For any one out there am dating a nigerian guy(yoruba). He is very sensitive to me, at present he is living with a nigerian woman who he said was sent to him from another state for wife, but infortunately she cannot have any children (after many failed attempts to have), this is why we started dating. he said he is the only male child in his family andas aresult a great pressure is on him to carry the on the family name. I have children of my own and I know now he is experiecing some hardships. At first when we started dating he was coming on really strong, now he behaving weird saying that, he needs to be in charge and he can't take care of me  the way a man should. I toldhim I undestand we are in it together but,  Am I thinking too much or is he taking me for a ride.  Constructive answers please. Am from Trinidad am not quite familiar with different african cultures.

izatrini:

For any one out there am dating a nigerian guy(yoruba). He is very sensitive to me, at present he is living with a nigerian woman who he said was sent to him from another state for wife, but infortunately she cannot have any children (after many failed attempts to have), this is why we started dating. he said he is the only male child in his family andas aresult a great pressure is on him to carry the on the family name. I have children of my own and I know now he is experiecing some hardships. At first when we started dating he was coming on really strong, now he behaving weird saying that, he needs to be in charge and he can't take care of me the way a man should. I toldhim I undestand we are in it together but, Am I thinking too much or is he taking me for a ride. Constructive answers please. Am from Trinidad am not quite familiar with different african cultures.

It is because of women like you that men are able to step out on their women - you make yourself available to them.

Why are you with him when you know he has a woman at home ? Are you that desperate for a man ?

[size=14pt]
Do Trinidadian women have a habit of being with men even when they know the men are
in a committed relationship ?[/size]


This is your first post on this forum and this is how you portray yourself ? Home Wrecker

A decent woman with good upbringing and morals would ask the man to sort things out with his woman; find out why they can't
get pregnant or resolve their issues. A decent woman would not get involved with another woman's man.

But no, you are involved with a man in a committed relationship and have the guts
to come and brag about it. You have done nothing but bring shame to yourself.

@ Tonim


You talk as though this is something unusual of your polygamist culture based on what I've read so far, so cut that decent lady BS out. I said constructive answers please if you can read. Am pretty sure this type of thing is not exclusive to me. The only reason we started dating is bcoz of what he told me. I also know of few Nigerian women who are with Nigerian married men does that make them home wreckers? maybe you have personal issues with that? Don't yell at me, maybe the men needs to be yelled at.

izatrini:

@ Tonim


You talk as though this is something unusual of your polygamist culture based on what I've read so far, so cut that decent lady BS out. I said constructive answers please if you can read. Am pretty sure this type of thing is not exclusive to me. The only reason we started dating is because of what he told me. I also know of few Nigerian women who are with Nigerian married men does that make them home wreckers? maybe you have personal issues with that? Don't yell at me, maybe the men needs to be yelled at.

Yes it makes them home wreckers don't let anyone deceive you. Are you now advocating for polygamy? Let the man sort out his family before you get into it. He probably wants you as a breeding ground, sorry but that's what most do.

That's what am talking bout. All I needed is a fresh outlook on this whole situation. Truly am not a home wrecker neither do I intend to be one. This is why am posing the question. Am not advocating for polygamy either it's not part of my culture. I just want to be fair to all parties invloved.

Not always the case. I have a friend who was married to a Yoruba guy. They had 3 children together and he still left his wife and children and moved in with another yoruba lady with her own 5 children!

You never know what will rock a man's world. . .Yoruba or otherwise. . .man na man!  Not a tribalistic or racial issue. . . . . . . .just a personal male thingy. . .always jumping from pussy to pussy till they drown in a swampy one!

