Sisi_Kill:

Ah! Sister mine, the mistake you make is assuming Marriage is about TWO people's happiness. Once you get that it is only about one person (the husband) then you will stop asking logical questions like these.

Easy.

My sis, don't mind me o!

I keep forgetting that the woman dated herself, proposed to herself, said the vows to herself, built the home herself so why should the hubby lift any finger to make it work?

The same people that will say a wife marries into her hubby's family and has little or no right will be the same people to turn back to say she should slave to make a home that is 'not' hers work!

Sisi, scratch all I have typed.

Why should we really complain, is this how the man was brought up to be since he was a child? The man is only manifesting what has been planted inside of him.

I tire! We have the ability to turn something as beautiful as marriage to become an unpalatable compulsory chore.

Maybe that's why our society consciously and unconsciously discriminate against single women. they know deep down without the discrimination and demonic pressure, a lot of preys single ladies might not be interested in getting prisoned married

Do not worry. One day, he will still ask you to kneel down on the Highway when you have a broken down vehicle and need you to get pure water, you must kneel down to serve him. When he is in the toilet and needed something, you kneel down and serve him. When he is sick and needed to be taken to the hospital, also kneel down and ask keep asking him what to do instead of rushing him to the hospital.

Now, let me tell you, your husband is egocentric and needed to understand that for him to do that, he needs no woman as a wife.

Why must you be kneeling down to serve him in everything because his mother does that for his selfish father hence his actions.
Anyway, you married him and there is no way you will come here to say you never saw those traits and backed out.I believe that you went into the marriage because of his money which you call caring.If so, he bought you and wants you to respect his action.

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

Wow.100 likes.

I for one naturally instictively will say which kain egocentric bush man is the OP married to cos I can never see myself kneeling down to serve a man food cos I never saw my mum or anyone I know do it or cos my Dad really hated all this oju aye antics.But on reading your post CC its pointed out that its the specifics we are looking at and sonetimes our experiences always colour our views.Even my mother found it strange that my husband dishes his food himself when he gets back from work late and even if I dish it he comes to carry it himself, when I help him sometimes he is like madam what do you want .My dad never really went into the kitchen cos even if my mum did not do it we would and we always had battalion of househelps and relatives staying with us.

It would then be judgemental to tell a friend who dishes her husband food in pyrex dishes, runs his bath and invites him like a king to the table just cos I dont do same in my marriage.She might not be able to stick my husbands constant budgeting (annoying I know ) or his annoying lectures on punctuality, how I like to do things like a typical Nigerian (as if I am not onr ) etc.

In otherwords no two marriages are the same so lets some nitpicking on the diff.My only grouse is the husband threatening divorce on such a mundane issue.Divorce ke kila gbe kila ju

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

Wow.100 likes.

I for one naturally instictively will say which kain egocentric bush man is the OP married to cos I can never see myself kneeling down to serve a man food cos I never saw my mum or anyone I know do it or cos my Dad really hated all this oju aye antics.But on reading your post CC its pointed out that its the specifics we are looking at and sonetimes our experiences always colour our views.Even my mother found it strange that my husband dishes his food himself when he gets back from work late and even if I dish it he comes to carry it himself, when I help him sometimes he is like madam what do you want .My dad never really went into the kitchen cos even if my mum did not do it we would and we always had battalion of househelps and relatives staying with us.

It would then be judgemental to tell a friend who dishes her husband food in pyrex dishes, runs his bath and invites him like a king to the table just cos I dont do same in my marriage.She might not be able to stick my husbands constant budgeting (annoying I know ) or his annoying lectures on punctuality, how I like to do things like a typical Nigerian (as if I am not onr ) etc.

In otherwords no two marriages are the same so let go of some the nitpicking on the diff.My only grouse is the husband threatening divorce on such a mundane issue.Divorce ke kila gbe kila ju

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

I agree fully with your post.

It's not always that peace translates to happiness. Some will never do.

