Jagaban880:




cc sirdanny7 please unquote my i.d

flow1759:
"Man go put the Igboh for the food before e go done" I whispered to Man as we entered the room.

It was a full house, Pkc was around. He was studying the word of God.

Spagetti and Beans was the Menu.

Spagetti and Beans!! What a combination. When it was Baba jay's turn to cook, we were sure of such combinations as; Rice and Bread, Noodles and soup, Yam and Rice, and Spagetti and Beans.


Man returned from the kitchen with a smile, that meant he had added the whole 500naira Igboh to the food. "wetin you go do for kitchen? Hope say u no go chop small of the food?" Baba jay said to Man. "no, i go drink water" Man replied.


It was time. Time to eat. Time for highness.

Legend has it that Igboh in a food adds sweetness.

"guy dis food sweet oh" Snoop said. "yeah, its very Delicious" Pkc said. At that moment, i felt remorseful for the evil I and Man had done, not to every other person, but to Pkc. The beloved Pkc.

As we continued eating, Man lit a candle to light up the dark room. Brainbox instantly shouted, "up NEPA!!". We laughed an unending laugh. The Igboh in the food had started telling on him, because only such could make one call candle light electricity supply.

As usual, Pkc was eating alone, while the rest of us ate in twos.

I and Tega was eating from the same plate, when all of a sudden, he said, "Flow pepper plenty for this food oh". "na Igboh dey pepper you, no be pepper" I almost said.

Drama was unfolding gradually.

From the corner of my eyes i saw Pkc took off his singlet, and said, "dis place is hot". "e no hot, na Igboh make am hot for you" I almost said. Hot indeed. Hot when the night was cold.

A cloud of Dizziness clouded the room.

Baba jay was first to fall asleep, followed by Tega.
Next was Mr Brain, I guessed his brain wasn't strong enough to go any further.


It seemed the Igboh Man added to the food was much. 500naira Igboh was like 1000naira Igboh.


Pkc was still eating. Eating, smiling and at the same time studying the Bible.

I was about taking my last spoon, when i saw Pkc removed his boxers and stood up. He was totally n''aked.

I initially tot he wanted to go take his bath.

But he wasn't walking towards the bathroom, he was walking towards the door.

"make him go baf outside na, wetin concern me" I told myself.


Not until he said, "let me go and preach the gospel to people, i want to tell them the n''aked truth".


"Flow make una come make we hold am oh, him don dey run mad oh" Man yelled as he clung to Pkc.

"make una bring water oh, bring water make we pour for him head" Man yelled.

Snoop joined Man to firmly hold Pkc while i ran to the bathroom to get water.

I wasn't thinking straight, so i grabbed the nearest bucket i saw in the bathroom. And i hurried out without looking at the content of the bucket.


I splashed the content of the bucket on not only Pkc, but Man and Snoop also

Yes, the content of the bucket was water. Bad water and Boxers.


It was the same bucket Baba jay soaked his boxers on. His old rugged boxers.

The water was very dirty wasn't what made me laughed.

What made me laughed was how three boxers hung on their heads.

They were crowned Kings. Crown with boxers. Pkc looked more like Oba of Benin with a brown boxers on his head. Man looked more like Oba of Lagos with a yellowish white boxers on his head. Snoop looked more like Sultan of Sokoto with a Blue torn boxers on his head.

Deiok:
Funny stuff. Just finish reading the story, and the funny part is i was aware of the story when mr flow was still putting it here, but i got to read the story years after. i must commend his work, it is indeed a fantastic one. just like fine wine, the older the better.

flow1759:


I love you all, it's a pleasure to make you happy. I will be back to writing soon. One love

flow1759:
Obele's place was the place to be after a hectic work and a handsome pay.


"Obele how far?" Man greeted, "i dey oh, how una want am na?" Obele asked. "na our usual oh, Indomie and Egg, the egg go plenty oh" Man ordered.


"MAN United get match today oh, we get match with Everton" I said, "omoh that Match go make sence oh, shebi na by 7:45?" Brainbox asked, "yes na 7:45, guy we need to win that match so we go still remain for top of table oh" I said.

