Daresh:

Oga abet don't project your issues with you wife to all women. How do you know ALL women don't say they are sorry? Abeg piss off and go and settle with your wife jor!

i won't say anything 2 U 4 now but op abeg do what u have to do 2 protect ur own life, u need to be alive before other things can be taken care of

carefreewannabe:

are you a homo or really that frustrated?
sorry but it kind of goes beyond laughing.
and if you choose to mention God, you better not insult him for what he has created.

good day to you.

u never attempted to prove his fact wrong

Bro, i feel for you o.. I know how you feel man!!! Most of'em think you arent man enough or aint got waht it takes and lots o'crap comin from women especially, but i know what you are going through, i experienced back then in school!! Bro, i know much you love your wife; so much..! I know how hard you'v fought ta keep your marriage fire burnin, i know how tolerating you've been, and i know what'l become of your present condition.. I dated one babe like for school that time, she's just like your wifey.. Bro, please follow these steps ta save ur marriage:
1. Block vehemently, 'third parties' that are pests to ur marriage, its obvious they are havin a negetive effect on your wifey.
2.put on a good mood, be happy, crazy happy!! Just pretend to ignore your wife partially especially when she puts on her bad.. Talk to her o.. Care for her o.. Just pretend nothin's happenin, you dig?
3. Be a good dad to your kids.. Be crazy good, spend crazy time wit dem and let your wife notice this..
4. Bro, make her jealous, crazy jealous. just have fun, bring the fun to your home. Just think of sonething...probably what she likes..
5. Talk ta God to change her heart, He's able....
Finally bro, divorcin her will b a costly mistakes man... Be a man, take control of the situation, and save her from those pests just like they do it in movies....! You dig??!

@ Op I understand your plight! I have seen this first hand. My mother is a typical example of one.eversince I have known her she has never apologised to my dad if she is wrong . their marriage is 30yrs now and she hasn't changed. So if u are willing to live with it then it is ur choice cos she may never change. My dad has complained over the years and he has learnt to deal with it. I think it is nothing but pride,my mom is extremely proud dat she can ignore her husband for a year or rather keep malice with him until he apologises to her(even when she is at fault) and she extends it to us her kids she can and has never said I am sorry!u deserve to be happy!.

She prefers her plan B, so she doesnt care if d plan A works out or not.

op; put the matter into prayers(if you ain't a pagan).....this is one of the reasons why i dislike some 9ja ladies..bizzy body..abi na pride

True NaijaBwoy: Point 1 i do apologise, im not afraid to be sentimental!
Point 2 Women changing after the ring goes on, thats another issue! It a default land mine... this is not what this is about!!
Point 3 we initially had financial strangle on us that i felt was both to our mutual understanding, obvisouly not, im an absolute extrovert, she knew this about me and loved this about me,she also has this in her nature,but i firmly go to work n go home to spend time with the family, my time with the guys is playing on a footy weekend, which i have cancelled on a numerous occassion to hang with family,,, my flexibility has never been an issue... she also loves my relationship with kids which never changed, she will always tell you 1 thing, i am a good father and a hands on dad as she is a good mum,,, our problems was never us a a couple,,, its the external factors which are crippling and undermining us.
by the by,,,, I'm a very good cook and do cook for her, and my saturday is typically a house cleaning blitz by me,, especially sat mornings,,, this is neither here nor there, my point is i am not shy to be soppy if i feel happy!

silly me, maybe!! but we both deserve happiness even if its apart!!

I will say one fair thing, women(maybe her) prefer to see what they want to see rather than appreciate the personalised effort!

kai, una don turn me to agony uncle!!

Bros, I am a victim of 3rd party interference whilst growing and my parents marriage went down the drain and disappeared!!!! Myself and siblings had a harsh growing up and till date though they are back in the same house, they are like strangers to each other amongst others, you don't want to know the impact esp to our last born who was a little boy and grew in bitterness! I am only praying he doesn't replicate the behaviour when he becomes a matured man.

