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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? (15481 Views)
Women What Action Will You Take on Your Husband In Such A Situation - photo / Types Of Husband: Men What Type Are You? Women What type Is Your Hubby?? / When Is A Brideprice Or Dowry Too "expensive" (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by legendprac(m): 9:56pm On May 18, 2013 |
freecocoa: My(our) own is not expensive at all, its just 1k and them go give you balance o. r u from umuoji or idemili in anambra state? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by critique101(f): 10:29pm On May 18, 2013 |
staicey: Errr.. I don't know. Its a big lie |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by InvertedHammer: 11:07pm On May 18, 2013 |
/ If the marriage doesn't work, is the husband entitled to some refund? Or is it down the toilet just like that? / |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Ndipe(m): 11:19pm On May 18, 2013 |
InvertedHammer: / If there are kids, no refund of bride price, but if there arent kids, the bride's family is mandated to refund the bride price. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 1:59am On May 19, 2013 |
Brideprice is just symbolic rather than selling one's daughter. They use it to gauge if the man is capable of having a family but people have bastardized the tradition out of greed. 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by addicted268(f): 5:58am On May 19, 2013 |
LOL@dreaded list .....I ve seen girls threaten their parents/families that they ll just go get pregnant and move in with her fiance if they don't reduce the list reasonably.most times,the threat approach works! |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by lafflaff123(m): 6:02am On May 19, 2013 |
Idowuogbo: Hey Miss Idowu i sent you a mail. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by addicted268(f): 6:57am On May 19, 2013 |
legendprac:excuse me,are you from umuoji? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by passionate88: 7:30am On May 19, 2013 |
Ticha: My father is not the oldest male in the family so I called his uncle and discussed with him. I informed stylishly in the discussion that:girls make una read and pt the bolded part for una head. 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by chumakk: 8:01am On May 19, 2013 |
Do court marriage |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by olivegirl(f): 8:34am On May 19, 2013 |
Vikin:0b0si |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by eldoradoxx: 10:17am On May 19, 2013 |
stillwater: I think brideprice is different from the list/demands from the family. Brideprice doesn't cost much, it's the list that is the problem.this is exactly true. The bride price is not expensive. My two sisters got married with last 2 years and the bride price for one was about five thousand naira out of which 2 thousand was returned to the groom's family for safe custody in case we visit them and our transport fare wouldn't be enough to take us back to our village (lol at native jokes and innuendos). For the other sister, we only took five hundred naira from the groom's family as bride price. I know I got about N20 as my share of her bride price. Now the traditional list which must be strictly complied with and for which my family has no imput is what take the huge money. There is assorted brands of beer totallying more than 35 crates, about 10 crates of Malta , about 100 litres of palm wine, bottles of dry gin, ten tubers of yam,a female goat. Etc. Now when you calculate all these traditional requirements you will get close to more than 300 thousand Naira. What comes to the bride family would be just the goat and yam ( for the mum of d bride) and some drinks like 3 crates of beer, one crate of malta etc). Then the family and the groom have to feed their guest. Here assorted food has to be cooked etc. So add or minus on a minimal budget 1.5 million is consumed for just traditional wedding. Out of which not up to 100k would ve been directly spent on the so called over demanding bride family who in turn would have to buy lots of household utensils for the sendforth of the daughter ranging from deep freezer to washing machine, sewing machine, mortar, cooking gas, pots of different sizes, even mattras etc. So who spends in traditional wedding at times is the bride's family and not the groom as many believe. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 10:24am On May 19, 2013 |
2buff:Awwwwwwww I know. But get ready to pay cos in no part of the world does women come free and you no get four heads And the bolded is so sweet of you 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 10:33am On May 19, 2013 |
critique101:Now easy with that maam, the estimations may be wrong coz I was giving a rough estimate. But, I'm sure that's how its been done. You pay according to course of study. A friend in naija told me that, her elder sister studied pharmacy but can't remember how much she told me it was. It may not be like that in your part of Imo. I'll see if I can ask her where exactly in Imo. But if the question is whether it is been done, then the answer is YES! It is. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 11:04am On May 19, 2013 |
Odunharry: nice..do u still av a younger female sibbling?bw 16 to 20?lollol,no,why? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 11:06am On May 19, 2013 |
Odunharry: nice..do u still av a younger female sibbling?bw 16 to 20?lol |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 11:18am On May 19, 2013 |
biolabee:thank you o |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Idowuogbo(f): 12:34pm On May 19, 2013 |
asmaua:Say wot? |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Ikoniko(f): 2:10pm On May 19, 2013 |
