Back then, I didn't care that Derin had resorted to cheap, manipulative blackmail in his quest for total control over me. I just wanted to kiss and makeup.

But the more I denied any hanky-panky with Lawrence, the more he insisted that Lawrence called him to tell him I was with him and had just left. But how could I agree to that and by implication agree to cheating on him with Lawrence.

Anyway, Derin told me to call Lawrence, that Lawrence will tell me what transpired. I felt ashamed. What was I going to say to Lawrence when I knew it was my man at fault? How was I going to broach the issue?
But! The issue had to be resolved and to be resolved, things had to be done Derin's way (who by this time had called to ask me if I'd called Lawrance).

Till today, I still don't know why Derin insisted on me calling Lawrence. But I have to go with the plausible option that he had perverse and sadistic joy in me knowing he detested me so much. Oh yes! I knew as much after the call.

So the man can remarry but the woman must remain single? I must have been reading the wrong bible.

Virgin Finder:

She can leave temporarily/permanently but she must remain SINGLE for as long as the separation lasts or as long as he is alive.

That's what the Bible says.

Once a woman is married, she's forever married. Otherwise, she toys with hell fire.

The man may remarry but God will fight for her and reward her reverence for his word/law accordingly.

God's mill may be slow but it grinds exceedingly smooth.

Our God is a just God.

#NoApologies

OAA82: I'm married to an abusive man. To the outside world, he is a nice man and to be honest he is a good husband 90 percent of the time. When he gets angry(at seemingly silly things) I feel the full weight of his anger. He kicks, punches, slaps and uses his belt.

It's been happening since I got married. To be honest, he hit me about 6 months to our wedding and I called it off but was convinced otherwise. I was told it was a one off thing, was told its obvious he loves me, was told he is a good man, give him a chance. Fast forward 6 years down the line and here I am. Each time it happened, I believed it was the last, told my self it will not happen again but it always did.

I've come to realise it will happen again, I've stopped fooling myself. I'm financially independent and I could easily move on with my life. I don't know why I stay(I think it's because he is a good husband most of the time).

I have 2 children, my head tells me to run for my life......

You and I are in the same situation except in my case, the first time was on our "honeymoon". The last time was on Friday. I know I need to leave.

Ahaaaaa...... This thread is sooooo heartbreaking God have mercy. Some sisters are really going tru tough times mehnnnnn I fear oo
Its well with you ALL.... #sad#

Ahaaaaa...... This thread is sooooo heartbreaking God have mercy. Some sisters are really going tru tough time mehnnnnn I fear oo
Its well with you ALL.... #sad#

Some women are in serious helllllll.....

May devil accept the soul of the bas..tard that dares to try such rubbish with me..

Daresh:

You and I are in the same situation except in my case, the first time was on our "honeymoon". The last time was on Friday. I know I need to leave.

Honeymoon? Haaaaaa! Run!!!!!!!!!

Daresh:

You and I are in the same situation except in my case, the first time was on our "honeymoon". The last time was on Friday. I know I need to leave.

Wow! Daresh, so sorry. I knew he had a roving eye problem and you guys were working on things but didn't know he hit you as well. Stay safe!

@ LaShawn, please continue to relate your story as you wish. Don't let anyone here shut you down.

This is getting real depressing......

Are all these things am reading for real

*In Kola Olawuyi's voice*........nkan be

@Cathaliya. I'm saying it as it happened. And I think you should pull your sister back before she gets in too deep.

So I called Lawrence. After pleasantries and all the long time no see talk...
Me: Sorry to disturb you, Lawrence. There's this issue about a call some days ago. Someone called you?
Him: Yeah, I've been waiting for your call. I was at work, when I saw some missed calls. I tried to call back once, and the person didn't pick. The person then called me back and asked where I was, what I did for a living and so on. After all the questioning which I saw was of no essence, I told him how about we call it a day and he started pouring insults on me, telling me to give the phone to you. That he knew you were with me. Who is that man, Lashawn?

