Alhaji voiced sounded from my back, he was smiling, his boys in black were also glad to see it.

But Alhaji was smiling which was not a good sign, if that the mai guard smiled it would have been better but instead the smile mad his smile look worse.

The boys handed over the suitcase to Alhaji, my eye followed the suitcase like terminator following its prey.

Alhaji snapped the suitcase combination as it fillepd open, different bundles of currencies made my eyes bulged wider.

My mouth began to water but Flow and Attai eyes were opened wider, all eyes was on the suitcase Alhaji was holding.

"Here's yours, and you too" Alhaji shared one bundle each for Flow and Attai, i was rubbing my palms in anticipation of my own share, instead Alhaji gave them their Atm cards instead.

"Chai so na me no get anything, e no good o"

The boys were happy and big smiles appeared on their face, they did not even do like they saw me.

"Where my own na Flow?" is said as Alhaji closed his suitcase and dismissed his boys then walked away.

Flow gave me a hot slap which caused ripples all over my body.

I fell on the ground and began elevating to Heaven, my spirit came out and was elevating high, i saw Attai and Flow looking at my convulsing body.

"Ehen, una go go prison while i dey go heaven i thought"

"Oga micheal, i dey hail o" o greeted Angel Micheal at the gate.

"You are welcome my son, i hope your name would be in my book"

"Yes na, me dey go church everytime" i boasted.

He opened his book and that moment a gun like sound shouted, my spirit ducked under the golden table.

"Yeah, Angel , dem don dey fight civil war for heaven?" i said but there was no reply.

I came out from under the table and saw the angels all holding their nose and looking at me angrily.

"Wetin happen na?" i asked.

"You no well, so you go die for where person with Iron mess dey, see as him Mess don scatter my book, oya dey go back to your body now"

I was thrown back to my body and opened my eyes, i was smiling, atleast me sef don go heaven come back.

Flow was guarding his nose with his hands while insulting Attai.

I wanted saying that it was Attai fart that drove me back from heaven but another slap would have sent me this time to hell so i kept mute.

"Na Epilepsy dey catch me sometimes o, i wanted to thank him for waking me back from dead with that hot fart but they looked at their selves and fled like they were under remote control.

"If una like make una run na, i go meet una again, that money i most follow chop am, or so i thought"

NEXT DAY...

"Uduak come and take this letter to my boys house, you would stay with them in the main time" Alhaji gave me the best news of the centuary.

"If say Alhaji na woman i for embrace am but i controlled my self and ran out of the compound in Joy"

"Attai mr Alomo and flow mr 1759 here i come" i said as i took a bike to their house.

Their houseboy/mai guard opened the gate for me, i pushed him and entered inside.

"Na wetin i dey find" he said with his hausa tongue.

"I get message for Flow and Attai, from Alhaji" i said.

He quickly began shouting their names, i had peeped into the file i was sent and saw that they had been given office work like me, it was time to pay them back.

The look in Attai eyes changed from that of pleasure to horror, he was really angry, that moment i broke the deadrock.

"Alhaji said i would be staying here with una" i said smiling.

They almost slap me, Attai was breathing fire from his ears while Flow was looking at me like Big show looking at Rey misterio.

"Oya Haruna carry am go your run, na your new tenant be that" Attai said.

Haruna that was smiling suddenly frown his face, he knew he was in for a big poo but since they were the boys he did nothing but told me to follow him.

Flow and Attai was smiling like they won a lotto, i was happy that i was still going to leave in a nice house but i was suprise when Haruna showed me the boys quaters apartment where his room was.

A tear drop from my eyes, Attai and Flow, una go pay for this nonsense; i muttered.

So inside this big house na boys quater them dash me, not even only me, i was too share it with Haruna, maybe na time to show them i be Akwa Ibom man or so i thought...

To Be Continued...

