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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? (15482 Views)
Women What Action Will You Take on Your Husband In Such A Situation - photo / Types Of Husband: Men What Type Are You? Women What type Is Your Hubby?? / When Is A Brideprice Or Dowry Too "expensive" (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by ballabriggs: 3:01pm On May 18, 2013 |
Idowuogbo: Wetin consign you there now? Where were you when I paid her mamas own? Where were you when I paid her fees from nursery to primary? Where were you when I dey change her napkin when her mama no dey? Now you wan use your reggae spoil my R&B. amebo gbeborun, olofofo, tatafo. Una done see dem, enemy of progress. As I talk, if my pikin no reach that amount, abeg go kuramo go marry your own. KAPISH!!! I must to get a positive NPV on my project. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by biolabee(m): 3:08pm On May 18, 2013 |
Generator?! How many KVA noholdsbarred: It still exists. I'm about to get married to an Akwa-Ibom girl and the parents are asking for all sorts. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 3:08pm On May 18, 2013 |
you are a very wise woman. the very type i fantacize about. you are just awesome and so so understanding. you are genuine, honest and you truely love your man that is why you want to save him from being ripped-off so that you two can live, eat and grow without going down. you didnt allow ur peeps to exploit ur hubby cus u genuinely want to be in his life for good. you cannot be coming into a man"s life as wife and it is to wreck him, milk him and dupe him. you are a rare woman of purpose. Ticha: My father is not the oldest male in the family so I called his uncle and discussed with him. I informed stylishly in the discussion that: 2 Likes |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by ballabriggs: 3:10pm On May 18, 2013 |
biolabee: Correct man, you sabi the level. I no wan person wey go carry my pikin go dey carry firewood for village. For where now, who side? I want a mega rich, Dangotesque, Adenugaesque, Maideribe (if e like make e use am do 50th wife) or Ifeanyi Uba kind of man for my pikin. If OBJ come sef I fit consider |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 3:11pm On May 18, 2013 |
that is the feeling most in-laws give..am liberated.. claremont: This obsolete tradition of obtaining bride-price creates the impression that a bride is a commodity to be bought and sold. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 3:17pm On May 18, 2013 |
you hv said it all. emotional abuse is as a result of having a girlfrnd whom does not care about ur relationship, future goals n plan. but depends on u for virtually everything, yet does not feel that marriage is a wife bible called a help-meet coming to unite with a man. compliment. Run from any girl who has the ideology that men are to provide for her all she needs. run, better go for those who see themselves as contributors and help-meet tivta: |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Turbocharged: 3:19pm On May 18, 2013 |
mondi_cheeks: I have no say... My father is a man who believes in living on his own means not sucking other pple dry to gain selfish interests Should I come then? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by biolabee(m): 3:23pm On May 18, 2013 |
But bros I no say you dey joke Don't forget that you will raeap that money and much more if your daughter marries into a good family This your demand can cause kasala for her o ballabriggs: |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 3:30pm On May 18, 2013 |
wht if the girl no be graduate? ballabriggs: |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by mrperfect(m): 3:44pm On May 18, 2013 |
Why is it that bride price is talk of the town these days, what happened? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by durtman: 3:45pm On May 18, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: point of correction,no be d groom dy buy anybody asoebi o. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by modele2: 4:05pm On May 18, 2013 |
I didn't and would never advocate a woman paying part of her bride price. Men have short memories. They would even use it to insult you in future. It's a one off payment. They should manage. However the dowery should not be unreasonable. 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by wendieposh: 4:07pm On May 18, 2013 |
The bride price is not the issue with Yoruba pple,its the endless list. If you have a woman that understands u and ur pocket,it helps. Personally,I have to go thru the list prepared by my folks b4 its given to my man. Don't want any unnecessary spending. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by salt1: 4:18pm On May 18, 2013 |
modele2: I didn't and would never advocate a woman paying part of her bride price. Men have short memories. They would even use it to insult you in future. It's a one off payment. They should manage. However the dowery should not be unreasonable. Neither would I. Many years later in a misunderstanding which is as certain as day and night in a marriage, the man will remind his wife how she desperately paid for him to answer her husband. I don't support high bride price. Many times, it's not the girl's family that is putting the pressure but the husbands-to-be. They want to show off. They want to impress the girl's family. I attended a wine-carrying in Awka and instead of just buying the things on the list (chewing stick, snuff etc), the young man added so many things so that the MC announced that their daughter was marrying into a wealthy family. I know of a town where the elders actually placed a fine if you bring more than the mandatory items on the list but the young men will go and pay the fine ahead of the traditional marriage date, just to show off to their friends that they have arrived. They like to boast of what they spent to get married. The good side of it all is that Igbo marriages really last. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by zanga420: 4:26pm On May 18, 2013 |
2buff:such a deceiving thread. Whats ur business with people's culture. Its like someone who saw german/american car n china car, decides to buy german car, then starts disturbing "what are the germans contributing to pay for their cars" shuo! They force you, if you are not fit leave road pls. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Odunharry(m): 4:27pm On May 18, 2013 |
