HotNaijaBabe: We are in a relationship..and its not stated anywhere that all relationships 'MUST' lead to marriage..If he decides to marry someone else( or allows his mum to choose a spouse for him)..All well and good, Life goes on..
#Btw, he is a lovely person, very disciplined and cool-headed.

Yes you are right,every relationship must not lead to marriage.Don't mind me,am too conscious of time,hence I must be seeing the future of the relationship from where am standing before I spend further time in it.For me no time to date for the fun of itoooooo!!

biolabee:

Because rightly or wrongly, culturally in the past women were seen as a means to an end
The end is the children and thus the focus

And yet when, people say women were seen as slaves in olden days still now, some people will say otherwise.

I also hate a husband using"e" 4 his wife instead of "o"(abeg how I go xplain dis 2 my igbo and hausa folks lol)k "e" in yoruba is used 4 an elderly person as a sign of respect while "o" is 4 ur agemates...I can't jst imagine it...u go hear(honey,na d husband be dat o,ejo ebami mu cup ninu ile(pls bring a cup 4 me)newly married couple fa!)It annoys me rili...(Sade,jhor bami gbe omi kana..en en u naw talking..)

jeffizy: Reading ladies comments makes me laugh. So you guys believe it's only a female affair? Please think again.

My spouse happens to be the last born of the house.
She's got like 3 older siblings ( sisters ).
There's a particular one who is like 2 years older than i am with 3 kids.
She has this attitude of "after all, na our last born you marry"

By the way, im like 5 years older than my spouse, so , she gives me some attitude once in a while which is annoying. I call her by her 1st child's name.."mama dami".

But i noticed she gets besides herself with excitement when i call her "sista" .

So what i do is to determine what type of mood i want to put her. Lol.

Unfortunately for her, that attitude has not made us relate too well. I just stroke her ego whenever i want.

Person wey no too carry intellectual capabiliities wey wan use me get star. it could be annoying but, it's the way i handled it from the start.

The difference here is that no one will have the audacity tell you to your face that you better "behave" or else.

They have enough regard for you not to go that far.

How many women have that luxury?!!

.

@ OP:

I am lucky to be engaged to the last born in the family and the immediate elder sister to my fiancé is 9yrs older than I am.

Madame Anne should better get her act right. It's mostly SILs and MILs who decide to be terrors to the DILs. One of my uncles' wives call all my uncle's nieces (the daughters of her husband's sister i.e. us) aunty and will want to knee for me and I will be like what? She will call us ma, will want to carry our plates when we are done eating and I tell her to stop. She will even kneel fully for my married male cousins. I once 'reported' her to my mother and asked why she was behaving like that and she said 'it's the culture bla bla bla'.

However, all my uncles' wives are treated like daughters by my mom and aunts. One would think they are our elder sisters. They all give them stuffs and they don't pay for services rendered for them. One thing with my extended family is that we the ladies are all enlightened and don't care for all the in-law bullshit.

I would however not like such a life for myself.

bukatyne: @ OP:

I am lucky to be engaged to the last born in the family and the immediate elder sister to my fiancé is 9yrs older than I am.

Madame Anne should better get her act right. It's mostly SILs and MILs who decide to be terrors to the DILs. One of my uncles' wives call all my uncle's nieces (the daughters of her husband's sister i.e. us) aunty and will want to knee for me and I will be like what? She will call us ma, will want to carry our plates when we are done eating and I tell her to stop. She will even kneel fully for my married male cousins. I once 'reported' her to my mother and asked why she was behaving like that and she said 'it's the culture bla bla bla'.

However, all my uncles' wives are treated like daughters by my mom and aunts. One would think they are our elder sisters. They all give them stuffs and they don't pay for services rendered for them. One thing with my extended family is that we the ladies are all enlightened and don't care for all the in-law bullshit.

I would however not like such a life for myself.

Abeg last born without any troublesome unmarried sister is always easier,lucky you.

bukatyne:

And yet when, people say women were seen as slaves in olden days still now, some people will say otherwise.

why would anyone argue against fact
Some cultures were matriachial though

Thank God for civilization!!!!

biolabee:

why would anyone argue against fact
Some cultures were matriachial though

Are you not on the 'Feminism - Why Women In General (especially Black Women) Have Been Duped By It!!' thread?

byvan:


Abeg last born without any troublesome unmarried sister is always easier,lucky you.

'

Thanks

bukatyne:

Are you not on the 'Feminism - Why Women In General (especially Black Women) Have Been Duped By It!!' thread?

I dont get this

biolabee:

I dont get this

There is a Feminism - why women in general (especially blacks) have been duped by it!! thread.

I thought you were on it.

