tinu ( not real name) is 22 years old and an undergraduate. She has a newly wedded older brother aged 35. Tinu's brother got married to Anne, who is 30 years old.
This conversation came up between tinu & Anne..
Anne: Aunty tinu, what will you eat ma?
Tinu: hmmm, Anne, just make me tea & drop it on the table in my room.
SHUOoo!
This is the situation anne is faced with. She got married to her hubby from south- west and she has to bend over backwards to satisfy her sister-in-law who is 8 years younger than her!
It gets worse because tinu gets so comfortable calling Anne and ordering her around whenever she goes to her in-law's place.
This real life story is common in some parts of Nigeria where a wife or husband has to refer to everybody in the house as 'bros' or 'aunti'.
Once you marry into the family, you are supposed to be subservient to everybody in the family, even the toddler is above you on the seniority level.
Is anybody here who has had such experience? Will you run errands for a younger person simply because you are married to his/her sibling?
Asa's song..., bimpe ( not sure of the title ) explains it better....* egbon re to n fe mi l'owo ni....*

Dats thru. Very common my brothers fiancee calls me aunty. And she's 2years older than me. But I don't send her around we. Are. Very close and good friends , she doesn't work for anyone except my mum. At times

I'm yoruba and I am aware of this part of our. culture, but this is EXTREME. because you call your sister in-law aunty doesn't mean that you allow yourself to be disrespected. in my opinion, the girl is taking advantage of her ignorance. Tell your friend to stop asking her what she wants to eat, and she should start giving her instructions to do some house chores. In short, she should take charge of her house before they all turned her to a slave.

honey86: I'm yoruba and I am aware of this part of our. culture, but this is EXTREME. because you call your sister in-law aunty doesn't mean that you allow yourself to be disrespected. in my opinion, the girl is taking advantage of her ignorance. Tell your friend to stop asking her what she wants to eat, and she should start giving her instructions to do some house chores. In short, she should take charge of her house before they all turned her to a slave.

I agree with this
Respect should be reciprocal
Also tinu should not be referred to by name but rather sisi wa (our beauty) or iya dami (if she has a child)

It is Anne's fault. As far as I am concerned, culture you pick and choose what suit you perfectly. I am fully fledged Yoruba with plenty in-laws and never have I encountered such. It is all in presentation, the way you present yourself to people, family, work colleagues, friends etc that you will be treated. If you choose to be subservient in the beginning, you better know you will continue all your life unless you take drastic steps.

nichole2: Dats thru. Very common my brothers fiancee calls me aunty. And she's 2years older than me. But I don't send her around we. Are. Very close and good friends , she doesn't work for anyone except my mum. At times

If you know she is 2 years older than you then why don't you stop her from calling aunty, why are you enjoying the undue respect?

Its yoruba culture , we are very close and she doesn't call me aunty she sayz my love. Cause. We. Are tight pals. Dat would be wierd. For me , I myself don't see de importance , in my family we are very free with eachother. So. Dat aunty. Uncle someting. Isn't compulsory. , she. Says aunty when she wants to tease me , we are more like sisters. , we understand each other , I like my family. Its not like dose. Strict. Yoruba families back in dose days

Depends on where Wifey comes from. Women from other parts outside the SW just wouldn't give a F.

I ws gonna raise ds topic 2day buh you already did dt...lol
I grew up calling most of my siblings by their names...some of my friends think it inappropraite and dsrespectful but its not(atleast to me) cos †ђξ respect is still there...but had to shortcut their names lyk B.J (bro jide) and dos wt english names lyk Nichole ℓ̊ simple call her NICK cos of my aunts. It makes rapour much easier...we sumtyms cal our mum by her name jokeingly...
I cal my immediate elder bros (8years older dn me) wife by her name and she cal me by my name too. My bro lyks it dt way evn though †ђξ girl is 3yrs older dn me but her friends feels am bn dsrespectful but i dnt kia and she doesn't too as long as we respect each other!
ℓ̊ dnt demand 'sis or aunty' from anybody lykwise ℓ̊ dnt want anybody demanding me calling 'dm' by 'sis or aunty' ℓ̊ wl only cal dos dt dim fit and appropraite!
Shikena!
Some wl cal you anty and stil insult you..(Shee oriyin opee ni) (your head no correct) and at same time send you on stupid errands... errands! Anty kor anty ni!!!
Anty my foot!

