25Calibre:

Really? Just hold, let the aggressive feminists ( Ring leader Wu Zaitan aka Shollypopz )get hold of you, you'd rethink the above statement.

LoL, I swallowed saliva and moved on

coogar:

that's not the point.....
even a dog can have hotel rooms booked, the crux is what happens when she turns up at that hotel by herself? does she face discrimination or not?



we are not going back to my point that quick.....let's clear up the issue of your city life first before going back to my point. this discrimination happened at the abuja sheraton not a dinghy hotel in okokomaiko axis of lagos so this is for real!!!



how do we know for sure you visited that same hotel or you went there alone. I can't believe you people are even arguing single women aren't discriminated against in nigeria. are you guys living in a parallel universe?



were you a single woman when you visited? if you weren't, no need to muddle up the waters.

Oga Coogar, I started working in 2006, I got married on 2011 . . . When I visit abj for official purposes, they put me up @ Sheraton. Get the drift now?

One time I also went for a friend's wedding, I didn't lodge there but we went to lounge at their Bar . . . . 3 single girls having a fun night out . . . No EU connections and yet, NOBODY asked us to leave . . .

Me I don't know about other girls oh, I commanded respect as a single girl and NOBODY will dare walk me out of a hotel. I will request the person be fired on the spot . . . It won't even happen sef, they no dey fear face!

I'm glad you brought this issue to light - i happen to be a single lady of 27 who lives in the UK- every xmas i come home and I had arranged to meet my old school friends in a hotel on the island in lagos just to chat and catch up on life- I happened to be on time and forgot that nigerians are never on time - i got a lift from my cousins to the hotel and was waiting at the lobby - I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN ALL MY LIFE - the way the manager spoke to me was totally unacceptable and APPALLING - I was so upset my eyes watered - I work very very hard at least 6 days a week in IT - to afford nice things - i have earned my money -i like to dress well - not slutty but well - for myself - it makes me happy - the guy assumed I was some sort of ashewo or runs girl - it is not right to tar everyone with the same brush - but the silly guys who were coming to hit on me with no shame did not get embarrassed or walked out of the premises - anyways this is part of the long list of reasons why as much as i love nigeria it becomes very hard to live there mehhnn anyways I held my head up high checked my purse still had my money and waka comot - their ignorance their loss - stüpid man - i took solace in the fact that i can probably pay the mofo's salary three times over with just the money i had in my purse LOL

You don't 'hang' around in a hotel lobby . . . no hotel will allow such!

Even a MAN will be asked to leave for obvious security reasons.

Most hotels don't allow that . . . . You can tell the receptionists you are waiting on someone and they will usher you into the Bar to wait . . . Only a bush woman will hand around a hotel lobby for an hour!

Omo_Alata:

A bible is just a book, the most popular book ever written. I am asking you directly if you have been there. Don't quote a book, I want your own personal opinion

The B.I.B.L.E is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth it is not just any book,pls o it is the Written word of God Christ is the Living word...so i'll av to quote it to answer u John 3v13 And no man hath ascended up to Heaven but he that came down from Heaven even the Son of man which is in Heaven,the Spirit of God can reveal unseen things to selected individuals but the BIBLE THROUGH DIFFERENT REVELATION TO REFINED MEN IS AND STILL REMAINS THE ONLY WRITTEN INSTRUCTION FROM GOD TO MAN,AND IF A PERSON DOESNT OBEY IT NO HEAVEN NEVER.

Ujujoan:
You don't 'hang' around in a hotel lobby . . . no hotel will allow such!
Even a MAN will be asked to leave for obvious security reasons.

i hung around the best hotels in nigeria dressed in shorts & t-shirt. no one has ever asked me to leave. when dem no chop craze? if you have never experienced discrimination in nigeria as a single woman, i can accept that. however, to say discrimination does not exist against single women in nigeria is being economical with the truth.

