almondjoy:

Then why are you wasting your time on Nairaland?

word, the man is given her signals and she is still asking for directions

when peeps seek for an advice, i bet you they have made up their minds on what to do.

they only come because they want a burden bearer when the consequences of their decisions appear

rockchic:

its sad though. i guess i have to take the necessary actions. he says i should not break up, but that seems like the only option. i mean, whats the aim of dating when he's made it so obvious that there's no future for us.

You know the exact answer to ur problem . . . u just don't want to face it.

rockchic:

its sad though. i guess i have to take the necessary actions. he says i should not break up, but that seems like the only option. i mean, whats the aim of dating when he's made it so obvious that there's no future for us.

Both your plans are obviously not compartible, so it's best not to push it. Marriage to any one person is not by force, both parties have to go into it whole heartedly. At least, he was honest enough to let you know,  so move on and find someone more compartible,  It's good you broached the "marriage" subject early, that way you cut your losses earlier and move on. We don't have to marry everyone we date.

To those saying one year of dating is too soon to talk marriage, please tell me, when is the right time? 2years? Me thinks 1 year is good enough, unless one is just casually hanging out with the other. If you don't know where the relationship is headed after one year, then that's a problem.

My advice to you going forward is to NOT put yourself under pressure. You can find a marriage partner anytime you want. Forget all these lies about women and expiry dates, all you need is ONE man who loves you. That man will marry you whether you're 27 or 47 -- to some of us men, it's the heart that counts much more than anything else, and marriage is more than just good looks and the ability to have children biologically -- it's a life journey that we would rather take with the right person! What the majority thinks or says is IRRELEVANT. If you act in desperation, you'll not only turn potentially suitable men off, you'll also be more likely to make a poor choice. So build up your self esteem and you'll be a blessing to the man that eventually becomes your husband. There's no hurry where such serious matters are concerned. My 2kobo advice.

To those saying one year of dating is too soon to talk marriage, please tell me, when is the right time? 2years? Me thinks 1 year is good enough

actually it ranges from individual to individual, people should stop fixing a timetable and let things flow.

5 yrs

When a guy says that, he indirectly means he doesn't want u for keeps, chikena!

He is being selfish if he asks you to wait that long , with no guarrantee, of course.

Just stand with one leg then cast ur net and once you catch another gold fish, SCRAM !!!

So if his career does not take off, then no marriage for u.

bawomolo:

actually it ranges from individual to individual, people should stop fixing a timetable and let things flow.

This is not a question of fixing timetables. A relationship involves 2 people, and both people need to be feel secure and fulfilled in that relationship. If it's important to one that there be a sense of direction, then I don't see why things shouldn't be defined as early as possible -- unless one just wants to test things out and see, which I think is selfish and inconsiderate of the other person's feelings (and women are guilty of this as well). 1 year is enough time to let the other person know where the relationship is headed. Each person needs to take the other's needs into consideration. A woman at 27 is looking to get married -- and the guy ought to know that. So letting things flow could be fine, but when it begins to take too long, it becomes selfish and unreasonable and could lead to unnecessary stress. 1year (or even less) should be enough for a guy to know whether or not he's willing to marry the lady he's dating, it's not that hard, especially as it doesn't seem like it's a long distance relationship.

@ topic:

the problem here is whats the incentive that will make your boyfriend marry you after five more years of what he's currently getting for free.

Men generally don't reason like women in these matters-  he can cheerfully marry someone else after five years, without feeling too bad about it.

What are you yourself doing to improve on your progress at this time, or does he see you as still being in the same place with few plans for the future besides marrying him.

actually, he sounds like he wants a woman to have long term goals, in my opinion.

1 year is enough time to let the other person know where the relationship is headed

and the man said it's headed for marriage in 5years. if she doesn't like it? then leave. it's not by force
.

