather than give them the evil eye?

Na wa for some people and their mentality of "I deserve this...I deserve that!"

Efemena_xy:

Excuse me, I don't get what the problem here is?

Are you berating your in-laws for spending their money the way they see fit? How does that concern you? You make it sound as if they owe you and your wife something?

If you need financial help, don't you think the best thing for you to do in this instance, is to go cap in hand and ask them politely to help you out? Perhaps with a loan or something, which you'll promise to pay back as soon as you possibly can? Rather than give them the evil eye?

Na wa for some people and their mentality of "I deserve this...I deserve that!"

LMAO can you imagine this

OP, na dem send you make you go marry. See you eyeing another person's pocket and getting angry that the person is not spending for you. This is unbelievable. I see why you are where you are. May we not have family like this. Out of envy, can this person not kill? When you will not mind your business and focus on how to make your own life better, it is to be counting their money and what they do with it, that is your problem. This is unreal.

^^ My dear, I tire o!

The fact that this guy seems to know how they spend their every Kobo go make fear catch you.

Na this kind inlaw person go do serious fasting and prayers for, to never come across in married life, I tell you.

Hehehe is it your money? and did I just hear you said 'wasting'? they've worked all their lives and now doing what their mates are doing, and you're here thrusting your long throat into their purse instead of politely ask for their help.
ohhh big deal you are laid off work , life goes on , dust yourself off and quit looking for pity party.mtchewww

The money could help you & your wife? , is this a joke? lemme check again

Rofl efe and baby. But before we crucify her, Let her come and give us a more indepth version of her story. True its not the inlaw's responsibility to get them out of their mess, more like a moral obligation. It would be unfair if they watch while their own languish and they're in a position to help. Let her come and give us more details sha.

dominique: Rofl efe and baby. But before we crucify her, Let her come and give us a more indepth version of her story. True its not the inlaw's responsibility to get them out of their mess, more like a moral obligation. It would be unfair if they watch while their own languish and they're in a position to help. Let her come and give us more details sha.

Actually, I do get where she's coming from...you know, the African setting of the extended family looking out for each other and all that.

My annoyance with her post is that she made it sound like this optional help from the in-laws is a must do thing!

I bet you, if @poster is asked to house/look after these same inlaws as per training up, letting MIL live indefinitely with them, etc...you'll hear a completely different story of how 'dem wan wreck my marriage'!

It's selfish to pick and choose what you want from the traditional lifestyle. It's either you go all the way and take the good with the bad, or you just remain in your corner and mind your own business jare. Personally, I prefer the latter. Less stress in an already stressful world...

Jidegirl, we don't know if they've asked o.
Its our Nigerian mentality to believe the rich amongst us owe us something. I personally don't believe in vanity and help people to the best I can. Not cos its what's expected of me but just from my freewill. I'm not in a position to judge anybody sha, not with this on-the-surface story.

dominique: Rofl efe and baby. But before we crucify her, Let her come and give us a more indepth version of her story. True its not the inlaw's responsibility to get them out of their mess, more like a moral obligation. It would be unfair if they watch while their own languish and they're in a position to help. Let her come and give us more details sha.

No one has any moral obligation to take care of another mans responsibilities. How long will you take on such responsibility? Besides when we look at people, life is not always what it seems. Do you know how long this couple may have saved for this vacation? Some people even pay installmentally for vacations. You cannot come and call what they choose to do with their money WASTE. Dont tell me you believe she mistook her words? She meant this like she wrote it. She doesnt realise she is an adult. If they can help, fine. If they cant, then stop crying about it, and counting everything they do. That is just sick, and evil. This kind of person, nothing will ever be enough. Give them a toyota, they will compain you are driving a mercedes, and gave them a kabukabu toyota.

Rotflmao @ Wasting

I'm confused as to why they can't do both? I've never seen a well to do family that has a lavish wedding and sends off their child to go and live in squalor, squatting/renting with someone. Or are they borrowing money for the wedding? Anyway about them denying themselves the talk of the town wedding to donate the money into your lives, just forget it. You know that's not happening in Naija. They can have their day AND still help their son out.

And if they choose not to help you despite having the means, then face your own way and take control of your own destiny. No need to start stressing yourself over that.

baby_123:

No one has any moral obligation to take care of another mans responsibilities. How long will you take on such responsibility? Besides when we look at people, life is not always what it seems. Do you know how long this couple may have saved for this vacation? Some people even pay installmentally for vacations. You cannot come and call what they choose to do with their money WASTE. Dont tell me you believe she mistook her words? She meant this like she wrote it. She doesnt realise she is an adult. If they can help, fine. If they cant, then stop crying about it, and counting everything they do. That is just sick, and evil. This kind of person, nothing will ever be enough. Give them a toyota, they will compain you are driving a mercedes, and gave them a kabukabu toyota.

Lolss. As long as the money is not being spent on them, its wasted .
Btw, by moral obligation, I was referring to helping your fellow man in dire need to the best of your ability. No one has the right to make you feel bad about what you do with your money tho.

dominique: Jidegirl, we don't know if they've asked o.
Its our Nigerian mentality to believe the rich amongst us owe us something. I personally don't believe in vanity and help people to the best I can. Not cos its what's expected of me but just from my freewill. I'm not in a position to judge anybody sha, not with this on-the-surface story.