safeLove: Has anyone seen hausa marriage list before? You go fear list.Dont go there, the family of the bride get whatever you see on the list down to even the bed spread. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 10:07am On May 20, 2013 |
#Sigh. This thread is a typical example of the emotionalism that is so rampant these days. Women helping men to pay their brideprice or actually running up against their family in order to get married, some of them even "marrying" the man away from home and laying an ultimatum on their family to allow them have their way with tradition; men complaining that their women should help them or that their women are too expensive etc; some people taking pride in the absence of value that they place on their women and Go-knows-how-much-more-vacuousness. True enough the bride-price tradition has been largely bastardized in many cultures because of the rising materialism and the harshness of the Nigerian economy, but even so, the principle on which it is built is no less relevant: a wife is no commodity, she's a priceless gem. That was always the idea and it is one that is worthy to be upheld regardless of one's emotional persuasions. Anyone who has related with women knows that to find a real wife among them is to find something way better than a vast lake of diamonds all your own. She's worth everything you can give for her and even more. So why do the men complain? And the women sabotage? Because you don't think your wives are worth it or because you women don't think you're worth it? Having said that, I've got two pieces of advice both of which I am following myself. 1. If you're a man and you want a real wife, don't sit on your azs and complain, get out there and work for her. 2. When you've built up enough to start life with her, go to her people and allow them to throw the full weight of their demands in your face and validate their right to do so. If you believe she's worth the world, then you'd be foolish to complain. But explain that you're not there to buy a piece of merchandise, that you have come for a pearl of priceless value and are willing to show that you appreciate that value. (2) above is the common language of negotiation in Igboland. It's not a lot of hot wind that one blows to persuade people to reduce their demands, although it is employed as such. It is the truth. And the man who recognizes it early is the man whose in-laws-to-be will fall in love with. Don't burden your girl with helping you merit her. Where is your manhood? Is it not the pride of a man that he won the heart of the most beautiful of the maidens and slew the evil that kept him away from her to boot? When did men become such weaklings, nay, wusses? The economy is bad, no doubt, but isn't that a challenge to a man in love rather than an insurmountable hindrance? Jeez! And to think that the man would want the woman to show her love by lessening the demands laid upon him? Why doesn't he show his own by facing the dragon squarely and giving the fight his all? When he's done everything possible and only so much is left, wouldn't it be a testament to his pride and his princess's love if the dragon she finished off was not gonna survive anyway? Men, work for your wives and swallow your girly whines! As for the women, you indeed should help but not as the "Ticha" lady did. She went all out to cripple her own value. Now, it's a "free" world and every fooll is entitled to his ffoolishness and every wise man to his wisdom, so if you would rather go Ticha's route, by all means do so. But if you would rather confirm your husband's pride and your own worth, you can help without going to "war", as it were, with the custodians of your value. What you could do without telling or admitting it to your husbands is to sell him to your parents as a real catch and learn the full custom regarding the duties he has to fulfill to take you home and giving him as surreptitiously as possible all the information he needs to rally and win your hand. If you must help out with money, do not name it your brideprice, you'll have to figure out a way to make and help him earn it. At the end of the day, when everything else is gone, a man's pride is all he's got. Because of that, only such things as are invested with it are of any value to him. Now, truth be told, I didn't always think like this. Even as recently as late last year, the above was inconceivable to me and that is because "man" is a faded concept that only the very old remember and thank God my father is a very old man. If we don't win back that concept, all the things tied up with it including the priceless value of the woman will go out the window too. Men, work for your wives, fight for them, give and sacrifice for them because they're worth it. Women, acknowledge that we are men and don't treat us like we're not. If you're dating a wuss, help him man up if you can. If you can't, well, find a man. And I'm not saying that tht's easy, just saying what needs to be done. There. I believe my epistle is done. Have a nice day, y'all. 1 Like |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 10:47am On May 20, 2013 |
