Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids - Family (4) - Nairaland
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| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by dowjones(m): 8:14pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
@yellowpawpaw you really are a survivor LoL. I'm glad you've have discovered the beautiful side of life. The good thing about this is many "oppressed" children turn out better parents (many turn out worse). Only those who have experienced war will advocate peace at all cost. 1 Like |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by dowjones(m): 8:41pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
@ada nri Calling a child a goat or baboon is not an insult. Telling your kid he'd die young and poor is an insult..Flogging is way better because our teachers flogged us and we still had crush on some of them, insults and curses breed contempt and deep hate for yourself and your parent. It also reduces self esteem and self worth and this makes the children "try to hard" to be achievers to prove a point to thier number one enemy-the abusive parent. This is why fraudsters, prostitutes and co attempt to succeed in a do or die fashion. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by bukatyne(f): 8:56pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
@OP: a big kudos to you for this topic. This is one of the reasons why a typical Nigeria is so bitter and angry. If we check out such homes, there is absolutely no love between the parents. They just stayed together so that the society would not castigate them. Most of our parents can't show us love. How many patents hugged their kids or peck them? How many parents tell their kids they love them? How many parents build up the self esteem of their kids? Some want to but can't because of their spouses. I knew who my mum really was after we left my dad. I never knew she liked laughing or watching soaps or playing until now. I used to see her as a very strict person with no time for much play or humor. The child abuse is just a symptom. Check out 90 percent of homes where the kids where abused, there was no love between the parents. The husband was probably the C in C who ruled with Iron fists. The wife and kids are probably treated same way. The truth is determining to be the best father or mother might NOT be enough. It really starts with marrying/being the right person. Love your spouse and that love will naturally spill to your kids. There are however, exceptions. All the best. 3 Likes |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Nobody: 9:04pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Segun agagu: Damn!!!! I bet u dis thread was created for me.haaa. This discipline of my dad is soooooooooo extreme to d extent dat,I can't even stay in the parlour with my dad.we don't talk personally..u won't imagine. Only wen I want to ask him for skool fees or something pertaining to skool stuffs.wen he is at home.its like we are a cage. Wen he goes out or travel its like he should never return again..he is sooooooooo strict. And I know this is really going to affect the family in the future.. Am 26. U won't believe I can't sit with my dad and talk to him one on one. Sometimes wen I see my cousin's dad. I cry inside my heart..as am writing this now. I am really crying. Know exactly how you feel....same with me here but currently am dealing with the Yeye man...I live as though he is dead  |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by dowjones(m): 9:47pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
@bukatyne So true, its all about the union. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Rafrik27: 9:59pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
this is an interesting thread, was a victim of this and it's affectin me till date... |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by troy20(m): 10:06pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
is it not cause evry ragamuffin can weep out a joy stick n pregnate a woman? 98% of children are nt a product of love |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by jasgold1: 10:38pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
ighoosagie: Ur parent insult u n u dey complain my own dem dey beat me in advance for watin I neva do yet i didnt know when i started laughing after reading this.  |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Rafrik27: 10:49pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
Tthis is an interesting thread, was a victim of this and it's affectin me till date... |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Segunagagu(m): 12:21am On Mar 28, 2013 |
Rafrik27: Tthis is an interesting thread, was a victim of this and it's affectin me till date... Hmmmm me toooo. Hw is it affecting u. Can u share |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Segunagagu(m): 12:22am On Mar 28, 2013 |
lynpetra:Lolssss ur funny. I tell u. Its nt a joking matter at all. It can be soooo annoying. Thank God for my mum.. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Segunagagu(m): 12:23am On Mar 28, 2013 |
 hw I wish we can alll protest. Lolssss. No be joke matter ooo..am very serious |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Segunagagu(m): 12:27am On Mar 28, 2013 |
Dat is y I have vowed to my sef dat my family is going to be d best family in d world...haaaaaaaaaa my father has never hugged me before in his life. Nt even a hand shake..haaaaaaaa na wa oooo... |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Nobody: 12:42am On Mar 28, 2013 |
Segun agagu: He used to abuse us both physically and verbally. He used a lot of hard and abusive words on us until we couldn't even approach him for anything. Even when he tried to be nice to us, we were suspicious of him and felt uncomfortable. As the years went by, we withdrew from him. Sometimes when a cane wasn't present, he used cables, iron rod or wooden sticks to beat us. Im surprised that none of us died. Now all of us have moved out of his house, he wants try to develop a close relationship with us but there was no foundation so all of us his children are far from him and don't even call. Too late for friendship and closeness. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by 9lifes(m): 7:54am On Mar 28, 2013 |
what about -Mumu (at least 10 times a day,for 20+ years)...lol..i am very serious -I.d.i.ot -wasting my money putting you in a private school -dumb (wrote SSCE 3 times,wrote JAMB 4 times)-just finished my masters in engineering abroad without his help -arranged a vocational training for me because he lost hope..lol..boy i frustrate that man,my own no goo too -beating, some times for no reason(my own no get part two) Effects: -It took me years to overcome low confidence despite being one of the smartest kid in school (words affects,especially when they are said in serious tunes) -I became very defensive,expressing myself became hard no matter the environment(that was then) -It took me years to forgive him..i became bitter towards him -I had issues with authorities,infact anyone i perceived to be the head -I still react till date when i see his abusive attitudes in parents around me-sometimes i confront them -I became verbally abusive as well,and hot tempered too..it took me more than 5 years to put this to rest Yes when you become an adult,one is expected to take responsibility for their actions,but sometimes we fail to admit how messed up most adults and parents are due to their upbringing. Your words affect people,especially those looking up to and depending on you.Don't just say things to your kid ,if they must be punished it must be for a specific reason and make sure that reason is well referenced.Discipline is important,but parents should also learn to discipline there kids wisely. Anybody,woman,man,sister,mother,grandmother,father, grandfather,including my dead ancestors,wey call my kid any funny name..wahala go dey ooh! 2 Likes |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Nobody: 9:05am On Mar 28, 2013 |