However, there are some things that do not seemly add value to a relationship. Compromises should be to add value to the marriage. Sometimes, compromises are not palatable but you know it's for the greater good. When you think of what is achieved, it will later translate to happiness. If the husband said 'please wake up earlier to prepare food for me to work because the food at work is not good' type of stuff, I would advise the woman to compromise or talk over with the hubby. She might not enjoy it initially but when she thinks that the man will not be ill, will be more productive at work and at home, it will motivate her to compromise.

The issue is that of what benefit would the woman kneeling to serve him? Make the food sweeter? Make it digest faster? What is that benefit that is soooo important to him that he threatens her with divorce?

Like I said in an earlier post, the hubby should sell the kneeling to the wife and she might agree.

As you said, compromise goes both ways. Infact, she should tell him to prostrate after eating so as she's kneeling, he's prostrating.

How sweet.

Where d op sef

bukatyne:

What is peace without happiness esp in marriage? If she's having problems at work, she can brush it off and look forward to going home to her hubby. Now it is the hubby that is tormenting her. The poster didn't specify is they hubby told her b/4 marriage or if he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day. How can he even say kneel or divorce? like seriously?

I like you said that it is marriage ad not bondage. That means that the couple would come together and decide what works for them, not so? Did the hubby consult the wife before telling her to kneel down? Just waking up one morning and telling her kneel or divorce is tantamount to bondage.

Tell me, do you really think she can leave her hubby on the ground of kneeling or no?

You know she can't, therefore, she is in bondage.

I thought we had agreed there will be peace in the marriage, so happiness is what we are looking for. And i thought i had proposed a means to obtain that happiness, even if it will not be immediate (please re-read my post)

So if she can't leave her hubby on the grounds of kneeling what do you propose for her to do? .....and if her talks to her hubby falls on deaf ears immediately after he raised the issue of kneeling down, and she cannot leave the marriage, what do u propose for her to do? Out rightly refuse to kneel down?

Now the hubby should have sold the idea of kneeling to the wife (perfect), but this is not the case and he is not here on NL for you to tell him this. So what do you advice the OP to do in this case?

Women don suffer! Knell ko bend ni,he shld dissove,dislocate,dismember the marriage if he want does this look like 1832 to him?

chiteny:

I thought we had agreed there will be peace in the marriage, so happiness is what we are looking for. And i thought i had proposed a means to obtain that happiness, even if it will not be immediate (please re-read my post)

So if she can't leave her hubby on the grounds of kneeling what do you propose for her to do? .....and if her talks to her hubby falls on deaf ears immediately after he raised the issue of kneeling down, and she cannot leave the marriage, what do u propose for her to do? Out rightly refuse to kneel down?

Now the hubby should have sold the idea of kneeling to the wife (perfect), but this is not the case and he is not here on NL for you to tell him this. So what do you advice the OP to do in this case?

I cannot propose anything for the wifey without knowing some parameters. Some women would promise to do heaven and earth to become almighty 'mrs' and after marriage they want to 'outsmart' their master. Who knows, the wifey might have condemned all women not kneeling for their hubbies just to get hubby-to-be approval and now is changing rhythm. If this is the case, hubby married her because he wanted a 'kneeler' and she should be ready to crawl and kneel.

If the insanity (according to MBJ)started after marriage, she should ask hubby for a concrete reason why she should kneel. "Because my bother did it" makes no absolute sense and he better comes up with something reasonable.

What you use to get a marriage is what you will use to sustain it.

I don't know what you call happiness but it doesn't come from doing something you think humiliates you.

Cheers

stillwater:

Lol @ insanity. It's true everyone has asked the most important question.

Men like this don't come out of the blue to make ridiculous demands.

What won't we hear in 2013?

sadly they do (at the above in bold) because they have the "divorce card" on their mind since day one, they simply waited for the right opportunity to bring it out. who are we kidding?! majority of women's dream is to get a fancy wedding, as the majority see marriage as "proof of happiness" (even if marrying a beast). therefore many are not willing to let go of that phoney "happy image" easily.....and men know that, and will use such to their advantages.

also, many husbands use divorce as a threat towards their wives is because MEN know that A) Africans look down on divorced women, B) society pity and looks down on divorced women and C) the chances of a divorced mother to remarry (aka be "happy" again) are very slim. so when a husband asks his wife to kneel down, although she may think this demand is outrageous, she will equally put in the balance being a divorcee, before taking such an important decision.......and sadly, being a divorcee is what most women who bragged about (and flaunt) their happiness do not want to become.

