I agree that nigerian girls tend to mother their boyfriends. Its because they have been taught such rubbish as "the way to his heart is his stomach", "rub his ego" etc. Be yourself. Let me let you girls in on a little secret: if you suddenly change into a matronly-pander-after-his-every-step kind of woman, the next girl will suddenly become interesting. why? cos you've lost what he was attracted to in the first place. If you maintain your spontaneity, your composure and personality, he may think it is unbecoming of a "wife", but he will love it in the end. Trust me. Dont turn into his mother.

@gridlock

Are you the twin I never had?

I hate people hanging on to damaging rules, regulations, traditions and folklore and not knowing why the rules were there in the first place. so i fight 'em.

hmmmm, so to be caring is now unattractive to nigerian guys, thank God, I'm already married. Cuz i love my hussy to bits to stop caring. Mothering or wotever you term it. And i trust him so much , i don't have to smell his clothes or check his receipt or fuel guage to know if he's gone somewhere he shouldn't have. (We tell each other everything we did at the end of the day anyway and its always fun chatting about how our days had gone).
It's all about TRUST LOVE AND COMMUNICATION.

Nigerian men actually love to be mothered. So the mothering mentality of the Nigerian girl is a precept of what a man wants based on her relationship with nigerian men.

favourwal:

Nigerian men actually love to be mothered. So the mothering mentality of the Nigerian girl is a precept of what a man wants based on her relationship with nigerian men.

nicely said

" He Doesnt Love Me Cos Am Beautiful Am Beautiful Cos He Loves Me "

I just read this below nike4luv's old message. THis is so negative. Just thought I would put that out there.

favourwal:

Nigerian men actually love to be mothered. So the mothering mentality of the Nigerian girl is a precept of what a man wants based on her relationship with nigerian men.

Back to the topic at hand. Favoural, you make a very good point. So this would imply that the attitudes that mrlawng witnesses from Nigerian Women is the product of Nigerian Culture. If I may say so myself, Nigerian men are the neediest men I know. Why is it that most people at a party never understand the SERVE YOURSELF concept. What is with that? "Did you serve this person yet? You know if you don't they will say something." BS. I am so tired of the Nigerian mentality, sometimes I will purposely not go to a relative's home or a Nigerian Gala event to stay away from the negative aura.

And then you come on here and talk about "mothering boyfriends". These same boyfriends are used to seeing fathers and uncles who have been treated as if the earth will stop rotating around the sun tomorrow. PLEASE, reevaluate your statement.

Well being a Nigerian myself who has lived in the US for way too long, I expect to be fully pampered. Just thought I would add that in.

OH MY GOSH and another thing I can't stand "The best way to his heart is through his stomach." BS. Get away from me with that. I KNOW HOW TO COOK WHATS CALLED "ME" PORTIONS. If you are coming into a marriage you had better know how to cook "you" portions too. I think cooking responsibilities should not all lie on the woman's head. WHAT A BURDEN!!! If you love cooking, all power to you. Everyone needs to contribute to the upkeep of the home. Corporate America involves two workers in a household and equal responsibilities. Bread winner my @$$.

Okay I am done now. Thanks for reading.

I'll help the much I can, but you must know and willing to cook. I'm sure there are overwhelming majority of women that will meet this simple criteria. Just like I'll be willing to take care of the kids and home improvement without fussing about it.

@konyi618

We will discuss this again in about 5years. Time in some cases adds a different perspective.

hey

@ maki


Wsup

Konyi618:

Back to the topic at hand. Favoural, you make a very good point. So this would imply that the attitudes that mrlawng witnesses from Nigerian Women is the product of Nigerian Culture. If I may say so myself, Nigerian men are the neediest men I know. Why is it that most people at a party never understand the SERVE YOURSELF concept. What is with that? "Did you serve this person yet? You know if you don't they will say something." BS. I am so tired of the Nigerian mentality, sometimes I will purposely not go to a relative's home or a Nigerian Gala event to stay away from the negative aura.

And then you come on here and talk about "mothering boyfriends". These same boyfriends are used to seeing fathers and uncles who have been treated as if the earth will stop rotating around the sun tomorrow. PLEASE, reevaluate your statement.

Well being a Nigerian myself who has lived in the US for way too long, I expect to be fully pampered. Just thought I would add that in.

OH MY GOSH and another thing I can't stand "The best way to his heart is through his stomach." BS. Get away from me with that. I KNOW HOW TO COOK WHATS CALLED "ME" PORTIONS. If you are coming into a marriage you had better know how to cook "you" portions too. I think cooking responsibilities should not all lie on the woman's head. WHAT A BURDEN!!! If you love cooking, all power to you. Everyone needs to contribute to the upkeep of the home. Corporate America involves two workers in a household and equal responsibilities. Bread winner my @$$.

Okay I am done now. Thanks for reading.

