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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / . . . (6629 Views)
Stop Your Family From Changing PHCN Cutout Manually! Get Automatic Phase Changer / At What Point In A Relationship Phase Should You Let Old Intimate Friends Go? (2) (3) (4)
Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:13am On Aug 15, 2013 |
My dear, from your fears I know you are not ready yet, you want to get married because the society expect that from you. I don't know for anybody but I didn't have any fears of why I was getting married. If you really wanna get married and the fears you have is children. It's not a must you must have one. Live life in your marriage, if at older age you feel like having one, you can adopt. Plenty of children everywhere. But one thing is certain, once you have your kids..they may make you crazy MOST times, so prepare for that. Hubby is not the one that will wake up middle of the night every 2 hours to breastfeed the baby. Godbless u, u have help, if not...my dear...u are on a loooong thing. Forget the cuteness of kids blah blah blah.....it's a VERY BIG HARDWORK. prepare your mind so you don't have any excuses when you are in. Go and read some articles and get prepared. |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:39am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:39am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by tellwisdom: 8:40am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Please dont born or marry him..because u wld be old once you start bearing kids and washing children's napkin and poos ![]() |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:43am On Aug 15, 2013 |
ileobatojo:exactly.i even forgot to add inlaws 'issues' dont expect all of them to like you,some will love you and some will be like who the fvk do you think you are,paying kids school fees and all.your family will be your firsdt priority financially,emotionally etc.no more i want to spend the weeked with my girlfriends,i want to fix brazillian hair,peruvian hair and lace wigs everytime otherwise you wont have enough money to run your family,no more night out with the girls so make sure you do everything now before mr somebody takes you away and you will be like i cant remember the last time i went for pedicure or body massages ![]() ![]() 1 Like |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:52am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:54am On Aug 15, 2013 |
bellong: Bride in waiting, I only have one statement for you to ruminate over. Thank you sir. Will keep that in mind. |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 8:57am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:04am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: I think personalized sessions with just you and hubby to be where you can both be fully open and air out issues freely is more what I had in mind. I think that may really help you prepare. So you might consider an independent marriage counselor but there is definitely place for the marriage classes in church so do those too. |
Re: . . . by bellong: 9:08am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: Find a professional marriage counsellor. I wouldn't know if there is one in your church. If there is a professional counsellor in your church, it is an added advantage. I do not believe in most of the marriage counselling done by churches, its mostly theoretical and full of abstract. Though I do not understand the fear you have anyway. I think its over-anxiety you are dealing with.. |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:09am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:13am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: Kulyie, I HATE you! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() even on nl i cant count people that hate me sef ![]() |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:21am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:21am On Aug 15, 2013 |
bellong:miss iyawo to be can i recommend something to you,like this person has rightly said you are being anxious,i think you will be fine.what i need you to do is hit any jazz club where they play any soft jazz e.g kenny g etc like one in the island,buy a shot or more of cold baylis and drink the night away. Sit down and stare at the waters,forget about everything in this world.act like you dont have any including plans for marriage and before you know it you will be calm and your mind at rest ,take a massage,stroll ![]() i am recommending what i do when i am tensed 8-) |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:43am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by greatgod2012(f): 9:43am On Aug 15, 2013 |
@phemi dear, stop working yourself up. Like I said in my first post on this thread, when you get to the bridge, you shall cross it. Secondly, seek for pre marital counselling, its very important, may be in a church or better still a proffessional one. Now, get this, marriage is not always a bed of roses, but I can bet it with you that, in marriage, two things are very important: 1. Your mindset, if you have negative mindset concerning marriage, as a man think, so is he, so if you think marriage isn't good, then you may never see anything good in your marriage, so, you need to have positive and bright mindset concerning your marriage. 2. Your seed: in marriage, its what you sow that you are going to reap o. No short cut about it, sow love, respect, interest, etc to your spouse and reap the same. Always treat him the way you will want him to treat you. Meanwhile, All this my me time, will decrease when you're married, because you won't want your hubby lonely while you are having your "me" time. The same thing goes for kids, you love and adore them when they are dressed up, abi, before yours can also be such adorable, you must have made sacrifices for them. Building marriage and a home requires a lot of sacrifices and compromises. And remember, the two points above also goes to your inlaws, if you think inlaws are not nice and you carry that mindset into your marriage, you might not see anything good in whatever your inlaws are doing and again, if you don't sow love among your inlaws, you may not reap their love. In summary.............. Stop working up yourself Lay a good foundation for your marriage Go in with good and positive mindset Have determination that your marriage is going to be successful Attend pre marital counselling to help you plan and alleviate some of your fears Make God the pillar of your marriage Determine to forgive each other in your marriage. However, if you think you still need more time to sort yourself out before tying the knot, then, do so, to save yourself from future and avoidable regrets. It