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Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by graphicsplay: 7:34pm On May 26, 2013
Almighty and ever living father
We before your presence gather
Unto your holy name our voices we raise
Receive Oh Lord our sacrifice of praise

In a christian home I found myself raised up
I saw two of your names, Yahweh and Jehovah raised up
But I'm confused at your third name called Allah
Because of recent destruction carried out in the name of Allah

A group of Religious fellows called Boko Haram
Has charged at us like an angry ram
I heard they considered western education evil
which informed their decision to destroy like the devil

Hear our cry this moment Oh Almighty father
If Islam is a religion of peace let Boko Haram scatter
Grant us victory as our soldiers sting them like bees
Until they are brought down to their stinking knees.


N.B. This poem should not by any means be misconstrued as an act of aggression against ISLAM!
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by Nobody: 1:55am On Jun 03, 2013
Ill let it slide that you called me a gay man... angry

I think you have a talent that you can develop with more work. I would love to see more of your writings, especially if they are religiously swayed. kiss
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by graphicsplay: 4:17am On Jun 03, 2013
SniperInADiaper: Ill let it slide that you called me a gay man... angry

I think you have a talent that you can develop with more work. I would love to see more of your writings, especially if they are religiously swayed. kiss

Thanks.... My religious bias has always led to controversies. 'Playing safe' with religion for now.
On another note, with regards to 'your gay status', I have gays and lesbians as friends, though I'm not one of them.
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by Nobody: 4:35am On Jun 03, 2013
Well its all good cos Im not gay and Im not a man tongue

So, share some of your others then.
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by graphicsplay: 4:44am On Jun 03, 2013
SniperInADiaper: Well its all good cos Im not gay and Im not a man tongue

So, share some of your others then.

At the right time, things will fall into place.
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by Nobody: 1:39pm On Jul 01, 2013
Please take note of the corrections below. Nice write-up though!
graphicsplay: Almighty and ever living father
We before your presence gather
Unto your holy name , our voices we raise
Receive Oh Lord our sacrifice of praise

In a christian home , I found myself raised up
I saw two of your names, Yahweh and Jehovah raised up
But I'm confused at your third name called Allah
Because of recent destructions carried out in the name of Allah

A group of religious fellows called Boko Haram
Have charged at us like an angry ram
I heard they considered western education evil
which informed their decision to destroy like the devil

Hear our cry this moment Oh Almighty father
If Islam is a religion of peace , let Boko Haram scatter
Grant us victory as our soldiers sting them like bees
Until they are brought down to their stinking knees.


N.B. This poem should not by any means be misconstrued as an act of aggression against ISLAM!
Re: Constructive Criticism Needed For This Poem by graphicsplay: 3:26am On Jul 09, 2013
Victoriousvic: Please take note of the corrections below. Nice write-up though!

Thanks for the input.

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