1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

15. There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

17. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.

18. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''

19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.

20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''

22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''

25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.

26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

29. I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''

30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''

33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

35. I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.

36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

37. I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''

38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that cal

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.
“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”

40. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.

41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

49. A seal walks into a club...

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

What Should They Say...

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to
heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket
and friends and family are mourning upon you,
what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say
that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great
family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful husband and school teacher
which made a huge difference in our children of
tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say,
"Look! He's moving!"

Designated Drunk...


One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.

A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.

Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, "Well, tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Al - Coholic Honesty...


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items:

A half- gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2- pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied,

"'Cause you're ugly."

Day May not find us!!!! (Mayday)...


Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two- week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,

"Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks. "Oy, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him,
"What was that for?"
Abe answers,

"They'll find us!"

Never had a Lawyer...

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity.

They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says

"Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?" St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

Brazillion Army...


George Bush is sat in the oval office one morning, reviewing the Iraq situation with his generals.
The door opens, an aide walks in...."Bad news Im afraid ,Mr President...we have just had word that 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq" President
Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands...and starts sobbing with grief....absolutely inconsolable...the President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly......All the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled "oh my god ...oh my god...."
Eventually, Bush looks up to Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks.....

"Exactly how many is a brazillion,Dick?"

Gettin' screwed a thousand times...



Johnny wanted to have s€x with a girl in his office,
But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up
to
her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
have s€x with you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by
the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would
have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
Pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an
hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

Ticket Please


Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling
by train to a conference. At the station, each of the
three lawyers buys a ticket while the three
engineers buy only one ticket.
"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?"
asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective
seats while all three engineers cram into the
restroom and squeeze the door closed behind
them.

When the conductor comes around collecting
tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says,
"Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a
single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea.
One the way home from the conference, they
decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the
station, they buy a single ticket for their return
trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't
buy a ticket at all!

"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?"
asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram into
one restroom and the three engineers cram into
the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the
engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the
other restroom door.

"Ticket, please!"

Mathematical Deductions...

A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years old. One evening the wife came home and found a note from her husband.
It said: ''My dear, you are 54 years old and there are some things you are not giving me, so I am at the Holiday Inn with my 18-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me.''
He returns home that night to find a note from his wife: ''You are also 54 years old and there are things I need that you're not giving me.
So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 18-year-old students and you (being a math teacher) should know that 18 goes into 54 way more than 54 goes into 18, so don't YOU wait up for ME.''

Butt of em'....

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is
paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a
while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold.
Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes
please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees
his friend's daughters, both very good looking.
Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he
says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to
make love to you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of
them?"
The reply comes back,

"Yes, both of them!"

A Hero's Tale (F**ckin' at the speed of light)...


Superman's had a hard week of fighting crime in
Metropolis and is ready for some R&R. So Friday
afternoon he looks up his pals Batman and
Spiderman to see if they're up for going on the
prowl that evening. Both turn him down on
account of prior commitments and Superman is
pretty ticked. As he's flying around the
stratosphere letting off steam, he spots Wonder
Woman lying on her back stark naked sunbathing
on the beach.
"Hey," he thinks, "I'm Superman and I don't need
those two clowns to have a good time. I can just
fly down there at the speed of light, catch a quickie
and fly away before she knows what happened."
So, Superman zips down, takes advantage of the
situation and flies away at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"

The Invisible Man says, "I don't know but it hurt
like hell"

Blondie Grenade....

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade
at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back!

Screw a Nail & a Bolt...

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and
a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the only
girl in the woodwork class during the first day of
school. Judi pondered the question for a moment,
then replied, "Well, I can't rightly say as I know,
'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."

The Priests Donkey...


The parish was very poor and the priest tried
everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo
games didn't work, the spaghetti dinners &
pancake breakfasts didn't work, he even tried
raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the
priest though of trying out horse racing. He went
to a horse auction and saw that the good horses
were way too expensive for a poor parish, so he
settled on a little donkey that was standing in the
corner.
he was a man of God, he had faith, and ran the
donkey. It came in third. There was a little
headline in the Racing Form next morning,
PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS.
The next race the donkey won, and the headline
read, PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
the bishop of the diocese said that the priest had
better stop racing the donkey so the church could
avoid bad publicity. The next days headline read
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS and the bishop
was livid! He sent a message to stop racing NOW,
get rid of the donkey, didn't even want the beast
at the rectory.
so the priest gave the donkey to the mother
superior of the cionvent down the road. The
headline read NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN and
the bishop passed out in his cornflakes.
The nun was so torn up with guilt that she sold the
donkey to a farmer just outside town. The
headline read NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR TEN DOLLARS.
They buried the bishop the next day.