A woman at 27 is looking to get married -- and the guy ought to know that.

she should have said she was looking for marriage, the minute they started dating, that would cut out the wahala

1year (or even less) should be enough for a guy to know whether or not he's willing to marry the lady he's dating,

did the man say he is not willing?? if so, why is she still in the relationship

tpia:

@ topic:

the problem here is whats the incentive that will make your boyfriend marry you after five more years of what he's currently getting for free.

Men generally don't reason like women in these matters-  he can cheerfully marry someone else after five years, without feeling too bad about it.

What are you yourself doing to improve on your progress at this time, or does he see you as still being in the same place with few plans for the future besides marrying him.

actually, he sounds like he wants a woman to have long term goals, in my opinion.

I think the real question is why should she wait for him for 5 years when she obviously doesn't want to? Is he the only man left on the planet? Even if he were, marriage is not compulsory by any stretch. Their plans in this critical respect are obviously not compartible, so she should find someone else who fits the bill more appropriately.

bawomolo:

and the man said it's headed for marriage in 5years. if she doesn't like it? then leave. it's not by force
.

My point exactly! If both parties can't find convergence on such critical aspect as when to tie the knot, then it's not by force. There are many men and women on the planet, she'll find someone else and so will he.

bawomolo:

she should have said she was looking for marriage, the minute they started dating, that would cut out the wahala

What else do you think a 27 year old woman is looking for in a non-casual relationship? I mean, come on, you know from the start that she's looking to settle down, so you don't need to be told , 

But you're taking it too far, and that's not what I was implying when I said that the relationship needs to be defined as early as possible. 1 year is what I say is reasonable, not 1 minute. Any serious minded woman would most likely cut a guy loose if he's still not saying anything after 1year, especially when she's not exactly in her teens anymore.

bawomolo:

did the man say he is not willing?? if so, why is she still in the relationship

The facts of the matter have been stated in the initial post, so no need to rehash. She's contemplating checking out because their plans are incompartible. They're obviously both willing, but can't find common ground in this critical respect. It's best to call it quits and move on. And according to her last post, that's exactly what she's doing. I applaud her for taking that bold step,  no one has to settle for what they don't want, especially NOT when it comes to such a critical thing as marriage. No one is indispensable.

@Poster

advice could be given in several forms but stil leaving us to use our head
I wont ask u to leave the guy simply because he ain't ready now, the next person u are to jump to,  u can't say how ready he will be either.
The guy have a good reason, if the truth is to be spoken, most of we ladies want a  comfortable life if not very rich, and eventually when we don't get it, i bet we either start complaining or running to seek for it else where.
Sometimes most of us also want to marry becasue others are, how ready are we to embrace the challenges that comes with marriages,? this should be the utmost  question.
U have a life ahead of you eventhough its good to marry young if opportunity present itself, why don't u stil hang on if u truly love him, while doing this,  a better opportunity might present  itself, then u can make ur stand known to him and hence walk on,  but along this line girl, anything can happen, he might eventually not wait up to that five years any more.

Some have spoken abt late marriages and an inability not to have children,  should we because of this rush into marriages?? God has always been a God of the impossibilities, life is all about destinies, some marry young and still have problems in child bearing, for me i bliv the power of all lies with Him,  the good/bad, the pretty/ugly, the poor./rich, he made them all.
In all the decision is your's dear, but be wise in any decision u decied to take.

kalmebad:

, why don't u stil hang on if u truly love him, while doing this, a better opportunity might present itself, then u can make your stand known to him and hence walk on,

Isn't this deception? The guy thinks she's with him, meanwhile she's busy looking out for an opportunity to dump him and move on? Do you realize it's a person we're talking about here and not some thing like an opportunity to replace an old car with a new one?? This is poor advice. It's better she makes her stand known honestly and move on -- that's more honorable than being scheming and deceptive.

If you ask me, I go say the equation no balance. If the guy is in his 30s+ or so and is asking for 5 more years, then I can label him unserious but at 27 and a girl the same age is talking marriage, I'llsay she talking to the wrong guy.
A 27 years old guy, good job, bad job or even no job still have time to play with! atleast 5yrs can get him anywhere both in school and work/job! As a matter of fact only few guys at that age (27) take marriage serious regardless of their status! while for a girl @27 seems to be running out of time especially our African sisters (Oyibo at that age don't give a f**K whether man come or no come as long as she's OK).

