Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,201,099 members, 7,977,187 topics. Date: Wednesday, 16 October 2024 at 09:28 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! (114916 Views)
Can A Physically Abused Woman In A Marriage Work Things Out With Her Husband ? / Help! I Am Being Physically Abused By My Wife! What Will I Do? / Wives, Girlfriends, Partners Please Tell Me You All Have Experienced This Too. . (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) ... (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) ... (111) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:10pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
swag queen: A friend of mine has gone thru what you are experiencing, although I don't know the degree of abuse you have experienced. Hers was very traumatic, she almost committed suicide and she had 3 kids. The husband would spit vile words,beat her, lock her outside sometimes for days. At a point I felt it was stupid remaining in the marriage but my sister, she persevered. I salute some women and what they go thru, God knows i'm not as patient.The husband would be gone for several weeks and he doesn't care about the kids. The Lady in question was a schoolteacher and she had to move back to her parent's house. According to her, the experience made her very sober and she returned to God crying her heart out. According to her she fasted and prayed continually for a period of time, and after a while things changed. The husband came back begging, and they are back now together and the abuse has stopped. So different strokes for different folks. While some will seek a divorce, some will go for counselling, some are separated , some go for praying and fasting. It all depends on how redeemable you still think the marriage is. God be your Guide. 1 Like |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by VirginFinder: 3:11pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
pongwa: When you marry for the wrong reasons, these are examples of what you get. Don't mean to add salt to your injuries but judging from the case of the 'lawyer' what kept you from working was because your husband is 'super' rich and you felt you are in your 'promised' land. If u had married a struggling man, i bet something go don dey ya account na..... The truth is bitter we are the architect if our own problems...... But my candid advice is to bear your cross cos now you are married. Take a stand against the beatings by reporting him to authorities. [s]But leaving your matrimonial home is what i don't support[/s] She can leave temporarily/permanently but she must remain SINGLE for as long as the separation lasts or as long as he is alive. That's what the Bible says. Once a woman is married, she's forever married. Otherwise, she toys with hell fire. The man may remarry but God will fight for her and reward her reverence for his word/law accordingly. God's mill may be slow but it grinds exceedingly smooth. Our God is a just God. #NoApologies 2 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:11pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: I'm not against mutual respect, but using 'tongue-lashing' as an excuse to batter a 9-month old pregnant woman is quite lame! Please if he kills her, what will become of the rest of his life? All because she 'tongue-lashed' him! Actions should lead to equal/similar consequences. Biko 'tongue'lashing' does not justify beating a woman; I refuse to accept that! 1 Like |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Elevation(m): 3:12pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
samyan12:u said "If he dies" not that he is still alive and u go ahead to have another man thats Adultery. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:14pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar:So because a spouse has a caustic tongue, the other should stoop to his/her level and start exchanging words ? that's just wrong. I repeat nothing justifies hitting your spouse |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:14pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: Bros, please dont talk like that ok. We are not saying he is a mad man but cant he talk about it? If you wife offends you, must you beat her everytime. Does this same guy beat up his boss at work everytime he is offended? Does he beat up his customers etc? Why is she the only one he beats up. Its because he know he can get away with it. Poster said the man's sister was beaten up by her own husband and he and his brothers went to beat up his sister's husband. So this man know that it is wrong to beat your spouse. If we resort to violence for everyone that offends us, then the whole world will be chaotic. The man is a maniac period! My wife offends me sometimes and sometimes I offend her too but it does not get violent! Please stop defending the indefensible! 11 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by bukatyne(f): 3:15pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: I am from Mars and stay in Jupiter Lol! I am quite young but I have seen enough to know that the only person who really cares about you is you. As she is staying, is the same society not ridiculing her? I bet some women whose husbands pound them secretly will still be pointing fingers at her laughing. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by bukatyne(f): 3:15pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: I am from Mars and stay in Jupiter Lol! I am quite young but I have seen enough to know that the only person who really cares about you is you. As she is staying, is the same society not ridiculing her? I bet some women whose husbands pound them secretly will still be pointing fingers at her laughing. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by kadman(m): 3:16pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
25Calibre: As I said in other posts you sound like a very intelligent man. Your heart isn't just in the right place. No two playing field are the same, not even in the same town! I'm not saying OP would become a billionare (who's to say she couldn't?). I'm providing an example of a woman who went through the same thing and survived. FYI isn't it better to alive and you not see your children for a few years than the alternative. . possible death? FYI 2, all we are providing her is advice and alternative scenarios. We don't know her, so I doubt anyone here is going to her house, putting a gun to her head and forcing her to leave the marriage. FYI 3,Ms Rowlings was clinically depressed and homeless and had to live with external family. So techincally her society did not provide for her. FYI 4, I hope you take this on board, but you should never advice anyone male or female to continue in any sort of living conditions which are harmful. 6 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by coogar: 3:17pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Ujujoan: at whose expense? the kids! if there are no kids involved, a woman should leave an abusive spouse immediately. however, kids throw a different spin into the issue.
