Lol if it is by Seun's definition, I rather be Oprah.

Seun:

To "submit" is to believe you have to do whatever your husband tells you to do even when you disagree with it.

To "submit" is to treat your husband as a superior: kneeling down, saying "yes sir" when he barks out an order, etc.

The word might have gained other meanings during the course of History but it still remains a symbol of female oppression! Noone is superior to anybody!

T
all i can do is ahke my head wat a response

Asking anyone to "submit" is an insult on their humanity. That's the way I see it.

My people like to joke that when I get married my wife will just be doing "whatever she likes". My response, "what else should she be doing?" Should she be doing "whatever she doesn't like" instead?

@seun
Dont like your idea of submission. If that is the definition adopted by any man then the women would be right to scream.
However I think I prefer the defintion given by Josh.

na wa oh

No wonder there's a lot of tension in here since a lot of people go by seun's definition. I prefer Josh's definition of submission. It is simply a matter of the superior opinion carrying the day, its just that since the man is the head of the family, the decision would be painted as his. Moreover I think that only ill matched couples would have serious problems with the submit/love roles required of the wife/husband.

To use a political analogy if u put someone that is a capitalist in the same party with some one that is a socialist then you will have chaos since they will never agree on policies to adopt. The party will just be drifting along when it could have been making meaningful progress if its efforts were focussed in one direction. If they can come up with some means of adopting neutral policies, i.e capitalist policies witha human face then they may work better as a team.

As I said earlier a woman's true choice would be in who to submit to.

If she chooses someone that loves her and has the same outlook as her she will just find out that the instances when she would have to do things that were not her will be few.

well all the ones who hate the word submission,don't forget to let us know when you're on your 3rd and 4th marriages.

Hopefully God is loving these patronizing comments as much as we do.

The nummber of years of a marrage has nothing to say on how good it is

Thank you MamaPut.

That Nigerian Wife blog that someone put up. woman has been married for over 15 years. abusive husband and all even though she's very traditional and submissive towards him. only reason she wont leave is because of what condecending people like those in this thread would say about her.

How pathetic is that?

I know women maried for many years.
One year one tooth,
Am talking about the teeth the husband knocks out,

well all the ones who hate the word submission, don't forget
to let us know when you're on your 3rd and 4th marriages.

If you value your intellect, wait patiently for the right husband. Marriage to a manipulative person is unecessary. I think it's better to be single than to lose what makes you an adult - the right to pursue your own goals.

What i find so funny.
I have said it b4.
I have this Nigerian Friend. we laugh alot together have a lot of fun.
But i can never enter a relationship with him.
Now we get on very well the way we are but he has admitted if i were his girlfriend there are some things he will stop me from doing.And some things he will want be to do.
>Like smoking.
But why the hell will he want to change me if we get on very well the way we are now.
Well thank god am a head person. and not a heart person.

mamaput:

Bring out a good husband in my man??
do not make me laugh.

To do that then i will have had to be the one that raised him not his mother.
The reason that marrages do not work out is because Women today have a choice, they are no more slaves in their husbands houses suffering in silence.i hope you let me know what you mean by 'MISSINDEPENDENCE''.
I was frer born in my fathers house.My father told me he raised me and made me what i am . any man i get married to got me ready made he dose not own me.

I disagree to a large extent dear.
I agree that many women have had the courage to leave abusive husbands and should be commended.
I don't know your situation but what I hate is divorced women making a blanket statement and portraying all men as evil based on their personal experiences,that is so wrong.
I have read you say some sweet things about your dad and how well he treated your mom so such men still exist.
There are 2 sides to every story,I'm sure your ex would have several stories about you that you'll never tell us here.
Marriages fail for several reasons,sometimes the woman is also clearly at fault.
Yours obviously didn't fail for non submissivenes or being a slave as you put it(since you tell us you were not a submissive wife).

Not all men are abusive and all women are not angels either.There are some mean women out there that have no business being married to these unsuspecting men.

All men are not evil. Only the Nigerians.

Please, mamaput's marriage is not on trial here. I won't allow that line of discussion. Thanks.

Seun:

If you value your intellect, wait patiently for the right husband. Marriage to a manipulative person is unecessary. I think it's better to be single than to lose what makes you an adult - the right to pursue your own goals.

Seun,you are making the same mistake of equating a submissive wife with an abused wife.
They are not the same.A man who loves his wife will not abuse her and would have no problems with her pursuing her goals.