Me: *in a small voice
He is my boyfriend.

Him: Well, you guys should settle things. The guy is probably crazy about you.

We hangup.
But something keeps telling me to call Lawrence again. To ask for the EXACT things Derin had said.

And that was what I did.

LaShawn: Back then, I didn't care that Derin had resorted to cheap, manipulative blackmail in his quest for total control over me. I just wanted to kiss and makeup.

But the more I denied any hanky-panky with Lawrence, the more he insisted that Lawrence called him to tell him I was with him and had just left. But how could I agree to that and by implication agree to cheating on him with Lawrence.

Anyway, Derin told me to call Lawrence, that Lawrence will tell me what transpired. I felt ashamed. What was I going to say to Lawrence when I knew it was my man at fault? How was I going to broach the issue?
But! The issue had to be resolved and to be resolved, things had to be done Derin's way (who by this time had called to ask me if I'd called Lawrance).

Till today, I still don't know why Derin insisted on me calling Lawrence. But I have to go with the plausible option that he had perverse and sadistic joy in me knowing he detested me so much. Oh yes! I knew as much after the call.

So you actually called Lawrence? Knowing that there was never any reason to? And your ex was actually not physically by you yet he had a strong enough hold to make you do his bidding from afar? Mind blowing stuff.

May God help our daughters and sisters

Daresh:

You and I are in the same situation except in my case, the first time was on our "honeymoon". The last time was on Friday. I know I need to leave.

You know you need to leave but are you ready to? Cos I remember your story very well

Donxavier: This is getting real depressing......

Are all these things am reading for real

*In Kola Olawuyi's voice*........nkan be

the gentlemen in nigeria are not born yet or they have gone extinct. husbands beating wives in their honeymoon. husbands emotionally/physically/financially abusing their wives. this is serious.......

Me: Lawrence, please tell me what that guy told you. Word for word. Please. I beg you!

Him: No, Lashawn. There is no need for all that. Just let him know who you are. I think it's just trust issues that could be resolved.

Me: Please. I really need to know, please.

Him: *reluctantly
Ok. If you insist. He said a lot that I can't bring myself to repeat.

Me: To you?

Him: Nah. About you. Please, whatever I say, bear in mind that I have the utmost respect for you. I know you, Lashawn. I know the type of girl you are and it pains me that it is a good girl like you that has fallen into the hands of such a man. When people like me would do anything to have you look our way.
Well, since you insist, I'll talk. And I think you deserve to know this anyway. That day, when he called me, I thought you caused me the embarassment by trying to call me with his phone. But the fact that he went to your phone to get my number shows that this is something else.
Well, the only thing I'd tell you is he told me to keep away from you, that you are a pr.osti.tute.

tunapa2009:
Not all nigerian men are senseless and heartless.. Wickedness is the nature of some human being(both male n female). It is only exhibited in their frustrated period. There are still some couples in Nigeria that are enjoying their marriages till today(over 30 years)... The Best thing is to get the RIGHT PARTNER who believes in you and your FUTURE.(also TREAT you as HIS SELF)

get the right partner?
all these abused women thought they had the right partner until it became clear to them they actually hitched up a spawn of satan. i don't need a right partner - i need a partner that can love wholeheartedly.

*yawns*

Rat poison dey market sha..

Cathaliya: *yawns*
Rat poison dey market sha..

just like how cells boku for prison.

Hmn. I always say to myself, if I didn't go cray that day, NOTHING would make me.

Because I felt my head swell with the unfairness of it all.

I had been called a pretender, a liar, a chameleon, an id.iot, told I was stu.pid and all sorts by this same man in private. I had taken all that. Now he'd upped the game and I was no longer ready to be the recipient.

I told him if he thought I would ever stay with him after what he said about me, then he should think again. At first, he denied. He told me the fact I believed Lawrence over him showed him I had something to do with Lawrence.

