Top Reasons Eminem's Wife Filed for Divorce

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
--Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.

--Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.

--Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants,

--Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON.

--Overheard 5-year-old daughter shouting, "gay!" while watching "Mr. Rogers".

--Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.

--I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!

--Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rectum.

, And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce. . .

--Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive bastard. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive bastard for a change.