Do you think am wasting my time? @ almondjoy

Based on what was expressed to me by him, it's imperative fro him to have a child. I've met his sister who lives with him and I also met his present wife briefly. After sheddng over $50,000 on this woman for her to conceive alas he said she still cannot. I thinkk he is very bitter about this, but alrady invested a lot house, etc which makes it difficult to just walk away. His family is placing so much pressure on him to have a child. I feel his pain but don't want to be unfair to anyone. He is worried about take on the resposibility now of a bigger family and now not being fanancially able to support us. Please I liveon my own pay my own bills take care of my own kids. I neither request or demand nothing of this guy. All am loooking for is constructive critical criticism of this matter.

If he wants you as a surrogate mother, let him pay for it.

If he's no longer pleasing you, dump him.

We men are not worth the trouble.

True dat, based on past experience. I appreciate ur honesty. Do all yoruba men behave like this? I had a chance to read quite a few reviews and there isn't much good said about their attitude towards women.

, So, how is he/his family/yourself so sure that it is the wife and not the man who is the cause of the failure to concieve? Maybe they are searching to cure the wrong spouse, did you think about that?

Do what you like poster, but remember what you sow you shall one day reap,

Seun:

If he wants you as a surrogate mother, let him pay for it.

If he's no longer pleasing you, dump him.

We men are not worth the trouble.

Imagine that coming from a man !!!

I take an exception to that. Maybe the likes of you aint worth it but i know many that standout and are worth the trouble.
my closest uncle waited for almost 10 years before the first child came 2 years ago. He didnt even do extra runs at all.he is a staunch Believer and God answered him at 'HIS' time.

It all boils down to the Integrity/credibility and the godliness in the man.

I certainly don't intend to be a surrogate mom for anyone. Am not sowing anything, before I go head long into this i wanted to get input. Certainly if this was a practice of mine I would not be on here pouring my heart out.

izatrini:

I certainly don't intend to be a surrogate mom for anyone. Am not sowing anything, before I go head long into this i wanted to get input. Certainly if this was a practice of mine I would not be on here pouring my heart out.

As a married woman I am outraged at this ashawo Trinidad.
Ashawo 20 kobo. no change!.

Like a previous poster said
You're sleeping with a married man and have the face to say so on nairaland
you said you're a mother abi?
are you going around sampling men and dropping babies like guinea pigs
are you out to win a baby mama award?
have you no shame?

public latrine

May that your cheating bakassi catch fire
Idiot!!

Remember the rules of the forum. If You can't say it in a nice way and it bothers you don't respond to it. Don't vent our frustration on me. This is not bragging this is suppose to be a discussion if you know the difference. There is a name for people of your caliber, but all I have to say is stop being arrogant. Thanks.

Nwando, public latrine?, lol  That cuss was so Nigerian, lol

izatrini:

@ Tonim


You talk as though this is something unusual of your polygamist culture based on what I've read so far, so cut that decent lady BS out. I said constructive answers please if you can read. Am pretty sure this type of thing is not exclusive to me. The only reason we started dating is because of what he told me. I also know of few Nigerian women who are with Nigerian married men does that make them home wreckers? maybe you have personal issues with that? Don't yell at me, maybe the men needs to be yelled at.

How nice of a worthless, shameless used up ashewo to justify her clandestine activities.
The man told you a little lie about being forced on his wife only to gain free unlimited access to your used up "okokobioko " and you have no shame in saying so
[b]How about the other baby daddies,where they looking for a parking lot for their dangling yekini and you gladly rented them a space?[/b]I say may that your wrinkled okokobioko catch fire

izatrini:

I certainly don't intend to be a surrogate mom for anyone. Am not sowing anything, before I go head long into this i wanted to get input. Certainly if this was a practice of mine I would not be on here pouring my heart out.

@Izatrini, i think the best thing is to leave the man alone. Even his conscience is not in agreement with his actions and thats why he is behaving like that recently. He is another woman's property. Please find love from somewhere else.

just my 2 pence!!

izatrini:

Remember the rules of the forum. If You can't say it in a nice way and it bothers you don't respond to it. Don't vent our frustration on me. This is not bragging this is suppose to be a discussion if you know the difference. There is a name for people of your caliber, but all I have to say is stop being arrogant. Thanks.

a discussion on how to make a cheating married man with a barren wife become the husband of a mistress with 7 kids from 7 brothers.
I think not!
the man may be a dog but believe me he was only looking for a female dog  temporarily and found one.
Even if he leaves his wife,you will not be taking her place.
You can take this submission to the bank.

