No one said you must be married to be happy! and everyone is not born to want to get married but the question is why are some successful sisters not married? come to think of it! does that mean that the married sisters are not successful? people have thousand of reason why they get married and at the same time thousand of reason why they don't! if you have a reason! just one reason why you're not married or chose to be single, then its because of that (reason) not because you want to! be it your success, independent, want to be alone, name it! they are the reason why you made that choice. Like you said mentality of marriage is more of a societal structure, personal experience, parental influence, culture, and all that so why is success taking the place of all that? why is the western style if I may call it that taking the place of our culture? why do our women want to be like the western women? how many western women want to be like our cultural women? We want/like to copy the westerners (divorce after 10yrs is aweson) its working for then! its hell for us but still we want to be like them. How in the world does submission make you inferior? submission doesn't mean you don't have oppinion or right in the house! it does not make your partner more important or more successful than you! men submit to their wife and wife to their husband.
NIA I think we both have a point here and this will last forever if we continue to proof our points but I'm speaking as a man and what men are! don't get me wrong some men can deal with it but trust me for the most part NO! Its like comparing ages in marriage! most men preffer to be older than their wife still some marry older women! same here most men preffer to be more successful than their wife but still some marry women more successful than they are! its all about how you portray that success image! if you think getting married to a less successful guy is compromising yourself, ideas, and believe, makes you inferior or preffer to be single rather than submitting (sounds worse than really is) then those are your choices for choosing to be single not because you are successful.

and maybe they don't have the time for marriage.

most times, it takes more energy for a woman to become successful than for a man so maybe she doesn't want to get married right away?

If that's not it, there are many sucessful men in the world who make more money that they could get married to.
Condoleeza Rice for example could get married to someone more succesful but that'll interfere w/ her work.

Come to think of women who prefered to be single and not married, a thought cames to my head about them. They are only showing their fear of sentence like "The husband shall be the head of the family"
May be to them this shows a kind of weakness to be controled.
Therefore, they choose to remained head of their own head.

It's just plain obvious that you don't have any idea of what women generally face in life.

Lets just say that some men come with a whole baggage that these women are scared of handling. Not that the women dont want to be controlled, rather, its sometimes the fear of the unknown that marriage brings.

Some sisters are comfortable being single. Some have seen terrible experiences from parents and siblings that they are too scared to get into one of their own. Most times like these, these women just focus on their career.

A marriage can never be successful if the lady is not TOTALLY submisive to the man, regardless of the status of the man.

There is an God made "EGO" in men that will not ordinarily be tranpled upon. Usually a normal man should be able to have a woman as a boss and not a "boss" as a wife.

success, most times gets into women head and they seem not to know where to draw the line. A truely suceessful woman will be humble and total submisive to her husband even if he is a cleaner.

The reason successful ladies dont marry is that a larger percentage become arrogant and shoulders high. However, a good man should know how to treat a woman the right way they should be treated. They are treasures to be cherished!

So, suceessful ladies out there should make special efforts to be "down to earth". This is also applicable to men.

A marriage can never be successful if the lady is not TOTALLY submisive to the man, regardless of the status of the man.

This is the sort of junk that people get into their heads when their mums allow their dads to dominate them.

Seun you go live long you hear

Its a large pity that some men are carried away in their nonsense claim for superiority.
For all the men who are in the abopve catergory, this one's for you.

1stly, no woman is claiming heading with you. Its just your insecurity playing tricks on you


2ndly, only half a man will be so adamant on this submissive thing. cos a whole man wld also read the part of Love your wife .

3rdly, for the brain-damaged men, Love brings abt submission. If you dont love your wife or treat her well, how is she supposed to submit to a creep like u

Seun:

This is the sort of junk that people get into their heads when their mums allow their dads to dominate them.

Seun: i guess God himself must be disoriented when he instruct in the bible in that line, uhmm?

lioness:

Seun you go live long you hear

Lioness: i guess you are one of those gals, seun is telling you what you wanna hear.

its just a great wisdom for the ladies to be submisive and also the man to LOVE the woman with all that hes got. but you know what seun, ithink you are just putting up a fake front, every guy have that EGO thing that should be thrown away when dealing with your woman. but you can deny the fact that its there.

