How Can I Continue To Love My Wife - Family - Nairaland
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| How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 6:48am On Apr 15, 2013 |
My wife says she did me a favour by marrying me, so I should be happy she married me. We've been married for 3 years with 2 kids. Prior to our marriage we dated for about a year. She even moved in with me when she had accomodation problem for 6 months. During this period I saw hell. She showed me no respect, was playing her games very openly. Her phone rings 24/7, multiple love sms. When I talk about settling down together, she would say her parents won't agree because my place is far-I'm from Akwa Ibom and she is from Mbaise. Obviously she did not want to marry me but she wouldn't just leave. She travelled twice to check out some suitors while she was still leaving with me and I got to know from another source. She didn't deny it but said her sister's gave her the connection. One of those guys is an illiterate drug pusher. Finally things got to a head. I dicovered condoms hidden in her handbag, I had to throw her out of my house. Somehow somehow, we hooked again but this time I only wanted to use her. Not quite long she took in. Although both of us had earlier agreed we won't marry each other, she later claimed she has started loving me but I did not love her anymore. I went ahead and married her. I even did elaborate wedding. From day one till today, it has always been trouble. Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge. Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house. Before I forget, I am a Mechanical Engineer, she doesn't have a good O-level. Yes, my emotions are on vacation, is it my fault? |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 6:54am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Welcome to the institution called "marriage" lol on a more serious note, you are the man of the house and you can't sit and watch this woman eat over your head. Such behavior will only lead to more unhappiness in the home and bitterness between you and your wife. She either stop or you do something drastic. You don't have to live in an unhappy marriage forever life is already hell as it is. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by overdrive(m): 7:02am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Yes it is ur fault,u were used in d past and u were never in d equation of being her life partner guess she regrets marrying u but ur best bet would b to get ur in-laws involved to speak some sense into her or else u show her ur own true colors abi u no get hidden colors. U also didn't think highly of urself what did u expect from a girl that coulnt pass her o levels. Wish u d best. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 7:11am On Apr 15, 2013 |
overdrive: Yes it is ur fault,u were used in d past and u were never in d equation of being her life partner guess she regrets marrying u but ur best bet would b to get ur in-laws involved to speak some sense into her or else u show her ur own true colors abi u no get hidden colors. U also didn't think highly of urself what did u expect from a girl that coulnt pass her o levels. Wish u d best.She has done her OND but no result for two years now. I never knew there are people that are this ungrateful and unreasonable. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by osundu(m): 7:26am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Both of u are nt ready.At the early stage,u knew her livestyle and u went ahead to marry her.imagine"to use her",for money(chiken change)or for sex?as for her,after 2 kids,she can nt respect herself?pls,sit her down and talk to her.if it persist,consult elderly family members.God forbid wen it gets to promuiscuity in marriage,na to divorce am! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by djeezy(m): 7:30am On Apr 15, 2013 |
My old man used to say, love is blind, marriage is the eye opener. Welcome to the institution called marriage, but who would want to live in an institution anyway. @op, you should have known right from the fons et origo that she was trouble right from the start. From the inception, apparent signs sufficed and you ended up marrying her. She's averred she did you a favour by marrying you, I guess you're a poor man, no offence intended. As for the complaints you're making, enough with that already, you have to be the man, define how you want things to be before things fall apart. 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 7:33am On Apr 15, 2013 |
OP, are u sure those kids are yours? 11 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by djeezy(m): 7:36am On Apr 15, 2013 |