Now, my story Some time ago, some dude went to Aro Ndi'zuogu in Imo State to marry a girl. According to what I heard, they made rather stringent demands and it would seem that he dis his best to meet them. When he thought it was over, he took the girl to go home but the older women of the land came out and blocked their path. Now, I don't remember very well, but I think the story went that they bared their bosoms and swore that the girl wouldn't leave with the man unless he brought a goat with very specific and rare characteeistics. Of course, the dude must have been exasperated but when no pleas and cajoles would get through to the women, he did everything he could to fulfill their demand. I think though that they demanded more and eventually settled for a compromise, but my memory of the story is no longer 100%. When he'd met every agreed demand, they took him and the girl back to the family house where they put together and brought out to them every single thing that he had provided in response to their demands, added things of their own and removed a very small amount from all the monies that he'd paid - I remember that it was a very small amount well below a thousand naira - after giving him a specific amount from it as transport, another as help toward their feeding etc and then gave him the rest to "look after our daughter" as they put it. They told him that they were not selling their daughter to him, but that they were making sure that he knew that she had value that some people had full cognizance of. They told her to stick with him, be faithful to him and help him in every way that they had taught her. Then they blessed them and saw them off. They left apparently with more than they came with which was the whole idea in the first place. Now, that may be hearsay, but one of the principals of the groom's party who also was a principal in my immediate elder brother's party when he went to get his wife told it to me and I had no reason to doubt her especially because she tolde of other marriages that she helped facilitate where it seemed that the bride's people had decided to strip the groom down to his underwear in the name of brideprice. It varies from village to village and from family to family. But the idea is basically the same: our daughter has more value than anything you can give in exchange. Build your negotiation on that and I think you'll win everytime unless someone specifically wants to frustrate the marriage. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 10:51am On May 20, 2013 |
^^ Oh yeah, I remember too that they told her to stick with him even if all they had was garri and some water, but to help him grow in every way that he aspired. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Dfay: 12:05pm On May 20, 2013 |
In my case it was my uncle who encouraged my dad to demand a list worth 300k coz am a grad. My dad decided to demand an extra 280k as dowry and his reasons are he has no viable source of income as an old man. 65. He is determined to collect every dine. And now my fiance is indebted to the tune of 380k to be paid after the wedding. I'm in need of what to do about this as i wont want to sleep with him yet. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by soldierAnt(m): 6:00pm On May 20, 2013 |
kulyie: The yorubas dont ask for much.i remember when i was way younger,i asked my mom why yorubas dont demand much and just allow you to pay whatever comes from your mind.she told me that if we say the man should start paying,honestly he would not be able to afford you because you are invaluable.no amount of money a man pays can buy the affection,struggle,guidiance and passion of a parent to her daughter aside from the money she has spent from antenatal,to diapers to school fees,text books all the way from primary to university,in short no man can buy the love i have for you moreover you are not a productor property to be 'bought' and so because we dont want any man to treat you like his property,we dont demand,if at all we demand,not much,because we have trained you to be a wife.secondly if the man abuses you in the marriage or subjects you to violence,we will have the justification to intervene and give him back his bride price but if he collects so much,we will not have the moral justification.i dont know why other tribes collect so much o,but i know we yorubas dont collect much.infact when my sister got married apart from the yam,2 packs of sweet,5packs of salt,6 pieces of buiscuits etc in hampers,he gave his wife's siblings 2,ooonaira each OUT OF HIS OWN VOLITION.NO ONE ASKED HIM Nice. But why are you economizing your space bar? Spaces after punctuations biko. Because of that I bin no wan read your post o but when I see the many likes I just say make I try and I'm glad I did. + 1 like. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Confusion: 6:57pm On May 20, 2013 |
I thought thee question is Whay do you contribuute to the bride price situation |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 7:51pm On May 20, 2013 |
soldierAnt:lmao no vex o my brother thanks for reading anyway constructive criticism noted and will be adhered to |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Ticha: 9:35pm On May 20, 2013 |
Ihedinobi: I laugh in Fulfude! I am worth more than life itself to my hubby! And boy does he show it!!! So I should help my extended family to bankrupt him when they do not know how I managed to eat, feed and even get educated or even the fact I was existing somewhere until marriage issue came up? Speak for yourself and the value you place on your woman! 5 Likes |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 11:50pm On May 20, 2013 |
Ticha: I stand corrected then. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Agrika: 8:14pm On May 21, 2013 |
Most times the people responsible for the high bride prices are usually the extended members of the girl's family who didnt give a dime in raising the girl...mtchewww.. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Ndipe(m): 12:09am On May 22, 2013 |
Agrika: Most times the people responsible for the high bride prices are usually the extended members of the girl's family who didnt give a dime in raising the girl...mtchewww.. Tell me about it. |
Re: Women: What Was Your Contribution To Your Brideprice Situation? by Nobody: 12:32am On May 22, 2013 |
staicey: No Wahala, I go empty my bank account for your mama. No be like say the thing no go fill up again 5 seconds after Also, how far. We get gist. SK me. |
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