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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? (25838 Views)
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Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 11:19am On Mar 27, 2013 |
Poster, please could you modify your post and remove my email address? Thank you. Waiting for the mail and your number |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 11:49am On Mar 27, 2013 |
Am waiting for the email with your number, that's the thing keeping me online. Will have to leave soon so I can get ready for my trip. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 11:51am On Mar 27, 2013 |
[quote author=chioma134]@poster,I saw this post yesterday but decided to wait for d outcome of ur visit b4 commenting. Pls consider the ff advice. 1. Inform ur family about ur plan. U may be surprised,but they'll likely kick against adoption. If they don't,or are indifferent, 2. Look for the father's parents/family and inform them of ur plan. I believe they'd want u to keep d baby,once they're sure their son fathered him. At least,I know my own parents would do all they can to support,and can even take c. thank u for ur advice. the truth is, if i have all it takes, i dont think i would think of giving out my child for even a week, but since time is going and i'm not sure of any source of income, it's beter i look for an alternative before it's too late. the last time i spoke with my boyfrnd elderst bro. i told him that we are considering abortion, (but i dont want to do it) he told me to folow my hrt. and i could also recall one of my boyfrnd txt he sent to me. asking me to take the decision on my own. that whatever i decide, it's ok with him. so, since his peopl and him have decided to keep quiet waiting for me alone and my family to make decision alone, that's why am thinking on given out my baby for custody. but i dont want to fail again. that is why i post my decision here so that u all could add valuable advice or correction to my decision. as for my own mother, she will never suport adoption, but the truth is, how can i cop with all these all alone when i have no source of income now? my mom have tried so much and i dont have to add more responsibility to her little effort. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by emalekuo(m): 11:55am On Mar 27, 2013 |
Personally I would only give up my child for adoption as a last resort. Explore all options like your parents the fathers parents uncles and aunties or even your church. Not every one enjoying today got the best care when they were babies and not everyone that got the best care as babies are enjoying today. The family option seems better because you intend taking your child back. As a poster said children are blessings from God. You can guarantee getting a future husband but you certainly can't tell if you gonna have another child so I say keep your baby. I know of a lady in her 40's with a soon in his early 20's, she said when she was pregnant for him she was told to abort the pregnancy but she refused and today she can't have another child. What if she aborted that pregnancy today she would have been childless so I repeat KEEP your baby. Or do you want a situation where by in 10 years time you start running across nigeria in search of a child you gave up for sdoption years back? KEEP YOUR CHILD OH!!!!!! Worst case family option till you can take proper care. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 11:56am On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Am waiting for the email with your number, that's the thing keeping me online.. ok i will do that. my yahoo is not opening on my phone. maybe u can copy my no here then i'll remove it. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 12:03pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Copied, you can remove please. My friend will call you now |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by ifyalways(f): 12:03pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
God job Debrief. Things you need to know OP about child fostering in Nigeria: Your parents and boyfriend or an adult from his family must be involved.There would be papers to be signed by both families. You and your man need to look for a job because,while the child is at the welfare or motherless babies home,you would be paying for his/her upkeep.Its not free. You would be made to sign an agreement on when you would come and pick your child,please think very well before you fix a date and sign because if you fail to show up,your child can legally be given up for adoption. The ideal thing,IMO,is for you to start looking for a job or source of income and seek for your mom's help(or a nanny) in taking care of the child.However,its not bad to have a plan B. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 12:09pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Ify, I had already told my friend that I would pay for cost of the child during fostering that's why I didn't tell the poster. My friend who is a social worker will speak with her and find more available options. I wish I could do more but I am traveling, have to go and care for a sick relative who is having surgery. 3 Likes |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by maclatunji: 12:11pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Richvkunt: @OP, What she should be looking at is foster care. I hope she will be given that option by those she was directed to which is a wise move. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by maclatunji: 12:13pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Ify, I had already told my friend that I would pay for cost of the child during fostering that's why I didn't tell the poster. More blessing. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 12:20pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Ify, I had already told my friend that I would pay for cost of the child during fostering that's why I didn't tell the poster.. thank u so much. she just spoke with me. i really appreciate ur luv. save trip. thank u again. God bless u |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by ifyalways(f): 12:25pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Ify, I had already told my friend that I would pay for cost of the child during fostering that's why I didn't tell the poster.God's blessings,DB. OP,wishing you a safe delivery in advance. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Tgirl4real(f): 12:51pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
ileobatojo: Haa! U read my mind. So, a girl-child isn't good enuf for keeps abi? *SMH* 1 Like |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 12:57pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Ify, I ask in Gods name please help coordinate the pledges for help, for now am overwhelmed financially due to illness of a family member. By June I when Baby Comes I will definately be stable to redeem my pledge but even if somethig comes up before then in my absence I will leave standing orders for her support. She needs money for drugs and antenental, she needs to prepare for babys coming, she needs money to eat the right things, please I beg all of you who have made promises, Ify coordinate it, I want to go knowing she is going to bbe fine so I can have one less burden on my mind. You know how foreign treatment is, you have to pay the hospital in advance before the patient is transfered, so our accounts are seriously drained. 1 Like |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Tgirl4real(f): 1:03pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Well-done Debrief! God bless! |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by tolufaithO(f): 1:08pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