Most hotels don't allow that . . . . You can tell the receptionists you are waiting on someone and they will usher you into the Bar to wait . . . Only a bush woman will hand around a hotel lobby for an hour!

it doesn't matter what a single woman does in these hotels. the general perception is that any woman lingering around the hotel is a slüt looking to hook a man.

When did this thread become about hanging around hotels? Please lets return to the topic!

Thread Derailed.

What else are they doing hanging out in the lobby? Just drinks? Even a toddler knows they're looking for Aristos

Ujujoan:

I like your courage and I admire your strength.

Don't worry, God will surely give you a man who deserves you and respects your values as a woman.

It is well!

Thanks so much..

Nashville:

Bros, we are talking about adults and not kids. I do not except a fully group man to act like a 11 yr old ok.

Second it seems we really come from different societies. Someone here was talking about how people view single ladies as prostitutes. Who still has that view in 2013. May be we should create a villagers section in Nairaland so that people with those views can start their own threads and comment!

Amen!

Society ko, society ni.

The society is now a rigid, unchanging structure abi? It's not humans that make up the society? Obviously the people quoting society are part of the 'society' themselves, wrecking havoc on women all over the place. They are the ones stigmatizing single women, and women who left their abusive homes. They are the reason Nigeria will never change. Disgusting!

[quote author=Zik4zik]Swag queen and the rest of you that has been abused in you relationship I am really sorry about your situation. These are my advice and you must take it seriously no matter how difficult it seemed. For those of you that are still dating please end the relationship immediately. But for Swag queen and the others here who are married please NEVER EVER leave your home no matter what. You swore for better for worse... DON'T EVER LEAVE YOUR MARITAL HOME FOR ANY REASON. The mind of an abusive married man works like a clock, it eventually gets back to its right senses but if you had already left the house by then lots of irreparable damages might have been done such as him already impregnating someone else or having a kid. I am not saying you should let him beat you to death. No... That's not my intention. The truth is that a man in such situation is actually suffering, he needs help, he knows what he is doing is wrong but he can't help himself, he wants to stop but he can't. Haven't you ever wondered why he beats you with so much hate and rage yet he feels extremely insecure and monitors your every move. He feels insecure because deep inside him you remain his source of strength, he knows he is lost without you. As a wife in such situation, you need to put him in prayers, when you pray, cry in your prayers and let him hear you pray and cry but try not to be too loud. Let him hear you pray for his protection and success, do this every night(2am) for seven days. And for God sake you already knows he beats you when you talk back at him so PLEASE PLEASE and PLEASE from today let him have his way, don't talk back at him, when you findout that he has slept with other ladies keep it to yourself and talk to your God about it. Once you learn to control your tongue, you have taken away his strength over you because there is nothing for him to hold as a reason for beating you. These are simple logic that works and if you can continue like this for 3weeks or more he will gradually revert to his old loving self. But when you confront him or talk back at him, the devil seizes an opportunity to take over his rage and he gets uncontrollably angry towards you and the beating starts again. Please read this post over and over until you master all that I have written in it. Remember, before he married you there were over a million women on earth but he chose you because you meant every thing to him but now he has a cloud over his eyes and you must help him get past his weaknesses by praying for him and keeping your tongue in check... DON'T TALK BACK
[/quote

The principal thing is wisdom. No woman likes/prays to live her matrimonial home. It is good to pray, but stay far while you pray and watch. We have seen and heard cases of hubby pouring acid on their wives, killings, etc. Fight for your life first before fighting for the marriage.

Omo_Alata:

How do you know a pastor that goes in front of congregation every Sunday is not the devil himself? He is still just human at the end of the day. You also mentioned that[b] marriage counselors are God's agents. [/b]Are you talking of counselors who have gone through school and training, but are not pastors? or are you just talking about regular pastors?

That's why she has to look for a Bible-believing, Bible-following and God-fearing church.

The marriage counsellors are born again Christians and mostly pastors too.They would have been trained by the church's bible college.

She is in safe hands!

ileobatojo:
Amen!

Society ko, society ni.

