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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men (1937 Views)
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My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by NessaFresh(f): 12:03am On Mar 01, 2013 |
A female friend of mine has this problem. It's really a shame because she is actually very caring in a lot of ways, but holds hatred in her heart toward men which she usually hides behind her friendly demeanor. Almost like she's 2 different people in 1. I tried reaching out to her in the nicest most caring way possible, but I just got screamed at. She believes all men are misogynists, while SHE is a huge misandrist, constantly saying negative things about men and driving away the good men. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I wondered if there's any way these kinds of women can be helped. Like if anyone knew of books specifically about how victims of rape can work toward actually healing and learning how to trust and seek out good men, instead of wrecking their life and happiness by holding onto their bitterness and believing these intensely negative things and spewing hatred toward men. Thanks. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by 190theclown: 12:14am On Mar 01, 2013 |
ehen if she belives men are bad ehen convince her to start and remain loving women nor be force na ![]() ![]() |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Blackteeth(m): 12:19am On Mar 01, 2013 |
Let her go ahead and hate men. She is only a drop in the ocean of available women. I may help her to increase the hatred if necessary. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Caracta(f): 12:44am On Mar 01, 2013 |
Time heals. Making friends with the opposite sêx might help. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by seedord247(m): 12:58am On Mar 01, 2013 |
Na only she get r.aped by men??... So many powerful women in this world don get molest one way or the other and yet they still get married... Maybe she's a tranny cuz their type hate men alot. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by dasparrow: 5:38am On Mar 01, 2013 |
NessaFresh: A female friend of mine has this problem. It's really a You have no idea of the strong negative psychological impact *r*a*p*e can leave on a victim. Do you know what it feels like to have something as strong as an erected p*en.i*s forcefully injected into a vjay that is not moist and ready for penetration? Do you you know the pain the victim suffers as a result of internal injury to the vjay that can lead to infection - if not treated immediately- and in severe cases lead to bareness? A lot of research has been done by researchers and professional psychologists in advanced countries on the psychological impact of r*a*p.e on the victim. That most Nigerians choose to be ignorant about it and brush it off like r*a*p.e is a crime that has no negative psychological impact on the victim does not mean it is so. Nigeria is indeed a very misogynist society and the average Nigerian male is brought up to be misogynist as evidenced by the responses this thread has gathered so far. I blame both Nigerian men and women who bring males children into the world and then fail woefully in bringing them up properly. The effect of that is a society such as Nigeria where you see many men behaving worse than animals. When God gave men a p*en.i*s, it was meant for 2 things: urinating and making love to the wife. It was never meant to be used as a weapon to inflict harm on another human being. R*a.p/e is one of the most hideous crimes you can commit against another person because the body is the temple of God and r*a*p.in.g an individual is crime against the body and the soul. If your friend were my sister, I would strongly advise her to leave Nigeria and go to an advanced country for some serious professional counseling. If possible, your friend should leave Nigeria for good so that she can have time to heal and equally be far away from the Nigerian societal pressure to get married when she knows she is not mentally ready to engage in sex due to what sadly happened to her. As her friend, give her words of support and comfort and keep her in your prayers. Trying to force her to like men when the man who r*a*p.e*d her was most likely never punished by the law is like expecting a dog to earn a university degree. In other words, its impossible. Books will not help your friend heal either but rather professional counseling by a licensed psychologist. May God protect our daughters from evil, amen. 4 Likes |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by dasparrow: 5:53am On Mar 01, 2013 |
seedord247: Na only she get r.aped by men??... So many powerful women in this world don get molest one way or the other and yet they still get married... You are sadly one of the biggest chauvinists that troll this forum. How would you like it if someone forcefully inserted a p*e*n.is or huge stick into the hole of your a*n*u.s without your consent? Will you like that? Did God give men a d*i*c.k so that it could be used to commit harm towards another human being? Do you have a mother and other biological female family members? My prayer for you is that may r*a*p.e be your portion and the portion of all female family members of yours - including any female children you will bear - so that you will know what it feels like to be violated against your wish. R*ap.e is never okay and just because a woman who has been a victim of r*a*p.e still got married does not mean she will enjoy her sex life especially if she never received any professional counseling. Anyways, God is watching. With men like you as citizens of Nigeria, it is no wonder Nigeria has no peace and will never progress. Boko haram and incessant killings along with poverty will remain Nigeria's portion as long as her citizens continue to support evil. 2 Likes |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Nobody: 7:54am On Mar 01, 2013 |
You can't convince her. She can only be convinced when she meets a guy that acts differently from the norm. Until she meets that guy, no hope. 1 Like |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Exponental(m): 9:15am On Mar 01, 2013 |
Pray 4 ur friend........ Love is not humane, it's nature's gift to man. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Nobody: 9:23am On Mar 01, 2013 |