At least you know the root cause, deal with it and save your home which is so evident in your written voice that you want to. I pray for wisdom as you do.

True NaijaBwoy: Na wa o

I always thought people who divorce must have been lazy in their marriage to keep things together.... but the sad fact is i am now going through a divorce. Its even more painfull to realise the key reason for me parting ways with the woman i still love is simply because she wont address the error of her ways.

Ironically, if she had said, "my husband, i am sorry please fogive me and lets patch things up (even for the sake of the kids)". I would with out doubt reconsider. it would help restore my confidence in her and my marriage.

The harsh reality is without these words, I would continously battle with her in respect of who wears the pants in our marriage. it truly doesnt help that her tenacity is supproted by her family. This truly chops my legs of me manhood and dignity... My marriage is currently the spin off from Eastenders... the family affairs is out there...

Im guessing you want to know what she should be sorry about it will pop out when i get enough feedback from the women out there.

9yrs knowing her, 5yrs married, 2kids later and a divorce............ Ladies, Learn these words, it goes a long way to retaining your marriage " my husband i am sorry"

@OP COMMUNICATION! COMMUNICATION! COMMUNICATION! Truth is we talk most of the times, but dont communicate and thats a very big part of the problem... I am like you in some ways, I value RESPECT so much that it's something that can break everything that I have built, reason why I also give back respect and wifey knows how important that is to me.. Also in quiet times we discuss/communication and I stress how important the word "SORRY" is... It can Heal! Now the kids, they are the very air that I breathe. And how did they come to this world? ... You guess right, Through wifey.. so no matter how mad I am at her after a while when I look at the kids and all she went through giving birth to them, my anger slides away and we are back again... All my life women pamper and spoil me so if am not getting that so much from wifey, I am fine. Another thing is allowing people (family or whatever) in your marriage. My mum told us (her kids)... Think and look well before you marry, marry the one you love cos after that you are not going to divorce ... So I presume both of you love each other before getting married, so non should get between your marriage. Finally even if she didnt apologize at the end, I say forgive her cos I see you still love her and please in the name of GOD do not divorce cos that is the easiest thing to do. You can get a million of the most beautiful girls tomorrow that are ready to marry you. Truth is once you are married, you actually get a million of the richest-most-beautiful-perfect-girls that wanna marry you. But who is to say that marriage will stand or last? It's all illusions cos the grass always looks greener at the other end. What I have come to learn is this, MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR COWARDS, BUT FOR THE BRAVE! If your wife doesnt love you anymore and says she cant stand your sight and no matter what you do she remains so, then it is out of your hands, but if she still wants this, My guy I say forget sorry, forget family yarns, even forget PRIDE(Never knew I would ever say this.. you have to know me to understand this last bit about PRIDE) carry your wife to a nice restaurant and enjoy yourself jare! This life is too short for all these.. May God give both of you the strength, courage and grace to work this out. Stay blessed (We fit yarn on phone if you want just lemme know)

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

Hmmm!!! This is deep really got me thinking.....

Straight to the point.....

Assuming this is for real!!


@ Op......

do u love this woman despite her manipulative, immature proud ways ??

2ndly, are you willing to live in such a toxic environment, particularly put your kids thru this consistently.

3rdly, are you happy to be totally estranged from your family..... this may be what she's gunning for!!!!! Then prepare your will and external executors of your estate, no matter how little.

Read with interest, different responses.......

Hmmm.....
No easy answers.....




In the interim, you may need some "down-time" on your own, maybe a month or so, simply to clear ur head and come to a decision prayerfully. Get counsellors if you flow that way.

Divorce is rather a huge step. But I understand the daily grind of always apologizing in speech/ manner for her wrong perception of your family's view of her, can become disabling at some point.

Hopefully you get the right strategy to use and avoid the initial issues raised above.




Following the "pet ur wifey"advice, won't get rid of these issues on the long term. Simply will fester till someone cracks..... sometimes rather fatally!!! And as a father, you don't want the children suffering from their mother's lack of balance.