The society is now a rigid, unchanging structure abi? It's not humans that make up the society? Obviously the people quoting society are part of the 'society' themselves, wrecking havoc on women all over the place. They are the ones stigmatizing single women, and women who left their abusive homes. They are the reason Nigeria will never change. Disgusting!

shut up abegi & stop your tunnel vision. if the society is not rigid, why is the traditional wedding still important in every tribe in nigeria? why should a groom buy rams & goats for inlaws or drink palm wine from a calabash in 2013?

the hypocrisy is nigerian women like yourself don't see anything wrong with such practises(after all, the men are the ones getting pinched).......but when it comes to endurance in marriage, you quickly apply what obtained in kim kardashian's marriage to salawatu abeni's case.....

you are worse than a hypocrite....

bukatyne:


if he was a perfectionist, why did he not marry one?

And, this folks, is the quote of the day. If he could make a mistake by marrying that woman, he really should just abuse himself daily instead of the woman.

coogar:

shut up abegi & stop your tunnel vision. if the society is not rigid, why is the traditional wedding still important in every tribe in nigeria. why should a groom buy rams & goats for inlaws or drink palm wine from a calabash in 2013. the hypocrisy is nigerian women like yourself don't see anything wrong with such practises........but when it comes to endurance in marriage, you quickly apply what obtained in kim kardashian's marriage to salawatu abeni's case.....

you are worse than a hypocrite....

I think this thread just started. *adjusts my sitting position*

alutacontinua:
I think this thread just started. *adjusts my sitting position*

your bütt should be sore by now with the number of times you have adjusted your sitting position on this section.

coogar:

shut up abegi & stop your tunnel vision. if the society is not rigid, why is the traditional wedding still important in every tribe in nigeria? why should a groom buy rams & goats for inlaws or drink palm wine from a calabash in 2013?

the hypocrisy is nigerian women like yourself don't see anything wrong with such practises(after all, the men are the ones getting pinched).......but when it comes to endurance in marriage, you quickly apply what obtained in kim kardashian's marriage to salawatu abeni's case.....

you are worse than a hypocrite....

Why are you ranting like a rabid village he-goat?

Please produce a quote from me where I commented in that thread that I don't see anything wrong with those practices or else, shut your putrid mouth and crawl back into the ancient cave you erupted from.

coogar:
the problem is - nigerian women think physical abuse is the only form of abuse. married women in that country tonguelash their spouses and they expect a bouquet
when a woman provokes a man, she should be ready to face the consequences. I don't tolerate any form of violence and by the same token, i don't tolerate any form of verbal abuse as well. mutual respect towards each other is the way to go.....

This. 1000 likes for this. Physical abuse is not the only form of abuse, so when next you women berate your husbands, remember that it's a to-way street.

ileobatojo:
Why are you ranting like a rabid village he-goat?

rants? you must be hallucinating....
coming here to talk nonsense that the society shouldn't be rigid after taking a grown man's 200 tubers of yam and an apple laptop as bride price.

Please produce a quote from me where I commented in that thread that I don't see anything wrong with those practices or else, shut your putrid mouth and crawl back into the ancient cave you erupted from.

see this mgbeke hypocrite....
you saw something wrong with them yet when you were getting married, you didn't raise your timid voice against it. you were married in the traditional way so accept the traditional practises attached to the nigerian marriage. don't pick the ones that suit you & condemn the ones that don't - that's hypocrisy.

you should have fought against wearing aso-ebi & letting your husband prostrate for you plus letting him pay your bride price. it goes against your idealism that you were bought like a tuber of yam!

Ujujoan:

If they tongue-leash you, you tongue-leash back nah . . . . must you hit a woman? Must your beat a pregnant woman?

God forbid!

One could also say if a husband beats his wife she should beat him back.
The point is no form of abuse is accepted, and women, while condemning physical abuse should look in the mirror and affect necessary change.

