Flow hmmmm ever hilarious mehn frm i jst dey shake head to ibo boy wen lik yoruba,guy u killing it.more fluid to ur pen still u flow n i follow

Sorry for all the delays, make i continue now.

Foxy_Flow: Sorry for all the delays, make i continue now.

common man bring it on

we dey wait

After evaporating the last of the fart due to the wickedness of that ugly mama put, maybe she used dead peoples washed body water to cook that food. She must be a witch or so i thought, i forgot that we did not even pay for the food completely.

"Abi flow and the woman dey meet untop tree for night, or so i thought."

I walked to the car and opened the door to pick the package when a soft hand toched me.

What came to my mind next was, Attai, that woman don come to collect her money from your hand since you no pay, i watched a naija film where people that were given something later were called upon in the night to return it back.

A cold fear caught me as i began looking forward to a witch and wizard meeting, something told me to pray but since i was born i had never entered church except my dedication ceremony or so i thought. Atleast it was easier to beg maybe she may have pity on me.

"Ma, no be me, na flow say make we go...."

My eyes cleared to see the beauty i was admiring who pointed a gun at us, she was the one that held my shirt from behind. Damn, i have fucckedup i thought.

"Complete what you were saying"

She said with an angelic voice that made me forgot i was in trouble or talking with a female soldier, i just kept on gulping at her pretty features on her face.

I quickly changed my grammar to that of a gentleman from the united states of Ajegule.

"Baby, i just wanted to say your are beautiful and i would...." a hot slap made me forget my love hormones as mt eyes opened to see a strong face soldiers standing at my front.

"Sorry, i be wan say na flow say make i go find toilet em, i mean tire buy"

I said with a shaking voice, ever since i was born no slap entered my head like that, i just shaking from the slap a woman gave me, i forgot to fart sef.

"I like your voice but what are you doing outside by this time, you better enter back into General's house with your car or else it would be a heap of empty iron in the morning"

So i don dey hear french because that was the language i was hearing when she spoke to me or maybe my ears had been configured or so i thought. Make them even steal the motor, am sure the buyers would insult them alot.

"Thank you miss"

"You seem like a gentleman to me, can i have your number"

Wayo allah, this was like a dream to me, i never believe that my handsomeness could take me this far, for once i thanked my mother for giving birth to a fair boy, but the problem was how to remove my phone.

It had fell so many times that rubber ring, cellotape and superglue could not hold it again. I just quote out my number to her as she copied it in her phone and started walking away.

"Please can i kiss you?"

The words came out before i could hold my mouth, am sure it was my village people that was causing all this mishaps on my life.

"Did i hear you well, are you insane, my friend go down on you bottoms"

I could not believe that a lady who just literally toasted me was commanding me like a wild tigress.

I went down and she ordered me to do frog jump while she counted from one to hundred.

"God if i no join soldier make my nose break, just see as common girl dey deal the mess out of me" i thought only in my mind to avoid my punishment from increasing.

"Abeg, ma, i no go openmy mouth again, infact i don put padlock for am" i begged as the pains from the frog jump became too much.

"Oya dey go now" i jumped on my feet and began running into the house without the package when she started laughing hard.

Wetin dey make this demon laugh, abi i don shit for body or so i thought.

"Come back here please" she said while still compressing her laughter. I walked to her slowly.

"You dey mad o, abi you be JJC, its like you joined the force new because this is the first time i had given another soldier punishment and he complied. You must be a learner, look at how you were running sef".

That was the moment i remembered that i was putting on a military uniform, i would have slapped myself if i was not feeling pains already. Attai you be dormant fooool i concluded.

I started the car and drove into the general's house and packed in an empty space then i took out the package, check the contents to see it still intact and then i went into the house.

"Attai, why you stay like that na?" flow attacked me.

"Mehn, no be small kungfu i do for outside jare, i just flat down three soldiers who wanted harrasing me" i boasted because i would not want anybody to know i was dealt with by a girl.

"Attai you sabi lie jare"

Flow knew i could not even beat him so how was it possible that i stood against three soldier men.

"Uhm thats impressive, i would like you to meet my boys".

The general wistled as three hefty dudes came to the sitting room.

"This boy just beat three men singlehandedly so i want you boys to test his strenght, maybe he can join us if his good"

They walked slowly towards me as my legs began shaking and a big fart started boiling in my stomach again.

To be continued...

Dis is really hilarious wow cant wait for the nxt release of fast

Kia kia kia kia kia kia


I Laff in one Pakistanian Language

where'z Flowey?