I traced my friend's house for the very first time (dividend of my new found freedom) and relayed how Derin had tried to set me up. I never told her everything sha. But I told her it was over.

coogar:

get the right partner?
all these abused women thought they had the right partner until it became clear to them they actually hitched up a spawn of satan. i don't need a right partner - i need a partner that can love wholeheartedly.

Human being are dynamic in nature but it takes a principled man or woman to stand and stand firm on his or her principles. Situations may change ones personality if care is not taken. We are have the good ones likewise the bad ones. You have to know somethings "WHAT DO I WANT FROM THIS MAN" does he HAVE it? How can I cope with CHALLENGES in marriage" IS HE FOR REAL", HOW MUCH DOES HE LOVE HIMSELF etc.. SELF discovery is the first thing before you enter a relationship.... There is no perfect marriage at the beginning. You always fine-tune an imperfect to be a perfect one. It requires TIME and UNDERSTANDING!!!!

LaShawn: He told me the fact I believed Lawrence over him showed him I had something to do with Lawrence.

Wow, this guy is good at this game. An expert at shifting blame and an expert liar cum manipulator. Wow.

coogar:

just like how cells boku for prison.

One way, no looking back.

As you clear eye beatme, I go clear eye kill you or lock you up...all depends on the gravity of beating.

Cathaliya:
One way, no looking back.

As you clear eye beatme, I go clear eye kill you or lock you up...all depends on the gravity of beating.

U no well

@LaShawn, are you sure you did not date my ex

Hmmm! God is wonderful o. This guy and my ex na the same o. My own na story for another day.

LaShawn: Hmn. I always say to myself, if I didn't go cray that day, NOTHING would make me.

Because I felt my head swell with the unfairness of it all.

I had been called a pretender, a liar, a chameleon, an id.iot, told I was stu.pid and all sorts by this same man in private. I had taken all that. Now he'd upped the game and I was no longer ready to be the recipient.

I told him if he thought I would ever stay with him after what he said about me, then he should think again. At first, he denied. He told me the fact I believed Lawrence over him showed him I had something to do with Lawrence.

I traced my friend's house for the very first time (dividend of my new found freedom) and relayed how Derin had tried to set me up. I never told her everything sha. But I told her it was over.

LaShawn, thanks for even having the courage to share your story, even on a faceless, nameless forum like this. There are alot of lessons to be learnt from your story. That guy has a great complex and the only reason he wants you back is because you are by far the best he can get. Truth is that he doesn't deserve you and deep down in his heart, he knows he is not good enough for you. He knows you would one day realise that he isnt good enough for you and leave him. That was why he was always policing you. He knew you deserved much better than him. Lots of lessons to be learnt her and I will just mention a few.

First thing is parenting, fathers, please do not beat your wives. If you beat your wives in front of your kids, they just might think it is acceptable. Also lets try and train our children to be self confident. For them to realise they were wonderfully made in God's image. Those silly jokes about weight, height and looks are unnecessary. Dont say anything negative to your children as it affects their self esteem and makes them look for love and acceptance in the wrong places. Finally to the young ladies, please, if a guy as much as threatens you during courtship, please leave him. I did not say beat you, I said threaten you, just leave. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. People put up their best behaviour during courtship and if he is already hitting you during courtship, do not expect him to stop after marriage. And don't let anyone deceive you he will change, or all men are the same. Just leave!

The secret of happiness is freedom; the secret of freedom is courage.

Nashville:



Also lets try and train our children to be self confident. For them to realise they were wonderfully made in God's image. Those silly jokes about weight, height and looks are unnecessary. Dont say anything negative to your children as it affects their self esteem and makes them look for love and acceptance in the wrong places. !

Imagine my mum in-law telling my three year old daughter that women are to be seen and not heard! In this time and age I called my baby and said that's a lie from the pit of hell.

Imagine drumming that into the young mind of a girl for a long time. What sort of woman would she grow up to be

Nashville:

LaShawn, thanks for even having the courage to share your story, even on a faceless, nameless forum like this. There are alot of lessons to be learnt from your story. That guy has a great complex and the only reason he wants you back is because you are by far the best he can get. Truth is that he doesn't deserve you and deep down in his heart, he knows he is not good enough for you. He know you would one day realise that he isnt good enough for you and leave him. That was why he was always policing you. He knew you deserved much better than him. Lots of lessons to be learnt her and I will just mention a few.