"Obele do the Indomie quick quick oh, before hungry go finish us here" Man yelled. "guys, how una see am, make we buy Zobo take nak dis indomie and egg na" Brainbox suggested, "na true oh, e go make sense oh, e go bring back our blood wey don comot for our body" I said, "ok, Flow take money go buy the Zobo come from that shop before Obele go finish to do the Indomie" Man offered me 500naira note.

Man was beginning to be too benevolent for confort.

Zobo is a reddish drink that is made from a plant. The plant is mostly grown in the Northern part of Nigeria.

As i walked down to get the Zobo drink, an idea dropped.


"shebi u know say dem no dey seal the Zobo container? try make u piss for Brainbox Zobo, shebi u know wetin him do you" my evil mind suggested.

It was pay back time.

But the problem was how i would pee into Brainbox's Zobo without someone seeing me. And also how i would make sure Brainbox drank from the Zobo i peed into.


"Madam, where i go fit piss abeg? piss dey catch me well well" I asked the Zobo seller after she gave me the drinks, "go for the back of that shop, piss for there, na there people dey piss" She replied pointing at a shop. I paid her and left.


As i got there, i was glad nobody was urinating there, it was just me.

I quickly grabbed one of the Zobo container, opened it, drank out of it to reduce the content, then as i started to pee into the container, someone walked in. A chubby Man.

"Good morning sir" I greeted when it was Evening. The Man saw what i was doing and he stared at me in a strange way, maybe he tot i was mad.

"na doctor say make i piss for container come, say him wan do lab test" I said to the Chubby man with a smile. He strayed his eyes to the other two containers i kept on the floor, "those ones na dem my friends piss" I said without thinking.

Without thinking that, how on earth would our urine be as reddish as Zobo, unless of course we were Vampires. And how on earth would the pee of I and my friends fill half litre containers each, unless of course we were horses.

It seemed the Chubby man fell for my lies, because he didn't mention a word until he left, or was he d'umb?


Legend has it that Zobo gives blood. Brainbox would sure get blood to the fullest. Zobo mixed with Urine? Maybe he would get Goat blood.

"Brainbox na ur own Zobo be dis" I stamped the mixture in front of Brainbox as he continued eating the Indomie and egg. "Man na ur own Zobo be dis" i gave Man his.

We were half way through the Indomie and egg when, "Flow u dey mad oh, u give Brainbox the Zobo wey cold abi?" Man said swapping his Zobo drink with Brainbox's Urine/Zobo mixture, "Man all of them cold na" I said, "But Brainbox own cold pass jor" Man replied and opened it to drink.

Maybe the Urine in the Zobo drink made it more chilled. Maybe.

"Man!! No drink am, i piss inside" I almost shouted.

But it was too late, he already drank it.

"why the Zobo dey taste like dis na? E no sweat" Man complained wearing a poo face.

"why e go sweat, when u don drink piss, Mumu boy" I almost said.

"but my own sweat oh" Brainbox said.


I had hit the wrong target. Brainbox's Guardian angels were really vigilant.

Maybe i would get better luck next time. Only if such opportunity comes again.

flow1759:
We got home to meet a full house. Including MOG.


We took our bath and we were off to watch football. On our way, we met Snoop. Not Snoop alone, but Snoop and a lady.

"Snoop how far?" I shook hands with Snoop. "how una rice and beans job today?" Snoop asked. "Snoop u dey mad oh, why u dey talk rice and beans for where dis fine girl dey, u want make she know the kind job wey we dey do?" I almost said. Well, maybe she would assume we were dealers of rice and beans, or maybe not.

"rice and beans business make sense oh, u know say na only us be the number one dealers of rice and beans for dis town, e no easy for us oh" Man tried to cover up to impress the beautiful lady. I almost laughed.

"shey dem Tupac dey house?" Snoop asked, "ehnn dem dey house" Brainbox replied.

I knew why Snoop asked that, he wanted to know if their room would be free for him to have a q'iuckie with the Lady. Or so i tot.

Too bad!! Tupac was in the room with a Lady.

