Mercedes20: No my husband is not irresposible with money. He's a very hard worker. It's just hard starting over in our 40's. It's taking so long for us to get our own place to live. It's almost 5 long years. And no movement yet. He's going to work 2 full time jobs as soon as he can get another job. I work full time and overtime. We're doing as much as we can.

So if they get you a house, who will pay the mortgage? Seeing as in 5years you have not really moved from where you are. Why give a poor man more debt. Is that not wickedness? Try and live within your means, be content and be happy. Good things will come your way, and even then you will know how to manage and appreciate the good things a lot better. Dont pray for responsibility you cannot handle. You expect 60-70 something year old to be paying mortgage and bills just so you can live a certain lifestyle far above your means. At whose expense? What if these old people fall ill, who will pay for their care? You? You will probably sell the house, take the money and disappear. Give it a rest with this outrageous story.

This is like a movie... What's wrong with living within your means, just cos your friends have a mansion doesn't mean you should too, you can't afford it period!
I bet you're praying for those old folks early grave cos of their scrumptious life insurance leftover... wow !
I'm sick to my stomach all of a sudden for you.

This is what happens when families are not closely knitted enough

If you have been through a lot, losing jobs etc has you said and his family cannot help him, then obviously there is more to the story.

Heaven forbids, if I fall through hard times, YES I expect my family to help me out if they are capable of doing so, that is one of the perks of having a "family"! or are families meant just for the owanbe parties, asoebi and good times only ni? To each their own

Anyway poster. Search yourselves. Have you and hubby irked them off?

Thak you vanity
I tire for these condemnations on this thread.

I know how much I helped my dads buidling project and I know he much he helped me on mine

What's the use of going on vacattions when my son has no where no lay his head.

I have been shaking my head since this thread was opened
The same people that say you shd spurn potentially high earning opportunities to do ruth aboboku are now abusing you when money no reach

Na wa o

Mercedes20: No my husband is not irresposible with money. He's a very hard worker. It's just hard starting over in our 40's. It's taking so long for us to get our own place to live. It's almost 5 long years. And no movement yet. He's going to work 2 full time jobs as soon as he can get another job. I work full time and overtime. We're doing as much as we can.

OP before i make any comments.Have you actually ASKED for help?And you do know contrary to what alot of people think NOT OWNING your own place is not necessarily NOT having your own place to live?I do get that its frustrating living with a landlord and you sound like you have been through alot.But has your husband actually ASKED them for assistance.And even if he asks is it with a sense of entitlement?

I know oga biola might say its condemnation but seriously bricks and mortar are exactly just that.Elderly people are going soon and all these my house my house at that age might just seem like vanities to them.Parents(good ones) exhaust alot on their kids in order to make them responsible for themselves(if we want to even go by proper proper african culture you should be the one taking care of your parents by the time you are in your 40's)but sometimes as OP has illustrated life is not easy
So if you are not providing for them is it now fair to be begrudge them of the lil luxuries they might have never enjoyed while raising kids?I am not saying they should not help o dont get me wrong.Just saying that when parents have raised you to a certain level its not fair to still think they continue to owe you.By all means go to them for help as i continue to say we all need help and will ask my mum for a loan if i run into bad times.Will i begrudge if she says no,no i wont cos i will think to myself what of those people who have very very poor parents who despite all the issues you still have to send feeding money to? What should those people do?

Dear ma I am not a condemner o you are right but I know where she is coming from.
For myself What is the use of having money if I can't suse it as a leg up for my kids and grand kids

when you say you train children to do well in life. You also pray for favor and divine mercy that God keeps them

Have we not all heard of the thousnds of foreclosures in the US or those that lost their savings to enron, stock markets or evn their 401k.

The reality is that calamity can strike what makes a man is how you rise from it.

How will one feel if the kids had to drop out from school, you know how hard your man is working and next thing you hear his father spent 15000 dollars on a vacation.

I will feel bad
Sorry I'm not a neo modern man

Because some of us have done well for ourselves does not mean we look down on others

Dear OP

- discuss with your husband on how to go about your current predicament
- reduce all expenses to the barest minimum except necessities
- speak to the people in ur local church/community centre they may help with jobs, child care and stuff
- if you have to go to your parents be calm, lower your expectations sth or nothing may come out of it

- look unto the hills from where your help cometh

Man can disappoint


Also I agree parents once kids are grown up shd sit and put their leg up to say we have tried but globally now parents are finding out that more help is needed.
Some twenty sths are still in their parents home because they have no job

Yes not only naija but US and UK too

biolabee: Dear ma I am not a condemner o you are right but I know where she is coming from.
For myself What is the use of having money if I can't suse it as a leg up for my kids and grand kids

when you say you train children to do well in life. You also pray for favor and divine mercy that God keeps them

Have we not all heard of the thousnds of foreclosures in the US or those that lost their savings to enron, stock markets or evn their 401k.

The reality is that calamity can strike what makes a man is how you rise from it.

How will one feel if the kids had to drop out from school, you know how hard your man is working and next thing you hear his father spent 15000 dollars on a vacation.

I will feel bad
Sorry I'm not a neo modern man

Because some of us have done well for ourselves does not mean we look down on others

Dear OP

- discuss with your husband on how to go about your current predicament
- reduce all expenses to the barest minimum except necessities
- speak to the people in ur local church/community centre they may help with jobs, child care and stuff
- if you have to go to your parents be calm, lower your expectations sth or nothing may come out of it

- look unto the hills from where your help cometh

Man can disappoint


Also I agree parents once kids are grown up shd sit and put their leg up to say we have tried but globally now parents are finding out that more help is needed.
Some twenty sths are still in their parents home because they have no job

Yes not only naija but US and UK too

Oga am not looking down on people. I seriously claim the doing well for myself IJN .You might be shocked to see that maybe even the OP is doing better than me financially.Doing well sometimes is relative.