Hubby's younger sister??ha!!in my husband's family,the fact that the woman is married to her elder brother puts the wife in the same position as the elder brother himself.No younger sibling can dare call her by name or send her on an errand,maximum respect will be accorded to her irrespective of age.I won't be in this position because a man who has such a disrespectful sister will not be married to me in the first place.respect is reciprocal,I don't wish to send anyone around either because I love to get things done by myself.

Pheww!well I dont have a sister inlaw and hubby is the youngest.Abeg women should be careful about the kind of family they are married into.The only woman I have to deal with is my MIL,whom I love dearly.


She has made the mistake from the begining by making herself her errand girl,retracing the steps now might cause Katakataooo!!!

nichole2: Dats thru. Very common my brothers fiancee calls me aunty. And she's 2years older than me. But I don't send her around we. Are. Very close and good friends , she doesn't work for anyone except my mum. At times

Do you like the 'aunty' title?
Does it make you feel superior to her sometimes?

honey86: I'm yoruba and I am aware of this part of our. culture, but this is EXTREME. because you call your sister in-law aunty doesn't mean that you allow yourself to be disrespected. in my opinion, the girl is taking advantage of her ignorance. Tell your friend to stop asking her what she wants to eat, and she should start giving her instructions to do some house chores. In short, she should take charge of her house before they all turned her to a slave.

Beautiful . I just fear it may be a bit late for her. While she can change , the in-laws may not be receptive to the change.
Will it not lead to altercations?

vanitty: It is Anne's fault. As far as I am concerned, culture you pick and choose what suit you perfectly. I am fully fledged Yoruba with plenty in-laws and never have I encountered such. It is all in presentation, the way you present yourself to people, family, work colleagues, friends etc that you will be treated. If you choose to be subservient in the beginning, you better know you will continue all your life unless you take drastic steps.

Babe (?), you should count yourself lucky.
I said that because you've got enlightened in-laws . Some carry the tradition for head ike ras kimono dada.

Brand_new: Depends on where Wifey comes from. Women from other parts outside the SW just wouldn't give a F.

Especially the Europeans.
Dem go call your mama by her name and mama sef go open teeth answer am.

@Nadia , guess we were thinking along the same line.

The husband of this woman is in a better position to put his sister in her place.

What kind of culture is dat? There r some things that should be thrown to d dustbin and this is one of them.what is the meanin of aunty or uncle? Its still there cos they all love it!silly culture!if I call u ur name,I won't respect u again abi? And they never born that small gal ordering me around in d name of culture!(D thing just d vex me)

@yellowpaw.. If you know the number of things our African culture has brought into our lives in this 21st century, you will be more pissed than you are now.

The fact is that, its the way those ladies present themselves, and also what you know you cant continue to accept, do not start it at all, some ladies, just because they are trying to give good impression about themselves, while still courting accept rubbish from their in-laws, and after marriage, it now becomes difficult to correct their foolishness, the fact is that, dont accept it at all from the onset.
Secondly, it has to do with how the lady present himself, whether hubby intervene or not, "talo fe gbe ina woju ekun" None of my inlaws can try nonsense with me, i tell you, i give them their respect and they give me mine.
I remember when i just got married, like a month after my marriage, one of my BIL came visiting, i entertained him, and after eating, he packed the plates and put them in the sink, i quickly asked him, if he left those plates for me to wash, he said, not really, then i told him to go and wash it immediately and he did, none of them ever tried it again, so, it depends on the wife.
Bottom line...............dont pretend and accept what you cannot continue to accept. Its risky.