Una no go kill me wit laughter, u guyz r damn gud

kai...dis guys funny die

huhuhuhuhu....... I wan die o

I don laugh sote my ribs wan crack bt all d same i hope u update daily.

Please support a new writer

https://www.nairaland.com/1461497/life-uam-boy#18549623

Thanks...

Hehehe,funny update,nice 1 foxy

Wey dat husband self na@ foxy

I am following you oo.....#Ghost Mode.

***Chanting***
Update update update.

Still i write

you no dey flow again?

"Flow abeg join me na, i no wan die" i wispered to Flow who seemed not to be interested.

Flow stood up and i thought he wanted to come help me but instead he walked to a chair near the general and sat down opening his urine stained legs.

"Oga general, na Attai we dey call 'Rock of Ages' because him hand fit crack rock down, him sabi fight well well, him best move na shadow kick sef"

Flow mudered me with his mouth to the General as the man nodded while smiling wickedly.

"I don die today, na so i go return back to the grave without fufilling my mission on earth, no way" i said as an idea entered into my coconut head.

"Oga General, i don retire, na before i sabi fight, but see now i don fat finish, see my belly like ogogoro drinker, my muscles dey like opkporoko. I no get style again o"

"no worry, when this my fat hand mold you blow you go lean like banana" the most gymed up bodyguard told me as they still walk closer to me.

"General, hahaha, sorry sir, na too much drink cause am o, na just common soldier ants i kill, i forget to add the ant in my first statement, Flow no be so?"

"Attai, you dey mad, so na soldier ant you come dey show power for, then you come dey form for us,abeg no mind am him sabi fight, make una try am see"

Chai, this Flow don kill me,i shouted as a hot blow swip acrocss my face which i smartly dodge but the next was too quick for me. It got me on the stomach and the fart that had stored there saved me.

"Cracra, tatatatatatatata"

Everyone dunked including Flow who had started realeasing his favourite mood which was urinating. The general was shaking like a bitterleaf plant while his boys laid like planks on the ground, i quickly took a diamond watch which laid on the table and then joined them to lie on the ground.

"Boss, coast clear" a bodyguard shouted as he stood up.

"Those drunken soldiers are bas'tards, they can never get me"

"General, na who them be?"

"They are just bullet hungry soldier men who drink to stupor in the officer's mess and then start wasteing their bullets, just see as they almost attacked my house"

Flow looked at me and grinned, if only the General knew that it was my fart that sounded like a gun battle he would have had my head for dinner. Everyone had forgotten about my imperious fight as the general ordered his boys to go inside and get his suitecase.

The deal was done cooly as the money was exchanged then counted by Flow and then the package was given to the general.

"Make una sleep till tomorow, because night don do" the general urged us which we quickly agreed, who wont.

"Spider!!! Come carry this boys go room"

I wondered while man was not added at the end of his name, atleast it would make a nice combo to see a black spiderman.

We were led to our rooms, immediately i saw the bed i almost cried out in joy.

"So na like this we dey suffer for this abgero house abi, na now enjoyment go dey"

I jumped on the bed as soon as the door was closed while flow ran to the bathroom.

"Attai, you don see this kind fresh place for your life"

"No, na for your mama dream i been dey see am"

My eyes went to another gold plated chain which i gratefully drapped into my pocket.

"Flow, better dey o, see money for wardrobe abeg"

Flow and money could be called Aki and Popo because he could smell it from 200yards away, at the mention of Money, Flow ran out of the bathroom like it was burning and saw the money.

"Chai, Attai i no dey baf again, money don wash my body clean, abeg go bring black leather come, i wan sample this cash.

I ran to the kicthen and stole a leather bag even though two cooks were inside, i even flinged three big pieces of meat in y mouth before jinxing out.

The money was hidden under our bed which we did night vigil upon till morning. The General added more money for our transport and other needs which we accepted gratefully.

"Atleast person don get cash to pay for the fake tires we buy and to enjoy lashigidi with new purchases or so we thought".

"Guys go back now" our abgero friend told us but flow was still angry with the dude concerning their fights.

We drove into the compound to see Oga landlord waiting for us whith a sharp cutlass in his hands while his ugly daughter stood near him crying.

"Attai, you don kill yoursef with your prick today" flow wispered before the landlord's cutlass slammed down on our windscreen and i was dragged ouside with my shirt which was already filled with sweat.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha she don carry belle o lwkmd

U guyz r ........ No comment yet.

hehehe... *sinqinq* she don karry belle¡ your eye don clear|

Ur prick don go be that.