Both side have a part:WOMEN- submit, respect and love.
MEN- LOVE, adore, cherish and MORE LOVE for your gal.

you better take that back Tmoney.

I admire men who can risk to reason beyond their ego. It doesnt make them any less a man. Apparently your not one of those men.
Did u read the part that said " submitting yourselves one to another" Can you love your wife and give yourself for her ?
Anyway, lets not get spiritual now and drift over the topic.

@ Prince_onx

I'm glad you made your point a little clearer. Nobody should be forced to accept other people's idea of "happiness", i.e. happiness=marriage or vice versa.

prince_onx:

if you have a reason! just one reason why you're not married or chose to be single, then its because of that (reason) not because you want to! be it your success, independent, want to be alone, name it! they are the reason why you made that choice.

With this quote, however, we still seem to be miscommunicating. How can anyone conclude that it is not what they want? For example, you wrote, "BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE ALONE" and then you wrote, "NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO".

How can someone who "wants to be alone" not want to be alone/single? or if marriage is truly not that important to an individual how do we conclude that it's "what they really want"? If you have had bad experiences with marriages in the past (i.e. through your parents) or you have never had anything positive mentally associated with marriage, or have the impression that it's not a significant part of life, WHY WOULD YOU WANT IT?

prince_onx:

Like you said mentality of marriage is more of a societal structure, personal experience, parental influence, culture, and all that so why is success taking the place of all that? why is the western style if I may call it that taking the place of our culture? why do our women want to be like the western women? how many western women want to be like our cultural women? We want/like to copy the westerners (divorce after 10yrs is aweson) its working for then! its hell for us but still we want to be like them.

I don't have all the answers to these questions, but I will say that considering our past and history, the natural progression will be "a western type" of marriage as you put it. I do not uphold the African (or Naija) style marriage as the ideal marriage system. Partly because what we have is a society that is hellbent on preserving marriage regardless of whether or not people are truly happy. You have a culture that forces individuals to smile and grin through miserable marriages. That is not something that can continue for a long time. Initially, this was also the case in the West for many years. Eventually, people will get tired of this. And like you correctly pointed out, many women are already rebelling against this and prefer to choose "western type" lifestyle so to speak.

There are many reasons why "western type" marriages fail. We should not conclude that it is because women have more freedom or because of 50-50 marriages.
However, we should look at several factors. For example, what is the basis for some marriages in the West? How many people get married for frivolous reasons and then end up divorcing once they get tired of their spouse?
Who's to say that--unlike the west where marriage is not a do or die affair--that people in naija will not be divorcing left and right if the social stigma is absent? Do you know how many women who are continuously abused, and cheated on by their husbands still choose to stay because of this "do or die" mentality? Do you know that in the west women are more likely to get a divorce in such a marriage?

prince_onx:

How in the world does submission make you inferior? submission doesn't mean you don't have oppinion or right in the house! it does not make your partner more important or more successful than you! men submit to their wife and wife to their husband.

Historically speaking, and in the context of Naija and Africa at large, "submission" is meant to mean that one person's opinion or idea (usually the male) carries more weight than the other (the female). And that one person is more important than the other. As long as neither individuals are arrogant, and both understand each other, the union should be fine, which is something you seem to be describing, but realistically speaking, that's not what "submission" means.

Nia: Historically speaking, and in the context of Naija and Africa at large, "submission" is meant to mean that one person's opinion or idea (usually the male) carries more weight than the other (the female). And that one person is more important than the other.

Honest men are rare. You are to be admired. That is exactly what submission means in practice.

"T Money":
Seun: i guess God himself must be disoriented when he instruct in the bible in that line, uhmm?

The word "totally" is not in any translation of the bible. Your opinion is an extreme interpretation of marriage advice given by an unmarried man centuries ago.

"T Money":
every guy have that EGO thing that should be thrown away when dealing with your woman. but you can deny the fact that its there.

It's one thing to have an ego problem due to traditional upbringing. It's another thing to come online and be boasting about the ego problem you have and saying that women have to accomodate it.