^^^ I still believe it's families closer to the grass root that hold on to this tacky believe.
But i love your firm approach.
Oju lile o le ba iranu n'ile.

This is so true o. Pls tell Anne to free herself. 'ijo ti aba ri ibi, ni ibin wole' meaning 'it's the day we see a bad thing that it enters the ground.

She can still call Tinu 'aunty' o but doing things for her like a maid is unacceptable.

I took this precaution before i got married o.

This is another irritating aspect of yoruba culture (sorry to say). Imagine someone leaving her home, family and last name behind only to be treated as a modern day errand girl all in the name or marriage. If you take a good look at most of the families that subject a woman to this kind of humiliation, you would see they're illiterate or semi illiterate. Thank God for my in-laws. I call all my BILs by name. This doesn't mean I don't respect them. As long as there's mutual love and respect, there should be no reason why you should regard your 10yr old SIL as iya oko (mother-in-law).

Another thing that bugs M̶̲̅ε̲̣ is how ladies feel they're entitled to their brother's wife's possessions because 'she got it with my brother's money nah'. I remember one of my room mates in uni who went to spend a weekend with her brother's fiancee (not wife o), she came back on sunday with lots of foodstuff and we teasing her of how she emptied her future SIL's kitchen. Her response was: leave M̶̲̅ε̲̣ jor, is it not my brother's money? :/ . I guess I should be thankful my hubby's got only brothers

@. You told ur BIL to wash his own plates? Dayum!!! U bad gan . Anytime they come over and eat I usually tell them to leave the plates in the sink, afterall they're guests in my home and they come once in a while. Except for the youngest sha, imagine a 13 year old kid leaving plates for M̶̲̅ε̲̣ to clean up after him shior!!!

honey86: I'm yoruba and I am aware of this part of our. culture, but this is EXTREME. because you call your sister in-law aunty doesn't mean that you allow yourself to be disrespected. in my opinion, the girl is taking advantage of her ignorance. Tell your friend to stop asking her what she wants to eat, and she should start giving her instructions to do some house chores. In short, she should take charge of her house before they all turned her to a slave.

exactly,if she was my sister inlaw,its either she respects herself or leave.i wont confront her verbally,but i will do things that will live her with no choice than to sit up.if she says i should cook for her,i will and when she is about finishing up her food,i will tell her not to forget to wash her plates and clean up the kitchen because i am going out in the next 1o minutes,if she likes make she go report me to her mama,i will tell my mother inlaw that shebi she is in her brothers house,there is nothing wrong in sending her on errands moreover she sends me on errands despite the fact that i have people like her at home and office i send on errand.2ndly she is a woman herself and she will get married few years from now,let her start getting used to cleaning up the house before she gets married.she will not bare your surname forever.anyway i know all those kinds of nonsense cannot happen because i will put everyone in their place before entering their house.if she sends me on errand,i will go however if i dare send her on errand and she gives me a funny look,i will remind her that she sends me on errand and i go despite the fact that you have elder ones like me.i wont even allow her to reply me before i walk out.if she doesnt go on that errand,i wont go on hers,wont cook for her either.if she is hungry,she will get into the kitchen and cook herself,anybody she likes let her report me too because i will put her in a tight corner.as simple as that.mshewww

greatgod2012: The fact is that, its the way those ladies present themselves, and also what you know you cant continue to accept, do not start it at all, some ladies, just because they are trying to give good impression about themselves, while still courting accept rubbish from their in-laws, and after marriage, it now becomes difficult to correct their foolishness, the fact is that, dont accept it at all from the onset.
Secondly, it has to do with how the lady present himself, whether hubby intervene or not, "talo fe gbe ina woju ekun" None of my inlaws can try nonsense with me, i tell you, i give them their respect and they give me mine.
I remember when i just got married, like a month after my marriage, one of my BIL came visiting, i entertained him, and after eating, he packed the plates and put them in the sink, i quickly asked him, if he left those plates for me to wash, he said, not really, then i told him to go and wash it immediately and he did, none of them ever tried it again, so, it depends on the wife.
Bottom line...............dont pretend and accept what you cannot continue to accept. Its risky.