So poster, I won't take that chance/risk if I were you. If you were like 22yrs I'll tell you to hang in there but at 27 NO. Like some people said already, that guy might think you're too old for him when you both turn 32. At the same time, his thought might be far from what/all we're saying here. 5yrs from now he can get himself a girl of 18 if he like while you might be applying to be a second wife somewhere! so don't see him as a user or a bad guy but as someone that circumstances around you and him might make things hard especially for you.

I think the society is over emphasizing this marriage thingy jore….is it by force to get married…, ? cant she just date and enjoy herself for work…,
But if I were in her shoes I wont go ahead with the relationship sha!

so which side you come dey? you say too much emphasizing dey marriage, you ask whether she no just fit date and enjoy life/herself, at the same time you say if na you you go waka! so which advice you dey give this lady here?

This thread kind of explain why most girls preffer older guys. If this guy in question is like 32 or so or even 30, definitely marriage will be in his agenda.

@Poster

I wouldn't worry about that, he just wants you to be ripe well well, before plowing your yard.

So if his career does not take off, then no marriage for u.

@uche2nna
are you saying his career may never take off? !

@Poster

5 Yrs What career? Do what you feel is right abeg.

I find the idea of boosting is career as a cheap excuse.
those days when men were the sole bread winner of an Household is far gone.
So he should come up with another one. And it's not like you dont work. you do
If he want to boost his Career, the best way is to get a partner < 2 heads are better than one> - and if he cant find that in you.
Eject the dude

wonder why i'm here?

why? don't he know your a woman? and need to have at least two kids before that Age?

who set that number? you?

why? don't he know your a woman? and need to have at least two kids before that Age?

the family planner has spoken.

Echidime:

why? don't he know your a woman? and need to have at least two kids before that Age?

And what makes you think she would have two kids by then even if she married at 15?
Are you God?

Marriage na by force?

Prayer is the master key. One of the main problem people generally experience in marriage is financial difficulties so i can not blame the guy wanting to build his future, because if marriage now then tomorrow children, this things cost money. A man must build his career first before marriage then saying that i got married at 32 and most of what i have now was acquired after i was married.

There is no right formula and nobody is to be blamed, you guys need more time to talk things out because you hardly know each other in almost a year so time will tell, just see what will happen in 6 months and then make your decision then. You can also try and take your own career to the next level, run the vision 2012 together.

You also don't have to wait for 5 year at least get engaged for commitment, we all need assurance and stability. You guys need to make a compromise along the way but 5 years waiting might seems long.

Having being a father, brother and a mentor, if anybody is asking any of my sister's or daughter's hand in marriage.

This is the must criteria

1.) relationship must be over a year before engagement of any such.
2.) both parties to be in a well paid job to have a decent roof, decent car, be comfortable
3.) They have to be ready to pay for 85% of their marriage expenses
4.) Must go fo counselling i.e spiritual, financial, emotional, most importantly training for conflict resolution/communication barriers

There seems to be signs of desperation from your side, you are only 27yrs, so watch out because man will run from you if they feel you want to trap them, enjoy more of life!! have a laugh!!!

Stay with your choice lil mama n do wateva u tink hes rite and he beta be cute 4 him 2 say stay 4 5more yrs.

Ask urself these questions and make ur decision.

What are your chances of getting another guy like him?

Is he a good guy?

Can you do without him?

Would you rather be with someone else other than him?

nairalanders,

the truth is that when most girls have a specific time they want to play around (at this time they no send marriage) and thereafter they want to stick to someone and ask him to marry her.(just like d poster and several other nigerian girls do).at 27,the guy is still young(lets face fact).from her story,d guy no wan marry her.

poster,keep on searching ooooooooooooooooooooooooo