The problem we have as men is that we have come to take our 'superiority' for granted. When we are not able to get that superiority, we get upset. We are unhappy; we feel as if we are not men. It's a disease.

I can't help but laugh reading through some of these posts. Two things are glaring:
- hypocrisy
- Unrealistic statements.

Many men here are speaking in defence of "women are equal partners in marriage bla bla bla", it will be very interesting to have a look at your own individual marriages when that time comes. Now that you are unmarried, it is easier said than done. it will be interesting to note what your reaction will be like when your wife insists you do your own share of the cooking one day!

Woemn or teenage girls here too who are ruffling their feathers, your mothers were not idiots when they decided to bow to your fathers. Because of their resilience and submission, you still have a home you can call your own today. Compare and contrast that with the millions of kids in the west who have to visit daddy tomorrow and mummy next week, passed around two adults like footballs all in the name of liberation!

When you grow older and are ready to get married, all these "women are equal" nonsense will fly out of the window. Women are to be submissive to their husbands not slaves or doormats, that some men cannot make a basic distinction between the two is not reason to discountenance its importance!

@ davidylan it will be interesting to note what your reaction will be like when your wife insists you do your own share of the cooking one day!

umm, what is wrong with that, Assuming that you are joint breadwinners, what's wrong with joint homemaking? Abi, women are dogs?

does the lower rate of divorce (if that is accurate) mean that the marriages in naija are happier, I think not, women are just conditioned to stick out unhappy marriages for fear of being stigmatized! Times change hon, I'd much rather be divorced (there, I said it!) than stay in a marriage in which the guy took it in his head that he was somewhat mentally superior to me in the name of submission bla bla bla

And yes, women are equal and I'm a proud feminist (which does not mean I hate men, quite the opposite, can't seem to get away) , beat me up!

David I own you a dollar!
Nia, my one and only point here be say if you get reason wey make you decide to be single, wether na because your papa dey bit your mama, or your sisters, friends, relative marriage no work so marriage come dey fear you, that na good reason! very good one to decide to be sinlge! maybe there is but e hard well well to find a sister out there that will just wake up one day and decide to be single all her life! but if you're here telling me you chose to be single simple because you're too successful to submit to a man, or you're raised to be independent, or being married will contradict your believe and ideas, or that submissive (which I still don't know what some people define it to be) will make you inferior then I'll look you in the eye and tell you you talking snakesh**t! (if you've seen one).
I know there're men out there that think or believe a lady is weak because she's submissive, there're some that think submissive means worshipping him, alot think because they're the men a woman have no say! NO! that's not what I'm saying or campaigning for! If you are not happy in a marriage and you're there because of some cultural nonsense, then you're on your own! African, America, Asia, whereever! no one should be living in bondage all in the name of marriage! if my sisters husband is abusing, cheating or doing all kind of sh**t outside, I'll be the first to ask her what the hell she's still doing there! culture or no culture, children or no children!

hmmmnnnn
My, there are some assumptions and wrong conclusions being drawn from this discussion, though understandable as some people can be passionate about their views. But I hope it will not take away from the discussion, sha.

I didn't grow up with a submissive mother/parent, my mother is a very independent individual and my parents are still together. When two people mutually respect each other and understand each other, they learn how to compromise without belittling their partner.
There's a common misperception that NOT BEING SUBMISSIVE=ARROGANCE or a woman being in control. This is, of course, false.

@ Seun, thanks, but you might need to look a little further for those "honest men", cause I am a woman (in every sense of the word). Or maybe if I am feeling up to it, I will tell them to come register on nairaland or something, haha. But I am sure there are lots of honest men on nairaland.

@ prince_onx, I feel like we're going 'round in circles, LOL,  so I'll have to leave it there.

beebop:

@ davidylan it will be interesting to note what your reaction will be like when your wife insists you do your own share of the cooking one day!

umm, what is wrong with that, Assuming that you are joint breadwinners, what's wrong with joint homemaking? Abi, women are dogs?

does the lower rate of divorce (if that is accurate) mean that the marriages in naija are happier, I think not, women are just conditioned to stick out unhappy marriages for fear of being stigmatized! Times change hon, I'd much rather be divorced (there, I said it!) than stay in a marriage in which the guy took it in his head that he was somewhat mentally superior to me in the name of submission bla bla bla

And yes, women are equal and I'm a proud feminist (which does not mean I hate men, quite the opposite, can't seem to get away) , beat me up!

