piero2u: you are a normal teen. you have a lifetime to experience all these things when you are old enough to leave mummy's nest. Thank God mummy's doing here best to keep you safe and you should appreciate that. I pray mummy makes up with daddy for your sake.

how is she a teen at 23?

even kids raised abroad are not as d.aft as this nah?

am i missing something?

or is it she just wants to be a baby mama and get it over with.

i see no mention at all of job or school in her post, maybe i should scan it again.

@ op, I understand your frustration... When I was way younger I always grumble about being mummy's girl but mehn, I see the sense in her restrictive handling around me...and I truly appreciate her for it... Am more grounded , focused and level headed ... I can't ask for more....and I intend handling my girls , if am going to have any, without a tough hand on the right , and flexible one on the left... .. So chill....u av so many yrs ahead , to be so independent...
Cheers.

What course are you studying in school? Are you not supposed to be on summer internship to learn practical stuff in your line

of study instead of thinking about parties and boyfriends? There is time for everything under heaven girl. Your mum is

treating you this way because she believes you are yet to exhibit maturity she craves for in you and probably to save you from

some of the mistakes she made at your age. Be patient, it will soon pass.

While at it, try and get another part time job or a summer intern placement to make small bucks for yourself. Get books that

treat public communication and relationship, you will know how to relate with people better. Above all, always act and exhibit

maturity in all you do, your mum will start loosening up for you.

Get yourself together and think about what you want to make out of life. Get a vision and run with it. Trust me, you will forget about parties and boyfriends for now.

It is well with you

Vanneni: Aww, I really feel for you. The seperation between both parents is hard enough. I'm also really sorry I have no form of advice that would bring you immediaate relief. But sweedy, I'll say you hold on for a lil while. You'll get married someday and I believe it wouldn't be too long again. Then you'd miss her like crazy. I'm guessing she's made some mistakes which you do not know of and she's jes tryna prevent you from making same. I'm glad you realise she loves you.

Thank you Vanneni. The thought of getting married someday relieves me

bellong: What course are you studying in school? Are you not supposed to be on summer internship to learn practical stuff in your line

of study instead of thinking about parties and boyfriends? There is time for everything under heaven girl. Your mum is

treating you this way because she believes you are yet to exhibit maturity she craves for in you and probably to save you from

some of the mistakes she made at your age. Be patient, it will soon pass.

While at it, try and get another part time job or a summer intern placement to make small bucks for yourself. Get books that

treat public communication and relationship, you will know how to relate with people better. Above all, always act and exhibit

maturity in all you do, your mum will start loosening up for you.

Get yourself together and think about what you want to make out of life. Get a vision and run with it. Trust me, you will forget about parties and boyfriends for now.

It is well with you

Thank you bellong. Sometimes, I do reasons with het but there are times she does certain things off the hook and that freaks me out. I just need herto slow down on me. Fine, I can do without the boyfrends and parties but I still need right to my privacy

Amelian: @ op, I understand your frustration... When I was way younger I always grumble about being mummy's girl but mehn, I see the sense in her restrictive handling around me...and I truly appreciate her for it... Am more grounded , focused and level headed ... I can't ask for more....and I intend handling my girls , if am going to have any, without a tough hand on the right , and flexible one on the left... .. So chill....u av so many yrs ahead , to be so independent...
Cheers.

Thank you girl. but you tried unless your mum wasn't as strict as mine

staicey:

Thank you Vanneni. The thought of getting married someday relieves me

You're welcome.

kulyie: hahahahaat her age i had already finished my msc degree.at 21 i had already left my parents house to have a life that was after i was done with nysc.so op if you want to be treated like an adult,act like one.let your parents see that you can achieve or do something without them telling you do this,do that.use your gumshion to do things on your own.stop the mummy is my leggings fine,mummy i want to go for a party at 1am,as typical of people of your age.work,do something to take you out of the house then we can start from there.my mom treated me like shes treating you when i was 17,by 18,i already got admission to go to school and so i left the house.i also sold jwellries to earn something,not that my mum couldnt afford to give me pocket money,but i wanted to be treated like an adult,so i acted like one.she saw that i was very industrious so she let me off the hook.she only gives me money from her own volition and pays my school fees then.anyway

the summary of my tale is act like an adult not a teen

At what age did you graduate from the university if you went to school at 18YO and was done with NYSC by 21?

I know you guys are asking why she has misplaced priorities but you have to understand something, she is that way BECAUSE of the extreme helicoptering. You all feel all these things aren't important because una Don do am tire, you've learnt your lessons, or you never wanted it because you were never actually had limits as strict as the level the Op's mom is doing.

Obviously the Mum is parenting practically out of fear. Anything done out of fear can never be done right, especially parenting. You end up damaging that child and stunting their personal development. The best way to make life hard on your children is to over shelter them.