More sperms to joystick, more ink to your biro and more weed to your rizla

Wey dz kano boi........come update Jor

Foxy don enta problem......nice 1
.
Voting now going on here.

www.nairaland.com/1467988/literature-section-awards-2013

Foxy dearest

Foxy_Flow:

Kida-Luvy

Finally, we are moving our ministry to the permanent site.

You will be surprised by what will hit you next

hope na the update go hit us nxt ba

I was dragged out of the car with my shirt filled with sweats.

"na you give my daughter belle abi? Ori e ti baje leni (your head has spoilt today)"

oga Landlord asked me a completely rhetorical question because he knows the answer to his question already.

I said " ermm no, no, yes, abi no, na.." but I was cut short by oga landlord shout "you wan deny am abi? ko ni da fun iyalaya e (its won't be well for your great grand mother)".

I didn't bother replying cos I get worse from flow and our agbero friend.

"abeg no kill am yet o, him must take care of him wife o"

iya landlord said from the corner of the compound she stayed. Which kind wife this woman dey talk, I did the "God forbid" sign inside of me. I dare not do that outside if I dont want my head as ingredient for isiewu.

N.B. The "God forbid" sign is the sign you do by carrying ur hand over ur head from the front to the back.

"Attai, bye bye o we go see na" Flow said to me from the partially-damaged car and drove out.

But he did a sign that looked like 'am waiting for you o, be fast o' I cursed Flow under my breath 'mad boy' "wetin you talk? You dey call me mad? Oti ku leni (you are dead today)" oga landlord asked and declared, "nooo, na stupid I say o" before I could change my word the cutlass had landed on my legs, I felt liquid come out of legs, ass, and my piss organ.

I say a big man coloured white with large white wings, I tried moving close to him but he quickly stopped me with his right hand and covered his nose with his left hand. Chai, even angel dey feel my products.

"Go back"

he said amidst clenched teeth. I thought he said come back and I moved closer to beg him not to allow me come back but he quickly added hand sign to his converse. Then I knew I should go back. It was then I felt my eyes opening, then I looked at my legs thinking its no more there, but I still saw the legs and the cutlass. It was then i realised that it was the blunt side that landed on my leg, when I looked all around me i saw that every body had run off.

All but Oga landlord, he was holding his nose with one hand while the other held me firmly with my collar with his two eyes closed and probably his ears also closed so as to disallow any form air into him. I surveyed the whole place, i saw a wallet closed to me, i quickly picked it. I tried releasing myself from Oga landlord's grip but its seems like i was being held by the Great khali of world wrestling entertainment (wwe) he held on tight even with just one hand and closed eyes.

"where is your father?"

I heard what sounds like iya landlord's voice coming faintly from the closed door of the house. I quickly peeled off my clothe from my body and left it with him, I took to my heels.

As i was running, I heard a sound behind me, I looked back and saw that Oga landlord had regained consciousness. Gboaaa I bounced and crashed down as I bumped on someone as big and fat like Mark Henry of wwe as I was about to escape the compound.

"where you dey run to?"

A very deep voice that sounds like that of jean claude van damme asked me. I looked at the owner of the voice and realised it was the same person that had blocked my escape. Chai this people go call bounces for me sha, na God go punish all of una o.

"Help me catch am" oga landlord voice rang from the back, " I wan go buy drugs" I shouted as I stood up, "you wan abort the baby abi? Ori e ti daru patapata (you are completely mad)"

Landlord said catching up with us with the cutlass hanging from his right hand as he gained distance closer to us. If this man get here, I don die be that o. I stylishing moved beside the macho guy as he lighten his grip on my belt.

"I wan go register for anti-natal"

I screamed as I snatched my belt from him and I bolted out of the compound towards the other end of the street I saw Flow headed to. Macho man and oga landlord chased after me.

I ran for some minutes wondering where Flow had packed the car. I saw it some meters to me after reaching while running, by then the number of people chasing me has increased from two to twenty. Fortunately for me, Flow parked facing the other side, I thank my stars silently and slowed down abit, but changed my mind immediately when I saw that Flow had already started moving, I increased my speed to shame Usain Bolt. I caught up with him before he started speeding, but he didn't open the door 4 me.

"open the door na" I almost cried at Flow

But he only smiled like he was listening to Basket mouth jokes.

When I discovered he wasn't gonna open I jumped in through the window.

"smoke don dey your head o" I said to him.

"wey your shirt Attai?" he asked after I had sat down properly.

"Na him you wear so na" I said to him.

I looked back and say that they were still following

"Flow step on the pedal jor!!!"

Chineke, i don mess tire with laf. Kip it up dudes