2buff: |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Odunharry(m): 4:31pm On May 18, 2013 |
kulyie: The yorubas dont ask for much.i remember when i was way younger,i asked my mom why yorubas dont demand much and just allow you to pay whatever comes from your mind.she told me that if we say the man should start paying,honestly he would not be able to afford you because you are invaluable.no amount of money a man pays can buy the affection,struggle,guidiance and passion of a parent to her daughter aside from the money she has spent from antenatal,to diapers to school fees,text books all the way from primary to university,in short no man can buy the love i have for you moreover you are not a productor property to be 'bought' and so because we dont want any man to treat you like his property,we dont demand,if at all we demand,not much,because we have trained you to be a wife.secondly if the man abuses you in the marriage or subjects you to violence,we will have the justification to intervene and give him back his bride price but if he collects so much,we will not have the moral justification.i dont know why other tribes collect so much o,but i know we yorubas dont collect much.infact when my sister got married apart from the yam,2 packs of sweet,5packs of salt,6 pieces of buiscuits etc in hampers,he gave his wife's siblings 2,ooonaira each OUT OF HIS OWN VOLITION.NO ONE ASKED HIMnice..do u still av a younger female sibbling?bw 16 to 20?lol |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Odunharry(m): 4:41pm On May 18, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:funny..if you have been to a party organised by a yoruba, u will notice both d bride n grooms family each has a role to play in the wedding?av u ever asked yourself why there s hardly scarcity of food when a yoruba man is throwing a party?in case of wedding,d grooms family will cook for their invitees same with d bride, even other relatives too will cook...we don't believe the responsibility for the whole wedding or party should be borne by the man alone even if the man na Dangote. 2 Likes |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 4:43pm On May 18, 2013 |
I see nothing wrong with bride price. After all,marriage ain't meant for everyone; it's a privilege. If you cannot afford to pay the bride price, gently sling your hook elsewhere. There are many class of fish in the ocean. Most people here are so hypocritical; loquaciously diminishing their culture to a laughing stock just to justify their stupidity. In a worst scenario, a reasonable man and his bride can negotiate the bride price with the bride family. It's your job to communicate with the bride family. Bride price is here to stay! 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by dayokanu(m): 4:49pm On May 18, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: Actually its the brides family that takes care of the owambe cos its seen that the Brides family thats celebrating to send off their daughter into her new family Its after the wedding and reception that the grooms family take over for the Night party if there is one to celebrate and welcome the bride into their family Both bride and groom might pitch in to the others expenses though |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by FreeWill01: 5:27pm On May 18, 2013 |
Ibo bride's price isn't nearly as expensive as Rivers States. Nowadays wey husband scarce....NA man go talk how much e wan pay. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by calloptiongloba: 6:07pm On May 18, 2013 |
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Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by spikesC(m): 6:07pm On May 18, 2013 |
It's such a shame that there's a tone of bigotry in the Op's post even though it's a delicate and reasonable idea. You talk of ridiculous demands of bride prices in people's culture whilst showing off a mockery attitude to the igbos. Nevertheless, we need to understand that culture/traditions are beliefs and transfered from the fore fathers. We can only look into it and make ammends as time goes on for the benefit of everyone. For the igbos, the part known for such is mostly mbaise in imo state. But likewise, we can never generalise to such extent. People still marry from there at very low prices. I am from Akpugo in Enugu state; bride prices are highly dependent on the family. The kinsmen has very little influence in those things. They only provide guidiance. My eldest sis was 100 naira and the second was 300 naira. My family took care of the traditional wedding cost while the grooms family took care of the white wedding. The list in question where some few traditional shitty stuffs. Pls say no to stupid generalisations, bigotry, chauvinism, and inter cultural tribalism. Say no to racism 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Toks2008(m): 6:32pm On May 18, 2013 |
There is a worrisome trend observed presently pertaining to the age of many single ladies in Nigeria. In my view, these are some of the various factors that could be responsible for this growing trend and possible solutions to it. 1. Educational factor: Many Nigerian ladies tend to believe that they must acquire a certain level of education before they settle down as a wife irrespective of their age. Unfortunately this should not be so. Many Nigerian ladies tend to secure admission into tertiary institutions rather too late and if they have to wait to acquire the first degree before settling down then they just might be too advanced in age. You can be married and still attain any level of education you desire.It all depends on proper planning and understanding between you and your hubby. 