There is a complex psychology behind it...

i dont think there's a complex psychology behind not becoming a recharge card demander.

tpia@:
i dont think there's a complex psychology behind not becoming a recharge card demander.

She is not exactly a "recharge card demander". What she wants is a bit of a breathing room to do things her way/some privacy.

tpia@:
i dont think there's a complex psychology behind not becoming a recharge card demander.

That's taking things to the far end, and looking at thing with an uneccessarily typical nigerian eye. I thought you were a travelled woman.

Again I'm not saying she may or may not be mature, that is of no consequence, but I will say that when people smother their children like so, you do neither them or yourself any favors.

Wouldn't you like to just RESt knowing your child is a woman capable of making her own decisions?
How will she get there if you are too busy rationing even how much oxygen the child can breathe every second? This is an excessive compulsive behavior. Her mum is obviously a control freak. These sorts of people are afraid of losing control of anything, including people and so go the extra mile of caging them. They forget that at a certain point, they have to let go and let God. They desperately try to do God's work for him, stepping on HIS toes in the process.

That being said...

OP, Things like going to sleep over in another man's house are things I would also consider unacceptable if you were my daughter and still lived under my house (You're your own woman when you move out). Only one thing can come from that, let's not deceive ourselves here.

I would let you throw parties if I knew the friends of yours that were coming or if we have gotten to that level of trust where I know you won't invite the kind of dwits that will be smoking pot in my basement.

Considering the fact that you are now 23, I would certainly hope you are in a courtship leading to something glorious. I would certainly not get in the way of such.

I would hope "use the home phone line as I want" doesn't involve 2 hour calls to the UK, because then I would have to make you get a job to pay off bill overuse.

^^Well said.

Vanneni: At what age did you graduate from the university if you went to school at 18YO and was done with NYSC by 21?

yes!


I was an early starter.my parents rushed my education.at ss1 my parents made me to go and sit for waec and neco.the first attempt,i didnt make it,but the 2nd attempt which was in ss2 first term,i made all my papers including jamb.there was no post utme or the unreasonable way of marking then.there were also no special centres in case you want to start thinking my parents paid my way through.i did everything myself.after i finish from school everyday,my mom will take me for jamb,waec and neco coaching organised by some lasu undergraduates back then. (those ones used to do that as a holiday job to make some money for themselves) as small as i was with my school uniform and socks,i will sit in theatre arts hall and be practicing maths while my mates where galivanting with some of those lasu boys.by ss2,i had already passed all conditions to gain admission into university.that was at 14,the strike was not as bad as it is then.even when there was strike may be one,2 months,not indefinite strike.by 18,i was out of school,19,gone for my masters outside naija,21 already a corper,22 started life fully out of home.in other words,i got a job.

Bottomline is that people need to get serious with their lives.life treats you the way you see it.if you have a serious perspective towards life,it will tailor you towards the right direction but if all your brain is about running after mr a,b,c to sleep with you and give you money for brazillian hair,parties and bb,you will meet yourself there.bottomline ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH THE USE OF COMMON SENSE,OBEDIENCE TO PARENTS,SERIOUSNESS TO LIFE AND GOOD PARENTS who know the value of education.

kulyie: yes!


I was an early starter.my parents rushed my education.at ss1 my parents made me to go and sit for waec and neco.the first attempt,i didnt make it,but the 2nd attempt which was in ss2 first term,i made all my papers including jamb.there was no post utme or the unreasonable way of marking then.there were also no special centres in case you want to start thinking my parents paid my way through.i did everything myself.after i finish from school everyday,my mom will take me for jamb,waec and neco coaching organised by some lasu undergraduates back then. (those ones used to do that as a holiday job to make some money for themselves) as small as i was with my school uniform and socks,i will sit in theatre arts hall and be practicing maths while my mates where galivanting with some of those lasu boys.by ss2,i had already passed all conditions to gain admission into university.that was at 14,the strike was not as bad as it is then.even when there was strike may be one,2 months,not indefinite strike.by 18,i was out of school,19,gone for my masters outside naija,21 already a corper,22 started life fully out of home.in other words,i got a job.

Bottomline is that people need to get serious with their lives.life treats you the way you see it.if you have a serious perspective towards life,it will tailor you towards the right direction but if all your brain is about running after mr a,b,c to sleep with you and give you money for brazillian hair,parties and bb,you will meet yourself there.bottomline ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH THE USE OF COMMON SENSE,OBEDIENCE TO PARENTS,SERIOUSNESS TO LIFE AND GOOD PARENTS who know the value of education.

O, you really started early. NIce.

At 23

alutacontinua: At 23

I know. Some parents are so toxic and damaging!
Problem is, if drastic measures are not taken right now, her Mum would assume to continue these things even in her daughters matrimonial home!