Well,nicely spoken

i beleive it is just an african thing cos by virtue of our origin,we are caring and our mothers are always interested in our well being.if our girlfriends are showing this care, dont let us misinterpret to be , when i met my girlfriend, she used to call me every 3 hours, it got to a point i was getting mad but i had to understand,now i am the one that call her every 6 hours

I barely stomach the call-a-day thing.

mobile phones are our servants ot our masters! for the sake of flaming minerva's sandals

jesus christ why dont women learn and stop burning their credit on pointless calls?!

Well, i think its just a natural thing! it really show that she cares deeply about you. Although some women take this too far.

i believe its not an irrational for any woman to "mother her bobo", on the other hand men too are like that.

if you are trully commited to your gal, i think most of your leisure time should be around her. So, a word of advice, when your woman begins to mother you, its an indication that she needs more attention, That is women for you.

and for ladies, take it easy, try restrain your self sometimes,

1 Love.

men will always be men. Always complaining

if u mother them they will get to complain that you are all over them and get not to mother them they will complian that u are not caring enough

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm men, na God talk am say the woman's desire will be towards the man, so don't blame us. We are just fulfilling the scripture

i like it when they mother me cuzz then i will get to father them. one is one. when they mother me, it turns me on but my ex didnt know how to do it well so i will try again but not soon.

I like to cater to ma man.
I dunno about "mothering" him.
Doesn't mean tho that I'll be his
doormat. I won't have it.

well i guess they r jus tryin to monitor what they cherish.to a great extent they r just tryin to say they care.^{they want to b in control.hell no}.we could b wayward atimes.

hehehehehehehe as for me, I love to pamper and spoil my man. I'm used to doing that for my elder brother so when it comes to my man, i don't know how to switch attitudes. My bro is more of a baby than a man and he loves it when I spoil him as well as my man.

Neway, it's my nature.I can't help but "mother" my man though I still remain a naughty ass

:-x

methinks mothering is too strong a word. cos aint nobody ever gonna replace ma mama

Why won't they?
They have to prove they are wife material and besides studies have shown we always get attracted to people with the same traits as our parents.
Girls, do your thing.

PS: I am not ready to risk my life in the name of being a wife material.
Chei the last time I fried chicken the thing almost jump from fry pan to my head.

I agree with you my brother. The thing d end after after she don confirm
say na only am. She'll then become your mother overnight.

the girls get the strenght 2 mother you bros!!!

I definitely do pamper ma man but i dnt CHOKE him.

My own opinion is that maybe the girl you're with isn't right for you. Another guy may truly appreciate a girl who is interested in him and likes taking care of him too.

With my ex, I constantly had in the back of my mind that I didn't want to become obssessive over him, so I'd force myself to reduce the no. of times I'd text him to ask where he is, the thing is, before we went out, he'd be the one calling and texting asking me what I was doing, he cooked for me, paid for dates etc, you could say he 'fathered' me. It was sweet, I was drawn to his love and attention (not such a good thing to do, you should be drawn to his personality), his personality on the other hand was that of a man you have to keep your eye on, he told me he was a recovering player (well his story was a sugar coated version hindsight has shown me that),

Anyways, during our relationship, I wanted to be adventurous and spontaneous but he kept dulling it down, and genuinely being with him was just so good that i didn't care if it was 'stay in and watch movie' night 3 days in a row. I would have much prefered clubbing and parties. He met me on a night out, and I don't think I changed, I was independent, I went out with my girls, and often he would ring or amend our plans because him and his boys were going out.

All I'm trying to say is I gave this guy his space, respected that, ok I cooked for him once in a while, but he did the same, all I'm saying is that whether you mother a guy or not, isn't really a big deal/determining factor of whether a relationship is good or not. If the guy truly loves you he'll see the best in the things you do, he'll appreciate you cooking for him and wanting to know where he's at, he wouldn't see it as bugging him.

In my case, I believe my ex was just a commitment phobe, really there was nothing you could pinpoint from the relationship as being a major flaw, he just got bored.

I remember asking about whether it was all about the chase when I finally accepted his requests and started going out with him. Obviously, he denied this, but looking back, yes it was, and the seriousness of the relationship frightened him away, as his emotions were starting to become heavily involved. He was out of his comfort zone.

So maybe when you start becoming unattracted to your girl because of these things, try and look at yourself, can a serious relationship really remain in the honeymoon phase forever? If you're truly honest you will admit that maybe you are afraid of the relationship moving on to the next level, and maybe you only wanted some fun/a fling.

I think I agree with the OP.

In parts of Nigeria, when a couple is dating, the female is still called Iyawo even though they arent really married yet. Thus the "iyawo" will assume the rights and responsibilities of a wife before the actual marriage takes place. Back in those days oh- before widespread "hit and run" got so rampant like it is nowadays.

Girls may turn motherly while going with their man because they want to pamper the guy, and feel thats how to show love. "Fun" is optional. Cooking, cleaning, etc are seen as the way to express love, maybe. Being a "good" wife. Its also what a Naija guy will expect of them, since they're both Naija and thats how the system works back home.

However, guys who date non-Nigerians especially whites and AAs, don't see fun as optional. Instead, its a necessity.