First thing is parenting, fathers, please do not beat your wives. If you beat your wives in front of your kids, they just might think it is acceptable. Also lets try and train our children to be self confident. For them to realise they were wonderfully made in God's image. Those silly jokes about weight, height and looks are unnecessary. Dont say anything negative to your children as it affects their self esteem and makes them look for love and acceptance in the wrong places. Finally to the young ladies, please, if a guy as much as threatens you during courtship, please leave him. I did not say beat you, I said threaten you, just leave. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. People put up their best behaviour during courtship and if he is already hitting you during courtship, do not expect him to stop after marriage. And don't let anyone deceive you he will change, or all men are the same. Just leave!

Word!

It also amazes me that it's the 'good girls' that mostly fall for this type of guys. 'Razz girls' that have opened eye do not usually get into this predicament.

It is well

Idowuogbo:
U no well

Ehe nah. No need to come here and share stories. I go treat im f..uckup there...asap.

Donxavier:

Word!

It also amazes me that it's the 'good girls' that mostly fall for this type of guys. 'Razz girls' that have opened eye do not usually get into this predicament.

It is well

thank God you said razz girls dont fall a victim cus those supposed mike tysons know that they are no match for real hood biatches...!

They dont even dare...cus they will go home with high heels-punctured face.

I am seeing world in another version.. Ruthless! Wickedness!!! Brutality!!!!.. Some ladies are really facing a lot from the hands of some men. Sincerely speaking, as a man, I have learnt so many things and am still learning from these stories. I imploy everyman to please learn from other people's mistakes. We can't be always RIGHT.
I know that there are still some men on this thread that are still abusing their wives or girlfriends either physically or emotionally(which may be directly or indirectly) likewise SOME WOMEN(FEMINISTS especially).
Let us Learn. Thank you all for the courage to share your stories with us...

@Cathaliya

I can see the razzness in you already

Where is Jenny?

You need to tell your parents, she tells me. What he did is wrong, very wrong.

I got back to the hostel and called my mum. I started off with the sentence that I couldn't continue with Derin any longer.
Mum didn't wait for me to finish. I didn't even start sef.

Mum: Issues always come up in relationships, my daughter. There's no perfect man out there. You shouldn't act rashly out of anger, you know?

Me: But...

Mum: I'll call you later, Lashawn. We'll have a long talk, o? my daughter.

Me: *resignedly
OK, mum.

At that moment, I felt dejected. I felt like I had just been abandoned at the mercy of this heartless man because believe it or not, I needed my parents validation for what I wanted to do which was to walk away.

Minutes later, she called me back. I was thankful.
What happened? What did you say Derin did, mum asked.

I didn't even talk of all the insults prior to that. I just touched on how he'd called someone and lied on me.

I could sense and hear the anger in my mum and I felt hope come alive. For some reason, I begged her not to tell my dad who was away on a journey.

I won't, she assured me. I'll call you later.

Now that I had my folks support, I switched off my phone as Derin was bombarding me with calls and texts. He had turned from accusatory to pleading. Slyly dodging the gravity of what he'd done with an ambiguous 'Mo mo pe mo ti she e. Jo da ri ji mi'.

Later that night, I walked to an eatery and from what had become habit, I was panicky because I was doing what had been forbidden for months-go out.
The evening breeze seemed alien, I was used to my little room in the hostel. I forced myself to order food and I changed my sim to a new one I'd bought to make night calls with my bestie. I'd also called my family with it a few times (buying that sim was one of the few times I rebelled and it was done to help me keep the few friends he hadn't drove away). He called my phone most nights and heaven help me if my sim was 'busy' or 'call waiting'. I got the sim so I and my bestie could share our relationship wahala. It kept me sane.