A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the
bell, the wife answers.

'Hi is Tony home?'

'No he went to the store.'

'Well, you mind if I wait?'

'No come in.'

They sit down and the friend says 'You know Nora,
you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen.
I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see
one.'

Nora thinks about this for a second an figures
what the hell - a hundred bucks.

She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly
thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says
'They are so beautiful I got to see the both of
them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could
just see the both of them together.'

Nora thinks about this and says what the hell,
opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look.
Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on
the table then says he can't wait any longer for
Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home
and his wife says 'You know your weird friend
Chris came over.'

Tony thinks about this for a second and says
'Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?'

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid
restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house
special and he is brought a plate with potatoes,
corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?"
he asks?

"Cojones, senior," the waiter replies.

"What are cojones?" the man asks.

"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles
of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."

At first the man is disgusted; but being the
adventurous type, he decides to try this local
delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious.
In fact, it is so good that he decides to come
back again the next night and order it again.

This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but
the meaty objects are much smaller.

"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
"Cojones, senior," the waiter replies.

"No, no," the man objects, "I had cojones
yesterday and they were much bigger than these."

"Senior," the waiter explains, "the bull does
not always lose."

A blonde walks past three men in the office who
are all bemoaning the fact that they are about
to be audited during the coming month.

Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!"

"I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping
his forehead.

"Guys, I am about to be f*cked beyond all
recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third
guy in anguish.

Just then, one of the guys notices the blonde who
has been standing there listening. She now has a
very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?"
asks the guy.

"Yes," replies the blond, "but I was wondering:
how do I go about getting audited?"

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country
road in her new sports car when something goes
wrong and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens
to be near a farmhouse.

She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the
door. When the farmer answers, she says to him,
"It's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't
know what to do! Can I stay here for the night
until tomorrow when I can get some help?"

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but
I don't want you messing with my sons Jed and
Luke."

She looks through the screen door and sees two men
standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be
in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the
woman begins to get a little Hot just thinking
about the two boys in the room next to her. So she
quietly goes into their room and says,

"Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the
ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?"

She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get
pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."

She puts them on the boys, and the three of them
go it all night long.

Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the
front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "You remember that blonde woman that
came by here about forty years ago and showed us
the ways of the world?"

"Yeah", says Luke, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?"

"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."

"Me neither" says Jed, "Let's take these
things off!"

A man has a conversation with his girlfriend.

Man: Every times I see you I think of the sea.
Girlfriend: Because I'm fun, wild and excited?
Man: Nope, because you make me sick.

This man goes into a pet store and asks the
owner for something special for his wife. The
owner says, "I have a parrot that sings Christmas
Songs". The man says, "I have to see that!". So
the owner takes out his lighter and holds it under
the parrots right foot and the parrot sings,
"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way"
The man says, "Can he sing anything else?"
The owner holds the lighter under the parrots left
foot and the parrot sings "Up on the house top,
reindeer paws". The man says "I'll take it".

He takes the parrot home to his wife and tells
her the parrot sings. She says, "I want to see
that". The man takes out his lighter and holds
it under the parrots right foot and the parrot
sings "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the
way". Then he holds the lighter under the parrots
left foot and the parrot sings "Up on the house
top, reindeer paws". The wife says, "Can he sing
anything else?". The man says, "I don't know -
lets try". He holds the lighter under the parrots
middle and the parrot sings "Chestnuts roasting on
an open fire, ".

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she
had not had a date, nor any sex, in quite
sometime. She was afraid she might have something
wrong with her so she decided to employ the
medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her MD
recommended a Dr. Chang.

She went to see Dr. Chang and, upon entering the
examination room, he said, "Ok, take off all your
crose" "Now, get down and crawl reery fass to the
other side of room." She does. Dr. Chang then
said, "Ok now crawl reery fass to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your
probrem vewy bad, you haf Zachary Disease, worse
case I ever see, that why you not haf sex or
dates."

Confused, the woman said, "What is Zachary
Disease?"

Dr. Chang replied, "It when your face rook
Zachary rike your ass."

nice jokes man.

good jokes dear

A fella finds himself in front of the
Pearly Gates.

Ol' Peter explains that
it's not so easy to get in heaven.

There are some criteria before entry is
allowed.

For example, was the man
religious in life?

Attend church? No?

, that's bad, that's bad ,

Was he generous? give money to the poor?
Charities?

, No?.

, not good, not good,

Did he do any good deeds? Help
his neighbor? Anything?

, NO??

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look,
EVERYBODY does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now
think!"

The man says, "There WAS this
old lady. I came out of a store and
found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's
Angels. They had taken her purse and
were shoving her around. Taunting and
abusing her. I got so mad I threw my
bags down, fought thru the crowd and
got her purse back. Helped her to her
feet. I then went up to the biggest,
baddest biker and told him how
despicable, cowardly and mean he was
and SPIT in his face".

"Wow", said
Peter, "That's impressive. When did
this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes
ago", replied the man.

Good Alaskan Fishing

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

A guy moves into an apartment complex. He's
putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a
door open in the hall. He glances towards the
door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only in
a bathrobe come out. He tries not to look at her
as she gets her mail, but she engages him in
conversation.

As they talk she turns to look down the hall and
her robe opens slightly and he notices she is
wearing only the robe. They talk a little more,
and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear somebody
coming. Could we continue this conversation in
my apartment?" He agrees to this. As they talk in
her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to
the floor and he gets a good eyeful.

She then says, "Now that you've had a good look,
what do you think is the best part of my body?"

He says, "Your ears."

She replies, "My ears? Look at these breasts,
look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can
you say my ears?"

He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said
you heard somebody coming? That was me!"

Oga,u go share all the jokes finish.leave some for us to share

Cool

Nice jokes

don't get da last joke, explain!

~ Mohawkchic Applauds manickal

manickal:


"Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the
ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?"

She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get
pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."

She puts them on the boys, and the three of them
go it all night long.

Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the
front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "You remember that blonde woman that
came by here about forty years ago and showed us
the ways of the world?"

"Yeah", says Luke, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?"

"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."

"Me neither" says Jed, "Let's take these
things off!"

ROFLMAO

were are the jokes mahyn !!!

@mykali

i see you have taken over from where i stopped.

Hi there people

ur teeth are getting bigger by d day

Jeovy:

Oga,u go share all the jokes finish.leave some for us to share

ur lappy still dey boot shey?

nice jokesssss