lrguru: OP, are u sure those kids are yours?lol, only the woman knows. It's a matter of trust and at this moment such questions becomes relevant. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by nicky4lif(f): 7:37am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Well the only advice i will give u is to threaten to send her back to her parents nd if she doesn't change,than u send out of ur house nd by the time she comes back,u will see how good she will be come nd don't even bother calling her while she is away.its very clear she never loved u.u were the only one who truly loved her while she was still single.she went home to check her suitors out so y didn't she marry those ones cos they didn't find her good enough to be then she came back to the one nd only man who will any shit. She does.she was just tied of moving from one place to the other,she needed a place to call her own that's y she married u in the first place.are u really sure the kids are ur?(Just asking)once a woman starts climbin that tree nd u don't care to bring her down,once she gets to the top,it will be very hard to bring her down cos u gave her the chance to go that far.tell ur wife,is either she respects ur orders or she goes nd get her own place,that what makes u the man. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 8:03am On Apr 15, 2013 |
lrguru: OP, are u sure those kids are yours?I love those kids n they look like me. 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 8:20am On Apr 15, 2013 |
nicky4lif: Well the only advice i will give u is to threaten to send her back to her parents nd if she doesn't change,than u send out of ur house nd by the time she comes back,u will see how good she will be come nd don't even bother calling her while she is away.its very clear she never loved u.u were the only one who truly loved her while she was still single.she went home to check her suitors out so y didn't she marry those ones cos they didn't find her good enough to be then she came back to the one nd only man who will any shit. She does.she was just tied of moving from one place to the other,she needed a place to call her own that's y she married u in the first place.are u really sure the kids are ur?(Just asking)once a woman starts climbin that tree nd u don't care to bring her down,once she gets to the top,it will be very hard to bring her down cos u gave her the chance to go that far.tell ur wife,is either she respects ur orders or she goes nd get her own place,that what makes u the man.I took her to their people in January and lodged complaints to her father. All her in-laws were around. They all leapt to her defence and faulted the way I presented the matter that I was too blunt. The complaints were: 1. She doesn't respect me 2. She is not submissive 3. She is lazy and the house is always messy 4. She is rebellious. My father-in-law said he was so disappointed for me to come complaining so early and a lot of other things. I grew upset and told them to keep their daughter and left. She was there for a week and people prevaied on me to bring her back. The church stepped in and ordered her to come back to my house. I've not heard from her people since then and i've refused to go see them. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by kilimanjaro(m): 8:27am On Apr 15, 2013 |
vicoson: I love those kids n they look like me.Forget about they look like me. Go do DNA asap. You shouldn't have married a woman like that in the first place. She belong to the street and would remain in the street. 18 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 8:31am On Apr 15, 2013 |
You saw hell,and deliberately walked into, why do people believe marriage can change a person? A leopard can never change its spot. Just send her packing,she sees you as her last option,,and for God's sake,start afresh,its never too late to make amend,a woman like this aint meant for you,imagine she's without SSCE,and that pompous.she can't contribute anything to the marriage,even academically to your children,if you have any. Ditch her,life is too good to whine over a woman like that. 7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by 50calibre(m): 8:33am On Apr 15, 2013 |
How the hell did you manage to get ensnared in the trap of an mbaise woman, an illiterate one for that matter? Haven you heard the saying " if you get caught between a snake and an mbaise woman, kill the mbaise woman first" mbaise women are like leeches, they contribute nothing positive to your life, apart from sucking you dry. Gather your thoughts together, make plans, go to a marriage court and dissolve the marriage. Nigeria is dysfunctional, with money you would get custody of the kids. Take your kids and go drop them with your people, they are better off there than with her. 6 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by GraceBestowed(f): 8:37am On Apr 15, 2013 |
People can have successful, happy, marriages, I witness it everyday! I wouldn't want to speak ill of your wife, but I feel for you; you, kinda, played a game that backfired. You need to try your hardest to work it out, and if it doesn't work out, do what's best for you, and what your conscience allows. Nobody can tell you what to do, because no one else can live your life. 5 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 8:39am On Apr 15, 2013 |
50calibre: How the hell did you manage to get ensnared in the trap of an mbaise woman, an illiterate one for that matter? Haven you heard the saying " if you get caught between a snake and an mbaise woman, kill the mbaise woman first" mbaise women are like leeches, they contribute nothing positive to your life, apart from sucking you dry.Thank you 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by GraceBestowed(f): 8:47am On Apr 15, 2013 |