Couples go Banngin'...


Three couples go camping and one couple forgets
their tent. So they decide the men will sleep in one
tent, and the women will sleep in the other.

In the middle of the night, John says, "Bob, look at
this f*cking hard-on I’ve got. It must be all the
fresh air. I’m going over to see my wife."
Bob says, "You want me to come with you?"
John says, "Why the f*ck would I want you to
come with me?"
Bob says, "Because that’s my c0ck your holding."

No S€X since 1955


An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major
found himself at a gala event hosted by a local
liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for
conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you
seem to be a very serious man. Is something
bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and
decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a
lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a
conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten
up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious
manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I
hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when
is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out
and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean,
no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took
his hand and led him to a private room where she
proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against
his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't
forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in
his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130
now."

Nude Picture at an Art Gallery...


A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture
of a naked women with only her privates covered
with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on
but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies, "Autumn."

3 ducks were in a pond at night and a police
walked up to them to see what they were doing.
he asked the first duck 'What are you doing?' and
the duck said 'blowing bubbles'. he asked the
second duck what he was doing and the duck said
'blowing bubbles'. He said to the third duck 'I
suppose you're blowing bubbles too?' and the
duck said 'No, I am Bubbles'.

Too much of everything is bad...lol

@ElloitWiz...ok...

Boss Ttdiamonds: @ElloitWiz...ok...

lol na that piture i for put because i swear your jokes them boring

Boss Ttdiamonds: @ElloitWiz...ok...

lol na that piture i for put because i swear your jokes them boring

See ya on Tuesday!!..


One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and
announces to the class that on each Friday, she will
ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the
following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many
grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say,
no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class,
"How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one
could answer. Frustrated, Akpors decides that
the next Friday, he would somehow answer the
question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Akpors takes two ping-pong
balls and paints them black. The next day, he
brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of
the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this
week's question,"
Akpors empties the bag to the
floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to thE front of the room. Because they are young kids
who find any disruption of class amusing, the
entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with
the black balls?"
Immediately, Akpors stands up and says, "Aunty Nneka, See you on Tuesday"

@Elliotwiz1 Ok...

The truth about Nigerian husbands: https://www.nairaland.com/1414969/awkward-truth-naija-husbands#17773505

"Ribbit Lucky Frog"...


A man takes the day off work and decides to go
out golfing. He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9- Iron".
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
"Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away,
and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from
the cup. He is shocked!
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You
must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit.
Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with
him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?"
the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood."
The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in
one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to
say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the
best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK
where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las
Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK
frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man
asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game,
the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of
cash come sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best
room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,
"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won
me all this money and I am forever grateful." The
frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him,
it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however,
the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in
my room."

Coincidence


A chicken farmer goes into a local tavern, takes a
seat at the bar next to a woman, and orders a
glass of champagne. The woman perks up and
says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too!" He turns to her and says, "What
a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm
celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and
I'm also celebrating," says the woman. "What a
coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and
he asks, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband
and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a
coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer.
For years all my hens were infertile, but today
they're finally fertile." "That's great," says the
woman.

"How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replies. "What a
coincidence," she said.

Italian Spellin'...


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat
themselves, and engage in animated
conversations. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of the
men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they
come together. I come again. Two asses, they
come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady
indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about
our s€x lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just
tellun my friend to spella Mississippi."

Hold up against the Wall...


A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an
anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The
farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Damn, I
WALKED here. How am I gonna
carry all this home?"
The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the
anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand,
put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose
in your other hand?"
"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking home he met a little old lady who
told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me
how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live
just down the road from there. Let's take my short
cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no
time."
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow
without a husband to defend me. How do I know
that when we get in the alley you won't hold me
up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish
me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying
a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How
in the world could I possibly hold you up against
the wall and do that?"
She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with
the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ...
and I'll hold the chickens."

Milky way....

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was
out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment,
turned on the switch and everything else was
automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided
him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly
realized that he couldn't remove the instrument
from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful
information on how to disengage himself. He tried
every button on the instrument, but still without
success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's
Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone
(Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your
company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove
it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep,
"The machine will release automatically once it's
collected two gallons. Have a nice day."