While we were returning from work, we saw Tupac entered the compound with a Lady, and from the look of things, it seemed the Lady came for Mbonchi.

Mbonchi was a slang we said back then reffering to when a Lady came to pass a night in a guy's place. Ubochi can literary be translated to mean Day break. But i wondered where the "M" and the "N" came from.

So it meant "no show" for Snoop, unless of course he wanted to have s'ex with the Lady in our room with seven guys present.

That was impossible, or so i tot.

We came back after watching the football match, of which MAN U drew 1-1.


"oooh! Snoop i like ur friends, they are very funny" the Lady said after Brainbox gave a punchline. Brainbox would automatically turn a comedian once he was around a Lady.

Brainbox could even be funnier than Basketmouth the comedian, only if his audience were all Ladies.

Brainbox continued making the Lady laugh, although i contributed a bit of my laughter to him, "so that him comedy career no go just die like that" because his jokes were dry to me.


Suddenly the Lady i later got to know her name was Jane said, "Snoop darling, i will pass a night with you". She said it with a "sexy" voice, and not very loud, so i tot she wasn't serious.

Joke of the century.

Maybe Snoop told her he stayed alone. Why na?

Mbonchi 101.


"u stay in this compound?" Jane suddenly asked Brainbox the comedian, and i instantly realized why she wanted to pass the night, she tot we were all visitors in Snoop's room. "na him room be dis na, na all of us dey stay this room na" I almost said.

Her question gave the room a graveyard silence.

I saw Snoop sweating profusely. Sweat of "yawa". Yawa don gas.


But why would guys like lying to Ladies that they own heaven and earth when they own nothing? I don't belong to the school of tot that believes a Lady would fall for you because of what you have or what you do for a living. Even if i was a proffesional kpokponist, i wouldn't lie to a Lady that i was a proffesional Journalist. Afterall, they say: "love me, love my dogs".

But why would Snoop tell Jane he was the only occupant of the room? A room he never contributed a dime for the house rent.

Or was he reffering to Tupac and Bigie's room?

That was the beginning of our woes. All thanks to Snoop.


Pkc came in after seeing MOG off and whispered to my ears, "who is she?", "na Snoop junior sister, she go sleep here today" I whispered back to Pkc.

macjive01:
I really don't know how to qualify this write up, Amateurish ? Silly? Funny ? Disgrace ?

Smh, IMO I think this is a classic Nigerian dumb storyline, that people will nevertheless love to listen and pay to view.

Just like our home videos, u have spent copious amount of time describing an irritating irrelevant scenario- why tell ur readers the nature of ur poo ?
The texture of your poo ?
The texture of your friends poo?
How many times you hv pooed?
The resulting effect of your mama calabar food on ur alimentary canal.
The resulting effect of same on friend1 , friend 2, Friend 3,

Goddamit! Are u not uncomfortable reciting these over and over? again and again and again! ?



My own verdict is; you are far from a good writer , you just happened to have lived a very interesting, funny, eventful life.


There is absolutely nothing artistic in ur write up , nothing coherent. The only thing ur story has is the intriguing life you hv lived.


Try reading ishiloves piece, I bet u will hv a rethink of this junk you are spurting .
U don't hv to match her literature prowess, and command of the English language, emulating just her writing style will help.


And ur repetition of the phrase, " or so I think" is irritating to say the least.

flow1759:
A month later.


"Baba jay where them post you go?" I asked Baba jay who just entered the compound.

"na Abuja oh" He answered.

"what of you?" He asked.

"guy na Osun state them post me go oh" I put on a frown.

"na for which part of Nigeria Osun state dey sef?" Man foolishly asked.

"na for north Osun state dey" I answered.

"Flow!! How you go say Osun state dey for north" Baba jay said.

"leave Man make him dey ask nonesense question na" I said.

"Snoop what of you, where them post you go?" Baba jay asked.

"na Oyo state them post me go oh" Snoop answered with a frown as if Oyo state was Iraq.

"na Brainbox we dey wait for make we know where them post am go" I said.

"why una no ask me where them post me go na?" Man teased.