Oya attai, ur turn don reach

Na wen Flow go update na? E don dey tey too much oh

killuminati: Na wen Flow go update na? E don dey tey too much oh

exactly

"Wanan yaro shege ne walahi"
**This boy is a bastard**

Haruna cursed one Saturday morning as I stepped out of the house to collect vitamin K. The sun had come out earlier than usual giving the harmattan a warmth. Those that grew in Kano or core north will understand this illustration. When you wake up and realize that the sun is up, only one part of your compound is illuminated. What do you do? You walk towards the sunlight and squat underneath it, basking in its warmth while the wind of the harmattan rages around you.

"Haba malam Haruna, mai ya yi?"
**That's not fair haruna, what did he do**

I asked him, obviously interested in what the new boy would do since he had been keeping much to himself.

"Da safen nan, da na tashi daga baci, na bude ido na na gan wai yana taba buran sa."
**I woke up this morning to see this dude touching his diickk"

Haruna paused, took the chewing stick he was eating ferociously out and pointed at Uduak who stood aside like a condemned thief.

"Ya na kallan jikin 'yar mata da basu sa riga ba a wani litafi"
**He was looking at nu-de women in a book**

I was not in the least bit surprised. A calabar man that eats dog on a daily basis should definitely display its trait at any given opportunity.

"Uduak, is it true?"

I asked him, his head was hung down while his small body moved from side to side as he played with his toes. He was a small boy after all wanting to discover himself. There was a movement behind me which made me to turn around, Flow was coming out of the house with a bottle of Alomo in one hand and a glass cup in the other. It looked strange to see Flow drinking alomo in the morning.

"Na so the boy dey always do for backyard na, no be once no be twice."

Flow said shaking his head. I collected the bottle from Flow and gulped down from it, smacking the bitterness all over my lips while thinking deep. Since the boy watches nake''d women, then we were safe. If it had been Haruna coming to meet me so early in the morning with a bleeding ars''e, it would have been a different case study.

"Uduak, you don fu''k before?

I asked him. The question seemed to startled him. Flow gave a low laugh as we waited for him to give us an answer.

"Yes oo, me na champion for bedematics. I don go marathon with 5 girls without any problem. Na the girls come dey beg me."

He boasted, pushing his grasshopper chest forward to make him appear bigger.

"That means you sabi fukk well well be that"

Flow asked so as to be sure we heard the right thing.

"Na me be king Solomon for ikot-ekpene (apologies to my akwa-ibom and calabar brothers)."

This time he lifted his tiny hand to beat on his tiny chest. I looked at the smallish being in front of me, a wicked thought creeping slowly into my head. I looked at Flow who smiled and sipped from the bottle of alomo, the cup he held being useless. He passed me the bottle which I gulped with relish. I made to pass it to Uduak.

"No o Oga, I like to dey use my ordinary energy."

Wow. We were taken by surprise. Haruna had to laugh as he had been restraining himself. His laugh came in short burst.

"Oga walahi, this boy I no dey fear fa. I dey form boss for here"

Haruna dropped his discombobulated grammar. I had to laugh.

"Haruna, you go allow am use your room?"

I asked Haruna since he owned the flat they were both using.

"Oga, no frovlem walai, I go give am for 'maganin buran tashi' if im want walai"
**maganin buran tashi = hausa Viagra**

Haruna replied smiling sheepishly. Flow was already dialing a number on his phone.

"Babe, can you come over. Okay.. in an hour's time... alright... Come prepared o.. Owk... Take care."

He dropped the call, he faced Uduak, his once smiling face contorted.

"Na men dey this house. You go prove your worth or we go send you go back go meet Alhaji."

Flow's voice sounded like iron. I never knew he took the whole boastfulness of Uduak serious. Uduak on his part pushed his tiny chest forward. He sure had guts I concluded. Something big was about to go down.



CONTINUING IMMEDIATELY!!!