dowjones: Good. Very good. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by bukatyne(f): 10:55am On Mar 28, 2013 |
9lifes: what about God bless you for this detailed analysis. The bolded are so true. I guess that's why a lot of women and even men will have issues submitting to anybody especially husbands. It becomes worse when the person tries to 'force' you into submission instead of earning your love and respect. My fiancée really tried in who I have become today. It's God, My mom, him and a few others I am grateful to. When I just met him, I used to tell him that I was not interested in marriage because I did not want to become a slave or suffer from the hands of any man! He would lovingly explain that marriage is not like that etc. etc. and all that. He was really the one who built our relationship to what it is today. I had to tell my fiancée not to use the phrase ...'I am the head' either joking or otherwise because my dad used that line a lot when he wanted to justify a wrong deed. Anyone who reminds me of him automatically enters my bad books till I consciously and prayerfully move them to my 'good' books. Lol! The anger... I am still praying o! When I was younger, I was always angry and irritated. God found me and started to fill my heart with his love. Now, I rarely really get angry but when I do, Oh la la. My relationship with my dad distorted my view of God. I thought God was really up there, a very cold and impersonal being. It was really later God opened my eyes to a verse in Hosea 11 where He was talking of His love for the Israelites... Paraphrasing ...'How can I let you go...' Not everybody is fit for parenting or marriage. Marriage can't complete an incomplete person or make a bitter and wicked person sane. I laugh when people especially women marry to become 'complete'. An unfit single will make a worse spouse. We are really very messed up in our society because of this but parents (grown abused children) continues the cycle. It's well. 1 Like |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by bukatyne(f): 10:55am On Mar 28, 2013 |
9lifes: what about God bless you for this detailed analysis. The bolded are so true. I guess that's why a lot of women and even men will have issues submitting to anybody especially husbands. It becomes worse when the person tries to 'force' you into submission instead of earning your love and respect. My fiancée really tried in who I have become today. It's God, My mom, him and a few others I am grateful to. When I just met him, I used to tell him that I was not interested in marriage because I did not want to become a slave or suffer from the hands of any man! He would lovingly explain that marriage is not like that etc. etc. and all that. He was really the one who built our relationship to what it is today. I had to tell my fiancée not to use the phrase ...'I am the head' either joking or otherwise because my dad used that line a lot when he wanted to justify a wrong deed. Anyone who reminds me of him automatically enters my bad books till I consciously and prayerfully move them to my 'good' books. Lol! The anger... I am still praying o! When I was younger, I was always angry and irritated. God found me and started to fill my heart with his love. Now, I rarely really get angry but when I do, Oh la la. My relationship with my dad distorted my view of God. I thought God was really up there, a very cold and impersonal being. It was really later God opened my eyes to a verse in Hosea 11 where He was talking of His love for the Israelites... Paraphrasing ...'How can I let you go...' Not everybody is fit for parenting or marriage. Marriage can't complete an incomplete person or make a bitter and wicked person sane. I laugh when people especially women marry to become 'complete'. An unfit single will make a worse spouse. We are really very messed up in our society because of this but parents (grown abused children) continues the cycle. It's well. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by bukatyne(f): 10:57am On Mar 28, 2013 |
dowjones: @bukatyne Exactly! |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by adexsimply(m): 11:10am On Mar 28, 2013 |
9lifes: what aboutsame here..with the bold-en parts--i think its a kind of defensive mechanism that evolves when there is a prolonged abuse.. now, I PERSONALLY look every form of authority with contempt |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by dowjones(m): 11:49am On Mar 28, 2013 |
@9lifes What can i say  ..@bukatyne So spot on. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Bosdem(f): 1:05pm On Mar 28, 2013 |
well i dont beat, but i ve a big voice and when my daughter misbehave and i talk to her she is always trembling or just burst into tears, most time i ve to hug and kiss her and tell her i was just correcting her, i dont even beat her, i feel terrible most time,i dont know wat more to do about this. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Fhemmmy: 2:18pm On Mar 28, 2013 |
Bosdem: well i dont beat, but i ve a big voice and when my daughter misbehave and i talk to her[b] she is always trembling[/b] or just burst into tears, most time i ve to hug and kiss her and tell her i was just correcting her, i dont even beat her, i feel terrible most time,i dont know wat more to do about this. That has its side effect too, cos you wont want your child to be so afraid of you . . . everything only have to be done in moderation. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Ltrust(m): 5:21pm On Mar 28, 2013 |
I sincerely think this topic is very important. There is nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come. Personally, I am not an advocate of using cane and insults to train a child. Honestly, wisdom denotes that the best way to train a child is by the parent being a teacher and an example. If you are consistent in being a teacher and an example, it will become part of them unconsciously. You can't build a happy family with a cane and insult. Mark it, asterisk it, note it, underline it, circle it and even sleep with it; you can't build happy family that way. |
| Re: Dangers Of Constantly Insulting Your Kids by Nobody: 12:15am On Mar 29, 2013 |
Am in lagos abule egba*tanks 2 dat guy*i do pray always hopin my family wil b united*i hope 2 stay on earth 2 c dat day |
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