It's none of my business if they've asked or not. I really care less even, and as per Nigerian mentality, I beg to differ , isn't it the same Nigerians will say they're not obliged to care for their aging in-laws ? so why is it different now when it comes to money palaver? ( I know people will say that's different, typical!)

I repeat again: the rich is not obliged to give to the needy to justify his humanity! Period.
They both should get back on their feet rather than waiting for freeloading. How long are they willing to do that for?

^^^ So you're saying a close friend or relative comes to you for financial and you're in a position to help, you turn them away cos they're not your problem? You harsh small o. The op has not told their full story so we can't assume they want to freeload off rich family members.

Well Efe and Baby_123 has said it aℓℓ! Must the inlaw assist you? They worked! Made painful decisions aπϑ sacrifices! Now they want †☺ use part of it †☺ relax but because you are having a bad time they must help you. Please ooh they had other plans for the money.
Yes its African †☺ help but †☺ whose gain? The loafers will still continue †☺ come around! aπϑ if they give it as a loan, either it is not repaid which leads †☺ discord or it is repaid aπϑ still leads †☺ discord!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I have tried to put myself in their shoes and I certainly would not take expensive vacations ( they live in Maui) when I knew my only child didn't have his own home. That's why I say it's a waste of money. Now spending money on a home would never be a waste. You can't put a price on sanity or peacefulness! I guess I have more empathy towards my own kids and I want them to be happy and taken care of.

Mercedes20: I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I have tried to put myself in their shoes and I certainly would not take expensive vacations ( they live in Maui) when I knew my only child didn't have his own home. That's why I say it's a waste of money. Now spending money on a home would never be a waste. You can't put a price on sanity or peacefulness! I guess I have more empathy towards my own kids and I want them to be happy and taken care of.

Why won't they help their son with his housing situation?

Mercedes20: I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I have tried to put myself in their shoes and I certainly would not take expensive vacations ( they live in Maui) when I knew my only child didn't have his own home. That's why I say it's a waste of money. Now spending money on a home would never be a waste. You can't put a price on sanity or peacefulness! I guess I have more empathy towards my own kids and I want them to be happy and taken care of.

Mercedes, do you mind if I ask you why you got married in the first place?

Was it due to societal pressures? Age / feeling you weren't getting any younger?

The reason I ask is because you don't come across a mature person. Ever heard the saying, "Marry for love and build up your home from scratch?" From the little you've posted on this thread, I get the impression that you married your husband for his family's wealth, only to discover later in the marriage that your husband doesn't control the purse strings.

Lady, instead of bemoaning your inlaws, how about you develop some back bone and support your man? What stops you from going out there to earn some money of your own, for which to build up your home with him?

For the umpteenth time, how your in-laws choose to spend their money is no business of yours!

Shikena!

Efemena_xy:

Mercedes, do you mind if I ask you why you got married in the first place?

Was it due to societal pressures? Age / feeling you weren't getting any younger?

The reason I ask is because you don't come across a mature person. Ever heard the saying, "Marry for love and build up your home from scratch?" From the little you've posted on this thread, [size=18pt]I get the impression that you married your husband for his family's wealth, only to discover later in the marriage that your husband doesn't control the purse strings[/size].

Lady, instead of bemoaning your inlaws, how about you develop some back bone and support your man? What stops you from going out there to earn some money of your own, for which to build up your home with him?

For the umpteenth time, how your in-laws choose to spend their money is no business of yours!

Shikena!

YEPA, Efemena don scatter the whole matter. You got it damn right!

A lot of people do this. Eyeing the parents money. Imagine!!! Not as if the person they married can actually make such money.

They also forget that these parents have other children too, who have problems as well.

Finally, they forget that once you get married, you really cant depend on your parents like you used to

I want to ask the OP, WHY NOT ASK YOUR PARENTS TO HELP? Your have parents right? This seems to be affecting you the most. Or you want to say your parents dont have a roof over their heads? They dont take vacations? You got into that marriage with the wrong expectations and married for the wrong reasons. You are in it, deal with it and work hard to dig yourself out of your mess.

^^ My dear, I couldn't help but notice it from her latest post jare.

The gimme, gimme, gimme because I deserve it mentality is still so evident in her post, despite all that's already been said to her.

The saddest part is that she doesnt get it. This is what can push some of them to kill these people they think are "wasting" their money. In the belief that they know how to spend that money better. They are not even her parents. Am sure she can ask her parents for help, but she is obessed with the fact that she is entitled to another's sweat. Just because she married their child. These people are going about their lives the way they planned and worked hard for. This one is sitting down crying that she is not being included. Na your fada money? Thunder faya you OP. Their son is not going around complaining, you are! It seems you are idle, you better go and get a job so you can get a roof over your head, and afford vacations. mtscheew! May God save us and shield us from people that have such brain capacity.

baby_123: Na your fada money? Thunder faya you OP. Their son is not going around complaining, you are! It seems you are idle, you better go and get a job so you can get a roof over your head, and afford vacations. mtscheew! May God save us and shield us from people that have such brain capacity.

