25Calibre:


As touching as your story may be, its obviously one sided. ( I'm not justifying your beating )

It will be nice if we can get your husband's side of the story, because you can't tell us you are a saint. You've been met with so much sympathy on this thread, but in the interest of fairness, your husband side of the story must be heard, to avoid jumping hastily into conclusion.

Nobody beats a saint, even Nebuchadnezzar so please do tell us your wrongdoings as well.

swag queen:


It means i have to start life afresh. 30 years with no money in the bank,with two children and no job! God!

25Calibre:


As touching as your story may be, its obviously one sided. ( I'm not justifying your beating )

It will be nice if we can get your husband's side of the story, because you can't tell us you are a saint. You've been met with so much sympathy on this thread, but in the interest of fairness, your husband side of the story must be heard, to avoid jumping hastily into conclusion.

Nobody beats a saint, even Nebuchadnezzar so please do tell us your wrongdoings as well.

mysticgal: oh God deliver any man that would raise up his cotton wool hand to touch me

mysticgal: oh God deliver any man that would raise up his cotton wool hand to touch me >

Nashville:

Madam, this may hurt but your husband does not love you. You have been married for just for years and all of this has happened and his parents no get shame sef. I am a married man so I know what I am saying - that man does not love you and you have nothing to gain by staying in that marriage. I repeat, you have nothing to gain. He openly cheats and beats you for complaining, gives you no money etc. Now you feel worthless and you are still staying there. If I understand correctly, you are just 30 years old and a lawyer. Please do not end you life before it even starts.

Let me tell you the truth. You made a mistake by marrying that man, you better cut your loses and start afresh. The future of your marriage is bleak and I just cant see how he will change. At 30 you can still get a job, how can you just give up like that. Send me your CV, I know partners in top law firms and I will forward to them for real. No joking here. You need to get yourself a job asap. Now if he says you cant work, then its time to tell him goodbye.

I know a woman who was divorced, without a job, heavily in debt and with two children at age 30. She started afresh and by age 40 she was a multi-millionare in dollars. You know how she did it. She gave herself a chance in life by starting over. You need to give yourself another chance. You are just 30 and you want to end your life in some marriage. Some of your mates sef never marry and they will still marry and enjoy life. Please, in fact I am so angry that I will start blaming you if I continue!

swag queen: He's a control freak and The sister says the only woman capable of staying with him is one who would just sit back,relax and watch without talking! What insanity. Just sit relax,she says.

Bludeville:
Abeg, assault is assault regardless of provocation. If I called you a fool and then you beat me up, and I pressed changes against you, dude you are going down. Violence can never and should never be defended.

Nashville: Unfortunately,

I have nothing to share but an advice to young people still dating.

Dont be blinded by love, money, sway etc. Background is very important. Most abusive men come from abusive homes. The first marriage we all know and see is our parents and the way our parents conduct themselves in marriage would have a strong influence in how we conduct ourselves in marriage. We are their offspring. So young people should research family background before saying "I do". He might be sounding all romantic and all that. But the day you offend him after marriage, all he will remember is how his dad beat the hell out of his mum for the same offense some years back. Then he begins to ask himself why he should not do the same to you.

My advice also goes to guys. Abuse no get gender. Some girls go about verbally abusing their husbands because that was what they also saw. And some even go physical. Shine ya eye before marriage, because after marriage na prayer remain o!

Unfortunately keh !

Nne , pls oooo rephrase that thing, abi u dey pray for this kind condition

swag queen: My husband is 13 years older than i am. He's short tempered and is way too self-opinionated. What he says is law and if i don't "carry out" his instructions, I'm insubordinate and disloyal. Which of course fetches me the beating of my life. He says i don't have to work (I'm a lawyer) that he has the capacity of providing for me and our two kids. Consequently,when there is any disagreement,he leaves the house for weeks and won't give me money. I'll have to start begging even when he's at fault! The last straw was when he beat me up with my nine months pregnancy! (Four days to the birth of my son). We were visiting my folks and were lodged in a hotel.he suggested i spend some hours with the kids in my parents house since he wanted to rest.i consented of course. On getting back,i saw hair littered every where on the sheets. I asked him if he had company and he flew into a rage,calling me names and then the beatings started. How long can i put up with this?

Btw,every one around thinks I'm enjoying marriage because i hardly tell anyone what I'm going thru.

Bludeville:
Abeg, assault is assault regardless of provocation. If I called you a fool and then you beat me up, and I pressed changes against you, dude you are going down. Violence can never and should never be defended.

druid06: SWAG QUEEN.