OP if you do not invest in doing the right thing and treating this situation today, it could affect your marriage in the future.
It is the equivalent of getting married to a mama's boy who in turn has an over bearing, controlling mother. Marriages have been destroyed because of this.


::Action Plan::
If these are truly the restrictions placed upon you as a 23 year old woman and your talking has yielded nothing, then my dear, only action will change your situation now. You'll have to grab your ovaries and start making choices for your life as a woman.

-> Get independent. Move out of her house. This is the only way to cease your womanhood from this woman. Be prepared, controlling people will ALWAYS try to manipulate you by attempting to guilt-trip you (you're leaving me like your father, etc)...you should be past such rubbish by now, and it would be awesome if you also firmly told her this, that "we are past this". Plus you know this is both for her good, and most importantly, for YOUR good. Don't be ashamed to make decisions for your good. It is not being selfish, it is being healthy.

-> Having been allowed to be made a habit by her, she will then attempt to physically attack you (i.e. slap or whatever). You need to stand your ground here Staicey and tell her if she does that she will regret it! And look her straight in the eye. If she does, defend yourself and push her back (don't attack your mum). I take it you have never done that and this is why she feels slapping a 23 year old woman is okay. It most certainly is not. It is not only children that receive training from parents, parents also receive training from their children about boundaries.

-> Failing that, She will attempt to use every single thing she may have on you, e.g tuition to force you to stay. Well, thank God in these parts there is such a thing called student loans. USE IT. Go get a job bussing tables or something to pay your other bills and PAY YOUR WAY through life, building your own self-esteem and increasing your confidence that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...not through your controlling mother.

Even if this stage of your life lasts for only a year and she comes back to you begging because she is lonely, whatever you do from then on is left to you, but at the end these very important things would have been established and taught to this person the only way it will stick:

- You are a freaking ADULT!
- You WILL NOT tolerate her behaviors of old. If she continues, THAT is what will make her lose her daughter.
- You WILL leave her life eventually because you cannot be her emotional crutch forever. You will need to LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE! Though you will support her, she will have to find ways of dealing with this to a point where your support can be given in a healthy unclinging manner.
- She will have to determine more respectful ways of working things out with you.

OP, she won't get there except you [wo]man up! If you don't, then you deserve the insults and treatments you are getting.

CFCfan:

She is not exactly a "recharge card demander". What she wants is a bit of a breathing room to do things her way/some privacy.

becoming a recharge card demander.


its her boyfriend/s who will bear the consequences of this type of shallow mind.


unless she dates a similar fellow as herself, wahala dey.


never seen such a crappy list of demands even on nl which is known for pointless threads.


this is purportedly a 23 year old? Lord have mercy.

fake thread, most likely.

staicey: I want to keep a boyfriend, mummy
I want to keep a boyfriend who I can stay over the night with, without you having to worry about my safety

I want to be able to use the home phoneline as I want!
I want to be able to throw parties in the house with my friends
I donot want to be grounded again just because I was reported to you for talking to a guy
I donot want you dropping me off at school anymore
I wanna have my male friends come over to visit
I donot want this "its past your bedtime" scolds nomore
I wana be free to go any where I want
I donot want the seizing of my phone cos I did something wrong anymore
I donot want the monitoring anymore, please
I want you to trust me enough to takecare of myself when you are out of town

I promise to be a very good girl and won't let you down if you give me some breathing space, mum
Above all, I wanna be free to call my dad anytime I want and I want you to go back to him With all my heart, I wanna feel like a normal teen. I'm no kid please

Nairalanders, please help me beg my mum. I wanna show her this thread by the time she gets back to town. Thanks

hehehe! Chilex,u will always remain a momma's girl to husband come calling

staicey: I want to keep a boyfriend, mummy
I want to keep a boyfriend who I can stay over the night with, without you having to worry about my safety

I want to be able to use the home phoneline as I want!
I want to be able to throw parties in the house with my friends
I donot want to be grounded again just because I was reported to you for talking to a guy
I donot want you dropping me off at school anymore
I wanna have my male friends come over to visit
I donot want this "its past your bedtime" scolds nomore
I wana be free to go any where I want
I donot want the seizing of my phone cos I did something wrong anymore
I donot want the monitoring anymore, please
I want you to trust me enough to takecare of myself when you are out of town

I promise to be a very good girl and won't let you down if you give me some breathing space, mum
Above all, I wanna be free to call my dad anytime I want and I want you to go back to him With all my heart, I wanna feel like a normal teen. I'm no kid please

Nairalanders, please help me beg my mum. I wanna show her this thread by the time she gets back to town. Thanks

hehehe! Chilex,u will always remain a momma's girl to husband come calling

2buff: I know you guys are asking why she has misplaced priorities but you have to understand something, she is that way BECAUSE of the extreme helicoptering. You all feel all these things aren't important because una Don do am tire, you've learnt your lessons, or you never wanted it because you were never actually had limits as strict as the level the Op's mom is doing.

