One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before
a small town congregation. Everyone started
screaming and running for the front church
door, trampling each other in a frantic effort
to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an
elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan
walked up to the man and said, "Don't you
know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you
afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to
your sister for over 48 years."

A guy named Chukwudi went for
an acting audition, and he was
picked.
In the movie, He starred in a part
where he was hit by a car.
After production, the movie was
released and started selling in
the market. It got to his
hometown and his mother
watched how her son was killed
she
wept uncontrollably.
A week later,Chukwudi went back
home to
visit his mother.
When she saw him
she got scared and
thought dat it was her son's ghost
until he
threw N25,000 at
her.
With dis, the mother realised dat
her son was alive so she
decided to pray for
her son saying;
Chukwudi my pikin,
Na small motor jam u
wey u bring dis big
money!
Now, as u dey go back to Lagos
na caterpillar go jam u.

Akpos died and went to Heaven. As he
stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'Why all the clocks?'
St. Peter answered, Those are Lie-
Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time
you lie, the hands on your clock move.
Oh, said akpos. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresas', replied
St.Peter. 'The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a
lie.'
'Incredible', said akpos. 'And whose
clock is that one?
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham
Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved Twice, telling us that Abraham
told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's our politician's clock?' asked
akpos.
St Peter replied, they r in the office.
We're using them as ceiling fans.'

Akpos spits saliva in his palms and
starts
rubbing it all over his head.
Teacher: Akpors!!!!!...W hat stupid
thing
are
you doing ...what is the essence
of smearing your head with
saliva ??
Akpors: because what you are
teaching
isnt entering.
Teacher: and so what has that got
to do
with saliva?
Akpors: I overheard my mum last
night telling dad in their bedroom
that if it is
difficult for it to enter, apply some
saliva
on the head

#7 Reasons Why Men Are Always Happy
Creatures....
1: Their Last Name Stays With Them
Forever,
2: Phone Conversations Last Just For 30 Secs
Flat,
3: A Five Day Vacation Requires Only One
Jeans,
4: If Someone Forgets To Invite Them,He
Can Still Be Their Friend,
5: The Same Hair Style Lasts For Years Or
Even Decades,
6: They Can Do Shopping For 25 Relatives In
25 Minutes,
7: They Don't Freak Out When They Go To A
Party N See Another Man Wearing The Same
Shirt, Instead They Become Buddies.

A group of student scientists in Nigeria
were to hold a competition to showcase
their scientific inventions.
The first boy came forward & said: "Am
Adesola Kunle from Lagos. I invented a
biro that can write whatever someone
says
on its own". He practicalized it and
was applauded.
The second person came and said: "I am
Osita Chidi from Imo state. I invented a
chip that can tell you the amount of
money in someone's pockets close to it".
He
also practicalized it& was also
applauded.
Then came another man who said: "Am
Akpors from Bauchi state. I inevented a
bomb
that can kill anything 1000 metres away
and
will blow up any human body into million
pieces, grinding
up the hardest bones in the body. Please
can you all sit down while I practicalize
it before you all.
At this point, the chairman of the
competition
shouted out. "Akpors dont worry about
testing it here. You have done an
excellent job
& you are already the winner of this
competition

A black man, Akpors and white man were
seated on plane.
Akpors had a bunch of banana, while the white man had a monkey.
Akpors wanted to go to the toilet, he said to the white man "please watch over
my
bananas, while am gone".
He went, came back and found out that the bananas were all gone. The white
man pointed at the monkey and said, "your brother the monkey ate all of them".
Akpors with a smile said nothing.
Minutes later, the white man said, "please hold my monkey while I pee". He
came back and met the monkey dead. He asked Akoprs what happened and he
replied
.
.
.
.
"this is a family matter, please
stay out of it!"

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special
report for school, but I don't know what
Politics is."
Father: "Well, let's take our home as an
example. I am the bread-winner, so let's
call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the
administrator of money, so we'll call her
Government. We take care of your need,
so let's call you The People. We'll call
the maid the Working Class and your
brother we can call The Future. Do
you understand son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll
have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's
crying, the boy went to see what was
wrong. Discovering that the baby had
seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went
to his parents' room and found his mother
sound asleep. He went to the maid's
room, where, peeking through the
keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the
maid. The boy's knocking went totally
unheeded by his father and the maid, so
the boy returned to his room and went
back to sleep. The next morning he
reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand
what Politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it
to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is
screwing the Working Class,
Government is sound asleep, the People
are being completely ignored and the
Future is full of Shit."