you really believe any man would brutalise his wife carrying his child? you watch too much nollywood....
leave her kids with who?
perhaps your cousin was a troublesome wife. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:18pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
bukatyne: EXACTLY!!! The hypocrisy in this country is frightening . . . . that's why you have to live your life for yourself, and not dwell on 'what people will think'! We all have problems in our marriages, but it's important to draw the line. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by kadman(m): 3:18pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Virgin Finder: Why's the God being brought into this, who said she's Christian? Even if she was born a Christian, who said she's a practising one. Did she mention this somewhere? If she did please let me know. Or is this another case of Nigerians using Christianity to be stupid? 1 Like |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by kadas01(m): 3:18pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Sincerely, its 101% best to remain single than being in an abusive relationship!.......cos a stitch in time saves much!! 3 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:21pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: So you are saying she desrved to die and her son deserved to live the rest of his life without a mother Did you not read the woman's post? Her husband beat her up when she was just a few weeks to delivering their son! Oga Coogar pls try and use your brains for once in your life! 8 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:22pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
One thing I know for sure.... She would never set her eyes on those kids again until they're old enough to seek her on their own. Mark my words. **sigh** Powerful public Figure things. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:23pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar:kids or no kids, a woman should leave an abusive spouse immediately. some of these grown men learn this from watching their mothers stay with their abusive fathers and grow up thinking it is right. The smart kids that know it is wrong may end being scarred for life especially the females. Coogar come back to Nigeria, these things happen in broad daylight, men beating their pregnant wives, its not all nollywood. 2 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:23pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: So you want her kids to grow up to becomes abusers and abusee's in the future IMO it's when kids are involved that the stakes are higher . . . . 3 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by coogar: 3:24pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
bukatyne: everything in nigeria is about the society. 80% of what you do is because of what the society dictates. your elaborate wedding is for the society otherwise why can't nigerian women go to a court with 4-5 witnesses and get over the ish. all you hear is make up artiste, aso-ebi and live cows.....many newlyweds spent their salary of 5 years in one day to please the society...
the ridicule is bearable as it is. if she leaves him, then it's a different tale entirely. you cannot compare what obtains in the west with africa. it's easy to come on the internet and talk a good game. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:28pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: I saw a thread where someone asked of traditional marriages must be done in the village? Quite a good question, we can call it culture or give it whatever name but the truth is, people do it to please society |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by coogar: 3:29pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Ujujoan: if she leaves, her kids would be worse off....they would also grow up watching different men bouncing in & out of their mother's bed. which is worse? steph7: kids or no kids, a woman should leave an abusive spouse immediately. some of these grown men learn this from watching their mothers stay with their abusive fathers and grow up thinking it is right. The smart kids that know it is wrong may end being scarred for life especially the females. Coogar come back to Nigeria, these things happen in broad daylight, men beating their pregnant wives, its not all nollywood. should a man leave an abusive wife too? abandon the wife & kids in the house and go start afresh? jennykadry: the society dictates everything we do in nigeria otherwise why the need to please umuadas in a traditional marriage? my girlfriend's people want 5 apple laptops - i doubt there's internet in their village. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:30pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Ujujoan: Except Oga coogar has changed but the last I read of him, he has never supported abuse. Off Topic, Nigeria has made it difficult for people in abusive marriages to up themselves and move. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by kadman(m): 3:31pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: No it's actually not! Thoughts like this is what keeps women in abusive homes till their death. I know several women who left abusive relationships or marriages where another woman was brought in - as far back as 50 years ago. I haven't heard of them being ridiculed. Could it be that it's actually you who judge these women and you mask your opinion as "society". I do know some parents force their daughters into unhappy marriages and then force them to stay in it. I've noticed this is mostly to do with religion especially when said parents are senior member of churches. 3 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Elevation(m): 3:31pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