[Does she suffer from episodes of paranoia in other scenarios May need psychy help......simply wondered]



.

@ OP
I'll be straight to the point.I'm Of the opinion that you have tried all you can to save your marriage going by all you have said.I feel your WIFE does not Love or care for you anymore just like the way it was when you guys started and whether you beg from now till eternity,its not gonna change anything.If you still have ideas as to how you can make her love you again then keep trying.If not,for your dignity's sake,Take a Hike.

Moderator pls remove this post if this yeye op is not ready to come out with his full story rathan dishing it in bits abd pieces. Yeye man, I am sure these are the kind of things u do that will make ur wife refused to say sorry.

CAMEROONPRIDE: Don't mind them, women are the worst thing that happened to mankind, i curse the day God almost killed us to create una.Tufiakwa

I curse the day a woman gave birth to such nuisance called *CAMEROONDISGRACE*

Sweetapple007: No man deserv sorry!

you meant to write men deserv sorry

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

May God bless your marriage.... Even jezebel will reconsider after such sincere words seeing how he hurts and desperately in need of his love (wife)

@op marriage is not just bread and butter, you have to put in more efforts to make it work.
My Dad(may his soul rest in peace) was such a wonderful man, even when my mum 'rakes' he keeps mute but at night I keep hearing voices, that is moment of reconciliation. They settle disputes when we've gone to sleep and I feel that's how every couple should behave.
You need to save your marriage please, you are too young to be without your wife. Do something pls and best of lucks

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

God bless you for this..

True NaijaBwoy: Na wa o

I always thought people who divorce must have been lazy in their marriage to keep things together.... but the sad fact is i am now going through a divorce. Its even more painfull to realise the key reason for me parting ways with the woman i still love is simply because she wont address the error of her ways.

Ironically, if she had said, "my husband, i am sorry please fogive me and lets patch things up (even for the sake of the kids)". I would with out doubt reconsider. it would help restore my confidence in her and my marriage.

The harsh reality is without these words, I would continously battle with her in respect of who wears the pants in our marriage. it truly doesnt help that her tenacity is supproted by her family. This truly chops my legs of me manhood and dignity... My marriage is currently the spin off from Eastenders... the family affairs is out there...

Im guessing you want to know what she should be sorry about it will pop out when i get enough feedback from the women out there.

9yrs knowing her, 5yrs married, 2kids later and a divorce............ Ladies, Learn these words, it goes a long way to retaining your marriage " my husband i am sorry"

First of, I know the information you've given here is quite incomplete and its 'your side of the story'...would be different from 'her side of the story'. But I'll still comment byour side of the story.
I think your proud and selfish!(Sorry for d bluntness)
It takes two to tango. All you've been saying here is how you've tried to make her do what you want her do and then getting angry cos she obviously has her own life as well. Have you ever talked to her(I mean TALK not scold, shout or intimidate) concerning whatever you feel she doesn't do right? I dnt support her bringing her extended family into HER FAMILY. But your pride hasn't allowed you dialogue rather you've been authoritarian.

You're selfish because you're only looking out for yourself? Have you considered the effect the divorce will have on her, your kids, your n her extended family? I guess not. But you now want to leave because she doesn't do what you say. Well, Mister, she's your wife not your housegirl!

People should seriously learn how to communicate in marriage. When things are good know how to enjoy communication in such moment. If things go bad, know how to communicate! If you're marriage is going down, you're equally culpable.

So swallow your shitty pride, and the overbloated male chauvinist attitude and go talk to your wife. And save those kids the life of asking, "WHY?"

I'm not sure I understand you OP very well, its not that you even care your wife changes her supposed wrong ways but its all about the "I'm sorry"

Do you even know that some people say they are sorry even when they know fully well that they'd go ahead to still do that thing they just apologized for? Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't really mean you are.

Btw, you sound like you are the perfect man and your wife is all the problems, I'm not married but walai your problems don't even sound like a problem that should lead to divorce to me.