Nope.. but looks interesting will look for it.found it!

I have seen it a lot. If a man treats his woman like a queen, the family/sisters will respect her. But if he treats her like he's doing her a favour, she's Rag. Ladies the 1st "contact" with your potential in-laws is very strategic. Be respectful, but not timid, ask your man the ages of his sisters and treat them like friends not "oga at the top". If you bend at first meet, you will/must bend forever! I no get babe, but i have had this discussion (playfully) times with my mum and sis.lol

Another problem is that some ladies try to hard when they want to marry a man. U want to do everything to please his family then afterwards u'll start complaining that they don't respect u.

Advice: don't start what u cannot finish.

Hmmnnn...,this thread is interestin cos I'm learnin a lot here!it seems all fingers r pointin to yoruba culture!hello omoges(whateva that means)why una dey allow this now? It seems most of d men r helpless were their family r!abi they no lv their wives enof to protect her interest.
Where r those guys,come and tell us why u allow this happen?hello guys!!this is very serious!hv never seen dis type of thing before.
Where r they?imagine after callin ur small sis aunty and serving her,shebi u go come bleep me? I must get a reasonable answer!absurdity!!!

yellowpawpaw: Hmmnnn...,this thread is interestin cos I'm learnin a lot here!it seems all fingers r pointin to yoruba culture!hello omoges(whateva that means)why una dey allow this now? It seems most of d men r helpless were their family r!abi they no lv their wives enof to protect her interest.
Where r those guys,come and tell us why u allow this happen?hello guys!!this is very serious!hv never seen dis type of thing before.
Where r they?imagine after callin ur small sis aunty and serving her,shebi u go come bleep me? I must get a reasonable answer!absurdity!!!

we love our women but women anre mostly the ones dishing it out to the younger women and viceversa...
finito

biolabee:


we love our women but women anre mostly the ones dishing it out to the younger women and viceversa...
finito

In which case u r just an onlooker? In ur own house? (Hope na man I dey reply abeg o!)Watchin to c how she will take it?is that fair?

yellowpawpaw:
In which case u r just an onlooker? In ur own house? (Hope na man I dey reply abeg o!)Watchin to c how she will take it?is that fair?

things are changing and men are standing up for their wives more and more

this will be an non issue in another coupleof years

My Partner would call anyone she is older than even by an hour by name

dayokanu: My Partner would call anyone she is older than even by an hour by name

hahaha
dayo, you are from ogbomoso - soun would have you crucified if you defy the tradition of your village. that particular tradition is only prevalent in the village. no one in the city would ask a new bride to kneel for her junior in-laws.

coogar:

hahaha
dayo, you are from ogbomoso - soun would have you crucified if you defy the tradition of your village. that particular tradition is only prevalent in the village. no one in the city would ask a new bride to kneel for her junior in-laws.

Lailai

Your new wife must prepare my bath water, cook for me and lay my bed o. Otherwise i would invoke the Spirit of the Ekiti ancestors on her

dayokanu:
Lailai

Your new wife must prepare my bath water, cook for me and lay my bed o. Otherwise i would invoke the Spirit of the Ekiti ancestors on her

hahahaha - not possible
new bride calls her husband by name and tradition expects her to address the people younger than her husband by sir/ma? i am sure it's that yeye "sango" that promulgated these idiotic laws.

nenergy: I have seen it a lot. If a man treats his woman like a queen, the family/sisters will respect her. But if he treats her like he's doing her a favour, she's Rag. .lol

Very, very true

biolabee:

things are changing and men are standing up for their wives more and more

this will be an non issue in another coupleof years

Heavy sigh....thank u so much,what a man!there is hope! Like all those small children used to say'I'm off dancing alingo'!

LOL... It is well

My mum once told me , a man knows not where he's going , if he doesn't remember where he's coming from!
The Genesis came from the olden days oyo empire.
The monarchy practiced this in the palace among the numerous queens.

It was created to promote subservience among the queens to control the daily in-fighting.

Other members within the empire who had multiple wives soon adopted the tradition.

It spread like wild fire and other cultures adopted it.

But, i guess it has been so abused from tje ecperiences being shared here.

yellowpawpaw:
Heavy sigh....thank u so much,what a man!there is hope! Like all those small children used to say'I'm off dancing alingo'!

yeah,this is so encouraging.at least this is one of the encouraging news i have always loved to hear.not that after wedding the woman doesn't have a life again and any dck and harry can trample on her

coogar:

hahahaha - not possible
new bride calls her husband by name and tradition expects her to address the people younger than her husband by sir/ma? i am sure it's that yeye "sango" that promulgated these idiotic laws.

am telling you