MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE: LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER SO MUCH

My dear beloved brother,

I received your letter requesting me to respond to certain issues concerning manners and etiquette. I am happy that you are making such a demand at this critical stage of your life. I must say that manners and etiquette are the spices of life. They are important because they are the credentials we present to people at our first encounter with them. That is why knowing the right thing to do or say at the right place and time remains the door to a successful and happy living.

I know you may have encountered many people saying, “I am lonely and without friends”, or “Every person seems to hate me”, or “My poor background has made me to have only very few friends”. Such statements are bound to fall from the lips of a person who lacks the ingredients (good manners) necessary for influencing people and winning friends. A little change in the person’s attitude would produce a tremendous effect that he or she never imagined.

I saw from your letter that your concern has been to know why women are given preferential treatments at social gatherings. But I deem it necessary to consider other relevant issues that would present you a gentleman wherever you may go which include good appearance, good conducts among friends, sportsmanship and so on.

I may not be able to handle all of them in this single letter, but I will make every effort to discuss them in my subsequent letters.

Henry, there is one thing I wish that you would always remember even if you must forget every other thing. It is this, “Know that every individual is like a packaged gift. Just as a well packaged gift suggests that it has a good content, so does good appearance suggest you are a person of worth. In the same vein, you should bear in mind that people who don’t know you would evaluate you with the only information they have about you and in this case, it is your appearance.

More so, know that a single act can define you forever before an acquaintance because the person may not have the opportunity to meet you again after this first encounter. Thus we say “First impression matters”. For this reason, I suggest that you should never take anything for granted. Be at your best at any point in time.

You can evaluate the effect our appearances create in people’s mind when you consider how you respond to well dressed, clean-cut fellows that look debonair. I know you would wish to gain acquaintance with such individual.

But some people as you know appear haggard and repulsive. This group can hardly make friends. They may wear natural beauty but their appearance would speak so loudly that it wouldn’t allow people to look more closely to discover the beauty God has bestowed on them.

You can achieve a personal look of tidiness by using common beauty aids which include water, fresh air and sunlight. These things do not cost us anything. But failure to use them appropriately would not only mar our public image but could also pose health risks.
My dear, please, never allow yourself to appear like an ex-convict by not attending to your hair or beard. I am baffled when I see some young men who refuse to shave in due time. I do not know whether it is a new form of revolt or sense of arrival. Please brother, as you have come of age, always make effort to use your razor on your face when necessary. A face that is not properly shaved is not only repulsive but speaks of so many evils about you. You may ask yourself: “Why those in the forces (policemen, soldiers, etc) are never allowed to wear beard or mustache?” Why not claim a gentleman even if your are not one?

Dear brother, there is one thing even worse than untidiness. That is, body odour. This usually comes from poor bathing and long used cloths. Many people seem not to know that clothes worn next to the body should be changed frequently. Most at times, you do not notice the smell while your friends around you are suffering terribly. Worse still, many deceive themselves by using body spray (perfumes) when they discover they have such odour thinking that the perfume would subside the smell, unknown to them that the perfume worsens the situation when it combines with the bad odour. Please watch this!

But, however much I may emphasize the need for good appearance, I wish to remind you that virtue lies in the middle. In as much as you should take care of yourself, you must be reasonable not to call attention to your personal appearance anytime you are in public. For this reason, I wish to remind you that certain actions are to be done privately. I would not imagine seeing you cut your nail nor brush your hair in the public. Such actions should be done in private and never in the presence of witnesses. The simple rule remains: never groom in a public even when you think others are not looking at you.

Dear brother, I wish to remind you to always take good care of our sister, Esther. Please, do not allow her to derail. I could have loved to be with her at this her puberty age when she would be entertaining so many fantasies. But my profession, as you know has taken me away from home so long. But my consolation is that I have you. I know you would always guide her rightly.

I want you to know that I was not happy the way she applied her lipstick the other day two of you visited me. I could have corrected her myself but I could not have done that in the presence of the visitors. Tell her that heavy application of lipstick makes someone appear inexpert and immature rather than sophisticated. Reasonable and mature people use cosmetics so cleverly as not to call attention to them. I should also believe that she is not among the young girls I see around who are in the habit of applying make-up in the public. Remind her that make-up, powder inclusive, should ever remain a private affair and can never be accepted to be done in the public. Ask her what would be her reactions if you were to bring out your clipper in the public and begin to shave when you have her around.

My dear brother, I would not end this piece without responding to your question that prompted this letter. You demanded to know why a man should come down of the car to open the door for the woman traveling with him and to what extent such an action is worthy and reasonable especially in our culture where women are supposed to be under the men.

My dear, I may not be able to answer why such is obtainable, though some people claim that it is because the women are the weaker sex. However, I hope to research more on that. But you should know that such preferential treatment if I may use your term is not limited to cars alone but extends to every other door and to other spheres of life. Know that anytime you are with a woman and you approach a door, it falls on you to open the door for her and allow her to pass. Ideally, a young man should not be sitting in a bus while a woman stands. Learn the courtesy of giving up your seat for a lady in a public transit. Also, if you are traveling with a female and you reach your destination, do not allow the female to alight before you. Rather, move briskly, get out and offer her some help, either to carry her bag or hold her hand while she alights. But just as I said earlier, virtue lies in the middle. Don’t over do any of this. For instance, supposing a girl wishes to do any of these by herself, do not force her against her will by insisting on doing it for her.

Another area young people have shown lack of experience in this part of the world is in introducing their fellows...

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Good.
Erm dt background in d pix in your blog looks like university of nigeria, is it?

no!

While I respect that you've chosen to advise your brother so eloquently well, I'd also like you to paragraph your write up next time.

And please, how is bringing out a clipper to shave in public equivalent to wearing make up in public? Not that I think it should be done, but your analogy is what I don't get.