I wonder how old she is?

Mercedes20: I don't mean to sound ungrateful. [size=18pt]I have tried to put myself in their shoes and I certainly would not take expensive vacations[/size] ( they live in Maui) [size=18pt]when I knew my only child didn't have his own home. That's why I say it's a waste of money. Now spending money on a home would never be a waste. You can't put a price on sanity or peacefulness![/size] I guess I have more empathy towards my own kids and I want them to be happy and taken care of.

This is the statement that really annoyed me. This OP is so annoying

The only child's parents are responsible for her peace and sanity. Not her.

Only child cannot work hard, probably waiting for the parents to die.

When they lavish that money finish, they will now go and spit on the parents grave that they did not save enough

Lazy and entitled couple. Tufia! See her giving advice to another person on money she cannot make to save her life.

Parents should really be careful who they are raising and who their kids are marrying. I am really angry today.

@baby o una don kill me with laughter.
Thunder fire her mouth indeed.... O. L. E !!!!
Go and build your own empire with your man and stop doing long throat ... It's called WORK HARD without ceasing ,
who knows you might buy that property in Maui too for annual family vaca with your own immediate family.
See we have our own timeshare too and nobody papa kobo no de there. Mtcheeeew

baby_123:
Parents should really be careful who they are raising and who their kids are marrying. I am really angry today.

Gbam! Gold-diggers wannabes everywhere.

Chilax Baby

baby_123:

This is the statement that really annoyed me. This OP is so annoying

The only child's parents are responsible for her peace and sanity. Not her.

Only child cannot work hard, probably waiting for the parents to die.

When they lavish that money finish, they will now go and spit on the parents grave that they did not save enough

Lazy and entitled couple. Tufia! See her giving advice to another person on money she cannot make to save her life.

Parents should really be careful who they are raising and who their kids are marrying. I am really angry today.

Now, now, now...don't get all worked up over this.

Take a couple of deep breaths...and some more...and again...

Now, d'you feel better?

jidegirl12: @baby o una don kill me with laughter.
Thunder fire her mouth indeed.... O. L. E !!!!
Go and build your own empire with your man and stop doing long throat ... It's called WORK HARD without ceasing ,
who knows you might buy that property in Maui too for annual family vaca with your own immediate family.
See we have our own timeshare too and nobody papa kobo no de there. Mtcheeeew


Gbam! Gold-diggers wannabes everywhere.

Chilax Baby

Efemena_xy:

Now, now, now...don't get all worked up over this.

Take a couple of deep breaths...and some more...and again...

Now, d'you feel better?

I think i need a drink!

This OP has astonished me today. I couldnt believe when i saw that response, after all we wrote.

Wait o, was I hallucinating when I first read this post?!! I thought she said lavish wedding for her and her husband to be. Lmao. Please tell me the OP didn't open a thread complaining about how her in laws are enjoying their own money on vacations?? And to think I was even pitying her!! Mtschiew!!!

OP, do you know whether they spent years denying themselves and saving for the vacations to enjoy in their old age? Even if they didn't suffer, they have a limited amount of time left to spend on this earth. So you want them to not enjoy the work of their labor and fulfill their dreams in their last years on earth eh. They should be toiling for 2 grown a*ss people who have their own hands ba? Wow!! Woman they are not interested in babying their child anymore. Remove your eyes from their money and go make yours.

Mercedes what's your husband's take on this matter? Does he also feel he is his still his parents' responsibility in his adult age. he was prolly raised spoilt rotten who's used to running to his folks gets out of tough situations. Hope he doesn't pull a menendez on them sha.

dominique: Mercedes what's your husband's take on this matter? Does he also feel he is his still his parents' responsibility in his adult age. he was prolly raised spoilt rotten who's used to running to his folks gets out of tough situations. Hope he doesn't pull a menendez on them sha.

I'd bet that her husband is pretty irresponsible with money and that's why the folks have left him to himself instead of continuing to WASTE their money on him. But what's the wife's own to be coveting other people's money if that was not her sole reason for marrying their son?

No my husband is not irresposible with money. He's a very hard worker. It's just hard starting over in our 40's. It's taking so long for us to get our own place to live. It's almost 5 long years. And no movement yet. He's going to work 2 full time jobs as soon as he can get another job. I work full time and overtime. We're doing as much as we can.

Mercedes20: No my husband is not irresposible with money. He's a very hard worker. It's just hard starting over in our 40's. It's taking so long for us to get our own place to live. It's almost 5 long years. And no movement yet. He's going to work 2 full time jobs as soon as he can get another job. I work full time and overtime. We're doing as much as we can.

wow! You are in your 40's?! And want someone else to be responsible for your life? I'm sorry but there's no excuse for this thread. Sorry to be harsh. I assumed you were in your 20's or so.

Sorry for the hardships you are facing but this is not the way to handle it. Glad to hear you are both working hard, keep it up. The most you can do is ask for a loan from your in laws. But to expect them to be responsible for you instead of enjoying their retirement is a bit much. I wish you all the best and may God meet your needs.