Firstly, I think this whole story is a well planned fabricated one. I might be wrong though but if I am then, I think you enjoy playing the victim and also the sympathy people shower you with. It just doesn't add up when a man would be this cruel and you still lived in that household. You claimed to be a lawyer. I'm not sure if you're practicing or if you've passed the bar but there's a lot of job opportunity for women mostly in the banking industry.

I have never once read a part where your parents interfered with this abuse. Surely if you kept it away from them just to save your "marriage" it would have surely found a way into their ears and I have never seen any parent or sibblings who would remain idle and let their child be abused for any reason whatsoever.

If there's any iota of truth in this story then it means you're a fool and one of those lazy women who just want to sit at home, grow fat and let the husband put food on the table. Get out of that hostile environment with your kids. Go back to your family or friends. I'm sure they would have you with open hands, get off your lazy butt and go look for employment. There're plenty of fish in the sea.

Since your "husband" isn't the one, there are countless numbers of eligible bachelors out there. Get your life back together, take control of your life, work, take care of your children and if you feel you still want to be with a man then go out dating, if otherwise be determined and put your time and determination into your work. The sky is just the beginning babe.

Sorry for the harsh words. It's tough love babe.

Ema prince: Only slapped my sister once and that was like 11yrs ago.I was small anyway.she felt dizzy and i was filled with remorse.
since then,I have never beaten any woman and will never do!..But advising the abused to leave their marriage isn't the best.
If you are a Christian,talk to your pastor and he will tell you that it is not prudent to leave your marriage because,even if you get married to another,that first man is still your true husband.forget all these things we are learning from the white.

I'll advice that you pray harder to GOD over this.there is nothing impossible to him

swag queen:


We dated for two years and pls don't blame me,he beat me once in those two years but apologized profusely for a long long time. Once i separated from him for four months while we were dating for the lack of respect he always exhibited towards me (he would call,complain about something and hang up on me.i never ever hang up on people.i see it as being disrespectful) but then,the first time,u always think he'll change.

25Calibre:

Neither did I say assault is justifiable. I'm not defending violence at all, all I'm saying is that this " a saint being beaten by the devil " Image Swag Queen is trying to paint here, might just be far from the truth.

A reasonable counsellor would want to hear both sides, even in a court of law, the man would still be given the benefit of the doubt and not have judgement just passed on him (like many have done here, thats why there is no justice in Nigeria) without him having the opportunity to defend himself.

Hettymoore: Only a lazy and dependent women will remain in an abusive marriage, I don't pity cowards.
If money is more important dan ur life so be it,remain there cos you are too lazy to start afresh. And as for kids,when he kills u he will marry another woman that will maltreat your kids. Nonsense

Donjazzy12: As usual the lesbians are here advising her to leave him and be welcome into their arms! people don't be fooled, this is a Lesbian recruitment thread! Their strategy is very simple: paint all men as wife beaters and beasts and then suggest women as better alternatives. If you must condemn then you must condemn violence in totality. Many cases abound where women beat and even kill their husbands! @Swagqueen, I really need to understand your situation very clearly to offer advice. Therefore, please supply answers to this questions pls.

1, Was he abusing you this way when you were still dating? If yes why did you then go ahead to marry him?

2, Were you influenced by your parents to marry him? I am asking because the age difference of 13 years is a little too much in my opinion and that may explain why he treats you the way he does because he may still think you are a kid.

3, Do you have an abrasive or confrontational nature? If yes then you may need to tone it down a bit. Even in a lesbian relationship there is always a dominant figure.

4, If he stops beating you will you still want to work? i[/b]f the answer is no then you have very low drive and he just did you a favor.

5, [b]What actions or words do you use that infuriate him soo much? Do you abuse him verbally? The truth is most men respond to verbal abuse with a backhand. It happens every where even in the US.




Finally, let me state in very strong terms that I condemn every form of domestic abuse be it verbal or physical against children, men or women. Every body in the family should be treated well.

swag queen:



Its in him.he said the only language women understand is violence. He even bragged about beating up a girl in U.K.

25Calibre:

Neither did I say assault is justifiable. I'm not defending violence at all, all I'm saying is that this " a saint being beaten by the devil " Image Swag Queen is trying to paint here, might just be far from the truth.

A reasonable counsellor would want to hear both sides, even in a court of law, the man would still be given the benefit of the doubt and not have judgement just passed on him (like many have done here, thats why there is no justice in Nigeria) without him having the opportunity to defend himself.