@MRBrownJay
Thank you very much for being honest. Yep, Some things can and do happen in a vacuum.

People change, not everything discussed before marriage goes as planned after marriage. Heck, even when it is just one person, life can still be unpredictable not to talk of two people coming from different walks of life with totally different orientation...this in addition to the different human complexities. This is why I've never really understood the "Did you know this before you got married?" question and the default accusation of "You must have known before marriage".

Again...we are talking about human beings here right? Since when did we become one dimensional?!! I thought the very thing that puts us a million steps above all other living things is our ability to think, to adapt, to rationalize, to feel....all of these combined to make decisions we believe will make our lives better. So not liking something today and saying so out loud does not mean I won't wake up tomorrow and go...."Ya know what, I changed my mind".

Is this selfish and self-centered. ...abso-freaking-lutely but it happens. It happens, it always has and it always will. So we need to stop condemning the person at the receiving end of this common....very common irrational human trait with a judgment of "You made your bed, now you lay it" but help them find a way to put some rationality into it.

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

I like your stories above and what I take from it about no two marriages are the same is that there are husbands that will not have food pipping on the table for their wives and it doesn't matter
There are husbands that never pick up after themselves and it doesn't matter to the wife
Mine has splatters on the bathroom mirror when he brushes and it drove me nuts initially but after many years,it doesn't matter,I just clean it off myself,no biggie
My husband is a very busy man
When I travel ( unless it is lasting under 4 days), I drive myself to the airport most times and park my car there at 14 bucks a day and drive back home when I return because I consider that my husband may be at work,indisposed ,out of own,or sleepy if I am flying in late and if the flight is delayed or come in early,I wouldn't want to have him waiting or I sit there waiting.
I hop in my car,pay and drive home.
that is the independent woman in me.
I am sure to have jollof rice in the pot with grilled chicken in the oven welcoming me ( my favorite food)

I can't tell you I won't walk in to an unmade bed in the bedroom and splatters of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror or a shirt hanging on the closet door
It won't stop any ikwokirikwo that night


The bottom line going back to the story is that the husband is demanding of her something that makes her uncomfortable to do and dehumanizes her
If she could do it cheerfully,this thread would not exist
I believe that even Se.x can be used as a form of abuse
A woman who is being forced against her will to submit to Ana.l or play ashawo role is being abused
Asking her to do it to please him for the sake of her marriage is so wrong
This kneeling issue should be the same.
His demands are uncomfortable for her and she should not be the one made to endure it,he should see reason and desist from forcing her to do it if he loves her.

Sisi_Kill: @MRBrownJay


People change, not everything discussed before marriage goes as planned after marriage. Heck, even when it is just one peeson, life can still be unpredictable not to talk of two people coming from different walks of life with totally different orientation...this in addition to the different human complexities. This is why I've never really understood the "Did you know this before you got married?" question and the default accusation of "You must have known before marriage".


Is this selfish and self-centered. ...abso-freaking-lutely but it happens. It happens, it always has and it always will. So we need to stop condemning the person at the receiving end of this common....very common irrational human trait with a judgment of "You made your bed, now you lay it" but help them find a way to put some rationality into it.

Applause!!

samoje: i just got married some couples of months ago,he is loving,caring,we play ad crack jokes together like brother and sister, but the greatest problem and challenge i have with him is kneeling down for him.My husband made a law that when i want to give him food i must be on my two knees to present his food on the table, be on my two kneels to greet him every morning and also to be on my two kneels while presenting water for him to drink because that is how his mother has been doing to his father as a sign of respect and also want his wife to do the same to him and also raise up children that will learn from their mother.But i find it difficult to do which has generated problem since i got married and my husband is ready to dissolve the marriage if i refuse to obey him.somebody please advice what do i do, should i obey him irrespective of what my friends are saying.advice pls

.

Lol, the guy for kukuma tell you to build alter dey worship am join .

If this mattered to him, then he would have discussed it with you before marriage. If you give in to this demand, you will feel sorely out of place in your marriage. Secondly, you don't which other absurd demands he would make after this one.