What is even this thing that your wife should apologize for? I personally won't apologize because someone demands I should.

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

Listen to the words of wisdom right here OP. This woman said exactly what I was too lazy to type out and was intending to paraphrase.

Life is too short esp. between couples to hold on to trivial things. Even the bible enjoins one to forgive 70x7 times in a single day!

Coldfeet has spoken it all. Hope you would hearken your ears and listen.

True NaijaBwoy:

@Sapphire86

Its a simplistic response from you.

I dont think theres a person alive who ever wants to go through a divorce and i dont think theres anyone alive who wants to stay unhappy in a marriage. Im guessing your not married otherwise you wouldnt trivialise such things as respect between the hubby and the missus. least of all 3rd party intrusions.

My dear, for the future pride is mutual between the couple but its best exhibited outside not within your marriage. i have aplogised severely even though she was wrong,,,,,,,,,,but it has become more dangerous for the future when i consider she doesnt acknowledge she is wrong by offering a mutual apology,,,, at this point what will you say if only one party offers an apology? most of us naija will say, u no get liver?

You may be content saying fight for your marriage for your kids sake, however, youd be lying to yourself, making yourself unhappy as you literaly watch as you get turned to a door mat and your dignity trodded as your self respect is turned to putty...... if your not happy, how can you be happy for your kids.... kids have a 3rd sense and will always recognise an unhappy parent.... I hope you never experience this... this is not a wake up one morning decision,,,, it years of coping, hoping, patching and schooling

where do you draw the line?

tnk u my brother for responding to her dis way..after i finished reading her post i wnted to gve her a kind of lashing dat cud gve her twins

@OP it's up to you.

What if after divorcing this one, the next you'll meet is a green snake under the green grass.

At least this one is stubborn and in your face, not a pretender.

Of all the positive things that made you to maary her, her stubborness supercedes all?

The ball is in your court, you can even score an own goal with it if you wish.

debrief08: You used your family to play poker it exploded in your face now all women are to be blamed? Oga Husband, when you are ready to get a solution you will say what exactly she has refused to apologise over. For anyone to risk divorce over a simpke apology means its a serious life and death issue. For all her family to support her it means its more serious than normal. Since you have decided to share, share it all and save us the half story and "why can't women say sorry" wahala. When I was almost killed and left, my Ex told all who cared to listen that it was my Fathers interference that was breaking our home.

u dont even knw wat u have just typed. some parent can go any length to break their chldren marriage especialy if they were nt in support in d first place

@OP. There is something about you that is not right. You opened a post, half complaining about your wife and generalizing it to women.
You bask poetic and give half information, sit back and listen to comments. You strike me as someone that plays games, and your posts seem to refer to relationships as games. If this is the attitude you show your wife, i wont be surprised that she wont apologize to you. She probably is tired of your games, has lost respect for you and wants to watch it play out to the end.
Goodluck in your next relationship

True NaijaBwoy: Na wa o

I always thought people who divorce must have been lazy in their marriage to keep things together.... but the sad fact is i am now going through a divorce. Its even more painfull to realise the key reason for me parting ways with the woman i still love is simply because she wont address the error of her ways.

Ironically, if she had said, "my husband, i am sorry please fogive me and lets patch things up (even for the sake of the kids)". I would with out doubt reconsider. it would help restore my confidence in her and my marriage.

The harsh reality is without these words, I would continously battle with her in respect of who wears the pants in our marriage. it truly doesnt help that her tenacity is supproted by her family. This truly chops my legs of me manhood and dignity... My marriage is currently the spin off from Eastenders... the family affairs is out there...

Im guessing you want to know what she should be sorry about it will pop out when i get enough feedback from the women out there.

9yrs knowing her, 5yrs married, 2kids later and a divorce............ Ladies, Learn these words, it goes a long way to retaining your marriage " my husband i am sorry"

lol, which part of you really want to be a bachelor? lemme guess, your soul or your loins??