You have given spot on advise.Look unto the hills from whence cometh my help.Resentment is reduced then cos once we believe this person(it works both ways child or parent)OUGHT to be able to do that for me and they dont, we get hurt.But if only we can look at the times when they have it would be reduced.At least my parents educated me some people had to fend for and educate themselves.

I learnt that lesson in university cos i used to feel so entitled.Most of my friend and my parent friends kids had cars but unfortunately my university years were when my parents fell on hard times.We went from having 5 cars and drivers to mum and dad sharing one car.I used to resent my dad for just giving me the basics.All the people i knew still had holidays abroad.You know what changed that mindset,i met a girl in one my group assignments she worked in a shop as a shop girl and sent money to her parents.And she still spoke so highly of them.Here was i a student too with enough clothes,all my textbooks paid for i even lived in a nice apartment with my friend paid for by this same parents who could no longer give me stuff i WANTED.Since then i never ever grumbled again when i got my pocket money.

Since then i cherished whatever anybody gives to me.My friends are always laughing the way i keep saying thank you if someone sends N1,000 mtn credit when i am in naija.I have learnt to under expect and make God's favour my provider.Also i have learnt to be content and aspire and work harder to get those things i aspire for.One of the reasons i broke up with my ex, he was always moaning about how hid parents spent THEIR money.I ran into him.a couple of years back,his Dad is now late and he is still moaning that the man left some of his property to Jehovahs witnesses.He is convinced they jazzed the man. .I was just SMH.


You are right though,tough economic times world over means people have to run back to the bank of mum and dad.But abeg lets pity them too small.When we die we leave all those houses and things,its the experiences and lives we touched that make up our life.

OP the Lord is your strength i think biola bullet points are things you and your husband should look into.This too shall pass.But pls let go of the resentment.What of if you still had to be sending your inlaws feeding money despite all your going through?There are thousands of people in that predicament or what of if they are no more sef.Just know that it will get better.

Hehehehe,

Am very sure going on a vacation is cheaper than housing and feeding a family of 6. OP should be content. These people are on a fixed income. Except they are sitting on a large inheritance, I am pretty sure they cannot afford to take care of your family. Its better to know how to manage, than to live luxuriously and then fall into hardship without being able to manage yourself. OP also has her parents, if it bothers her so much she can ask them. But focusing on your inlaws money is just creepy. You sure didn't marry their son for his looks.

baby_123: Hehehehe,

Am very sure going on a vacation is cheaper than housing and feeding a family of 6. OP should be content. These people are on a fixed income. Except they are sitting on a large inheritance, I am pretty sure they cannot afford to take care of your family. Its better to know how to manage, than to live luxuriously and then fall into hardship without being able to manage yourself. OP also has her parents, if it bothers her so much she can ask them. But focusing on your inlaws money is just creepy. You sure didn't marry their son for his looks.

Very creepy!

@damiso

dear ma.. i really appreciate your experience and it was the almost the same for me but parents did their best for us kids
especially the girls who have to be specially catered for as a penniless girl can do and undo.Its even worse this days

The bank of mum and dad helps some people to get a leg up and one shd not take shame in that as long as it comes from humility and not like its my right

As for the poster
I hope she can take the good points and pull themselves out as life is transient
Tomorrow when all is well you would like back on this moment and even be more grateful. Amin

She is in a bad state right now, do we want her to say how bad a state she is before we pity her

baby123
her own parents may be late or not be as financially stable

Mr Biola you're a character I tell ya... have you asked OP bout her parents status before your assumption?

Anyways we all have financially sunk one way or the other in our lives, of course my folks are there to help me but I don't go flexing my chest to him claiming entitlement over his hard earned money, as the matter of fact he gave me jobs to execute to relieve my financial struggle rather than a loan .

Like @Damiso said, There are some parents who live upon what their children give them.

Speaking of 401k, My friend ( older) took her 401k after her home was foreclosed , she asked me for a loan to supplement the money to purchase a house , I instead subcontracted her a state supply job ( in Nigeria) and it yielded almost triple dividend of the original 401k she took out. She bought her house outright cash and running her own business now , she's still thanking me till today for that huge favour, I could have said no, but she needed it most and she's a very good friend.

jidegirl12: Mr Biola you're a character I tell ya... have you asked OP bout her parents status before your assumption?

Anyways we all have financially sunk one way or the other in our lives, of course my folks are there to help me but I don't go flexing my chest to him claiming entitlement over his hard earned money, as the matter of fact he gave me jobs to execute to relieve my financial struggle rather than a loan .

Like @Damiso said, There are some parents who live upon what their children give them.

Speaking of 401k, My friend ( older) took her 401k after her home was foreclosed , she asked me for a loan to supplement the money to purchase a house , I instead subcontracted her a state supply job ( in Nigeria) and it yielded almost triple dividend of the original 401k she took out. She bought her house outright cash and running her own business now , she's still thanking me till today for that huge favour, I could have said no, but she needed it most and she's a very good friend.

i never made any assumption ma
all i said was that i belive it is not fair for people to make her feel bad because she feels aggrieved
She has a real need whether she was a spendthrift or they fell on hard times

I appreciate your efforts on your friend but others did not have a 401k to run to because the execs gambled it on the stock market

OP
What have you decided to do

@OP, you should be able to count your teeth with your tongue based on the responses so far.
U hear?