Nwando !!!

This is getting too much ooo. Take it easy on the lady now. it seems you have a personal vendetta with her.

@ mishoo, thank you for your civil input.
I think the best thing is to leave the man alone. Even his conscience is not in agreement with him and thats why he is behaving like that recently. He is another woman's property. Please fine love from somewhere else.

@ nwando, how enlightening of you to think you know everything of my children situation. as a wife (maybe ur sharing your husband too thats y ur so bitter) and possibly mother you should know better than to speak about another woman like urself that way. Life circumstances do not choose who it visit at some point in time we all encounter situation that is over our heads and we seek advise, which am merely doing. So go take your PMS symptoms somewhere else.

mishooo:

Nwando !!!

This is getting too much ooo. Take it easy on the lady now. it seems you have a personal vendetta with her.

ROFL.
maybe no one has ever told her what she really is.
no be advise she want?
she can single out the pieces of advise in my posts.

For ur info I have 2 children for the same dad. My advise to you is to keep track of ur husband so that the woman don't have to come on this forum to seek advise from people like you to help save ur marriage.

izatrini:

@ nwando, how enlightening of you to think you know everything of my children situation. as a wife (maybe your sharing your husband too thats y your so bitter) and possibly mother you should know better than to speak about another woman like yourself that way. Life circumstances do not choose who it visit at some point in time we all encounter situation that is over our heads and we seek advise, which am merely doing. So go take your PMS symptoms somewhere else.

please don't play that victim card here
OK !
don't even start.
I have no patience with cheaters and for one that claims to be a mother what a moral example you are!
I guess the Yoruba man lost his way and then wondered into your pants and got stuck in there?
I may have been harsh,others have been more polite,the underlying message is that you ought to close your legs,get off your back and leave the married man alone.

izatrini:

For your info I have 2 children for the same dad. My advise to you is to keep track of your husband so that the woman don't have to come on this forum to seek advise from people like you to help save your marriage.

Oh now a tried and true spare bakassi is giving me advise?
there's nothing Nwando won't see.

Yes, and we all r ashawo's (u think I don't know what means) be it for husband , man or boyfriend. So get some Midol for ur PMS. Odabo bitch.

@ Nwando
Read your signature notes "AM a lover Not a fighter" venimous liar.

Izatrini, come on now, be rational. This site has many wives who have family and for whom the notion of a willing woman on the side (or considering being one), would be something to detest. What other advise will people give here? Yes, go and bare him children behind the back of his Nigerian wife? Noon on this site (woman) is going to give you that type of advise.

You must have known that before posting. Its an emotive topic, expect emotive answers.

It looks as though you have decided against considering it, I think thats a good thing.

Who knows you may just be humouring yourself with this tale, lol

I don't mind getting emotional imput, but there is a way the same thing can be said with diplomacy. There were other comments which more or less stated they unbias opinion and was not abusive or offensive if people cannot control their emotions then they need not be in a discussion. If I had made a decision would I be here asking for input? on the contrar, so one must read well before they choose to respond.

londoner:

Izatrini, come on now, be rational. This site has many wives who have family and for whom the notion of a willing woman on the side (or considering being one), would be something to detest. What other advise will people give here? Yes, go and bare him children behind the back of his Nigerian wife? Noon on this site (woman) is going to give you that type of advise.

You must have known that before posting. Its an emotive topic, expect emotive answers.

It looks as though you have decided against considering it, I think thats a good thing.

Who knows you may just be humouring yourself with this tale, lol

In otherwords the heifer ought to get off her back,close her rotten #%*%^&* and leave the married man alone.
Do we need to say it in ebonics