Now i have to laugh again.
you will never find any were i wrote on how badly i was treated. Or on men hate.
Not every body gets divorced because the man was abusive or cheated. there are many other reasons.
My husband and i still get along with each other. we are not fighting and we never did.
Our divorce shocked many people and many still think we will get back together.
But that will never happen.
Has it occurred to you that some men are just not family material?.
There is a time to let go and we let go b4 a fight will even start.
Am not saying he did not try but he is not cut out for a family not with his hobbies,.
But he is always there for his kids when ever they call or want something.
My husband will never tell anything about me not to anybody. he is not that type.
And if non of us are blaming each other  who are you to come and put blame.
my husband knows he is not family material. Thats not his fault.
he too has a life to live so let him live it the way he wants.
If his idea of fun is Tramping and sneaking into Timbuktu getting caught and deported just for the fun of it thats his problem.

There were some other things but am not talking about them.

I'm not equating a submissive wife to an abused wife.
A submissive wife is a controlled wife, which is a very bad situation for a supposed adult.

ThiefOfHearts:

Hopefully God is loving these patronizing comments as much as we do.

You don't have to agree,I don't expect you to.
To God's glory I have a profession whereby I can comfortably support my self and 20 others even if I worked part time so I would not stay with anyman if he abused me,I can take good care of myself.
Submission is not a dirty word as you choose to make it.

A man dose not have to be abusive to control his wife.
But as an adult no one can tell me when to go out and how much to spend or not to spend, A woman with all the money in the world that is not free is living in a golden cage,

I hope it makes you happy i have trained my kids well.
As long as i can help it they will never be submitive.
My Daughter likes cooking boyfriend and petting him but at the same time she controls him.
makes him do his homework etc and etc. Yes i trained her well.

mamaput:

Now i have to laugh again.
you will never find any were i wrote on how badly i was treated. Or on men hate.
Not every body gets divorced because the man was abusive or cheated. there are many other reasons.
My husband and i still get along with each other. we are not fighting and we never did.
Our divorce shocked many people and many still think we will get back together.
But that will never happen.
Has it occurred to you that some men are just not family material?.
There is a time to let go and we let go before a fight will even start.
Am not saying he did not try but he is not cut out for a family not with his hobbies,.
But he is always there for his kids when ever they call or want something.
My husband will never tell anything about me not to anybody. he is not that type.
And if non of us are blaming each other  who are you to come and put blame.
my husband knows he is not family material. Thats not his fault.
he too has a life to live so let him live it the way he wants.
If his idea of fun is Tramping and sneaking into Timbuktu getting caught and deported just for the fun of it thats his problem.

lol if only more divorces were this civil. Nice to know you two arent like mortal enemies and there's no bad blood thus it doesnt hurt the children in the process.

oh he even bought me a car a few days ago.
I did not even ask for it.
Well he said its for his daughters 18 birthday in march.But it runs in my name and she will only need the car in the evening when i get back from work. and weekends . I do not work weekends

I think women should see their husbands as the head of the household. The men on the other hand, should act like a head but at the sametime see their wives as equal partners in the relationship.

To illustrate my point, if there is a decision that has to be made, and the wife makes more sense in her reasoning, the husband shouldn't just impose himself all in the name of "I am the head of the household and my say is final". Yes, you are the head, but if your reasoning is flawed, there is
no need to push it through at all cost.

Also, I don't think a woman has to be submissive per se for a marriage to work. But I have to affirm again that women should see their husbands as the head of the household. This is a fundamental premise for a marriage to work in my opinion.

Women have a better foresight.
Or is it just me.??
Behind every successful man is a woman as the saying goes.

mamaput:

A man dose not have to be abusive to control his wife.
But as an adult no one can tell me when to go out and how much to spend or not to spend, A woman with all the money in the world that is not free is living in a golden cage,

a submissive wife is not a controlled wife either,control is mental abuse.

MAMAPUT please stop poisoning our women’s hearts. I’ve read most of our posts and most things you wrote about marriage are so wrong.

Is this what you tell your daughters? You better change your attitude.

I am Igbo and most Igbo women are never in bondage or suppressed by their husbands. Women liberation is about giving women the freedom to contribute positively to the lives of their families. But some stupid women see it as an opportunity to disrespect their husbands and family.

A married man or woman does not have the right to go out and come back when he/she chooses unlike when you are single. You have to put your family first in everything you do, if you don’t, you are selfish and thoughtless.

They have come again.

mamaput:

My Daughter likes cooking boyfriend and petting him but at the same time she controls him.
makes him do his homework etc and etc. Yes i trained her well.

Mamaput don’t be a hypocrite. You want your daughter to control her boyfriend but you do not want her boyfriend to control her as well.

Kai this woman you make me laugh. You are so unbelievable.

MAMAPUT please stop poisoning our women’s hearts.

We are not poisoning "your" women's hearts. They are not "your" women. They are not your possessions!

exactly what we are talking about