1. Listen. This may seem counter-intuitive, but by far the most effective way to get people’s
attention is to give them yours. When you truly
listen to someone – when you offer them your
undivided focus, summarize their main points to
make sure you’re tracking, ask curiosity-based
questions to find out more – you’re demonstrating openness and respect in a
powerful way. Most people automatically want
to hear what someone who seems interested in
them might have to say. Whenever you feel like someone isn’t listening to
you, try really listening to him or her first, and
then see what happens. It doesn’t always work
(some people are truly self-involved), but it
usually does. [Note to parents – this often has
good results even with teenagers.]

2. Cut to the chase. I was facilitating a meeting a few years ago for a senior operating group, most
of whom were quite talkative, and at the same
time quite good listeners. There was one guy,
though – he would start talking, and within a
minute or two, people’s attention would drift. I
found I kept interrupting him (respectfully), trying to summarize for him, and he’d simply go
off in another direction. It was really chewing up
the group’s time, and breaking their focus.
I pulled him aside at a break, and told him I
thought he had important points to make, but
that people were having a hard time listening to
him. “That always happens to me!” he exclaimed.
“People don’t understand me, so I try to explain
more.” “Try to explain less,” I advised. He looked puzzled.
“When you say something complex, and people
aren’t getting it, it’s not going to help, generally,
to say additional complex stuff. Before you start
talking, take a minute to think about how to
communicate the essence of your message in a simple way.” Happily, he made a real effort to
follow my advice, and people were better able to
listen to him. I read a really great article today by Kare Anderson in the Harvard Business Review blog, talking about just this situation. If you have
a problem communicating in a simple, compelling
way, I strongly suggest you read it.

3. Read the Room. If you’re talking to someone or to a group, and they’re not giving you their
attention (surreptitiously looking at their phones,
doodling, looking out the window, writing
emails), they’re not listening to you. As above,
you talking more is probably not going to help.
Stop talking. Ask a question; find out what they’re interested in hearing. Even if you’re the
most compelling speaker in the world, people
won’t listen to you if they’re not interested in
your topic. The depth of your passion for
taxidermy is not going to engage your vegan
friends – I don’t care how articulate you are. To boil it down: if you want people to listen to
you, first listen to them. And when you do talk,
focus on topics they find interesting, and paint a
vivid picture – use clear, compelling words and
images. Simple advice – but simple doesn’t mean easy. I’d
love to hear experiences you’ve had in trying to
get people (especially at work) to listen to you.
What’s worked for you and what hasn’t?