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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* (1097 Views)
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My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 12:41pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Until today,I believed that the majority of People who publish near-death Stories are Liars and Opportunists out to make a quick Buck and get their 15 minutes of Fame. Now I know better,because I had one of my own. Actually,I wasn't near Death (at least I hope so),I wasn't even asleep,I was just letting my mind run it's course last Night ... To enter the pearly Gates,you have to have met the cutoff Mark to guarantee your Mansion in the Neighborhood of your choice,although Connections to a few Archangels wouldn't hurt at all. After checking your Aggregate of Life,you pray and wait for your Name to be on the First List,because the subsequent ones,especially the JC's list,is extremely competitive... Alleluia,your Name is there,now you have to go collect your Statement of Life from your Guardian Angel,then present it for screening to the Angels in the admittance Office... I was suddenly woken up when the Track playing in my ears changed to Olamide's "Durosoke",I guess the Spirit doesn't gel with that kind of Music. If by now you haven't decided whether I'm full of Shite or being serious,then I can categorically tell you that yes,I am full of Shite. My conclusion is that a lot of the People who claim to have had these Experiences have had nothing but Dreams or Flights of Fantasy,maybe not deliberately being dubious,also,this would explain the absurd disparity in the Accounts;for instance,if I had really had the above "Vision",all it would show,is my Mind,which is currently occupied by thoughts of "Admission Status","Statements of Result"...etc,because I'm currently seeking Admission into a Higher institution,now this combined with my listening to Casting Crowns' 'Glorious Day',to produce the Ridiculous Vision you just read above when I fell half-asleep...which,come to think of it,is not more ridiculous than some I've heard. |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 12:54pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
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Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by israel007: 1:03pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Lol. Na wa o. This God don turn to una play mate abi |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 1:14pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
israel007: Lol. Na wa o. This God don turn to una play mate abino be so Bruv, its just my take on the People who claim to have taken Holidays in Heaven, yourself must have heard some absurd ones... like d guy who said you input your name into a computer to check status, I'm not joking, someone actually said that, and PEOPLE BELIEVED! |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by ProfUBA1(m): 2:22pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Most of the sacred things in heaven, according to the Bible, are 'indescribably beautiful and beyond human comprehension'. By this token, I believe that sometimes God makes use of items one is familiar with (based on one's state of mind and faith governed by grace) to explain certain delicate matters. Note that it's meant for that person's consumption, including other network of people that share in that reality. What I mean in essence is that human beings (God's children) are divided into platoons based on their peculiarities. God sees the difference clearly, and so speaks to each accordingly. That's why some spiritual exercises work for certain people, while another form works for others. Above all, all is done to an end-- to call people to repentance for the Kingdom of God. |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 10:03am On Dec 21, 2013 |
Prof.UBA:perfectly explaind in a perfect english lang. @koonbey, were u eventually admittd? If yes, congrats bro. If no, God knws best. 1 luv |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 6:11pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
godofphysics: perfectly explaind in a perfect english lang.yes Sire;I was,Thank you. #TeamUniLAWrin |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by CriminalIbos: 6:50pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
[size=25pt]crap!!![/size] |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 7:09pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
Criminal Ibos: [size=25pt]crap!!![/size]Oh of course,Crap it is,since your Brain is too washed out to compute the Point of the Post... I know this from the very asinine,very Puerile Nature of your Comment...and your Username. why not take a Moment to compare your Post and those of others you met here,recognize your Stupidity and endeavor to stop displaying it everywhere huh |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by CriminalIbos: 7:39pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
[s] koonbey: Oh of course,Crap it is,since your Brain is too washed out to compute the Point of the Post... I know this from the very asinine,very Puerile Nature of your Comment...and your Username. why not take a Moment to compare your Post and those of others you met here,recognize your Stupidity and endeavor to stop displaying it everywhere huh[/s][/quote]brainwashed goon::::GO N DIE |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 7:52pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
Funny |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Brimmie(m): 12:48am On Dec 22, 2013 |
Re: My Experience In Heaven *Sarcasm* by Nobody: 10:16am On Dec 22, 2013 |
Use ur sense,if u want to dispute ndes certainly not a point like this. Why? 1.People that had Nde had a sensation of being dead. 2.they left their physical body 3.they felt different after that. . U weren't even asleep nor dead. Should i say u were just day-dreaming? u didn't have a sensation of being dead.u were alive,u don't doubt that . u didn't even left ur physical body,not to talk of seeing heaven or hell fire. 1 Like |
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