Obviously the Mum is parenting practically out of fear. Anything done out of fear can never be done right, especially parenting. You end up damaging that child and stunting their personal development. The best way to make life hard on your children is to over shelter them.

There is a complex psychology behind it...

lool...coming from 2buff?? Trust me we know! Ddont justify this just because u two are so close ok?



Dont let ur emotions get in d way dude!

2buff:

I know. Some parents are so toxic and damaging!
Problem is, if drastic measures are not taken right now, her Mum would assume to continue these things even in her daughters matrimonial home!

OP if you do not invest in doing the right thing and treating this situation today, it could affect your marriage in the future.
It is the equivalent of getting married to a mama's boy who in turn has an over bearing, controlling mother. Marriages have been destroyed because of this.


::Action Plan::
If these are truly the restrictions placed upon you as a 23 year old woman and your talking has yielded nothing, then my dear, only action will change your situation now. You'll have to grab your ovaries and start making choices for your life as a woman.

-> Get independent. Move out of her house. This is the only way to cease your womanhood from this woman. Be prepared, controlling people will ALWAYS try to manipulate you by attempting to guilt-trip you (you're leaving me like your father, etc)...you should be past such rubbish by now, and it would be awesome if you also firmly told her this, that "we are past this". Plus you know this is both for her good, and most importantly, for YOUR good. Don't be ashamed to make decisions for your good. It is not being selfish, it is being healthy.

-> Having been allowed to be made a habit by her, she will then attempt to physically attack you (i.e. slap or whatever). You need to stand your ground here Staicey and tell her if she does that she will regret it! And look her straight in the eye. If she does, defend yourself and push her back (don't attack your mum). I take it you have never done that and this is why she feels slapping a 23 year old woman is okay. It most certainly is not. It is not only children that receive training from parents, parents also receive training from their children about boundaries.

-> Failing that, She will attempt to use every single thing she may have on you, e.g tuition to force you to stay. Well, thank God in these parts there is such a thing called student loans. USE IT. Go get a job bussing tables or something to pay your other bills and PAY YOUR WAY through life, building your own self-esteem and increasing your confidence that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...not through your controlling mother.

Even if this stage of your life lasts for only a year and she comes back to you begging because she is lonely, whatever you do from then on is left to you, but at the end these very important things would have been established and taught to this person the only way it will stick:

- You are a freaking ADULT!
- You WILL NOT tolerate her behaviors of old. If she continues, THAT is what will make her lose her daughter.
- You WILL leave her life eventually because you cannot be her emotional crutch forever. You will need to LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE! Though you will support her, she will have to find ways of dealing with this to a point where your support can be given in a healthy unclinging manner.
- She will have to determine more respectful ways of working things out with you.

OP, she won't get there except you [wo]man up! If you don't, then you deserve the insults and treatments you are getting.

2buff or 2sexy! Are u trying to make her turn her back against her momma
Oga o! Guys and their selfish ways! No offense plz.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Sweetie, i'm lost.

No mind me, akproko is my middle name.

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Sweetie, i'm lost.

No mind me, akproko is my middle name.

are u askn the op?

SpicyMimi:


are u askn the op?

Be nice to me.

2buff... make she vex collect student loan?

instead make u advise am make she finish her college, get work, start to dey earn moni u wan make she enter student loan gbege...

ok ,,,

alutacontinua:

Be nice to me.

loool...oya sowee! I just knew 2buff was gonna come here and encourage her to turn her back against her Mum...and i know why! Hehehe...

He shud thank his stars that ve totally changed! If not....

SpicyMimi:

loool...oya sowee! I just knew 2buff was gonna come here and encourage her to turn her back against her Mum...and i know why! Hehehe...

He shud thank his stars that ve totally changed! If not....

Tell me why...please

biolabee: 2buff... make she vex collect student loan?

instead make u advise am make she finish her college, get work, start to dey earn moni u wan make she enter student loan gbege...

ok ,,,

hahahah...Mr.biola....chill...shebi na 2buff? Dont take what ever he typed there serious...its obvious his emotions are getting in his ways!



2buff...biko i just dey joke o!

alutacontinua:

Tell me why...please

awwwwh...u should figure it out by now nah...

I dnt like invading into pple's privacy..bt i enjoy bursting their bubbles.

SpicyMimi:

hahahah...Mr.biola....chill...shebi na 2buff? Dont take what ever he typed there serious...its obvious his emotions are getting in his ways!



2buff...biko i just dey joke o!

ok o...

#siddonlook

SpicyMimi:
awwwwh...u should figure it out by now nah...

I dnt like invading into pple's privacy..bt i enjoy bursting their bubbles.

No mind 2segzy, he's a very emotional guy.