LOoooooooL. I lve this guy :-D

We were all standing outside listening to Uduak boasting when we heard a knock on the gate of the house. We all paused while Haruna made to go and get the gate but Flow stopped him. He went to the gate himself, something he hardly does except when Uduak or Haruna was absent. The door screeched open while Flow stepped out of the gate. I wondered why he did not give way for the person to step into the house. Uduak's face had lightened up, I too was beginning to believe all his boast. He was pacing up and down the compound speaking some gibberish to himself.

"kpom.. abang... Si bom..."

Were the only words I could made out of what I termed an incantation. He was incanting some mysterious powers I believed. The gate opened again and Flow stepped in with someone, someone I had not seen in a long time. The same lady that had caused me trauma in my early life. The man with a p'u'ssy. She seemed to have grown taller than the last time I was cornered in her room. Her muscle appeared bigger too. I was too lost of words as Flow who was taller than me stood close to her and looked like Mysterio while she was "Great Khalil" now imagine how short and smallish Uduak will look like.

"Hello baby boo"

Jesus! Me? She still remembered my face and she was smiling that smile. The same smile that had shrunk my di'kc. I was moved to touch my di'ck subconsciously just to confirm that it was there.

"Hiiiiiii..."

Damn... My voice sounded like a woman. I had suddenly lost it.

"Muah"

She blew me a kiss. I caught the kiss and stepped on it, winking at her in the process. All this while Haruna was taking short steps backward until he got to the end of the compound before turning round and bailing out in hot speed like a demon just appeared out of hell and was chasing him.

"Waiyo allah... Ba zan kuma ba"
**I won't repeat it!!"

He was screaming while running, I was confused. I turned to look at Uduak who stood like trumpet had sounded and he missed heaven. I believe he just saw a vision of how the demons in hell look like. Flow who wore a serious face initially began smiling.

"Attai, you get condom?"

He asked me. What a question I mused.

"Them dey ask again? Na the factory dey supply me na"

I replied him. I did not wait for him to ask before dashing into the house and returning with 3 packs of condom. Uduak looked from me to Flow, from Flow to the demon who continued smiling. A dark cloud was already gathering in the sky and I knew it was sure going to rain cats and dogs inside Haruna's flat.

"That's him baby. He has been asking after you."

Flow pointed at poor Uduak.

"Take good care of him o"

Flow stressed on the "good care" like it was the last word he was going to say before dying.

****************************************************************************************

Gbammmm.... Gbummmm........... Darammmmmmm..........

"Abasi mbok!!!!!!!!!"

It was Uduak screaming. Haruna had returned, he joined Flow and I in listening to Uduak being tormented inside the room. I was already pitying Uduak but like the local proverb will always say: If your child should steal you fish, feed him more fish. That was exactly what Flow was doing to Uduak.

"Aya ya... Abasi oooo"

The voice sounded strangled. I was nearly pushed to open the door and save Uduak but held myself. Haruna was busy singing those melodic hausa songs that you play with a calabash guitar.

"Shege.... Dan burauba... Haba... Yan gan mace... Kuka... Waiyo... Zai mutu... Allah... Ya na kuka... Haba... Uduak... Durin mace zai kai ka aljana... Haba.."

Roughly translated...

"Bastard... Son of a diicckk.. ahhh... He has seen woman today... Crying... Woooo... He will die... I swear... He is crying.... Ahhh... Uduak... A woman's puss'y will lead you to paradise.. ahhh..."

Flow was laughing hard as we watched and listened to Uduak dying. I was already thinking of how his obituary will be written on his tombstone.

"There lies Peter Uduak, a great warrior who used his natural weapon until he was fallen in the field of battle by a greater weapon. Rest in Puss''ies till we meet to part no more"

Before I finished thinking, the door flew open, the giant babe running out, her panties worn halfway. She headed towards the gate in a great haste, flung it open and disappeared. She did it so fast none of us moved a muscle.

"Uduak iyaf die neh?"

Haruna asked a foolish question. I felt like punching him on the face.