kadman:God is the Almighty, The First and the Last he has the Power to do all things and at the end of the age all humans shall give account of all their deeds on earth to Him so God can be brought into the issue and dont forget Marriage is among the 22 Doctrines. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by bukatyne(f): 3:34pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: Mr., I live in Nigeria so I talk with first hand experience... I will await the person who will walk up to me to 'talk' because of a choice I made. I guess when she dies, 'the society' will mock her and eat akara at her funeral. Nairaland should be a sample to you: When a woman comes crying, it is 'pray, endure, wear tight pant, wear loose bra' etc. When she dies, the same posters be like 'why did she not leave, marriage is not do or die' etc. The truth is that anybody caring about what society says cannot succeed. One musician of old sang about it ...'ko sogbon to le da, so siwa tole wu ... o maa le te aye lorun o!' Don't mind my Yoruba... there is nothing you can do, there is no way you behave that you can please the society 7 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by kadman(m): 3:34pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
Elevation: God is the Almighty, The First and the Last he has the Power to do all things and at the end of the age all humans shall give account of all their deeds on earth to Him so God can be brought into the issue and dont forget Marriage is among the 22 Doctrines. Says YOUR religion, which the OP might not share. Have you not learnt not to force your religion on others yet? 3 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:34pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar:Yes!, he should leave the wife, but never abandon the kids, depending on the extent of the abuse, he can also take away the kids from their mother. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:34pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
coogar: Different men 'bouncing in and out' of their mother's bed? What becomes of young widows nah . . . . they are doomed to a life of loneliness abi? Do you even read through what you post? And yes, if a man is being abused, he needs to leave for the sake of his sanity . . . Of course I doubt that a woman will be able to 'beat' a 9-month pregnant man! 9 Likes |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by VirginFinder: 3:36pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
kadman: She doesn't have to be born a Christian to become one. If she is not yet a Christian, I hereby advise her to: 1. give her life to Jesus Christ, 2. start attending a Bible believing and following church, and 3. seek wise christian counsel and not USELESS WORLDLY NAIRALAND counsel thereafter. It's just a phase in her life. She's going to be fine by God's grace. @bolded GOD can be brought into anything. And He is interested in every aspect of our lives.Don't be surprised. |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by Nobody: 3:37pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
jennykadry: I understand his PoV oh, but we cannot keep encouraging women to roll over and take abuse because the 'society' will make life difficult for them. If they die in the process, the same 'society' will wear aso ebi to their burial while they go back home and advice their own children not to end up like them! Nigerian women need to be taught that life exists outside an abusive marriage . . . . too many lives have been lost already! 1 Like |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by coogar: 3:38pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
kadman: they made the decision to leave - they would be hesitant to tell you the abuses and gossips they get to hear about themselves. the nigerian society is judgemental.....some husbands would not even let their wives associate with a divorcee. hell, some mothers tell their married daughters not to keep friends with divorcees...it's that bad!
well.....that's because they stayed when things were tough and these parents somehow believe their own children should be able to cope with the pressure as well. the abused mothers that stayed did it for their kids and most of them are reaping the benefits now...... 1 Like |
Re: For Abused Wives, Girlfriends & Men!!! by bukatyne(f): 3:38pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
kadman: God bless you! Divorce as a word might be relatively new but it's not new as an action. Go to the villages and see women who packed out of their homes and married other men; men who kicked their wives out and married new wives. I do not know where the stigma is. Is the label divorcee or separated on their foreheads or what? 1 Like |
(1) (2) (3) ... (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) ... (111) (Reply)
Don’t Lose Guard With Your Daughters / What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of Court Marriage / Wife Opens Secret: What My Husband Did To Me In The Bedroom
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 89 |