So, my advice to you is this: pack your load and move out of that place. Then tell him to go and marry his mother.

Sisi_Kill: @MRBrownJay
Thank you very much for being honest. Yep, Some things can and do happen in a vacuum.

People change, not everything discussed before marriage goes as planned after marriage. Heck, even when it is just one person, life can still be unpredictable not to talk of two people coming from different walks of life with totally different orientation...this in addition to the different human complexities. This is why I've never really understood the "Did you know this before you got married?" question and the default accusation of "You must have known before marriage".

Again...we are talking about human beings here right? Since when did we become one dimensional?!! I thought the very thing that puts us a million steps above all other living things is our ability to think, to adapt, to rationalize, to feel....all of these combined to make decisions we believe will make our lives better. So not liking something today and saying so out loud does not mean I won't wake up tomorrow and go...."Ya know what, I changed my mind".

Is this selfish and self-centered. ...abso-freaking-lutely but it happens. It happens, it always has and it always will. So we need to stop condemning the person at the receiving end of this common....very common irrational human trait with a judgment of "You made your bed, now you lay it" but help them find a way to put some rationality into it.

Sista, you are very right but shouldnt it be about RESPECTING ONE SELF first and foremost?! it is obvious a woman does NOT respect herself if she is asked to do something that SHE believes degrade her, and yet does it (or thinks of doing it). and sadly, if a lady has no respect for herself then anything coming out of this r/ship will be damaged, however you wanna look at it.

people will always push the limits in life on what they can get away with, and if a woman is too desperate to realize that, then she will just do whatever her man wishes for her to do. if women dont respect themselves and tell their partner that something is "OK" then why would you blame the man? person A says he wants a wife that bark like a donkey, person B accepts to be that person, and yet you say that we shouldnt blame person B?

i am sure you would ask me:"but why would a husband ask such evil task to his loving wife?!"........ well its either called the overwhelming power of CONTROL or being married to someone with insane tendencies. we men need to be in charge, our egos dictate it to us, we need to feel like the lions in the Serengueti.......... by choice, by reason OR by force. fortunately for us, some women understand this and adapt to that, the ones who dont may find themselves in a power struggle (within their union) that we men MUST win at all cost.

as for the people who simply want to copy what their parents did, i can only weep for them.

chaircover: osisi he wants her to do it, but she doesn't want to do it . . .so how do we resolve this and what is next?

Someone is going to have to end up doing something they dont like one way or the other. It could be him and it could be her.

I'm not going to fault either of their thinking because a lot of things make you think a certain way, but bottom line still remains, that no two marriages are the same and what rocks A's boat may not do same for B. My husband is very busy too but if it means him taking a day off, he will, just to be at the airport waiting for me. on our next trip, I will get to Nigeria a few days after he arrives and he has mentioned that he will be at the airport to pick me up. Ive told him not to bother and to just send someone because I know that it will be an early 4am start for him to get to the airport in time for my flight. He has said he has heard that he wont come, but I know that he will be there waiting for me. That is us. . . .but if a man doesn't do that for his wife, does that mean that he doesn't love his wife? of course not and there will be other million and one things that he will be doing to show that.

In a nutshell, no one can really know what drives the machinery behind other peoples marriages and when people come with their issues, the best thing is to remind them of the good that they once saw in each other in the first instance and to encourage them to try and find a healthy balance.

I don't think my post needed a response in that highlighted part
This is not a comparison of husbands and airport pick ups

You are talking to a woman that can pack up kids in a minivan and drive miles across three states to a fun destination armed with a map and mapquest print out before GPS ,while hubby is watching the World Cup
Picking me up from the airport doesn't mean much to me frankly speaking so I dunno why you are hammering on this.
Anyway sha


Back to topic

MRbrownJAY:

Sista, you are very right but shouldnt it be about RESPECTING ONE SELF first and foremost?! it is obvious a woman does NOT respect herself if she is asked to do something that SHE believes degrade her, and yet does it (or thinks of doing it). and sadly, if a lady has no respect for herself then anything coming out of this r/ship will be damaged, however you wanna look at it.