[size=13pt]Molestation is a traumatic experience. She'll see it if and whenever she is ready. Do not rush her.[/size] |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by olumaxi(m): 9:35am On Mar 01, 2013 |
Even we kip molestin God evriday by our sins..yet He stil loves us..i dont c any reason 4 ha to hate a felow human..even d bible says..whosoeva hateth his broda is a muderer..if she dies n endup in hel..whom wil she blame? |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Unluvable(f): 11:12am On Mar 01, 2013 |
You can't just convince her by mere words, being molested can lead to a psychological disorder exhibited in different forms, its good hers didn't degenerate to harming male species. She need a good psychologist, if would have been better if she has a blood brother or a male friend she's close to and observe how they treat their women with love and respect. And please there's more to life than rushing to date or marry, when your not mentally prepared for it. With time she'll find someone who will give her a reason to free herself from the shackles of hatred. You can always try and relate practical true life stories of men with exemplary behaviors, don't shove your opinion down her throat. Its a gradual process |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by jnrprof(m): 2:26pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
Putting pressure on her to like men would be counter productive. She needs to arrive at a point whereby she's willing, ready and able to let go of the pain and hatred and then forgive the person who molested her. Then and only then would she be able to move on. Its at this point that any book or professional counselling would be of any use. As it has been said by others, please keep praying for, and encouraging your friend. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by xynerise: 2:40pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
If she changes her environment, with time she will love again. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by HARDDON: 4:42pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
Time heals all. D best you can do ƒoя her is let her be. Avoid topics that pricks on dis topic arnd her. She'd come arnd some day. Maybe months, maybe years. She'd meet that very oηε |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Nobody: 10:53pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
seedord247: Na only she get r.aped by men??... So many powerful women in this world don get molest one way or the other and yet they still get married...one of those times i want to put some1's head inside my water closeth and flush out stupidity |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by NessaFresh(f): 11:58pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
dasparrow: Thank a lot.I'll do exactly as u say. I hope she gives me audience cuz she was really annoyed with me @all thanks for ur views |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by NessaFresh(f): 12:00am On Mar 02, 2013 |
baibijay:exactly same here |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by NessaFresh(f): 12:02am On Mar 02, 2013 |
olumaxi: Even we kip molestin God evriday by our sins..yet He stil loves us..i dont c any reason 4 ha to hate a felow human..even d bible says..whosoeva hateth his broda is a muderer..if she dies n endup in hel..whom wil she blame? U really need to feel the kinna pain she went thru...u gotta pity her if u speak to her 1 on 1 about it...plz don't just start saying B.S |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by NessaFresh(f): 12:07am On Mar 02, 2013 |
Caracta: Time heals. Making friends with the opposite sêx might help. She doesn't even wanna talk to her male coursemates anymore...I doÑt think she'll try wat u just suggested in the nearest future..she needs a psychologist and I hope she'll see reason with me to meet one....as suggested by someone here I wouldn't rush her again |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by slysinzu(m): 2:41am On Mar 02, 2013 |
Leave her! By d tym konji catch her she will cum bk 2 her senses |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by 190theclown: 2:45am On Mar 02, 2013 |
slysinzu: Leave her! By d tym konji catch her she will cum bk 2 her senses i taya shes underestimating the power of a d!!-ck in her chukuchuku ![]() |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by tenderheart1: 7:47pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
sexkillz: You can't convince her. She can only be convinced when she meets a guy that acts differently from the norm. Until she meets that guy, no hope.This is sooo onpoint, until she truly meets a guy that acts diff from d norm, no hope 4 real, let her make friends, she myt evn wanna av a guy as a bestfriend nd study him, she shld not open up to him, she shld get close to God, talk to her Pastor about it, she'd be comforted, I'm talking from experience, this actually happened to a girl I know, very very close to me dt she hated guys a lot, now she has found a real guy afta much persuasion, she agreed to dating him, she's soooo happy now, full of praises nd madly in love with d guy, I'm sure she wouldn't wanna let go....She loves d guy soooooo much nd d loves her too, I'm very very sure of what m saying, I kud remember d day she asked d guy where he had been all her life nd she was weeping.... |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by njaluv(f): 8:22pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
She has to heal and learn to deal w the molestation. Until she does , she may cintinue to think all men are bad. She needz. To talk to someone who can help her. |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Karismatik(f): 9:54pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
wud she rather be a lesbo? seriously, all men r not dsame. tell d babe 2 4get d past, lively up herself and face d realities wich d future holds 4 her. time dey go o |
Re: My Friend Was A Victim Of Rape, Now Hates Men, How Do I Convince Her To Love Men by Ucheosefoh(m): 10:24pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
I have dated a gal that was molest by her first bf and one of my coursemate was molest when she was young which led to her breaking one of her leg when she jump down 4rm 1 story building while trying to escape 4rm her molester, 2day she is happily married I think ur friend need to meet such piple who have been molest before and were able to over come it, it will help her to luv again. BTW this thread deserve frontpage |
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