Me sef, I dey wonder, ehn. What is wrong with a man cooking?  Some men cook better than 10 women put together sef. I mean, there is nothing sexier than a man who is self-sufficient not to mention the type that will put a woman to shame in the kitchen .

davidylan:



I can't help but laugh reading through some of these posts. Two things are glaring:
- hypocrisy
- Unrealistic statements.

Many men here are speaking in defence of "women are equal partners in marriage bla bla bla", it will be very interesting to have a look at your own individual marriages when that time comes. Now that you are unmarried, it is easier said than done. it will be interesting to note what your reaction will be like when your wife insists you do your own share of the cooking one day!

Woemn or teenage girls here too who are ruffling their feathers, your mothers were not idiots when they decided to bow to your fathers. Because of their resilience and submission, you still have a home you can call your own today. Compare and contrast that with the millions of kids in the west who have to visit daddy tomorrow and mummy next week, passed around two adults like footballs all in the name of liberation!

When you grow older and are ready to get married, all these "women are equal" nonsense will fly out of the window. Women are to be submissive to their husbands not slaves or doormats, that some men cannot make a basic distinction between the two is not reason to discountenance its importance!

Hahahaha! And I laughed at your own post too. Your wife won't love you, she would just fear you. Just like someone said, the so-called marriages you are pointing at as examples are not because the wives are happy, they are just enduring it. Wake up, this is the 21st century, make your wife enjoy you not endure you. You want a wife that bows to you, hahahahaha. I can't stop laughing here. Almighty King of the Household, The Most Reverend Head of the Family.

Funny thing is that some of these guys talking tough up here end up loving and marrying tough women.

Very soon they'd say we shd call them "My lord" as sarah called Abraham. bullsh t

you want make she they control the man

marriage i believe is not a must but in the case of most successful sistas, i guess its the complex thing with guys and guys if you're real with yourselves, you'll agree with me. and besides, telling that kind of sista you want to eat pounded yam at 5pm on tuesday is definitly out of the question so a "made" sista is kinda scary because they wont submit easily and boost our egos as much as we want.
right?

How about getting married when you become involved with someone you'll like to spend you're life with. The idea that at some point you must get married wether it's your choice or not is completely ludicrous and archaic.

because its not by force and they are not interested.

The so called successful sisters do not marry not because they don't want to.
Some few things kill the interest of men who would have loved to be associated with them.

1. They feel too big to be under any man.
So no respect.
2. high taste and high cost of living.
3. looking down on men.
4. They attract many men unto themselves and men may think they are loose.
Some are actually loose though.
ETC.

Greatpeter:

The so called successful sisters do not marry not because they don't want to.
Some few things kill the interest of men who would have loved to be associated with them.

1. They feel too big to be under any man.
So no respect.
2. high taste and high cost of living.
3. looking down on men.
4. They attract many men unto themselves and men may think they are loose.
Some are actually loose though.
ETC.

Jesus, I smell ignorance. How can you generalize successful women?

it takes some woman a very long time to become successful, and lets face it is easier to find a blue pig than it is to find a nubian jack who would love you unconditionally, so why waste your time.

why does anyone have to get married?

women have more choices now and i do not believe all women need a man to be happy and visa versa

when a woman can earn enough to keep herself perhaps she feels no need to marry and that is perhaps why some successful woman do not marry.

and can no one on this forum have a discussion without using the bible? that drives me mad

:seun,women are not to be treated as slaves.yes ,she has to be submissive to her man but not to the extent you mentioned. :i leave you with this advice,beware of ladies that are obedient dogs because when they have you where they want you'll know that khaki no be leda . cheers

whatever.

Marriage na choice

My answer to this thread may everybody. But pls b4 you eat me raw, take time and check all around u. You will immediatelly notice that 99.9% of chronic spinsters are all flat chested including the successful ones.

It's no joke.