is well with you |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 9:57am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: Hello everyone. I'm a fan of the family section of this great forum and i'm really hoping to get good advice on here. What you are feeling is completely normal . . . I used to be in your shoes once. Got a job right out of school and became independent at a very early age. Lived on my own for years before I got married. I used to wonder how I would cope sharing my personal space 24/7 with someone else cos I loved my privacy! ![]() ![]() Also, as the last born, I knew absolutely nothing about kids or how to 'baby' them. The first day-old baby I ever held was mine and I still remember the pure terror I felt, like I was going to squeeze too hard and break her! ![]() ![]() ![]() I'm not going to lie and tell you that it was all easy and rosy . . . cos it wasn't. Sometimes, even now, I still find myself wishing for those single days when I get to live my life for myself alone . . . but one thing I can tell you is that it is totally worth it! You just have to be patient, willing to adjust (a loooooooooot!) and be really ready to settle down. Cos if you are not really ready, it's all going to be like a huge-big burden on your shoulders! Every other thing will fall in place . . trust me! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 10:24am On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 10:32am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: Awww . . . It's well dear. Everything will turn out fine, you'll see! ![]() ![]() |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 10:33am On Aug 15, 2013 |
Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice and encouragement. I feel much better already. ![]() |
Re: . . . by deols(f): 12:59pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Couldn't read all But all I read is good advice. I like kulyie's sincerity more. I see a part of me in Op. I am very me-ish and always have these thoughts of how it is going to work out. Not being married is definitely out of it. So to be optimistic, take the leap and be ready to work on it. 1 Like |
Re: . . . by Kanwulia: 1:23pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
You have started on the right note. Unlike those who go in 'fantasizing' about this and that! ![]() You concerns are very legitimate. Unfortunately, THEY WILL ONLY BE COMPOUNDED WITH MARRIAGE! You are aware of your limitations! NOW, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM! ![]() |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 2:33pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Even me sef that has not picked wedding date, the mere mention of it is a problem. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I just can't imagine it, madam CC, can I like talk to you, privately maybe... |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 3:37pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 3:45pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
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Re: . . . by Nobody: 4:19pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: You're not alone, I must be sincere! But I guess you just have to pull it together and just like every other thing in life, take the risk! May God help you. |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 4:24pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Re: . . . by maclatunji: 4:53pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Funny thread. 1 Like |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 5:16pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
chaircover: SENT! |
Re: . . . by TV01(m): 5:43pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
@OP, Are you absolutely sure your fiancé is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you know without a doubt that he is committed to you and any children you may have? Is he a mature man who has shown you he understands marriage & has communicated - to & with you - a vision for your future together? If you answer yes to all of the above, it's just per- wedding nerves. If not, you might want to revisit those things and maybe consider a further postponement, until such time... @Kuylie, applause. @All, there seems to be a trend to suggest per-marital counselling. That hasn't been a feature of the family board previously. At least not with the groundswell l currently see. I'm not knocking it, but would appreciate if someone could detail what it is about pmc that makes such a difference? What does it or is it designed to accomplish? TV |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 6:12pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
TV did you or did not go for marriage counselling before you tie the knot with Mama JR?? Be objective for once please. |
Re: . . . by Nobody: 7:08pm On Aug 15, 2013 |
Phema: Hello everyone. I'm a fan of the family section of this great forum and i'm really hoping to get good advice on here. Your feelings are very normal,if you were going into it all confident without a scintilla of fear,I would be surprised It is scary to leave what you know to step into the unknown no matter how much you dated the man Dating and marriage are very different. You value the marriage institution and want yours to work that is why you feel the way you do I am married I was scared and excited at the wedding,I wept bitterly when my little sister and I parted ways and I was off to start life as a married woman even though I love my husband immensely It was a mixed feeling not knowing what to really expect The thought of inlaws and outlaws and the stories I had heard made me nervous I was scared to my bones at pregnancy The stories I heard about delivery terrified me the more I called the emergency hotline when the baby wouldn't stop hiccuping When the baby cried uncontrollably I felt like running away and never looking back ![]() ![]() I said all this to tell you that every step of your new life will have some moments of fear and trepidation ,you are human, but it will pass If you are certain this man loves you and you love him dearly and you know without a shadow f a doubt that he will stand by you and give his life for you,that should give you comfort. I can assure you,your husband to be is feeling nervous too at this major step Tell a trusted friend or your mom and you will hear them tell you of their own experiences When we passed JAMB and got our choice course,weren't we all excited? is there anyone that can claim that they didn't have some fear taking that step into the Freshman year Itis normal But we adjusted quickly once you get there I wish you the best in the marriage Love conquers all 1 Like |
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