"Uduak don die?"

Flow repeated after him. I wished I had a gun to send Flow too after Uduak.

"I dey kampe!!"

A voice shouted from inside. Uduak stepped out of the room, sweating with his phallus fully er.e.cted. I nearly screamed for his diicck was like that of an elephant. Long and fat. Seems all the height he was supposed to have concentrated on that spot. Haruna, Flow and I watched as Uduak walked round the compound smiling proudly to himself.

"Haruna, check the door"

Flow said as we stood still watching the display of Uduak.

"Oga, ashawo I no dey gate o but person say him dey look for him dog!!"

Uduak paused, our gaze at him. A dog had gone missing.


TO BE CONTINUED!!

Onyiclassic: waitn.......

[b]Your waiting is over...

Special shout out to you guys for keeping the fire burning, looks like I was late today as I could not reply all your comments but God knows I read them and laugh. You guys are encouraging. We are moving to the permanent site gently but I bet you guys, you have seen nothing yet. You will be treated to does of comics that will make your rib crack. I am putting together a surprise package for y'all. Chilax and enjoy.

To the ladies in the house, show the guys some love. Some of them have wonderful monikers, hook up o. After all, nairaland is a place to meet people, whether for business or relationship. I stand as a mediator and tell them single ladies to begin locating their husbands oo...

Special thanks to Obinau and Mynd (who is really annoying) for still pushing for this topic to grace the front page. Now you know how encouraging it can be for a writer to see his work on the front page of Nairaland.

I doff my cap for my only boss Flow. The dude is more than wonderful. Squeezing time out of his ever busy schedule to update. His updates really helped me see into new and untapped things. He is the reason I am writing, he is the reason I started this thread. I wanted to do something, something that would make people crack their ribs and I found Flow. Flow, tuale for you. You too much. I still be your boy for this game and na you know wetin I dey yan. Some people fit sow discord but na concrete our hearts be, e no fit grow. We dey learn as the matter be for life and na you be my instructor for this levels.

Vantee, Damex333, Doctured, Idris (Kiluminati), Gifteey, Beauty, Onoja, Onyiclassic, Dantrixy, Donifez, tracey, king Philip (u stil owe me beer o), Kida-Berry.... All of una na petrol una be. Even when I try give up, una push me. Some even help me kickstart the whole procedure. Them know themselves. Na them make the story no enter oblivion. Joshua Kalu (Past Exco. FCS Kazaure Chapter) I must call your name o. Who go believe say Albino (Me) go ever make you laugh?

Kano dudes, na una boy I be. Even though Boko pursue me, I no forget where |I comot from. Abuja, na una accommodate me o, una time dey come.

God bless y'all...


**Phew** Na me type all this many things? Na wa ooo.... No time sha... Una too much na im make [/b]

Foxy when my time reach tell me bcus dem don dey carry me go mental hospital for test o. Make una pray for me

This my first comment,i will say the story is interesting and funny,but guys were flow dey?foxy and rock una too much.i dey follow una bobom 2 bobom

Am going in...

Typing...

"Yeah, Haruna you see those fine babes wey Flow and Attai carry come house today?"

I asked Haruna one night after i went to eat my dog meat, Haruna was busy selecting his goro from a small plate.

"Na ya concern, na wetin concern you for i oga matter?"

He said as i quickly jumped off my bed in rage.

"Eh, Haruna i dey warn you o, how many times i tell you say me sef na oga, na because i dey manage this room with you abi. I go soon drive you comot"

I shouted at the top of my voice, Haruna just kept on laughing which annoyed me.

"Ke, na only oga, you be smal oga walahi" he said faintly as i walked out of the room to the main house.

While i was sitting outside that evening Attai and Flow had came in with two clean babes, their back and front yard was so portable that my diccck began saluting them.

"Where my own na?" i shouted at them.

Instead of a third person entering it was Haruna that came in, he went to his goro.