50calibre: Nigeria is dysfunctional, with money you would get custody of the kids. Take your kids and go drop them with your people, they are better off there than with her.How can you, instantly, determine that her children would be better off without her!?! Granted, she's a handful, but that does not mean that she doesn't love her kids!! A lot of the generalisations you've made are simply not fair, but your advice takes the cake. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Temismith(f): 8:49am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Am sorry to say dis, but u caused it in d first place. Y date a woman u cant spend d rest of ur life with? U saw hell before marriage and u still went ahead to sign a contract it. @ dis point, i wil advice dat u sit ur wife down, 2 of u need a loooooong talk if u have to continue as a couple. And also, do not rule out the power of prayer, talk to God about it. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by tomzman: 8:52am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Op, you dissapointed me. How can you play that kind of game. To make matters worse, you, an Engineer getting married to someone like that. You noticed all that behaviour before marriage but you still went ahead to marry her haba! This is the 21st century, love is no longer blind. It's eyes are wide open. Anyways, the deed is already done. What I can advise you to do now is to sit her down and talk some sense into her. Warn her sternly to change her behaviour otherwise she would be sent packing. Coupled with that, avoid her food and withold s.ex from her. Nothing hurts a woman more than that. And lastly, take those kids for DNA test. 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by nicky4lif(f): 9:04am On Apr 15, 2013 |
If her people are siding her,then let her stay with her people.her father is not a good father,if not,what he wld have done as an elder,was to call u aside nd advice u as a son(wld he have said such thing to his son)even If he felt it was too early or not a good reason to bring his duagther back.u say what happens in ur house not her people.u were just her best option not her choice.don't go to her people for any advice,if they need u,they shld send for u nd ur words shld be the final not her father's. 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 9:08am On Apr 15, 2013 |
tomzman: Op, you dissapointed me. How can you play that kind of game. To make matters worse, you, an Engineer getting married to someone like that. You noticed all that behaviour before marriage but you still went ahead to marry her haba! This is the 21st century, love is no longer blind. It's eyes are wide open. Anyways, the deed is already done. What I can advise you to do now is to sit her down and talk some sense into her. Warn her sternly to change her behaviour otherwise she would be sent packing. Coupled with that, avoid her food and withold s.ex from her. Nothing hurts a woman more than that. And lastly, take those kids for DNA test.I did not marry her because I loved her but I felt she will appreciate the fact that I married her against all odds. I was wrong. I think it was a conscience thing and I'm happy I did the right thing. Now I have to send her packing because I'm not sure I can give her what she wants. She wants romance which I don't have. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 9:09am On Apr 15, 2013 |
If the reverse was the case,you ll see the men saying things like"Pray,pray and pray again",now that the OP is a man,everybody is yelling,divorce her!!divorce her!!. Op,you got yourself into this,make it work or take a bow.Whatever you do,know that children are better off with their mothers.Don't send your children to your aging parents please,tidy yourself without burdening this old folks with a responsibility that they won't handle well.kids that live with old folks,do you know how they behave? 7 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by nenergy(m): 9:10am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Bros, the warning signs were there but you choose to ignore them. You have entered so endure. There are billions of women out there, yet you "settled" for an ungrateful player..Only God can save you now. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by 50calibre(m): 9:20am On Apr 15, 2013 |
GraceBestowed: How can you, instantly, determine that her children would be better off without her!?! Granted, she's a handful, but that does not mean that she doesn't love her kids!! They are not generalisations, there is substance to what I said. Will the kids fare better with a mechanical engineer dad or an illiterate mum? Is it better to allow the kids stay with a mum who would only sow seed of discord and her evil vices in them? What sort of upbringing is she going to give them, the type her parents gave her? No I don't think so |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by kilimanjaro(m): 9:37am On Apr 15, 2013 |