gbam.i am capable of doing the same thing,the only difference is that i will say bro samson,dont forget to wash those plates o.i will say it jokingly,but he will definetly get the message.i wonder how and why women entertain craps just because they married into that family.whether you are a wife or not,everyone deserves respect.anyway like says,its the way you carry yourself before marriage that they will carry you

jeffizy: ^^^ I still believe it's families closer to the grass root that hold on to this tacky believe.
But i love your firm approach.
Oju lile o le ba iranu n'ile.

gbam.the thing is that both parties should no and understand their terms and conditions before marriage.inlaws should know where their boundaries start and end and it is the function of the woman to create those boundaries.moreover theres one thing my mom says repeatedly Over familiarity breeds disrespect/contempt.so no unnecessary familiarity

Rukemi291: This is so true o. Pls tell Anne to free herself. 'ijo ti aba ri ibi, ni ibin wole' meaning 'it's the day we see a bad thing that it enters the ground.

She can still call Tinu 'aunty' o but doing things for her like a maid is unacceptable.

I took this precaution before i got married o.

lmao,thats the best thing any woman can do to herself.inlaws have the tendency to disrespect you after marriage if they notice you are too desperate to marry their son or try to please everyone.best thing.give them their respect,create boundaries,call the peeps who are older than you aunty,the one that is not older than you,find a nick name for her and never use ma or sir for anyone that is not older than you.as simple as that

k4kenny: This is another irritating aspect of yoruba culture (sorry to say). Imagine someone leaving her home, family and last name behind only to be treated as a modern day errand girl all in the name or marriage. If you take a good look at most of the families that subject a woman to this kind of humiliation, you would see they're illiterate or semi illiterate. Thank God for my in-laws. I call all my BILs by name. This doesn't mean I don't respect them. As long as there's mutual love and respect, there should be no reason why you should regard your 10yr old SIL as iya oko (mother-in-law).

Another thing that bugs M̶̲̅ε̲̣ is how ladies feel they're entitled to their brother's wife's possessions because 'she got it with my brother's money nah'. I remember one of my room mates in uni who went to spend a weekend with her brother's fiancee (not wife o), she came back on sunday with lots of foodstuff and we teasing her of how she emptied her future SIL's kitchen. Her response was: leave M̶̲̅ε̲̣ jor, is it not my brother's money? :/ . I guess I should be thankful my hubby's got only brothers

lmao.that was one of the reasons i broke up with my ex.his mom was telling me i should call his little nephew of 4year old brother jide when i get married.i tried to bury the shock,when my dad investigated into the family,he discovered that they treat their wives like sh1t,omo i took to my heels o

k4kenny: @. You told ur BIL to wash his own plates? Dayum!!! U bad gan . Anytime they come over and eat I usually tell them to leave the plates in the sink, afterall they're guests in my home and they come once in a while. Except for the youngest sha, imagine a 13 year old kid leaving plates for M̶̲̅ε̲̣ to clean up after him shior!!!

lollll

k4kenny: @. You told ur BIL to wash his own plates? Dayum!!! U bad gan . Anytime they come over and eat I usually tell them to leave the plates in the sink, afterall they're guests in my home and they come once in a while. Except for the youngest sha, imagine a 13 year old kid leaving plates for M̶̲̅ε̲̣ to clean up after him shior!!!

how i wish you know me really, im a very nice person, but strict, everyone wants my company but with that, i carry myself well, nobody, i mean nobody, can treat me like a trash, i tell you, i just look straight into your face and tell you what is in my mind "oju to ba dile, ni rore(insect) nko si, that, BIL was 21 years old then, i guess he told others, none of them ever try BS with me, and you know what, i settle them well, when they are going, i give them money, stuff, etc, but i never allow BS, if all women are like that, no one can maltreat them, and the fact is that, you cant be maltreated, if you dont allow it.
May God help us all.