They behaved like they did not see me and just walked inside. That night i know there would be hot action so instead of wasting my time thinking about it all in my room i wanted to see the full action.

I followed through the backyard gently to avoid making noise and went to Attai's window since it was open.

Attai did not disappoint at all, he was jamming the babe like a hammering machine.

"Attai, please dont kill me, ehm ok harder na, ow sofri o" the babe gave different versoins of moans.

Flow was no where to be found, maybe he slept already or he had went out.

The live blue film at my front was so tempting, my pole wire stood high like Nepa own, i quickly dropped downmy belt to begin my hand action since no actor role for me.

I was in esctacy when Flow voice interupted my power supply.

"Uduak na wetin you dey do with your trouser down?"

"Ehm, na piss, sorry, my prick dey pain me, no no, na my trouser spoil so i dey sew am" i starmered.

"So your prick don turn to sewing machine abi?" he mocked.

"No my prick na i wan use call tailor" i answered with my dicck instead of my brain.

"Ehen, the trouser don repair itself" i shouted as i picked up my trousers and rushed past Flow who was holding a bottle of Alomo with one hand.

"This boys no dey tire to dey drink abi?" i said as i went to my quaters.

"Awwooooo"

Our neighbours dog cried as the spirit of calabarmanism came upon me.

I jumped the neighbour's fence in stealth mode with Haruna's sharp knife, the dog which was barking like a warrior became quiet like a deaf and dumb.

Legend has it that dogs always know a calarbar man from a mile away, this was no different, it feld to its house as i chased it, coner it and did justice to it.

I carried my sweet meat to a bush and lit fire help by the kano harmattan wind, and dry sticks.

I saw a magazine of Nu'de women lieing on the ground so i grabbed it and placed my meat in a black leather which i stole from Haruna 's bag and went home.

Haruna was snoring with his tobbaco coloured teeth in full view, i sat beside him, brought out 5 huge pieces of meat and drew my trousers down and began eating and playing with my pole.

"Ke, wetin i dey do?"

Haruna said as he saw me in action, i was so high on spiritual konji that i did not know he had woken up.

He hissed like a snake and walked out of the house.

"Haa, dem don nab me twice in one day or so i thought.

To Be Continued...

foxy,flow n rock, u guys ar dropin it lik bomb. keep it flowing

Make i work small, brb

Police don hold me for road ad I stand for there front dey read diz post kon dey laugh.I beg flow,rock foxy make una come.baiil me faaa

lol,cant stop laffn.u guyz are gud.weldone FOXY N ROCK.muahhhhhhhhhhhh

Typing...

Waiting......... ....

I don laugh sote ppl dy call me mad man.

I walked outside to see Attai sitting under the warm harmattan sun, i actually thought he was pooing outside, "Attai so you don dey sh'it outside" i almost said but Haruna spoke before my vice came out.

He reported me to Attai, i was so ashamed, Haruna na bas tard jare, na why he come dey spoil my show.

Flow also came out with a cup and cotainer of Alomo to support Haruna's claim.

One thing Flow did not say was to tell Attai that i was watching him bang a girl, i would have gotten a head butt which i dreaded from Attai.

Attai's head was so big that i wondered if he landed ontop concrete ground when his mom dropped him from her womb.

I made a mental note to ask him why his head was that big but that would be on my deathbed so that he can kill me quickly.

"You don fucck woman before"

Attai asked me a very stupid question, it seem like an insult to me, how me a whole calabar man would not fucck woman before, that means what is said about calabar girls are not true be that.

Legend has it that calabar girls are the best fucckers so what do you think the men would be-ofcus we are the bestest fucckers.

"i don do marathon with five girls without any problem, the girls even dey beg me sef"

i bragged as Attai, Flow and Haruna looked at me like they were noticing my dry chest for the first time.

"You sure say you sabi fucck wella"

Flow asked another foolish question to me.