The one i never understand is the girlfriend abuse. Not like the wife one is understandable. But the girlfriend own is beyond comprehension to me. How can a boyfriend abuse a girl? As in physically. Yea verbal, or emotional. But physically Are you an orphan on the moon. Has such a boyfriend seen a mad woman berserk For married women, you wont wanna kill your husband and father of your kids. But boyfriend ke? na wa oooo.

Coogar,

Scrap the society part in your posts and change it to women!

It is women who discriminate more...

coogar:

don't pick the ones that suit you & condemn the ones that don't - that's hypocrisy.

There's this thing called using your brain you know, it allows you to view the merits and demerits of a practice, analyze it, discard the ones that are dangerous, and keep the ones that are useful or harmless. Since you have decided you have no need for your brain, why not donate it? There are many people on the transplant list that could certainly use it.

As for being bought like a tuber of yam, save it for the mgbekes from your village. No bride price was collected for me and whatever pieces of yam were brought were grossly overshadowed by me and my family paying fully for my exquisite wedding. So go tell crap that to your hungry brothers and sisters in your village.

bukatyne: Coogar,
Scrap the society part in your posts and change it to women!

It is women who discriminate more...

really? ;
our own saintly nigerian women discriminate against their fellow nigerian females? nah - i don't want to believe that. every nigerian woman would make heaven by default. they are too righteous.

ileobatojo:
There's this thing called using your brain you know, it allows you to view the merits and demerits of a practice, analyze it, discard the ones that are dangerous, and keep the ones that are useful or harmless. Since you have decided you have no need for your brain, why not donate it? There are many people on the transplant list that could certainly use it.

your mind is a terrible thing to waste....
how can you claim to own a brain and then embrace a practise and then say you have never supported it? you should get the award for the uncanny ability to speak from the 2 sides of your mouth. you either accept the practise wholeheartedly or reject it completely. you are criminally hypocritical....you are not even ashamed to say the concept of brideprice is useful/harmless. perhaps, this financial burden placed on the shoulders of men is the reason the men see themselves as a demigod.

As for being bought like a tuber of yam, save it for the mgbekes from your village. No bride price was collected for me and whatever pieces of yam were brought were grossly overshadowed by me and my family paying fully for my exquisite wedding. So go tell crap that to your hungry brothers and sisters in your village.

tell that to the birds.....
overshadow my foot! what would you say before? i am surprised you didn't claim you funded the entire wedding. the same ileoba that got married at 18 funded her wedding? you are a nanny goat!

fresh_dude: One could also say if a husband beats his wife she should beat him back.
The point is no form of abuse is accepted, and women, while condemning physical abuse should look in the mirror and affect necessary change.

I agree with you that abuse is not only physical. Alot of women verbally abuse their husbands and it is becoming increasingly common. But the solution is not physical abuse. I dont even beat my children not to talk of my wife. There are other ways of punishing people worse than flogging. If your wife is insulting you, then you could report her to her family, in which case they can appeal to her. If that does not change her, then you can also resort to other ways but not necessarily violence. I do not want to derail the thread so I will not share the other ways just yet!

25Calibre:


I'm not an abuser and neither do I condone it. JK Rowlings had a different playing field, a place where there were people willing to stand up for her. Regardless of principles or driving force, if your society doesn't provide you with the necessities and a conducive environment, you are going nowhere.

The OPs situation is a quintessential case of the devil or the deep blue sea, there is no happy ending in this. She would have to sacrifice one for the other.

Considering how lawless Nigeria is, this OP goes through with some of the advises I've read here, I guarantee you she won't see her kids again till they are of age to seek her out.

So divorce might mean freedom, but at what expense? That's a choice she alone has to make.

A very important tip for surviving in Nigeria is - Do not fight with people above your station because when the chips are down, no one would save you.