people will always push the limits in life on what they can get away with, and if a woman is too desperate to realize that, then she will just do whatever her man wishes for her to do. if women dont respect themselves and tell their partner that something is "OK" then why would you blame the man? person A says he wants a wife that bark like a donkey, person B accepts to be that person, and yet you say that we shouldnt blame person B?

i am sure you would ask me:"but why would a husband ask such evil task to his loving wife?!"........ well its either called the overwhelming power of CONTROL or being married to someone with insane tendencies. we men need to be in charge, our egos dictate it to us, we need to feel like the lions in the Serengueti.......... by choice, by reason OR by force. fortunately for us, some women understand this and adapt to that, the ones who dont may find themselves in a power struggle (within their union) that we men MUST win at all cost.

as for the people who simply want to copy what their parents did, i can only weep for them.

I wish there was a way to differentiate the women who dated and courted their spouses from those who didn't
It will shed a lot of light on these issues we read here.
I had a thread warning young girls to desist from marrying strangers ,especially those girls they package from home to husbands in Obodo oyibo
These threads and the other about the woman who described her husband as a pig arise because they married people they didn't know

Let this be a warning to the single ladies out there
Please date the man a while
Visit his home
Meet his friends and family
Have conversations with him
Go out on dates and trips
Try out how he will react to scenarios.

People cannot hide their true selves for too long
I can confidently say that there is nothing my husband does to annoy me that I didn't see before I married him

There is no way a man who would require his wife to kneel down hid this tendency though out
There could be a woman out there who would not mind such subservience but this wife does mind and cannot stand it

While we cannot really help the woman on this thread,let her situation warn future brides.



God forgive me I also chopped him to Make sure what I was getting

samoje: i just got married some couples of months ago,he is loving,caring,we play ad crack jokes together like brother and sister, but the greatest problem and challenge i have with him is kneeling down for him.My husband made a law that when i want to give him food i must be on my two knees to present his food on the table, be on my two kneels to greet him every morning and also to be on my two kneels while presenting water for him to drink because that is how his mother has been doing to his father as a sign of respect and also want his wife to do the same to him and also raise up children that will learn from their mother.But i find it difficult to do which has generated problem since i got married and my husband is ready to dissolve the marriage if i refuse to obey him.somebody please advice what do i do, should i obey him irrespective of what my friends are saying.advice pls

This is wrong on so many levels. Was there an agreement on this before your marriage? I'm assuming you guys dated before you got married. If that's the case, has the issue ever been brought up at any point before you got married? Kneeling down before him like he's some type of god, in 2013 Even threatening divorce on that?

Are there other issues aside from this? Are you being disrespectful to him in other ways and he feels the only way to exert authority is to make you do that? This is beyond ridiculous.

babyosisi: Let this be a warning to the single ladies out there
Please date the man a while
Visit his home
Meet his friends and family
Have conversations with him
Go out on dates and trips
Try out how he will react to scenarios.

you forgot one very important point: LIVE WITH HIM for a while........as we all know that two people living apart and only meeting during day time, is much much different than two people living under the same roof for a long period of time.
there are so many things that can ONLY be discovered by living with someone.

[quote author=samoje]i just got married some couples of months ago,he is loving,caring,we play ad crack jokes together like brother and sister, but the greatest problem and challenge i have with him is kneeling down for him.My husband made a law that when i want to give him food i must be on my two knees to present his food on the table, be on my two kneels to greet him every morning and also to be on my two kneels while presenting water for him to drink because that is how his mother has been doing to his father as a sign of respect and also want his wife to do the same to him and also raise up children that will learn from their mother.But i find it difficult to do which has generated problem since i got married and my husband is ready to dissolve the marriage if i refuse to obey him.somebody please advice what do i do, should i obey him irrespective of what my friends are saying.advice pls[iv datx wat he wnt,do it.afterall,ur legs wunt break.]

hmm seroius wahala, i know of husbands that ask thier wifes to knee down and raise up thier hands , as form of punishment when she does something wrong, and she dare not stand up, before he says shes forgiven and can get up.............
When forgiven shes ordered into the bedroom for YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!
i guess it makes them feel in control of the wife, control freaks!