"okay where them post you go?" I asked after we laughed for 5minutes non stop.

"na Big boys cutz them post me go na" Man teased.

We all made a roof raising noise of laughter.

"but i go miss una oh" said Man.

"guy me sef go miss you oh, i go miss everybody oh" I said.

Mehn!!! I savoured with nostalgia the fun memories ab initio i met my friends. I went through the good, the bad and the u'gly with them.

I also went through the Sugar baby, the L101, the chop biscuit, the chop s'hit, the rice and beans, the Ozommiri, the Talley, the Tupaco and Kpatalico with them.

Well, like the saying goes; "twenty children can not play together for twenty year".


"shebi na on tuesday camp go open?" Snoop asked.

"na on tuesday na, that is next tomorrow" Baba jay answered.

"that mean say all of una go move tomorrow morning be that" Man said.

"but me go first reach Lagos oh, then by that tuesday morning i go from Lagos enter Osun" I informed.

"you don give Tupac him 5k for the bey-bey?" I asked Man.

Bey-bey means bet.

"i don give am oh, but na 4k i give am, i beg am" He answered.

"me sef na 3k i give am" I said.

"but Tupac na comfirm womanizer oh, how him take wayah Kate, Kate wey no dey give us face" I said.

"maybe him use touch and follow for her" Man said.

"Touch and Follow" is a Talley for Love, or you can call it Love portion.

"and Kate don Love Tupac well well now oh" Baba jay said.

True talk, Kate wasn't head over hills in Love with Tupac, she was head over mountains in Love with him.

"i go miss una oh" Man said for the umpteenth time.

"i no know how this Nekede go dey for me without una oh" He added.

"guy you and Tupac go dey run things na, and i hear say Bigie go soon come back to this Nekede, i hear say him don go beg the Buccaneer guys, so three of una go dey run things" Snoop said.


Suddenly Brainbox staggered into the room.

"where you dey come from? and wetin you carry?" I asked.

I could percieve he was s'kunk drunk.

"i dey come from school na?" He answered.

"where them post you go na" I further asked him.

"omoh! Na Taraba oh" He answered.

"where be Taraba?" I thought Taraba was in either Niger Republic or Sudan.

"i no know where Taraba dey oh" He answered.

"guy you no know where them post you go, how you go take go na? You go lost oh" Snoop warned.

"i no go lost, na Plane i go enter go" Brainbox said that because he was drunk. And we laughed.

"na your type dey enter plane? no be person wey don chop belle full dey enter Plane" said Man.

"wetin you carry for nylon bag sef?" Man asked.

"na my call up letter and Alomo" Brainbox still held the nylon bag firmly.

"wetin be Alomo na?" I asked.

"na one paper wey you go show them when you reach camp" Brainbox replied.

"ehenn!! Them no give me any Alomo paper oh" Snoop said.

"me sef oh" said Baba jay.

"me sef oh, Brainbox show us the paper make we see how e be na" I waited patiently, then he handed the nylon bag to me.

I opened the nylon bag, and saw a bottle of a drink and his call up letter. His call up letter was practically swimming in a pool of the liquid that smelt acoholic. I raised the bottle and on it was written "Kasapreko Alomo Bitters". That was when it dawned on me that the Alomo Brainbox was talking of was a drink and not a paper.

"Mumu! Your call up letter don soak for Alomo" I said.

The Alomo really damaged his call up letter. The call up letter that was supposed to be green in colour turned blue.

"this Alomo na correct drink oh" Man said as he drank the Alomo in the nylon bag, he almost drank Brainbox's call up letter too.


We drank several bottles of Alomo that night. That was the first day i drank that brand. (una don forget wetin Alomo do me for "Ibo boy wey like Yoruba"?)



We prayed for about 2hours early the next morning. Serious prayers for our NYSC year. After the prayer, Pkc preached to us.


I almost cried as i logged out of Nekede, and Owerri.

Leaving MAN WEY DEY REASON behind.




THE END.









HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.




STILL I FLOW.

flow1759:


I love you all, it's a pleasure to make you happy. I will be back to writing soon. One love