2. Believing there is still time: Many Nigerian ladies usually have the false believe that they need to enjoy their singleness before "giving up" their freedom to a man. This is a big lie from the pits of hell because enjoying your freedom has no other connotation other than frolicking with as many men as you want which usually has a negative consequence in the long run. If you are fortunate to see a man that loves you and want to settle down with you then why frustrate him out of the affair thinking you are still young. There is no ideal age for marriage but it makes more sense to settle down before that sound thirty is added to your age because believe me, many unmarried men love to marry a twenty something year old lady. 3. Tight age difference: This is not really a strong factor in many advanced countries of the world where there is a low poverty level but in Nigeria, we need to take this into consideration. A 19 year old lady falling in love with a 20yr old guy has automatically consented to the possibly of waiting for about 8/9 years for the guy to achieve a level of stability before ever thinking of settling down but dating a man of 25years may reduce her waiting years if the guy is truly sincere with her. Remember that age is no barrier with respect to love but in Nigeria, it is worth considering if you really don't want to risk been dumped due to very long period of courtship which is not advisable so i advice every young lady to date a man with age gap that is reasonable enough to allow the man some level of independence. 4. Been too dependent. Men will run away from a lady that is too dependent whether you are 18years or 25years. A man will not mind to settle for a lady of lower status than you are if she shows some level of independence so rather than be too dependent, try to be as independent as you can and you are almost certain he will want to settle down with you faster than you can imagine.Little wonder why many independent ladies are hot cakes for eligible bachelors so get something doing and stop making crazy demands all the time. 5 Looking for ready made man. Look here ladies, don't fool yourself. Trying to catch a big fish is ok but not advisable. If it happens by chance, fine but deliberately shoving off suitors simply because they are not rich is never the best and this brings the 4th factor back into the picture. Worse still, most rich guys will never respect you and will always fight the taught that you are with them because of their money. So stop looking out for a ready made man and give genuine feelings a chance. Look for potentials and not a made man. 6. HIGH EXPECTATION; Let me skip every other factors too numerous to highlight and dwell on this very important factor which is by far one of the most important factors why we have many single ladies above 30yrs in Nigeria. Many Ladies dream of fairy tale weddings. They want 10step cakes, wedding gowns from the best designers and they always want to compete with their friends who just had a flamboyant wedding and they foolishly discuss this with their fiance who is still trying to get a job. Before you say jack, this guy will take to his heels even if he genuinely loves you and settle for a younger lady hoping by the time the young lady attains a ripe age for marriage, he would have been ok enough to have such expensive wedding. Get this straight,99% of high society weddings you see are either sponsored by the bride or the groom's parents who have all the cash to throw around. Learn to plan your life in respect to your financial status and that of your fiance. Your spouse is just 30 and still struggling while you are 25 yet you are expecting to have a wedding worth over 1million naira or even over 500k yet you know that both parents can not even afford this so why not cut down the cost and do a moderate wedding and start your lives happily. You can decide to do wedding worth millions of naira later in life when you are rich enough. This factor is responsible for many broken relationships and its high time our Nigerian ladies realized this. 7. Bad character: I can't stress this enough. Many ladies are very proud, arrogant, abusive,domineering and highly flirtatious. Believe me,you may end up never getting married and if you luckily get married then get ready to be thrown out except you change fast. No man can cope with such. 8.Curse: This is Africa where diabolism can't be overruled so be very vigilant with your situation. Our movies have illustrated facts that can not be ignored. Pray to GOD if you realize that you are still single against all odds. Hope this helps. Source: Olabode Olatokunbo 4 Likes |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by asmaua: 6:52pm On May 18, 2013 |
Vikin: Yeah it is true dey have two types of traditional wedding the normal one which u are marrying just her body so when she dies her remains are return back to fathers house and the IYA which is very expensive where u marry both the flesh and bones in dis situation when she dies her husband buries her in his own place cos they have paid for both her flesh and borns My mum is Kalabari |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 7:13pm On May 18, 2013 |
asmaua: WTF? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 7:21pm On May 18, 2013 |
biolabee:hahahah na owanmbe things no make me see this one o na me una finish like this ok o,no problem |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Toks2008(m): 7:22pm On May 18, 2013 |
Do you guys know that pride price is actually a penalty in the bible and not what people take it to be these days? They collect bride price in the Jewish tradition as penalty for sleeping with a lady that has not been giving to you in marriage and even if you pay bride price to the father, you may still be denied the lady. The Hebrew Bible mention the practice of paying a bride price to the father of a minor girl. The practice of the bride price is referred to in the Bible, in the Old Testament. Exodus 22:16–17 says: If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. But today, poverty, crazy tradition and greed of parents has turned it to another thing 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 7:29pm On May 18, 2013 |
Idowuogbo:idowu you too you wey i think you be my bestie for nairaland wey you go dey my back,idooowwuuu wey i think say you go support me for anything wey i do idowuuu anyway i still be your number one fan for nairaland |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by biolabee(m): 7:48pm On May 18, 2013 |
kulyie: hahahah na owanmbe things no make me see this one o na me una finish like this ok o,no problem we are encouraging you lol.... happy weekend 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Ndipe(m): 8:56pm On May 18, 2013 |
Family members can negotiate the list while bride price, at least in modern times, some might just tell the groom to pay a token sum of money as bride price. Token meaning, there is no fixed amount that you are mandated to pay. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 9:25pm On May 18, 2013 |
Turbocharged:u have to get permission from my 5 husbands first |
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