You people should stop perpetuating this idea that Nigeria is a different society and as such the basic laws of relationship do not apply. People divorce in Nigeria and move on with their lives, and the worst that could happen is tongues wagging. What happens when a life is cut short because of the fear of busybody people? More tongue-wagging.
A woman died in my neighbourhood because of high blood pressure-related problems and tongues wagged. Bros it's a no-won situation.
#kosogbon to leda

baby_123: The one i never understand is the girlfriend abuse. Not like the wife one is understandable. But the girlfriend own is beyond comprehension to me. How can a boyfriend abuse a girl? As in physically. Yea verbal, or emotional. But physically Are you an orphan on the moon. Has such a boyfriend seen a mad woman berserk For married women, you wont wanna kill your husband and father of your kids. But boyfriend ke? na wa oooo.

girlfriend abuse is even more common than marital abuse. some chics would tell you they want to be dominated, snarled at!!! it's part of their wild fantasies as long as it's not critical.

fresh_dude: You people should stop perpetrating this idea that Nigeria is a different society and as such the basic laws of relationship do not apply. People divorce in Nigeria and move on with their lives, and the worst that could happen is tongues wagging. What happens when a life is cut short because of the fear of busybody people? More tongue-wagging.
A woman died in my neighbourhood because of high blood preesure-related problems and tongues wagged. Bros it's a no-won situation.
#kosogbon to leda

A breathe of fresh air...

maybe there are types of Nigeria anyways...

coogar:

really? ;
our own saintly nigerian women discriminate against their fellow nigerian females? nah - i don't want to believe that. every nigerian woman would make heaven by default. they are too righteous.

Read NL and your beloved 'society!'

I sometimes wonder if there is an innate hatred women have for each other

swag queen: Have you been battered and abused in whatever way by your spouse, relatives, spouse's family (for widows) etc Then come here let's talk! Tell your story and read about other people's experiences too. You never know,help might come from the advice we get here. And we could save lives.

Btw,counsellors are also invited to counsel us.

Thanks for sharing.....

Thread derailed o. If a man or woman builds a wall around his/her phones,sometimes puts them in his pockets while sleeping,goes to the rest room with them etc,what does it signify?

@ Coogar if I understand what you are saying, you went to a hotel and hung around the lobby for over 10mins and nobody asked you anything? It's either the hotel management is grossly incompetent or you are lying.

No security concious hotel will allow anybody (man or woman) to hang around their hobby. It's against hotel rules. I've lived in hotels and I can tell you it's the same across board.

Wheter you are dressed like GEJ or not, they will ask you to either wait outside or at the designated waiting area or at the bar.

Pls stop making up stories to prove a null point!

bukatyne:
Read NL and your beloved 'society!'

I sometimes wonder if there is an innate hatred women have for each other

women can't stand each other - there's always an invisible competition. the shorter girl feels threatened. the chic with the smaller böobs think miss endowed flaunts hers too much. any small joke can be magnified and turn to a major fracas. whereas, there's no length men won't take their jokes to.

however, i still love my naija women - you rock!!!

Ujujoan: @ Coogar if I understand what you are saying, you went to a hotel and hung around the lobby for over 10mins and nobody asked you anything? It's either the hotel management is grossly incompetent or you are lying.

you go look face before you approach me na. my fragrance alone would stop such security man in his tracks. i have lounged at the best hotels across major european cities, na yeye naija hotels go come intimidate me? you must be having a laugh!!!

No security concious hotel will allow anybody (man or woman) to hang around their hobby. It's against hotel rules. I've lived in hotels and I can tell you it's the same across board.

maybe for the agbero looking types dressed in tatters & looking unkempt plus rocking a pair of bathroom slippers. i put the effort to look good so i don't get discriminated against home or abroad. it's never happened to me.

Wheter you are dressed like GEJ or not, they will ask you to either wait outside or at the designated waiting area or at the bar.

Pls stop making up stories to prove a null point!

i stand at the main doorway waiting for my guests with my phone in hand keeping track of where they are and how to reach me. as a guest of the hotel, won't it be daft for the hotel staff that checked me in to think i am a yahoo-boy looking for a caucasian to kidnap??

uju, go & take your vitamins - you are not thinking straight!

coogar:


should a man leave an abusive wife too? abandon the wife & kids in the house and go start afresh?

These prime quotes just keep popping up. Very good question.