vicoson: I did not marry her because I loved her but I felt she will appreciate the fact that I married her against all odds. I was wrong. I think it was a conscience thing and I'm happy I did the right thing. Now I have to send her packing because I'm not sure I can give her what she wants. She wants romance which I don't have.You are now paying for your foolery act. Live with it bro! Never marry a woman out of pity. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 9:39am On Apr 15, 2013 |
byvan: If the reverse was the case,you ll see the men saying things like"Pray,pray and pray again",now that the OP is a man,everybody is yelling,divorce her!!divorce her!!.My wife is the one praying for God toheal her marriage. She goes about saying evil things about me and people advise her to take a walk. To her , I don't love and care for her. I try my best to provide for the family. She earns over thirty thousand naira a month and I've never demanded a dime from her yet she keeps whinning how I don't give her money to make her hair. Someone said am poor. Well, poor is relative. I live in a comfortable 2 bedroom flat In PH. Well furnished. Have I started too low? Am I really so poor? My salary can't take care of all the expenses in the house but I work hard to make ends meet to the best of my ability. I don't cheat,drink out, beat her. Her major complaint seem to be that am not as romantic as she wants and I can't fake it. What should I do? |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by vicoson(m): 9:47am On Apr 15, 2013 |
kilimanjaro:You couldn't have put it better. Her father is an elder in the church,Her in-laws are pastor and deacon,so they believe it's till death do us part. Luckily for me I don't share that sentiment. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 9:55am On Apr 15, 2013 |
You didn't make any mistakes NOW. You made them 4 years ago. 1 Like |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by 50calibre(m): 10:01am On Apr 15, 2013 |
vicoson: My wife is the one praying for God toheal her marriage. She goes about saying evil things about me and people advise her to take a walk. To her , I don't love and care for her. I try my best to provide for the family. She earns over thirty thousand naira a month and I've never demanded a dime from her yet she keeps whinning how I don't give her money to make her hair. Someone said am poor. Well, poor is relative. I live in a comfortable 2 bedroom flat In PH. Well furnished. Have I started too low? Am I really so poor? My salary can't take care of all the expenses in the house but I work hard to make ends meet to the best of my ability. I don't cheat,drink out, beat her. Her major complaint seem to be that am not as romantic as she wants and I can't fake it. What should I do? Look let me tell you. Being romantic to an mbaise woman is giving her money simple and short. Mbaise women only know how to spend money, they milk their husbands dry, all they do is complain about not receiving enough money from you, they give you examples of their friends whose husbands buys things for them, they don't think of anything apart from collecting money from their husbands and sending to her people. How were you able to cope with dowry of an mbaise woman. How many million did you spend. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by ITbomb(m): 10:01am On Apr 15, 2013 |
Mbaise? 3 Likes |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by Nobody: 10:12am On Apr 15, 2013 |
vicoson: My wife is the one praying for God toheal her marriage. She goes about saying evil things about me and people advise her to take a walk. To her , I don't love and care for her. I try my best to provide for the family. She earns over thirty thousand naira a month and I've never demanded a dime from her yet she keeps whinning how I don't give her money to make her hair. Someone said am poor. Well, poor is relative. I live in a comfortable 2 bedroom flat In PH. Well furnished. Have I started too low? Am I really so poor? My salary can't take care of all the expenses in the house but I work hard to make ends meet to the best of my ability. I don't cheat,drink out, beat her. Her major complaint seem to be that am not as romantic as she wants and I can't fake it. What should I do? Brother,please don't divorce hastily.Can you try seperation?like seek refuge with a responsible friend for a while,ofcourse pop back into your house every now and then to play with your children.Maybe this woman will think about her marriage and know she misses her husband.Please keep being faithful and the man that you are,don't let an ungrateful woman change your personality.Since she hasn't cheated yet,please try seperation,don't divorce hastily.At some point you have to make a decision,if this woman still doesn't change after a seperation,let her walk if she want to. Have you ever tried a heartfelt dialogue,to know why she is mean to you??Communication saves a lot,know her plans for the marriage.Yes,you can't fake romance but you can learn.I wasn't naturally a very romantically expressive person but I try to learn,because am taking a cue from my husband.We are all learning,no one is born married. |
| Re: How Can I Continue To Love My Wife by kilimanjaro(m): 10:21am On Apr 15, 2013 |
50calibre:Wetin Mbaise women do you? 1 Like |
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