@debrief, u have a gud heart, u took everytin on u as if u two had met before, i admire ur support nd advice. God will continue to bless u nd stretch his hands of heal upon ur relation dt is sick. Do have a safe trip. @ OP, though i cant help u financially, but i wl help u in prayers. D Lord Almighty wl grant unto u strength like dt of the hebrew women to push wen it is tym. I admire ur courage. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by biolabee(m): 1:22pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Ify, I had already told my friend that I would pay for cost of the child during fostering that's why I didn't tell the poster. You are blessed 1 Like |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by mysmoothie: 1:22pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Being a married woman with children of my own. My bundles of joy, I can't imagine how a woman will be able to cope with giving up her child. Maybe am just emotional. Am thinking, if its all about money then maybe I can help you wt some amount every month so you can keep seeing ur baby everyday. If I have ur no, I could call then we will agree wt how much I can manage monthly God bless you. In the next ten yrs you will think back and give God all the praises. 2 Likes |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by biolabee(m): 1:23pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
debrief08: Ify, I ask in Gods name please help coordinate the pledges for help, for now am overwhelmed financially due to illness of a family member. excellent maybe this can be a side project of the charity group though someone else can argue on what basis since she may not be as financially challenged Maybe a small section of the charity group can handle this. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by tuyi19: 1:35pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Just pray to God to have mercy on you for your past mistake and beleive you can make it. There is noyhing impossible for God, without giving the baby for adoption, God can make a way for you and you will be able to take care of the baby. what is your qualification? let us start from there to know if there is any assistance to render for you to be able to take care of the baby. the key thing is have faith in God like the prodigal son, and he will direct your part. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by SisiKill1: 1:38pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
LADY OF RAGE: since it's a boy, the father and his family would want that child. please do not give up the child for adoption. your parents should be involved in this matter. you should know where the boy lives and his parents. let your family take the decision for you. This post is so unsettling...even more so because of the matter of factly way in which it is stated and from a woman too. I'm hoping the poster was being facetious. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Fhemmmy: 1:39pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
ayando: Thanks, Now you done? Good |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by biolabee(m): 1:56pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill: Unfortunately and sadly she is being real African families have always prized the boy child over the girl If that child shows up and its a boy, the family of the boy will pull their sons ears for him to man up and provide for the child even if he is not marrying the woman |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by mamaaustin(f): 1:59pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Hi OP, being able to admit that you can't raise a baby in your present circumstances and trying to provide the best care for your child makes you a good person. @ 27weeks, your 7months pregnant and you still can't afford antenatal clinics? You need to follow up on debriefs suggestion and also contact all your family members, your partners family members and even your church/mosque for support. This is a critical period for you and your baby. I wish you a safe delivery. By the way, what will make you a good mum, is keeping your promise and going back for your child when you are back on your feet. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 2:01pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill:are you tryna tell me the father of the child and his family will not come back for the child? let's be real here. you guys are only thinking of the present and not the future. think of what's gonna happen in 2 years time. op, wish you the best of luck! |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 2:07pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Wow..I can't believe we still have good hearted nairalanders, infact nigerians. May God bless u all o. @poster. I do pray you have a gud and safe delivery. I wish i could help you financially..but i'm just a prospective corper. But i want to ask, i've noticed at least 7pple on this thread who are really really willing to help you financially. Why you still considering temporary adoption?? Spending his first year with you is very important for your baby and u too..healthwise, emotionally and psychologically. Why you still considering adoption?? I'm waiting to hear from u. Cheers |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Odunnu: 2:07pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Safest trip Debrief, wishing your relation soonest recovery, the OP safest delivery. All is well that ends well |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 2:09pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
biolabee:thank you very much. at least someone is reasoning with me. Am not worried if the father accepts the child or not, what bothers me is taking the decision without the consent of her parents. Am very sure whoever would be putting the child in its custody would ask her what her parents do for a living. it is not FREE! |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by SisiKill1: 2:13pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
biolabee:Well since OP says the guy already knows they are having a boy.....your whole point of him rushing her to the alter is moot, no? Thanks anyway, now I understand why all the single mothers out there are mothers to girls. That always confused me. |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by ESULAALU: 2:20pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
elkol: 27 weeks! Still 'abortable' and I wonder why you were not aborted! |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 3:12pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill: My sister, it's very disturbing indeed. Sisi_Kill: Lmao! |
Re: Thinking On Giving My Baby Up For Adoption. Does That Make Me A Terrible Mom? by Nobody: 3:12pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Biolabee, please explain what you mean "not so financially challenged", a 7 month old pregnant woman who can't afford antenetal? So she has money and is keeping it to buy shoes or what? At 7 months I almost lost my life and my babys life, this is a delicate time for any mother, she shouldn't have the stress of running around, crying and thinking. Some people have offered help, am asking Ify to coordinate so she can have small money to do basic things before I find my feet again and redeem my own pledges in addition to the several offers of monthly support. She realistically can't hold any meaningful employment now till after the baby is at least 8 weeks so if she will keep the baby she needs all the help she can get and promises fulfiled. She realised all this and was overwhelmed hence she came here. For those asking why she is still discussing foster care its called keeping options open in case promises don't materialise. We can all preach, have a romantic idea of how she should indefinately wait for the man but she is living in the reality. If he had a job welfare would have forced him to pay, the response of his family she has writen here, because he is an adult social welfare can't force his family to contribute to the babys welfare. I beg people, life is a circle, let's do what needs to be done not the blame back and forth game. 2 Likes |
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