"I say na me be king Solomon of Ikot-ekpene" i bragged more.

Haruna grinned showing his coloured teeth he was so suprised to hear my boast, even Flow gave me his Alomo to drink.

"No, na my energy i wan use" i argued

"Walahi, this boy i dey claim oga" Haruna said.

Attai and Flow gave themselves eye flash and Flow brought out his phone to make a call.

I was glad i was finally going to bulala a hausa babe.

"Haruna, him fit borrow your room" Attai asked.

Haruna readily agreed and my pole grew much longer at the thought of what was about to happen.

Someone knocked at the gate and Flow ran to answer the gate.

Now read this part very fast.

A huge muscular animal sorry human being species call a girl walked in, Haruna shouted in horror and took to his heels, flow shifted one side for the girl to come in.

Attai was sweating and his hands were shaking, his Alomo poured recklessly on the ground, he was avoiding the girl's eyes, maybe they had a history before.

I was expecting to see a smaller person coming at her back but the gate closed like that and Flow said.

"Attai, you get condom?"

It sounded more like Attai you get tom tom, this boys wanted to kill me but they forgot i was truly saying the truth.

Attai came back with three packets of condom and Flow should the girl to me and asked her to satisfy me well, it was more like kill am well.

She jacked me like a policeman holding a thief and dragged me to the boys quaters.

Without even allowing me to UnCloth she climbed on my body and began dragging my clothes off.

My pole could do nothing when she enveloped me, her body was like that of WWE wrestler Ryback, so you could imagine how her puny would have felt like.

It as like Zuma rock, my dicck was practically crying for Mercy, i managed to drag my 'maganin buran tashe' which was my dog meat and began munching it while screaming obscence things in my language.

Legend has it that those that eats dog meat always have stamina of a dog so when next time you see a man eating dog meat in a restuarant and he calls you for sex better flee or self what happened in 2005 would happen again.

I was almost seeing heaven when the effects of the meat i ate started. My pole grew longer and stronger like an iron rod.
Pure energy entered into my body, i grew larger in my down region.

That was all the comfirmation i needed to smash this bulldozer riding me, i got her on all fours and began giving it to her canine style.

My rod was too hot for her because after two rounds my pole was still saluting her behind, i was still munching my meat and damaging her own meat.

"I don tire o" she shouted.

"No, never tire o, i just dey start, today i must see fire comot from your to'to" i shouted back.

I stood up for another round when she suddenly got up and fled without even putting on her pants yet.

I laughed and began singing Olamide's Duro soke and dancing round the compound with my trailer still standing tall.

How wish GEJ saw me, my dicck would have been used as monument in a museum or used to erect the nigerian flag in Aso rock.

Attai and Flow looked at me in wonder, na that day their respect go high for me, i thought.

Haruna came back also suprised.

"Walahi, ashawo i no dey gate again" he said when they asked him to see if the girl was still there.

"Na one man i dey ask for him dog"

All eyes was on me, that was when i realised in my haste i had left my slippers behind while chasing the dog...

"Shege, calabar man, na dog i go kill you" haruna shouted.

To Be Continued...

Nice one Rock. You got me there. You started out weak but you seem to be building momentum. Keep up the good work

lolz,nice one rock keep em comin

Hahahahahahahahahahaha, cnt stop lafin, my collegues tink say i don smoke igbo. #teamflowfoxyflowrock#. More ink to ur pen

Foxy_Flow: Keep the Flow man... I dey feel you. Still in the office right now and eh, the work many sotey I no sure of when I go go house. Just update once more... When I reach base, I go continue from there.



Still he Rocks

Ok man no probs, make i update my thread, i would be right back...

Foxy_Flow: Keep the Flow man... I dey feel you. Still in the office right now and eh, the work many sotey I no sure of when I go go house. Just update once more... When I reach base, I go continue from there.



Still he Rocks

i am back, my apologies for the break. I will update tonite.

Still i Flow