From your right up, it is clear that you are an Excited Sanguine and your wife is an Angry Choleric. You made the biggest mistake of your life by marrying her! It is clear that she is not very socially and emotionally intelligent, if not she would not act that way. You should have married a Phlegmatic or a Melancholy lady... that fits you more.

NubiLove: From your right up, it is clear that you are an Excited Sanguine and your wife is an Angry Choleric. You made the biggest mistake of your life by marrying her! It is clear that she is not very socially and emotionally intelligent, if not she would not act that way. You should have married a Phlegmatic or a Melancholy lady... that fits you more.

Since you were not opportuned to advice the OP before he made the biggest mistake of his life, please pocket your advise and proffer a solution or hold your peace

bukatyne:

Since you were not opportuned to advice the OP before he made the biggest mistake of his life, please pocket your advise and proffer a solution or hold your peace

I'm still waiting your answer/list in the "feminism thread"

My advice: Ignore her for as long as possible till she is willing to discuss your marriage... keep living your life and don't divorce her yet. That is how you deal with Choleric women... they are just too stubborn to admit when they are wrong so you need to prove that you don't send anymore... the problem of some Choleric women is they have an overdose of pride and you need to show that your own is more than her own or else she would keep pulling the stubbornness stunt with you!

@bukatyne: SHUT THE F.U.CK. UP B.IT.CH. and don't ever refer to me - I wasn't talking to you.

vanitty: Didn't you know the person you married before you signed the dotted lies?

You initiated the divorce and as it is now, been the person she is , she won't beg you.

You, mr man need to have done better at managing your home. The instant you started saying sorry for what wasn't your fault, you more or less started allowing resent ful feelings into your home

If you are hurting as much as you are, you better go for counselling with her, let a neutral third party mediate before you allow your pride to make your kids a statistic in the single parent ish!

Yes, my best friend is going through divorce all because he wanted his wife, mil and in laws to see and love him as their son. He built a house at his wife's villa without building in his dad's. he would do the laundry, pay 80% of the bill. accommodated MIL for 10yrs. He would appologise for peace to reign. Everything changed when he insisted that MIL had overstayed and must be gone.his MIL has other sons who do not live far from them, but they never took her to doctors' appointments, check up and senior services. He never said no, but once he said no, everything began to crumble. I have come to learn that it's OK to say no at early stage even when it might hurt some feelings.

Oohrhii: What can i say..

God will Help and be with you bro.

I can absolutely feel your pain even tho am not married. i Understand what it means for a lady to want to dictate things for a man.

Ladies.. wondering what the world is turning to.

Guy I feel ur pain

Pls download this track by babyface- drama love and relationship.
And be encouraged.
Tjmc

drzed: @OP:
Now that you have clarified the topic title to reflect that it is YOUR wife (or at least not all women) that are allergic to saying "I'm sorry", let me also advise you to be explicit in your post.

You cannot drop hints and clues across seven or eight different posts and expect people to be objective or to understand your plight truly and completely.

You either narrate/summarise the entire story including how her family have interfered, or you invite her to nairaland to come and give her side of the story.

You are probably here because you either want advise, sympathy or a shoulder to cry on. Maybe even a combination of all three. Either way be specific about the kind of interference from her family and instances when she refused to apologise. Without these, how will you get advise? And if its sympathy you want, okay: eyyaah! And if its a shoulder to cry on that you need, then go and get it from your wife...oh, I forgot - she is estranged.... but you wont tell us exactly why. Hmmmm.

Be sincere and tell us the koko of the matter. Otherwise I see no point in your post. Are you hiding something or are you looking for validation of your impending decision to divorce your wife?

And YES I AM MARRIED... for much longer than you and with kids so dont even start that "wait till you marry" crap with me.

PS: The above is a test of your sincerity, maturity and sense of humour.

Sweet!


OP
4 pages no action
are we gonna get zumm zumm or this na nollywood
eucharia vs st obi